Heyo, I'm Daelyx Len Auphydas, but you can just call me Len. Purity zealot and cute eunuch extraordinaire. I adore stories about siblings, particularly rainbow dash and scootaloo!
When Scootaloo hears from Sweetie Belle that a number of last season's merchandise was leftover at Rarity's Boutique, the young filly gets a mischievous idea regarding her idol. After all, if anypony can make frilly, out-of-style fashion cool... It's Rainbow Dash.
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that was very cute!
That's a nice subtle reference you got there. Be a shame if somepony pointed it out.
11877301
D'aww, thankyou. I'm glad you liked it! I wanted to practice writing scootadash before I begin any more ambitious projects involving them, hopefully I did an alright job staying in character.
11877312
i think you did an eager what you got more in store for them
cute little tidbit of a story
Fun cute story
Oh my gosh my heart is gonna die, this fits your profile picture so well tooo
You need to work on your verb tenses.
Otherwise, cute story 🥰
11877577
D'aww, it makes me feel great to know an author whose work I've enjoyed liked what i wrote too! Thanks for commenting!
Is it too personal a question to wonder how you became a eunuch, and why you are telling us about it? Was it a personal choice? Can we take an important lesson from it?
11878002
Certainly! Well. Ok, I'm not sure how much I could get away with saying in a public space, I'm not sure what the rules are regarding how 'mature' comments can be. But in short, I suffered from hypersexuality for most of my life and absolutely loathed it more than words can possibly describe. After several years of searching I finally found a surgeon who would do 'gender nullification surgery' and basically looked up whatever I had to say to get what I wanted. I wouldn't consider myself transgender really, it was never an identity thing for me, but I did have to claim to be in order to get what I wanted.
Now I am at least, relatively cute and pure! Hooray for me! Still have nightmares about before fairly often so I cant truthfully say I'm really pure but... I take what I can get. Shrug Wanting to be this way just kinda comes with the territory of being a purity zealot.
We're in a land of spontaneous musical numbers, these things just come with the territory.
Rarity's
Needs a comma, not a full stop, and an apostrophe in "it's"
Sister's
Not sure whether that's supposed to be two sentences - which would need a full stop or exclamation mark - or one - which would need a comma and no capital. Also, the story had a lot of tense shifts, which this is a good example of.
Semicolon doesn't work there - again, either needs a full stop or a comma and no capital.
***
So, aside from a few grammar issues, the story felt... odd. Like, I spent the entire thing waiting for the other shoe to drop and it just... didn't. Like, given both the heavy emphasis on Scoots's mischief at the beginning, plus the suspiciously timed knock on the door, I was expecting this to either be some larger trick by Scootaloo or at least some other reveal, but instead it was just... two honorary sisters having an odd but nice bonding experience. Which, don't get me wrong, is great and did mean I still enjoyed the story, but it still felt oddly anticlimactic given the buildup.
Still, fun enough story. Look forward to seeing what you may come up with in the future.
11878752
Thankyou for the input. As far as the knock on the door... That's pretty much to tie it into my other story, there's a few details in both that imply they're happening simultaneously. The mention of the visiting blacksmith from appleloosa is another such detail.
I guess I just felt that getting Rainbow Dash to dress up in a silly outfit was mischievous enough on its own.
It was always supposed to just be a short silly story, to help me practice writing the characters before I try anything more ambitious.
What's on the front page is what people see first, so you want it to make a good impression. You ought to fix up the grammar mistakes in the synopsis.
season's
As one word, this is an adjective or noun. For it to be a verb, it needs to be two words.
Rarity's
11880364
Fixed! Apologies, I'm not great at proofreading my own stories.
It's been a while since a story made me smile this much. Thank you.
Adorable!
11880551
Ha, its like it was written for you! that's amazing. I'm glad at least somepony around is likely to get the title joke.
Did you mean to write two “had”s?
11882052
Yes. had just has two different meanings that sometimes have to be used back to back like that. had as in past tense, and had as in needing to do something.
Guess I could change it to 'had made' and that would sound better though. I'll make that change.
11882055
Ok, other than that I loved the story.
11882064
Thankyou! That means alot to me. I'm frankly overwhelmed with all the positive feedback I've gotten here, nothing I've written has ever garnered this much attention before.
11882067
You deserve it. You even got featured on EQ Daily
11882073
w h a t
omt that's legitimately crazy to me. How...
I feel so flattered, honestly.
I'd better do my best to follow up and make it just as good or even better.