Just as his life finally began to bloom, death was far too eager to snuff Psalms to an early grave.
But, it was not meant to last, for Higher Powers called forth all who were worthy to aid in the coming Holy War.
Psalms has been deemed one of the worthy, and was bestowed the gift of new life to serve as the Guardian Crusader for a world he is all too familier with.
Co-Author: dannny43
Cover made by:Little Tigress
This is a Twilight X OC, and it will feature Christian themes, self harm, and profanity.
Chapters (13)
Interesting premise! Looking forward to more.
great first chapter
Thank you for making this not many people write about Cristian beliefs or subject matter.
11426052
And more you shall recieve soon, well I hope at least.
11426067
More will be coming soon my friend. Keep this story tracked!
You know this story is going to be one of the best stories I've ever going to read I'll keep an eye out for this one for more chapters but my personal opinion you're doing great with the story I can't wait to read more
11426190
Thank you, that means so much to us man! Definitely keep an eye out for more!
Looks good so far, I look forward to reading more.
Descriptions of the two alicorns don't seem to match up with the cover. Both seem like batpony alicorns going by their descriptions.
From the cover image, it looks like the one on the left might have been sent against his will and may not be as happy at becoming a pegacorn than the one on the right.
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This is intentional, and you'll see why as this story progresses on. Also, Psalms isn't a bat-alicorn, just a regular pony alicorn.
11426297
My mistake. I guess I overlooked 'feathery.'
It's the 'elastic' wings that got me though.
I just assume the batpony wing membrane to be more elastic.
This looks interesting. I will wait a few more chapters before reading. That, and I'm not much of a fan of the suicide/harm tag.
intresting enough, can't wait for what's next !
11426717
Keep track on this story and expect more to come!
Very interesting! I feel that was a nice start. Hope the next chapter comes soon!
Psalms was interrupted by the hysterical scream of the now-identified male pony as he lifted his head from off the ground, facing Psalms with delirious drooping eyes. "I ain't dead! I-I-I ain't dead you damned vultures! Stop pecking me with your spoooooonsssaaaa!" The pony scrambled off the ground and stood facing Psalms' direction, his body and legs struggled to keep him standing which resulted in him swaying uncontrollably from side to side, as if he was in the midst of an improv tap dance routine on ice. "You-you-you ain't scoo-oop-oop-ing me innards out so buzz on back to y-y-y-your beehive!"
The pony then staggard toward Pslams direction in which Psalms stood frozen in his spot, bewildered for more than one reason. The pony eventually bumped into Psalms whereupon he took great offense to his own action. "Heeeeeeeya! Back off bubba!" The pony exclaimed as he weakly slammed his side against Psalms, "I ain't got no change to my n-n-n-name! Damn Uncle Sam and his glowies took ev-ev-ev-... they took my things!"
He staggered off to the side, his legs bound to give out any moment. "Damn them...damn 'em all!" The mysterious pony's head lolls to the side before his whole body collapses back to the ground. The sound of snores soon fills the air.
Psalms continued to stare at the sleeping pony, having not moved an inch, until now. One more look, one more confirmation that what he saw was true and not a case of shared delirium with the loco in the coco pony. Rounding to the face of the pony, he saw it once more. Nestled within the black forward-facing spiked hair, A crimson horn protruded. Another Alicorn. A male Alicorn. Just like him. This pony was more than just a native equine. Uncle Sam. He said Uncle Sam. He's an American. He's human! Just like me. But, who is he? and why is he here? I thought I was guarding this world alone. Sophia did not mention another Crusader being here. Another lost soul sent by a different Angel, maybe? Back up just in case I needed it? Hitch-hiking spirit? ... Who is this stranger?
()
These paragraphs have made me extremely uneasy about where this story might go. Which is a shame. Human turned pony stories have some of the best potential out of everything on this site, and many of my all time favorites have been human turned X. The more powerful the human/pony, the more extreme the consequences of their actions and thus the more conflict there is in the story. And conflict is what makes stories engaging and gripping. And far too few of them have two humans turned X in them. A extremely underutilized idea.
However forced conflict is not good. And there is one type on enforced conflict that I consider to be the worst one possible.
Character A is for all intents and purposes the manifestation of the authors political, social, religious, scientific and just simple personnel opinions. Character A will find themselves somewhere unfamiliar and foreign alongside Character B.
Character B is the exact opposite of Character A. They are the obscene and juvenile caricature of the opinions and real life people opposing that of the authors own opinions and “side”.
In each story harboring this ridiculous forced conflict that ultimately exists solely as the authors personnel echo chamber where they care create convoluted and inane situations to humiliate and “prove” their detractors wrong and show their own mental, moral and pollical superiority.
This manifests in Character A being a kind, respectful and good person/pony/whatever the character species is. Typically given a level of distrust from the natives they go along with what is asked of them are portrayed as being reasonable, level headed and honest. Winning the respect and affection of the natives and those in power.
Character B however, is a nasty, suspicious amoral lunatic who can’t be trusted. They lash out irrationally, demand those around them change to meet their standards, scoff at the thought of the law in a new place applying to them, and are portrayed as negatively as possible with the English language.
Throughout the story Character B will continually exhibit the most outlandish and extreme expression of whatever political, social, moral or religious sect they are the face off. Clashing and infuriating the natives and acting in ways more akin to a spoiled child then any realistic attempt at writing a fully fleshed plot centric character.
The natives will continually show their disgust and anger towards Character B, to which Character A will apologize for and generally martyr themselves. The natives and those in power will praise Character A’s social, political, scientific, moral or religious beliefs. Comparing them to Character B’s own and extolling the virtues of A’s while demonizing B’s.
And that’s the only conflict within the story. The story itself usually existing solely for the purpose of being a vessel for this ridiculous type of writing.
I’ve never once read a story where this example of conflict exists that could be considered even passably engaging or entertaining. Even in the rare occasions where I fully share the authors thoughts and opinions I’ve hated the story and never got much further then the second or third clash of the authors opinions and their bitter caricature of what they don’t like.
I was intrigued by the very overt Christian themes, and was enjoying it right up to his death. At which point I grew very interested as few people are willing to admit Christ decried suicide a punishable sin, let alone using it to very neatly explain how Psalms wound up in EQ. However the sentences I quoted have, as I said, made me extremely wary. As from past experience it seems to be setting up the type of conflict I’ve hopefully explained well enough to understand why I hate it so much. Even if I like the story, agree with the main characters/authors thoughts and opinions, this strawman caricature holier then Thou source of conflict is absolutely awful.
11428464
Hmm I'm interested to see what you have to say for chapter 1.
In regards to your whole A and B character thing, I understand where you're coming from, hell I've committed this very sin in my first story to a degree.
I cannot say for sure if our story will play into your A and B character thing because Psalms and the other alicorn are not the representation of one authors views/opinions/etc, each character is owned and operated by their own author respectively. Kibat has ownership of Psalms, I with the bat-alicorn. Maybe that won't stop us from falling into your hated trope, but all I can say is wait and see, that is if you want.
11428507
Well fortunately for us both, after reading this chapter the only thing I said that seems to have happened is Crimson (Character B) is in fact, a lunatic. However not in a seemingly negative way, but a plot positive one.
At least some of my worries have been soothed. However one point of contention is the size discrepancy. After being filled in on the world Crimson said: "Pfft, ponies? You for real? Look, kid, it doesn't take a horse rancher to tell ya that our size isn't proportionate to any pony species that I know of. I mean look at us! We're huge! Huge winged unicorn horses."
Then shortly after their fight when Steel Ingot appears, he picks up Psalms in his mouth "like a kitten" which has me confused on their size and apparent age. I don't know if they're adults, teens or foals. Big or small. A clarification or small edit would be appreciated.
11428537
Well, maybe the reason why Steel Ingot carried Psalms like this is probably because Steel auffers from giantism (and yes, it is an actual thing.) and the line of "That Hulking hunk over there is my sweet stallion, Steel Ingot," could mean not only is Steel's strong, but a much taller stallion than Crimson and Pslams.
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I think it's safe to say that crimson said that to inflate his pride a little because no way in hell does he want to consider himself a girly pony. It also helps that crimson doesn't know jack shit about pony or horses so make with that what you will.
Steel ingot can be envisioned as a fusion of sizes between bulk biceps and trouble shoes so you can kinda see how he could pick up Psalms like a kitten, not saying that Psalms is small or anything.
Both alicorns are young, Psalms 19, crimson will be specified later. Honey buns calls Psalms a young stallion so they look their age.
I wouldn't exactly say that crismon is a lunatic per say, take in mind he was losing blood for some time. I'm curious as to how you see this as a plot positive instead of negative.
I'm liking what u have so far can't wait for what's next to come
Christian themes? In what sense?
In the sense of "Christians say that the world works like this, but in fact it does not at all"? Or in some other way?
I ask solely to know if I should read this story.
11450157
The Christian themes mainly applies to the motivation and back ground of one of the two main characters and it explains the how and why they are in equestria to begin with among other things.
It's hard to put into words, you'll just hafta read for yourself and decide whether you wish to continue or not.
11450175
Apparently, I initially expressed myself incorrectly. I wonder if this work is aimed at discrediting Christianity.
It's just that I don't like to enter into debates with people who deny religion, and therefore I try not to get into their territory.
11450183
Oh, no this fic doesn't aim to discredit Christianity.
misspelled breakfast
When the new chapter going to be release?
11473719
It is currently in development at the moment. All we ask is patience.
I hope this story isn't discontinued because it's already been a few months now and I really like the story and where it is so far. I really want to see what happens next.
11531846
Do not worry, the story is not discontinued, the process is just a little slow than it usually would take me and Dannny3 to work.
I just realized did the story ever say what color Thomas’s eyes were because I couldn’t find it anywhere in the beginning.
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I think it's safe to assume it's crimson.
That was a great chapter so far. Action packed and fun to read, it was definitely worth the wait. Now to wait again until the next chapter comes out.
11559649
Glad you've enjoyed it. Expect more to come!
I can't remember exactly what might have happened in previous encounters, so maybe this has already been covered. But how would they be able to identify the shields as anti-magic?
Tempest has a broken horn, did she use some kind of pre-loaded teleportation device?
Don't need to hit the train exactly, hitting the tracks anywhere in front of it would take it out. Regardless, it's still a narrow target. The tesla cannons are accurate though, faraday cage combined with ground rails will make electrical attacks have no effect. {{Okay, they did blow up the tracks}}
Not going to comment on a steam train having a dashboard… I also wasn't going to comment on the airship dynamics, I suppose imagining them having a balloon-like fabric is funny. Realistically though, they'd only puncture with a slow leak (unless they used hydrogen). A tough fabric likely wouldn't tear from a puncture and punctured airships do actually fall quite slow. Not a huge issue though, creative licence allows you to do this, because airships "popping" is funny. {{Slow descent was brought up later}}
Yes, steam trains explode when run at a high boiler pressure. The safety valve is a mechanical system that releases excess steam if the pressure is enough to force open the spring. Bypassing the safety means tightening the valve. A steam train cannot "shutdown" in this manner as the fire will continually boil the water and produce steam. The fire can be dropped out the bottom to slow down steam production, at the cost of having no way to make more or the valve can be loosened. (Sorry, I'm quite into steam trains)
{{Yep, Twilight did start opening the valve more. And Pinkie probably shouldn't be making the fire hotter, that just makes the water boil faster}}
I like this touch. After all, dragons can easily withstand the temperature.
Well, I suppose it could be a magic-electric hybrid engine. Spells would be able to automate some stuff and magic sensors are likely invented. Level of pony technology is not consistent with human technology development, so this could work. Just not anything you would find in a traditional earth steam engine.
Regardless, these things aren't important in making the story enjoyable. 10k is impressive and so is having it out so soon after the previous. I am enjoying this story.
Finished reading now. (Comment was edited over the course of reading)
Chapter was enjoyable. Very action packed too. The steam train scenes had the most inaccuracies. But those could be passed off as pony technology being a cross between modern and old fashioned human tech. It took me a while to get my head around train mechanics too.
I love this
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It was offscreen in chapter 3 but yeah Thomas figured out they were anti magic. Twilight also knows and maybe Psalms if his memory let's him remembered the small but important detail.
Tempest horn is broken but she's still capable of magic, it was never fully explained what effects her broken horn had on her.
I tried to research steam trains and their anatomy but most of the pictures online are blurry little things, so I winged it for the most part and tried my damndest to make everything as plausible as possible. Technology in mlp is a fickle confusing thing, so like with the train, I took liberties and kept to the plausible route for the airships aswell.
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Huh, this has more downvotes than I'd expect. Probably the christian themes, but that's covered in the intro blurb.
Anyway, enjoying this so far, characters are written well, though I kinda wish Psalms did more, it's mostly Thomas doing everything with just some direction from Psalms knowledge.
Maybe that'll change, but I'd like for MC to do something, cuz right now he's just an underpowered unicorn.
In any case, looking forward to more of this.
11592858
Both humans are MCs and yes I will admit Psalms hasn't done too much, but his influence and power will change things up in the coming chapters, at least I hope I can make it so.
11593125
Can't tell if you're replying about the downvotes being that you have two Human MC/OC's or not.
In any case, generally I feel that the first introduced character that isn't Canon, would be the MC while the others being OC's are not the MC. If that makes sense. I'm more invested in Psalms' wellbeing than Thomas' and as such desire to see more from Psalms than Thomas.
I look forward to what you have planned though.
11593143
Down votes are probably due to Christian themes than 2 mcs, and yeah, I guess you can say Psalms is the Mc since it started with him, but the story is about both humans so I'll try and apply equal focus to both as much as possible, but I ain't perfect so who knows how that'll turn out.
This story will be good right?? I mean it is made like a year ago, but still you continue this. Please?
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Psalms is like Omniscient in this story, everyone was not aware of the future, not even Thomas.
I just want to say thank you for the heads up about twilight x oc I really don't like pony shipping
Another chapter!! Yey!!
Keep it up :)