The Way It's Always Been

by David Silver

1 - Legal Affairs

Princess Twilight Sparkle nodded at the commoner before her. She ran a hoof along the side of her throne. "I see. Spike?" Her faithful assistant saluted sharply. "Doublecheck that and bring the rules concerning the placement of flowers on shared sidewalk space."

"Aye aye!" The small dragon fled from the room in a hurry.

Twilight smiled gently at the waiting mare. "This will be just a moment. Spike is a very talented researcher. He'll be back before--Ah, there he is." She inclined her head faintly, seeing Spike burdened with not one but three books in a pile. "I only required one book, Spike. Why didn't you bring the most recent?"

"About that." Spike dropped them heavily next to Twilight's throne. "The latest one refers to the second one, which refers to the third one. None of them make sense unless you read them all, I could tell." He smiled at his friend, eyes glittering happily. "So, just to be sure, I brought all three!"

Twilight chuckled faintly and began to peruse the middle tome. "That makes sense." She brought the tome up with her magic, unfolding it as it came closer. "We'll put this to rest shortly enough. Now--" She trailed off, lips moving quietly as she rapidly skimmed through the dense words. "If the first pony--Third party--Dangerous?!" She jerked back from the book, looking up at the waiting mare. "Are any of the plants involved dangerous in any way?"

The mare, Lyra, inclined her head up at her princess. "No way, Twi. I just wanted some pretty flowers, but my neighbor is being a total killjoy about it." She rolled her eyes with annoyance. "This shouldn't be a big deal, just some daisies! Why are we arguing about daisies?"

The second mare there, standing beside Lyra, glared at her. "You're using your familiarity with the princess unfairly. Address her as princess, like anypony else. We are her subjects, not her friends, when we address her in her court."

Twilight coughed into a hoof. "She is correct. It's not fair to play favorites. But, good, not dangerous." She set the second book down and went for the first instead, just to pause and reach for the oldest. "Let's start at the start, shall we? We'll get this figured out." The book unfurled open slowly, a tinge of dust escaping as the pages finally opened fully. "Oh. Oh dear. That does complicate matters."

Spike hopped forward eagerly. "What is it, Twilight?" He looked down at the page. "'Whereas: The Royal Gardens'?"

"Mmm. Ahem. 'It is hereby resolved by Her Highness Princess Celestia that all gardens on Royal land or attached to official buildings are subject to strict regulations as per the agreement made between herself and Queen Orchidstar of Everfree.' Oh." Twilight blushed faintly. "I wasn't aware of that resolution. Is this an old one? My teacher didn't ever cover this... Does it still apply?"

Spike blinked softly. "Um, She moved away from the Everfree." He counted on one finger. "Queen Orchidstar is from forever ago." He put out a second finger. "And neither of their houses are on royal land, unless you count the whole city! I don't think that counts?"

"Ah, true." Twilight frowned with thought, flipping to the next page. "Ah, better, the more generic rule for the land of Equestria." She muttered to herself, working through it before trailing off to a fitful stop. "This just covers crop rotations and regulations. This has nothing to do with recreational flower arrangements." She sat back, frowning heavily. "So where...?" She trailed off, muttering. "Next page. Next page. Ah. Here."

"'To prevent clashing between citizens over the proper usage of resources and shared land, including but not limited to public sidewalks, streets, water supplies, etcetera, each and all regions governed by the laws of Canterlot have the power to enforce certain restrictions for the good of all its citizens. For the specifics regarding the most recent codes, consult...'" Twilight looked up from the book and over at Spike.

Spike pointed to the second book. "Fourth chapter. See what I meant?"

Twilight let out a suffering sigh, but dutifully switched books. "Why didn't Celestia just re-write the law entirely?"

Lyra shrugged at that. "That first book looks like it has a lot more than just this one law in it."

"Have to agree," added the second mare. "It's thick with plant laws. I bet some of them talk about each other too."

Twilight nodded at the mares. "I think you're right, thanks." She began to flip through the next book as well, albeit slower and with less certainty. "Still, if only they'd just have changed it over the years." She went to flip it with a hoof, just for it to hit at just the right angle. "Ow!" She dropped the book in surprise and suckled at her hoof. "Old books can be dangerous. Spike, I'm the princess now. Perhaps I should use my new position to fix this."

Spike saluted and dashed off, returning with a squill and scroll. "Ready!"

Twilight tapped at her chin softly. "Your properties have clear boundaries, do they not?" Both mares nodded. "Excellent! Then let it be written." Spike was already scratching with his quill. "One pony cannot plead for official resolution about the floral arrangements of another if it takes place within the boundaries of their own property, even when that land touches public land, provided the flora involved is not harmful, to the public or any involved pony."

The second mare raised a hoof. "I'm allergic to daisies. I don't want them on either side of the sidewalk as I walk down the road, Your Highness. I don't think that's too much of an ask."

Twilight blinked softly. "Why? Why am I only learning that now?" She pressed a hoof to her face. "This is why--" She waved Spike back. "One moment." With a soft cough, she faced the two mares. "If you can prove that these flowers are a true allergen to you, then I rule in your favor on medical grounds. If not, I find in Lyra's favor. "

Lyra shrank with defeat. "Aw... Why didn't you just say that? I wasn't trying to be a huge jerk."

"My allergies are my business." The mare fled from the courtroom, her cheeks on fire with shame.

Twilight rubbed at her temples softly. "I will send a letter if she provides that proof. Until then, you don't need to do anything. Thank you. Next!"

Author's Note:

A short silly random challenge fic I did for funsies.

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Comments

[The Chronicler]

Equestria is a silly place.

[DarkSnowGaming]

Well this is something, I think this deserves a "slice of life" tag?

[orp]

Princess Twilight Sparkle nodded at the common before her.

'The commoner' or perhaps 'the commons', I think. The word 'common' can be a singular noun, but that usage doesn't seem correct here.

[Lurks-no-More]

11830906
Slice of Law.

[sykko]

Ah yes, the confusing and many times unnecessarily redundant laws that govern. Can be a real pain in the patootie.

This made me chuckle. Good story.

[Killjoy1221]

Equestria needs lawyers.

[David Silver]

11830931
Fix, with a bonus nearby.

[The Blue EM2]

As somebody who deals with ridiculous and redundant laws quite a bit, this was relatable and hilarious. Here are a few of my favourite silly and bizarre laws:

1. It is unlawful to put salt on railroad tracks. (Alabama.)
2. It is unlawful to be drunk in a pub. (England-this is rarely enforced.)
3. It is unlawful to walk a cow down the street in broad daylight. (Also England-presumably walking a cow down the street at night or on a cloudy day is fine.)
4. It is unlawful to fire a cannon within 300 yards of somebody's house. (Scotland-this one gets broken every day in Edinburgh at 13:00 hours as a cannon is fired at that time at Edinburgh Castle.)
5. It is unlawful to tune a piano after nightfall. (Germany.)
6. It is unlawful to wear a false moustache in church. (Alabama.)
7. It is unlawful to drive whilst wearing no clothes. (Germany.)
8. It is unlawful to sing on a train. (Scotland-again rarely enforced.)
9. It is unlawful to own a pet rat. (Alberta.)
10. It is unlawful to build a mud hut with a straw roof. (Alberta-weirdly specific.)

[The Real Darkness]

11831156
Wanted to add to this in regards to your number 9. Some towns/cities in the U.S. have had an ordinance prohibiting rats and other mammals. While not a law in my town, most managed properties will refuse all pets except non-mammals without some kind of medical clearance/necessity.

Because the plague still existed where I am in the 1970s, last recorded public cases were from the 90s. Alberta was and might justifiably still be concerned about Y. Pestis or another strain of plague appearing. The mud hut with straw roof might be related because straw=fleas=plague.

[The Blue EM2]

11831305
Hadn't considered that.

On a side note, it's worth noting that many of the bizarre laws you find in US states were passed to get around the 13th Amendment. As involuntary servitude is only permitted as a punishment for a crime in the US, many southern states passed laws such as 'walking without a purpose' to give them an excuse to arrest and convict Black people- who were then put into chain gangs and rented out as effective slave labour.

[Waterpicker]

11831156
Couldn't #2 just formally turned into being nusiance when drunk in a pub? seems like the main reason police would enforce the law.

[The Blue EM2]

11831502
True-though you'd hope the publican would keep tabs on how many drinks somebody had bought.

[Bahamuttone]

"My allergies are my business."

Sorry miss… but if you want to impose on others due to your allergies impose, you just made them also THEIR business.

[Xanderfox]

11831047
Your aware of nuisance lawsuits yes? Now lots of money hungry lawyers + lots of weird laws = lots of weird lawsuits

[Xanderfox]

While chuckle worthy this idea is far too fertile to only do a story about laws about flower beds. The kind of bizarre laws that have to be created to satisfy the rich and entitled is kind of crazy. Simplifying a law spread across 4 volumes is a minor inconvenience compared to unraveling real legal what the fuckery. Their are so many out thier laws that people just forgot to get rid of!

[LordBucket]

So Twilight rewrote the law, and then immediately found in a manner contrary to that law?

Also, want to see the inevitable followup where the laws she just erased are referenced by a dozens other statues, which now no longer make sense, resulting in Discord having a good day.

[Moonlight_Mist]

11831156
My favorite bizarre law will always be the one that prohibits eating peanuts and walking backwards on the sidewalk while a concert is playing, in the small New York town of Greene. Not sure if it's either of those things or specifically both at the same time, but it's still funny.

[Stellar_]

11831156
#9 is because Alberta doesn’t have rats. They’re the only place in the world that doesn’t have rats, and they have an extensive extermination program.

[The Blue EM2]

11843544
I didn't know that.

[Stellar_]

11843546
Its interesting!

[The Blue EM2]

11843561
Where I'm from rats and mice are fairly common, so to an outsider that law would seem odd.

[The Blue EM2]

11843361
It is estimated a person, on average, violates three laws a day.