She likes to be smacked around
“SHOW ME YOUR BALLS, BITCH!!”
Anon spits out his coffee with a stuttering hack. “Wh-what?!” His lungs kick at his chest as some liquid ended up not only there, but also in his nose.
“You’re NUTS, stud, I’M tryna catch a GANDER!”
“What the heck is wrong with you Fluttershy?!” Anon screeches, as a familiar yellow Pegasus has now leaped across his kitchen table with a wail akin to that of a banshee, causing his news paper to be torn from his hands, his personal space violently invaded.
“Anonny my hubby wubby, I’ve been huffin’ and puffin’ for a whiff of those DANGLING BABY MAKERS since the moment you GOT here! And I’m SICK of waiting for you to pick up my advances!” Her nose presses hard into the horrified human’s own, her eyes a particular type of wild. “I NEED HUMAN DICK PRONTO OMANO!”
“T-t-this isn’t you Fluttershy!”
“Wrong! ~This is who I am FOR REAL nigga. A legitimate SEX OFFENDER, an absolute ANIMAL when it comes to humans and their fat cervix kissing dicks-“
“I’m not even like four inches hard-“
“I’m a Anon cock CONSIOUR. Lyra can’t even hope to compare to my lust for men, I’ve kept it locked deep inside the outermost edge of my soul so even Celestia would not see it. But I crave that godly human stamina!”
“My cardio is like seriously below average-“
“I need you Anon, SO BAD. So UNBELIEVABLY unfathomably unnaturally in my pants-“
“You don’t even wear clothes?!”
“Stop killing the fantasy please Anonymous this means so much to me. I’ve literally dreamed of nothing else for the past two years three months eleven days seven hours forty five minutes and nine-point-eight seconds.”
“Uhh… ‘M sorry?” His confused state was too deep to offer a genuine apology.
“You can make it up to me by having bed breaking mind bending earth shattering SEX with me. Multiple times in a row.”
Anon feels the sweat flooding down his face and desperately tries to act coy. “I’d be too sleepy after one, uh, sex! Ahaha.” He gulps. Speaking to Fluttershy within any pretext that lended to even a hint of sexual insinuation felt like having that one Sunday school teacher try to grope you like damn miss Stevens’s how do you even know what that is?!
“You’re staring, Anon. Do you… hmph… see something you like?” Fluttershy had dropped to a coy, and husky tone. “You look so beautiful - I could kiss you.” She starts to lean forward, lips pursing so hard they’ll already making a smooching sound.
The humans inner dialogue goes as thus - Oh shit ah, fuck uh, THINK FAST MAN!
“Hiyah!” Anon throws an absolute fucking atomizer of a right hook straight into the little pony’s jaw. Her head snaps backwards from the massive catatonic inducing thunder smash with a hearty thud. The results? Catastrophic. As the poor Pegasus is launched across the room and smashes into the floor, rolling several feet before coming to a stop unmoving. He gasps at what he’d done. “Fluttershy!” Lanky legs take hun across the room in moments. She’s still unmoving by the time he’s kneeled over her. “You good?” He almost facepalmed, he always asks stupid questions when he was nervous.
Fluttershy groans, closed eyes feathering open to peer up at Anon with a yearning sparkle in the whites of her eye. “I was hit by a train: a train called love.” Her attempt at a seductive whisper is a bit creaky this time around, as she seems to be very much in pain. “So you like to be rough huh?”
“F-Fluttershy your face is swelling.” It was true, her jaw was beginning to puff up in a painful looking red.
“You make it all worth it, Nonny.” She sniffles.
“I need to get you to the hospital…” He mutters.
Fluttershy giggles. “A colt who’ll smack me around and play doctor? you’re a dream come truuueeee.” Her voice warbles in a way that would’ve been cute if she didn’t suddenly start slurring around her words.
“This is crazy, you’re crazy…” Anon mutters.
“We can be crazy tooooogetheeeer.” She giggles.
“I’m… picking you up to take you the hospital, okay Fluttershy?”
“Weeeee!” Was her response once Anon picked her up and huddled her close to his chest. “You smell sooooo good…”
God he was so in trouble.
Anon stood glumly as Twilight shrieked at him. “You punched her?!”
“…yes.” He gulped. God he was so in trouble.
“Why?!”
“She, uh… came on to me a little too hard, got too close and I reacted… poorly.”
“Oh, fair enough I guess.” Twilight hums.
Anon is just happy she didn’t smite him on the spot. “…is she gonna be okay?”
“I’m not a doctor, Anon. But if I were to make a honest guess I’d say she’ll be fine. Probably. Maybe. Okay she looked a little rough Anon, I can’t lie to you. Her face was like a balloon, except instead of being filled with oxygen it was human knuckles.” She snickers to herself. “Gosh. That was funny.”
“I’m going to prison.”
Twilight waves a hoof dismissively. “Oh it was an accident and she, by your account, was making unsolicited advances… as hard as that is to believe. And I was joking, Anon. Pegasi are especially durable compared to other ponies. I’m sure some ice will mostly fix the problem.”
Suddenly the doctor burst through the waiting room doors. “She’s dead. That punch to her jaw caused all the blood vessels inside her brain to all erupt simultaneously.”
Waterphone. Royalty free suspense stab #2.
Anon’s mouth gaped. Thankfully only his mouth.
“Wah, how is this possible?” Twilight could feel a tidal wave of emotions rush forward to the front of her face; tears brimmed in her eyes. “My… my friend is dead?”
“Dead as Tartarus.” The doctor sighs. “I’m… incredibly sorry for your loss, but… the impact to her brain case was indeed devastating. Some might even say cataclysmic. She died of total chromosome collapse.”
“Is… is that a thing?”
“Ah, tomato potato.” The doctor shrugs says. “It is now.”
“But doc, she was alive by the time I brought her here, how could all of her blood vessels erupt simultaneously if what you’re saying is true?”
“Simple, her love for you was so great she managed to hold on just long enough to die in the hospital bed.”
Twilight’s sobbing grew louder.
“I killed Fluttershy.” Anon mumbled.
“Oh yes… about that, Anonymous… you are definitely going to prison.”
“This is terrible news.”
“Oh I’m sure you’ll be out soon enough if you’re genuinely sorry. This country seems to be full of sympathetic villains and forgiving matriarchs - with how many of them are walking around nowadays.”
“Well that’s better news.”
“Then again she was an element of harmony, so you’ve definitely just destabilized the entire country to an absolutely absurd degree.”
“Even worse news.”
“Yes… I’m gonna have to call the guards.”
“Damn.“
Guess he should’ve let Fluttershy look at his balls.
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Soaring · 1.4k words · 133 7 · 1.5k views
- milk rain · 2.6k words · 34 4 · 1.2k views
- owlicious · 3.2k words · 18 3 · 644 views
- Burt · 1.4k words · 114 11 · 2.1k views
- Daelyx Len Auphydas · 4k words · 51 0 · 594 views
- owlicious · 4.3k words · 42 2 · 607 views
- Burt · 1.5k words · 84 9 · 1.8k views
- Burt · 6.8k words · 87 1 · 913 views
Stats
Page generated in 0.039 seconds
Total duration
1,030 users online
1,592,961 hits today, 1,872,792 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
I have a bad habit of killing ponies for a punchline. But I’m my own target audience and I giggle every time so that’s just how it rolls.
See you next time when I make Discord smoke fent.
HAHAHA ON MAN
11876836
You murdered that punchline in a back alley and I am so happy you did because holy shit I was not ready for how chaotic this was.
Discord smoking fent? I'm so ready. Please.
Breaking Bed ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
11876860
true
googled it, couldn't find it. plz link💀
Should have shown that shlong.
I feel like if his response was randomly more British this would be funnier like;
...nah on second thought I'm not very funny just kill me now
:D
Reading a story in which Fluttershy calls Anon a nigga was def not on my bingo card for the night.
Massive W. Take my upvote.
i.ibb.co/NyN7GTW/debd2e8edddb-text.gif
For some ungodly comedic reason, I could only hear fluttershy’s voice in my head as how it sounds when people emulate it with AI...
Thank you for this read, burt.
lol get fucked flutterbutter
edit - nice feature
How can I read this (most likely) wonderful Burt fic when there's no doge maymay cover art?
Truly the end of times is upon us.
If depicting Fluttershy with evil is character assassination, the ending of the end was massacre.
11877358
Load bearing most likely
Doge needs a break sometimes… he likes to bite my fingers and I get sick of having to regrow them. But not to worry, this star will continue to shine brightly for years to come (hopefully)
11876871
I spend so much time prescribing Anon with crass autism that I’ve missed the goldmine that could be polite, well mannered autism.
And you’re right. Random Britishism is funny. So speak the truth, even if it leads to your death. Amen.
Edit, here is waterphone:
https://youtu.be/dinyOvO2EEo?si=Abbym_rzoUx4s7XH
And here is suspense #2:
https://youtu.be/6IsbZqoxT54?si=cZ0dZ4au5OkBWofS
11877565
*Clinks Wineglass of Gasonline*
to our death at the hands of the Fashion Police
Cheers bro I'll drink to that, Amen.
Absolutely hilarious!
Hopefully Anon gets a light scentence...
I shouldn't be laughing because I love Fluttershy...but I'm having a hell of a time keeping my mouth from curling into a smile.
Damn ...
Based.
Anon should have been grateful a mare wanted his dangling monkey baby batter makers. Oh well....
This shit was a roller coaster from start to finish and by the end I was suprised, afraid and slightly aroused.
I thought ponies reproduced by budding... they're some sort of yeast, right?
Scared
“ WHAT IN GODS NAME ARE YOU DOING, (Stutters) BACK OFF YOU CRAZY BITCH! “
plz giv mwe hwugwi whuggwis, UWU
“ WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU SAYING “
No shit, Sherlock. 💩
I should not have laughed so hard at that.