(REWRITE IN PROGRESS)
After a weekend spent in Canterlot, Twilight Sparkle arrives home to find an odd scroll in her saddlebags. In the following days Twilight is plagued by terrifying nightmares, and horrific visions from a life not her own. Can Twilight Sparkle resist the Nightmare, or will she fall prey to the darkness?
This is pretty good for a chapter you wrote a few years ago. In any case that explains the lack of Twilight visiting her brother.
In all seriousness, this is very good. I think it could be all the better with your proofreader looking over things. Keep up the good work!
I hope you plan on continuing this. I am very intrigued by the plot that you've laid forth for us readers. I look forward to reading more!
Quite decent in my opinion.
Could blossom. Tenderness in bloom, have atcha.
OOOO Now this is interesting
BUCK YEA the damned type of story that i have been looking for
huh...interesting first chapter. hope to see more luna in it
The way you set up the beggining... Yep! I'm in!
1631948 The Luna shall be doubled!~
1630881 I already had him look things over, but I'm improving (I think) and that combined with a proofreader should make future chapters more decent
OOOOooo! Nice set-up; Good ability at making descriptions too it seems. I take it the main point of the story starts very soon.
(Edit: Huh! No one else is here yet. I feel like I should write "something". Something that 'seems' important and boastful. But... if no one's here yet... then it's kinda like those "DICK WUZ HERE!" things you see in rather inapropriate places. An inmature and uninspired blemish really; Unlike grafitti art, wich is awesome or a new chapter to a good fanfic which is cool or.............wait, what was I thinking about earlier?..... Meh! It was probably unimportant.)
{Edit2: With >>LittleAngelStocking as my witness! I vow to NEVER do this again!}
This is pretty good cant wait for the next chapter.
geargeek.net/images/moar-cat.jpg
1642249 I can make descriptions? I didn't think I could, but thank you!
Starting to get interesting.
1644458
Well, I DO have a vivid and broad range of imagination. But it means nothing without a reference.
Short? Compared to the first two, yeah; Still, a fine transition chapter.(I think.)
Also:
Nightmare Moon sounded... coy? And Luna could 'feel' her presence? AND Twilight Sparkle suddenly felt like wearing armor that probably carries more than bad memories?.......... Am I to assume that Twilight is already under a minor influence from Nightmare?... Fascinating!
Two more minor things:
There should be a period instead of a coma between head and How, right?
Twilight Spaaarklllle should have quotation marks, right?
For being an "old" story it's really good, so I will wait "patiently" for the next one.
Keep up the good work.
Twilight Sparkle will become evil and be banished TO THE MOON!!!
1649130
1: She does feel it, she just can't pinpoint where it's coming from, there will be more on that later.
2: Yes, yes there should
3:I'm under the impression that 'ethereal' voices, or things only one person can hear don't need quotation marks, I could be wrong though
Nice new Chapter. I'm looking forward to the next chapter. And the one after that. And the one after that. And the one after that. And the one after that. And- ok, I think that's enough. Or isn't it? Whatever. What I'm trying to say is, MOAR!
1650662
1. The plot thickens!
2. ERROR EXTERMINATED!!!
3. Honestly? I'm not entirely sure myself. Isn't an ethereal voice still a voice though?
1651610
1: And thicken, the plot shall
2: Nuking of Error commencing! BEEP. BEEP BEEP. BOOM.
3: I added apostrophe's, I hope that counts
Oh dear...
Awaiting further releases.
Well, I'm not a fan of puppeteers, but I have a nagging fear...
*sunglasses*
...that someone else is pulling at the strings.
YEAHHHHHHH
Also, that's "ascent". I'll watch this story, it intrigues me.
Twilight WILL embrace the Dark Side of the F-"The Farce!?"
.....yeah, let's go with that.
On another note: Twilight is known for being head strong(ignoring her breakdown episodes); I'm curious to see how you will write the equal-point struggle between her and Nightmare more than any other state of mind.
Also: I'll admit that I haven't been in FiMfiction very long but I've read several fics in which Owlowiscious is just "kinda there". Will he be getting a decent supporting role or is this the most to be expected of him?
1661216 The Dark side of The Horse, buddy, The Horse.
1661216 I'm hoping to use Owlowiscious more, but I can't really promise anything right yet
I can't imagine Luna being a prankster but that just makes it seem funnier.
1663443
Teach me the ways of Pun Fu, Great Master.
1667898 Well, we have Gamer Luna and Trolluna, so why not prankster Luna? I don't know, she seems like the prankster type to me, but I might just be a terrible judge of character
1668257 Celestia left, and Luna wrote Twilight back a letter
166345329.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lltzgnHi5F1qzib3wo1_400.jpg troll.me/images/creepy-willy-wonka/please-tell-me-more.jpg seriously mate when is the next update coming
1668923 I post them like every other day and you guys are begging for more! I'M DOING THE BEST I CAN!
But in all seriousness, I try not to peg a specific release date, don't ask why - so all I can say is soon.
166885
Well Luna has been stuck on THE MOON (I like yelling that) for a thousand years so any knowledge she had about trolling and pranking has become obsolete.
Basically she's so out of touch with the present that she doesn't even know what HIP means let alone COOL.
(She'll learn but it'll take years to catch up.)
1668964 Alright, alright: In the past when Celestia and Luna were foals, Luna and Celestia liked to prank each other. After they became royalty they laid off a bit, but after Luna was imprisoned and returned, they like to prank each other because they're happy to be together again, so Celestia assumed Luna was pranking Twilight. That's my new reasoning
Also, for some reason I spelled 'returned' like 'neutered' ...What the hell?
Dear LittleAngelStocking:
If you happen to see some of my comments in what appears to be at random chapters and are wondering why..... your guess is as good as mine.
Sincerely: Mr.Market
P.S.: Oh! By the way, I'm still liking the story so far. Even if I don't comment substantially on every chapter, I'm with you till the end! (I'm more of an observer than a critic.)
1668727 Actually, that's from this video.
1668984
Your reasoning satisfies my urge to argue.
Can't wait (of course I can. Why say "can't if I'm going to wait anyway? It doesn't make sense) for more stuff so keep up the good work!
Love it!
I read a fic with a similar premise but it went in the F.E.A.R. direction. So far I like this approach more.
A chicken coup, eh? No wonder Twilight's hiding there, they're secretly planning to overthrow Celestia together.
Or did you mean coop? Because that's the word for a place where you hold chickens.
1676313 Ah, frickety Thanks for pointing that out, I will fix it.
1676313alltheragefaces.com/img/faces/large/happy-i-see-what-you-did-there-l.png
Poor Twilight...
media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lqu14fBg1z1qh1km4.jpg we want MOAR please
1676669 Well, now that you're being forceful I have no choice but to prolong the release dates! humph!
1677407fun.bajiroo.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/sorry-meme-generator-oops-i-m-sorry-72129c.gif
1677603 Aw, how could I stay mad at that face?
1677616 if you need a proofreader i'll be happy to do it but its like 3:30 in manchester
1677664 No thanks, I've already got one. But that you very much for the offer