• Member Since 15th Nov, 2020
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Kibat Grenbuku


I’m Kibat Grenbuku, an artist, writer and a passionate Broodian vampire!

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Sunny Starscout has always been seen as the outcast of her home of Maretime Bay, reason being that the three pony tribes shouldn’t live in fear of each other, but on one particular day, something very strange had happened. She herself is capable of magic!

At the same day, she meets Izzy Moonbow, a unicorn who had unexpectedly came to town to meet new friends… that doesn’t goes so well. And to make matters weirder, a magical pendant had reawakened the spirit of Friendship and Harmony herself, Princess Twilight Sparkle!

Now on the run, Sunny, Izzy, and Twilight must find a way to reunite the three tribes in Unity, all the while dark forces hunt them with a goal to forever destroy or rule Equestria with an iron hoof.

Chapters (9)
Comments ( 108 )

This story is incredible so far! I’m loving this new version. Looming forward to seeing where this new version goes from here. :twilightsmile:

Hey there. REALLY good job on the dialogue, characterizations and future chapter set-up. REALLY like how well you are doing in keeping this MOSTLY true to the style of the original, but also working in some obvious differences (such as the mentioning of a few of the Mane Six by name, Hitch sticking up for Sunny and Argyle when Sprout's bullying got too far, Sprout failing to take into account that Sombra and Cozy were among the VAST minority concerning the trouble-makers, working in extra scenes with Argyle and the bits with Skyros lore before the stuff with the masked alicorn spying on Sunny and Argyle).

On to the next chapter.

Another great chapter. Again, the stuff mixing the canon stuff with the new touches was beautiful - such as the more heart-warming additions to Sunny's talk with Hitch at Canterlot's gates, Sunny getting greeted by a mysterious figure before she tried to interrupt the presentation and Sunny's alicorn powers triggering a few days earlier than in canon and then the further adventure set-ups with the masked alicorns.

On to the next chapter.

Excellent work on the dialogue, characterizations and future chapter set-up in this chapter. REALLY liked Sunny meeting Twilight's spirit as well as Izzy as well as Izzy meeting that same mysterious figure Sunny did earlier, as well as that flashback with Hitch getting into that argument with Sprout about the latter's behavior as well as Twilight's spirit explaining Opaline to Sunny and Izzy already AND the effort in already finding the Earth Pony Crystal. Hitch reading that stuff about Sunny's mother before going after Sunny and Izzy was also beautifully bittersweet.

Most definitely looking forward to more of this.

“Oh yeah?” He asks her with a raised brow, “Then what about Cozy Glow and King Sombra? Were they friends too?”

Hey that's not fair you can't blame every body just because one bad person did it

“That’s quite enough.” She cuts him off rudely, holding up her left forehoof. She let out a frustrated sigh as she rubbed her temples, “Why are you even teaching foals these things anyways? The whole entire town had been talking about their kids hearing about this nonsense. The more you tell them this, the more we put the risk of having the other tribes trying to hurt us.”

Just wait until the later new generation and we'll see who's laughing now

“You’ll be there too, right?” She asked him.

Oh my heart 😭

This is actually a pretty interesting start of a story and of course started out just like how we watch the new generation in the beginning of the movie play out but with a Different Twist it looks like our girl even talks about the skylof where the Alicorn lives and Princess Celestia and Luna was born and speaking of which it looks like those ponies with mask are spying on Argyle and sunny who are those guys I guess we'll see

"Today's the day, Dad!” She tells the small picture of herself and her father, readjusting it, “I actually have a plan this time. Wish me luck!" She shuts the door, strapped on her skates, and set off. Down the Point and around into Maretime Bay, at top speed, a pony on a mission.

one of my favorite songs of the movie

"What is it with me and critters?" Hitch asked. "I'm like a magnet to them." Turning to the critters, Hitch bent down and asked, "Guys, come on. Give Hitch a little space." In response, the critters only took a step back, much to Hitch's chagrin.

It's still interesting looking back how much we knew it that he has that ability to communicate with animals just like Fluttershy

She took out a little figurine, but this one wasn’t like her collection of the Guardians of Harmony. It’s a figurine of him. Hitch was taken completely off guard by this as he hesitatingly took the small figure. “S-Sunny…” he tries to get out.

Awwww that is so sweet that she made a doll for him I kind of ship those two

11855425
It's one of my favorites too. I'm unfortunately not going to include songs in my rewrite, but if you want to add them in the comment sections below, I'm perfectly fine with that.

Sunny tried to get herself free from the contraptions, but it’s no use, the claw had her strapped tightly around her barrel. As she continues to struggle and tries to preach her message, she heard something… or rather, somepony. “Find the Unity Crystals…” the voice said, making Sunny stop and look around. The voice sounded feminine, young, and somewhat royal. It was odd, nopony she knew sounded like that. Then she heard it again, “Hear their song… save our home.”

Whoa who is that mysterious voice okay this is a little different I like it

Oh wow this is really unexpected but very interesting to say the least so years past and sunny is a young adult planning on going to the Canterlogic but of course she was stopped by hitch not to do anything trouble or anything like that but it was nice of her to give her a doll of him but she snuck inside and not only that and disrupting the presentation but unfortunately the machines got her and doing really bad testing on her but somehow a voice told her to unleash her inner strength of magic which she did and it was pretty early on for her to unleash her Alicorn Magic and everybody was pretty shock but it looks like one of the alicorn pony was not too happy about it and it looks like he's going after sunny I just hope Sunny wakes up because danger is coming towards her

Some of the ponies were left afraid and confused, wondering how or why they should even help, and Hitch really couldn’t blame them. But then he heard Ms. Cloverleaf, “Help her? After all of that? Hitch Trailblazer, we need to get her out of Maretime Bay! She could be a-a-a Unicorn, or a Pegasus!”

Are you crazy lady she's hurt

“Ugh, there you go again!” Sprout groans, “Mr. Starshine, always Mr. Starshine! If you admire him so much, why don’t you go live with them! You’d fit right in with those weirdos!”

He looked at and then tells her, “I… I think I’m going to leave Maretime Bay permanently, Sunny.”

Whoa I mean I get it hitch you fighting the power but don't you think that's a little extreme and what about sunny

What’s next, Twilight Sparkle herself making her appearance?!

Then a light purple mist swirled around the medallion and from the mist an apparition formed. The apparition the form of a tall mare with a lavender coat, her mane and tail are a dark indigo color with streaks of purple and pink. Her mane and tail flowed like as it was underwater, reflecting off of a beautiful galaxy. Her eyes are purple and almond-shaped. Her cutie mark was a pink six-pointed starburst with five smaller white stars.

Well sunny wish granted lol

“Ah ah ah,” Twilight stops the apricot mare from speaking any further, “Breathe in…” she instructs as she inhales deeply, placing her hoof to her chest, “And out…” she exhale, extending her forehoof away from her body. “It’s a technique that a fellow princess taught me this. Now you try.”

Ah yes the breathing technique that Cadence taught you but that sometimes you still twilighting a lot still lol

Comment posted by Yoshifan30 deleted March 20th

She moved over to Sunny who quickly hopped down. “Woah! Hey! Careful where you point that thing.” Sunny asked while pushing Izzy’s horn away this caused Izzy to react a little bit.

“Why?” Izzy asked curiously. This was followed up with Sunny’s answered

Well not only that you're horn almost poke Sunny's eye out and I always think that unicorns horn can be very dangerous even without magic

“I’m the reason why the connection to Equestria’s magic had been cut off,” Twilight unintentionally cuts Sunny off as she explains, “Centuries ago, an alicorn had begun to spread rumors of the three tribes, causing disharmony and distrust towards one another. My friends and I became suspicious of this phenomenon, so we investigated. Who we met shook us to our core. Her name is Opaline Arcana, the Skyros Alicorn of Fire.”

Oh wow that is so early that Twilight just warned them about Opaline oh dang

Comment posted by Kibat Grenbuku deleted March 20th

An interesting concept, but you seriously need to clean up the description a little bit. I almost considered passing on this story entirely due to the spelling and/or grammar errors that immediately stood out:

reason being that the tree pony tribes shouldn’t live in fear of each other,

Sunny, Izzy, and Twilight must find a away to reunite the three tribes in Unity,

And that's just what I noticed from a very brief glance. I don't have time to proofread your story, so my advice for you is to just re-read through everything at least once before posting it. You might be surprised by how many obvious errors will stick out if you simply take the time to double-check what you wrote.

11855550
I'll look through them, and thank you for the advice.

Okay wow this is pretty awesome hitch took Sunny home and when she woke up hitch explain to Sunny what was happening he even told her that hitch quit being a sheriff after what Sprout just said and not only that what the other people said to Sunny and he could have just take it anymore and sunny couldn't believe this is happening but then the necklace that her father had reacted and pops out Twilight but as a spirit or something apparently Argyle has been keeping a spirit of Twilight around and she needed to get her out of here but then she heard what would the commotion going on then she met up with another new pony name Izzy causing a little chaos so they decided to head for the lighthouse now she needed to figure out what was going on but Twilight explained about the situation about skylof and even the danger about Opaline so all three of them decide to go on a journey to find the other crystals and even meeting with other ponies and it looks like hitch is also following them I wonder what else could happen guess we'll find out next time

This is amazing! I'm giving you six stars for doing a good job. ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

This new chapter is great!

I can't wait to see more of your chapters, and remember:

Keep your dreams alive. Understand that achieving anything requires faith and belief in yourself, vision, hard work, determination, and dedication. Remember, all things are possible for those who believe.

Here's a song that will make you do whatever it takes. Enjoy!

https://youtu.be/HcNcOnIkQQU?si=jCILG_Xjg2RTLYBF

11855550
I assumed the first example you posted was to be read in an Irish accent.

Wow, another stallion named Argyle and Zipp as prince?! Sounds so COOL!

I can't wait to see what happens next.

Here's a song that will make you natural. Enjoy!

https://youtu.be/V5M2WZiAy6k?si=BrwuyTiumG3vq7v2

Another wonderful job on the dialogue, characterizations and future chapter set-up. Definitely appreciated Hitch ripping into Sprout verbally for revealing Sunny's route to that alicorn, pointing out that Sprout owes Sunny and everybody else a MASSIVE apology and explicitly forbidding Sprout from doing anything further while Hitch temporarily took back his badge. And also appreciated the stuff about Twilight observing how Izzy reminded her a little too much of Pinkie after teleporting Sunny and Izzy a decent distance but before returning to the necklace. Definitely liked the little alteration of Zipp being a stallion in this universe (so we can have two Stallions in this universe's version of the Mane Six instead of just one). The dialogue with the Zephyr Heights Royals concerning the Cassandra Truth about Twilight's spirit was another nice touch.

On to the next chapter.

11858394
Much appreciated Phet. Really enjoy the Imagine Dragons songs you send in the chat.

Once more, you did a superb job on the dialogue, characterizations and future chapter set-up. Really appreciated the bits with Hitch and the younger Argyle plus Sunny and Izzy catching on that the Royal Pegasi were faking the flight before Prince Zipp even told them, Zipp briefly meeting Twilight, Twilight's further mentions of Opaline and her description of the other Elemental Alicorns and the mentions of what her friends did with the Unity Crystals. Hitch already making the decision to help Sunny and Izzy was another great touch.

I am most definitely looking to more of this.

"Consider this your demotion." Hitch said as he took the badge and placed it on his leather belt. "You're going home and tell Ms. Cloverleaf what had happened, and you and nopony else will absolutely under no circumstances to any other further actions until I come back.”

Now that is how you taking charge hitch that's awesome

The Pegasus in question a tall, thin, white-coated male, possessing turquoise-blue eyes, thin hot-red eyebrows, silver-gray hooves, as well as having a gelled, hot-red mane and tail with both lighter red and aqua streaks. As for his cutie mark, it consists of a hot-red and aqua-blue lightning bolt with a yellow crown on top. As per his pony type, he has a pair of large feathered-wings, with a gradient of different shades of blue, purple and hot-red.

Huh wait so zipp is a guy that's kind of confusing just asking is there a reason or is it a error

They were now all in an elevator Izzy had tennis ball on her horn while Sunny is just standing idly by waiting. “That’s creative” Izzy commented.

I still don't understand who was the one who came up with this idea about the tennis ball thing lol

“There you are.” He said in a vicious delight as he took off full speed to his next destination, Zephyr Heights.

Oh no here comes trouble

Whoa this is a very unexpected situation so Sunny Izzy and Twilight managed to escape and sunny was freaking out about the situation but Twilight wants to reassure her that everything will be fine and all they need to do is to get the Crystal from Zephyr Heights but unfortunately Twilight only has a short limit of how long she could be standing outside so she needs to return to the amulet and with that it was just sunny and Izzy meanwhile Sprouts was just enjoying himself until that crazy alicorn went berserk and asking where Sunny is and basically sort of told him that she just left and after the Alicorn was gone hitch was not happy about what Sprout did and now he's taking in charge of being the sheriff again and he needs to help her before that crazy Alicorn gets to them but it looks like he's not alone and after a while they finally made it to zephyr Heights but unfortunately they got caught and taken to the castle and once they did Sonny tried to explain about the situation but Queen Haven was not having it and basically everything just escalated quickly and her Alicorn power activated again and what makes things worse that crazy Alicorn is coming

11858465
Yes, there is a reason. I felt like that Zipp, in my honest opinion, would've worked better as a male, and it would balance things out for this version of the Mane 6.

“Everypony knows that only royals can fly, of course.” Pipp said while still being nervous.

Oh boy there it is that probably is going to get them in trouble

The sheriff gave out a chuckle as he nuzzled one of the bunny’s cheek with his hoof, “Well… more like they’re attracted to me.”

Once again I really like that theory about him having the same ability as Fluttershy

That earned a chuckle from Hitch, then sighs as he looked towards the skies. “Sunny… wherever you are, know this: I won’t rest until I find you. I will keep my promise to your dad. And when I do find you, I’m going to help fulfill your dream.” He had his chest puffed out with pride as he proclaims, “Peace with Pegasi! Unity with Unicorns!”

Yeah I still remember there was a story about hitch making that kind of promise to Argyle

That’s what they thought as well, and they still continue to search to this day. After the shattering of Skyros, all six Alicorns were sent flinging down Equestria, where Celestia and Luna set their reign, along with hiding away an artifact known as the Father’s Gem. They never really told me what it is or how it works when I became the new ruler. Even so, I wished it would’ve helped against Opaline when she started to invade from the shadows.

Yeah let's face it Opaline really did a number on Equestria very badly throughout the years with pain and misery

"That's the thing," He tells them, "We really can't. The crystal is attached to my mom's crown. She never takes it off."

Like literally she really doesn't take it off must be very uncomfortable

"And where are we going to get one at this time of day?" Sunset asked.

What sunset is here 😳

11858486
Hmm I guess that is a good point just to balance out the male and female but they're still more female in the group still but okay I'm just used to zipp being a girl so I'm just going to get used to this change since this is an alternate universe

11858511
I meant to put Sunny, not Sunset, sorry.

11858524
Oh he's going to be part of the group my bad 😅

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