• Member Since 15th Nov, 2020
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Kibat Grenbuku


I’m Kibat Grenbuku, an artist, writer and a passionate Broodian vampire!

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High School student Carson Andrews was in for a world of life and unexpected turns when he got himself transformed into a Earth Pony and free fallen to Everfree Forest and literally crashed into his favorite character from My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Twilight Sparkle while she was on a expedition. Despite how much of a fan he is of MLP:FIM, he can't help but feel scared and on edge as to what kind of consequences his presence might bring on account of his knowledge of a fictional cartoon show.

Now under the name of “Wishing Star,” he must adapt to the world around of him , blend in with every pony else, and earn his own Cutie Mark. But what happens when he falls in love with the soon-to-be-Princess-of-Friendship and make changes to the world around him?

Chapters (14)
Comments ( 236 )

Twilight Sparkle I fell in love with you

If you want to use Bluu for this story, you have my permission.

Fun read so far, writing is solid, interesting theme, I am looking forward to reading more of this story. I might suggest that you describe each of the Mane Six as you introduce them, at least how Carson viewed them in the show in terms of personalities and a little back story, just too help give some context to the story setting, it helps a lot in getting a clearer picture how they are in your mind and how you present them to your readers, as well as adding flavor to your writing. Trust me it will be of a massive help to you.

Best of luck keep it up.

I'm looking forward to seeing how things will turn out for Carson and how his appearance will change things.

looking forward for more!

keep it up!~

11204121
Things will change either for the better or for worse for Equestria.

Trying to bypass the Discord episode, huh? Good luck with that, I'm sure it will go over great. :rainbowlaugh:

I liked how his interaction with the main 6 went and I am kinda curious if Celestia would know if she knows that Carson really is a human or not. Another thing in my mind is how the girls will react to finding out that he's really a human or that he knows about events that haven't happened yet? I'm looking forward to seeing how that will play out in the future, keep up the good work.

Do you think he will be able to stop Twilight for causing to make friendship problems?

11212164
You must remember, Carson has seen all of the episodes of MLP, yes even the hated “The Mysterious Mare-Do-Well.” episode. If there are some corners that he can cut through, he’ll find it, if not, there’s always a plan B.

Wow, I am impressed that you managed to implement my comment so quickly, normally it takes one or two chapter before managing to get the full hang of it; you really did managed to capture pretty much the personality of the Mane 6, in giving them a more 3d feel to them rather then the superficial descriptions. While previously good, you could only felt what he was saw and not feel where he was felling in the moment preventing from having a fully immersive experience from the reading. For the chapter it self it pretty much follows the expected tropes of a HiE, no complaining here, but I am wondering how it will stand out from all the other such stories. I wonder what he will do while Living in Ponyville, will he get everything provided for him or will realty of magical pony land will hit him and will have to settle on getting a job or something? Did AJ really give him lodging out of the kindness of her heart or is she suspicious of him and wants to keel a close eye on him just in case or is in the process of evaluating him. For stopping the CMC seeing the Discord statue I wonder if it will really change the course of events, if not worst. My thoughts on the matter was that they just happened to be there when he was about to get out of his prison and where actually falling under his influence.

I’m so sorry that this took so long! With lent finally being over and with a new set of classes for school on my plate, this is taking longer than expected.

Honestly dude this chapter came in much quicker then I would have ever expected, especially with all the improvements you did from the previous chapter it is an impressive output you got there. Keep it up on improving and good luck

Do you guys think that he might have to be able to stop the villains?

nice chapter!!!

keep it up!!~

11212416
I appreciate for some of the lecturing in previous chapter Mix-up, it gave me some time to think how the story will go and how I want to tell it not just through the paragraphs, but the characters as well.

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Happy to hear it, and I wish you the best of luck in your writing. Just keep in mind that a lot of what I post are just my musings and speculations on what perceive of what is happening in the story and you are in no obligation to follow them or address them. I much prefer being surprised with interesting plot twists that will help keep my brain stimulated in coming up with more speculations on what I think is happening in the periphery.

Keep it up

11212485
Either he fights them, or in much peaceful terms, they can be negotiated.

I'll give the story a look in the morning.

Interesting chapter, I am sure Wishing Star will nearly die of exhaustion if he actually did all those tasked of AJ. From the looks of it it seems that her taking him out of sheer kindness was genuine. For the Wishing well the guardian I think it was interesting lore and I wonder what this Guiding Light Want with Wishing Star if he had the power to finally free Discord to get him to capture Wishing Start, yet, despite all that power he doesn't do it himself and does extra steps needlessly; I wonder why.


For the making a deal with Discord part, my issue with it is that it's huge misplaced trust in Discord that he would ever be true to his word; he already Broke his deal with Guiding light, who freed him, after all. Being a well-known trickster he can and will break his promises (not to mention his sadistic side) if it suits him on a whim even if he actually was serious a second ago. He might have 'Behaved' when he was freed and befriended by Shy in Season 3, but still had no empathy or care for ponies beyond her with the Plunder vines incident and exploited Twilight's goodwill for pretending being sick and only annoy her for his own amusement. Despite putting all the pieces together on the answers of the locked box, to help Twilight readily turned on Twilight and Celestia, turning back to his old ways just for having his pride being flustered and ego stroked by Tirek, deliberately capturing ponies for him to consume their magic, showing that he is just not nice and will flip his allegiance when it suits him in the moment without care or forethought because he can't think of anyone other then himself. It was only when he was actually betrayed and laid low by Tirek that he got an inkling of what it feels like to be weak and helpless, like his mortal victims. And most importantly, then Twilight actually wanted him free along with the rest of her friends for all her magic, despite betraying them completely, balling him out that actually got through to the Lord of Chaos that just maybe love kindness and friendship might have some important and started revising himself for once. From then on it was there where Discord could be considered 'nice' and starting to having more awareness of his power and actions that got him to curve his chaotic tendencies and actually started interacting with ponies on their level, not that it helped on the foresight front and even then only if it interest him. My point is NEVER to be your go to solution for everything if you ask him and even if he does help out it will NEVER be what you expected or if it will really be of any actually, if only to make it more entertaining for him along.

Keep in mind, these are just my thoughts on him in the show, you can use him the way you want him to be and can still be interesting for me to want to read more. In this case, I wonder what got Discord to actually want to stick to Wishing Star's deal, was it something that was so random and unexpected of him, with no strings attached that actually got him to follow through with it; being not mortal and having godlike powers, needing nothing his priorities might be significantly different from what you'd expect from mortals and just happen to suit him. OR... Maybe it was Wishing Stars that caused some cosmic change that not even Discord could ignore or that the flow of Chaos got him to follow a different direction. Or, it could be some power that Wishing Star That allows him have the impossible to just happen, in this case actually befriending Discord, like his name and coming to Equestria. I am not entirely sure Discord would actually a total change of heart or that it would last, but it would certainly have ripples for the rest of the show.

What I can at least tell is that Twilight's struggle of the season two primer never happen Twilight and her friends friendship was never stretched to it's breaking point and never re kindled it, making their bound that much stronger, I wonder if that will have some effect later down the road or if it will be business as usual for them?


For the writing it has improved a lot, especially with the punctuations, but there is still room for improvement, but it's more stylistic then structured. the only thing I might suggest you try out is to show more of what Wishing Star is thought and musing on what he thinks of the characters around them or situation to get a better sense of what he is feeling in the moment, for better immersion. It also helps to know what he knows about this word, or at least expect from it, to better understand his intentions while interacting with it. I could also suggest that you put a little more of each of the new locations he is in after changing scenes with describing the ambiance and such as well as what he can guess about the place.

Keep it up dude, I wish you well.

Keep up the awesome chapters!!!

Wow, that's really impressive and awesome at the same time.

I'm looking forward to Wishing Star's meeting with Princess Celestia as I can already see him being a super nervous emotional wreck and I for one can't blame because if I was in his position I'd be filled with a lot of anxiety and worry.

Anyways keep up the good work and thank you for mentioning me in the author's note. :twilightsmile:

I hope that more is on the way.

Couldn't help but think of this when I read the title:

11233404
Please be patient. More will be coming.

“I prefer negotiations rather than fighting Princess.” He says to her very seriously, “Violence is never the answer.”

He’s correct Violence is never the answer
Violence is a question
The answer is Yes

Nice chapter.

Can't wait to see how well he handle's things, especially since he'll one day go to the Equestria Girls' world.

Okay, so that’s the wild card of the ponies, who else… Oh yes, Rarity. She would have me model for me if she has the opportunity to ask me. She’s generous, obviously, but she’s also kindhearted and a great fashion designer. Though there are some cons about her like how overdramatic she can be and over the top she is.

How does one model for themselves

Next is Fluttershy. Other than the obvious note than her being shy, she’s great with animals. I would’ve asked her to use ‘The Stare,’ on Discord earlier, but that would’ve complicate things because one: she barely even knows me and nopony had ever mentioned it to me, and two: she doesn’t like being forced to do things against her will, so I need to think of some ways to get her motivated without being forced, and if not, there are other alternatives.

Wasn't Discord immune to the stare though? Which is a good thing as it prevents the obvious plot hole of why she didn't bother trying it. If she didn't want to during that situation it makes her look bad, so him being immune is a nice counter to it. Also love the hypocrisy Fluttershy doesn't like being forced to do things against her will but she can force others to with it.

Rainbow Dash is next. Both of us did have difficulty with seeing eye to eye with each other, but given as how she saw me with the Crusaders yesterday, I’d say we’re both on good terms with each other. Other than her being egotistical and hotheaded, I can’t deny her loyalty and great lengths she would do she would do to achieve her goals and for her friends, that I can admire.

No, since you two barely knew each other it was more you making not a very good first impression and her not trusting you until you proved yourself. There wasn't any major disagreements between you two.

Now, to shift my focus on the villains. Trixie by this point, she’s already gotten herself humiliated by Twilight after the Ursaminor incident, but if she happens to be in town, I might need to humble her someway and convince her to stay away from looking for power, i.e. the Alicorn Amulet. Then there’s Queen Chrysalis, she ponynapped Princess Cadence and impersonated her so she could take over Equestria… I’ve convinced Discord to stray away from that path, so I can probably do it again.

Ah Trixie the poor mare the show practically forced to be a villain.

“Poor fella must’ve still be fallin’ asleep,” Applejack chuckles, “Applebloom, mind if ya’ll go wake him up an’ let him know breakfast is ready?”

How can one still be falling asleep? Once you fall asleep you are simply asleep.

cute ending of the chapter and great story!!

cant wait for twi/wishing to make a move ;)

11241992
Trust me Ethan, I have had trouble sleeping due to coming with plans myself.

11242166
Don't see how that answered my final point to be honest. Also not going to address my other points? Ok then.

11242175
To address some of one of the errors, I sincerely apologize about that. I didn't notice and was bamboozled about you're saying, that's when I looked back at it, I was laughing. So, yep, that's going to get fixed.

You have to understand that he’s trying the Obi-Wan Kenobi approach, try to talk out and away of violence, but very cautious and careful if the instigator tries to cause harm.

11242360
If this is about the stare then the problem is him knowing so much about the show and the events is a major point in the story, this chapter especially so it's inconsistent for him to disregard Discord being immune to it as he was in canon. All major plot points and villains are brought up as going to happen since the story is focused on it and at one point he even remembers one small detail happening to Lyra and Bon bon, two back ground characters, that he spends time trying to resolve. He and the story is so hyper focused on a minor thing happening to back ground characters in one episode, yet is ignoring one minor thing in canon involving major characters. All I ask for is consistency please.

11242501
I don't disagree to Discord's immunity to Fluttershy’s stare, I sincerely apologize for not taking that into recognition, including the major plot points. I only seemed to have such focus on the minor things, I couldn't take a much bigger grasp. Again, I'm still new to this, so if there are more, please let me know.

Nice to see you taking so many of my comment to heart, but keep in mind you got to use your judgement if you think it's worth using or not.
I noticed that there were unfortunately more spelling mistakes, along with a few occasional sentence structure issues, I think it's possible you exhaust yourself with too writing chapters too long in an attempt to do make them episodic feel to them. I would suggest that you either make your chapters shorter or cut them in haft, pick what you think you could leave out and keep what is more important to the plot or save it for a more meaningfully focused chapter, or your go with two parters where you write a first chapter with bringing the conflict and the second bring in the resolution. I still strongly suggest that you use the tech to speech program to help with your writing structure and allow you not to exhaust yourself as fast.

For the chapter itself it was interesting to see it was nice to see you show what Star think of ever characters he meet and go more in depth about them, despite the exposition being a little stilled, but you are improving at it. From the sound of things it seems like Star thinks he can anticipate and resolve everything that happen in the show and knows all the sign when that happen, I am sure that will not backfire on him what so ever or make things more complicated with himself getting entangled in the show episode plot or even misread the situation like the Discord awakening situation.

for the mention to Spike of asking about ever having issues with greed could easily be taken a wrong way and sound s accusatory toward him as a dragon, and can create tension and distrust between Star and Spike that could start to build up over time due to misunderstandings if left uncheck, along with Twilight his surrogate sister/mother; thought that could make for a good story story ark between them actually with working out their issues. This could also extent to Start misguided belief that he could fix all of the G4 friendship problems. Keep in mind I am merely seeing possible story plots I see you could use you don't need to follow them of you are not interested, from the sound of things you want to keep it campy and that is just fine.

For the Bon Bon and Lyra part, while it was very nice of you to include them in the story, I am not sure how they fit in the story other then a change to explore the Ponyvillians with some exposition on them. While the back story was nice the flash back part was a little over extended and could have been condensed as more of a short extended between Star and them rather then a over extended long scene in helping insuring a date between them. I hope you will keep on showing them in his circle of friends and acquaintance along with other fellow ponyvillians that he will meet.


for Star becoming Rarity's apprentice is actually interesting and would make for an interesting change of the more regular HiE strop of working for AJ but I could see interesting stuff, and I do love pony outfits. Rarity is an interesting and I would like to see how he deal with learning sowing costumes for ponies, especially with Nightmare Night coming soon-ish, giving his lots of practice. I would expect that the learning curve in learning on how too sew clothes and fitting them to ponies with be a very exhaustive experience for him along with assisting Rarity in her work, but at least he is already finding a vocation job or at least gaining some valuable positive work experience to which can help him later. And I can see Rarity being supportive in teaching her trade to him. I wonder if Sweetiebelle is going to get the wrong idea about this? I love drawing pony outfits. just look at Mc.Snooty down there.

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“I prefer negotiations rather than fighting Princess.” He says to her very seriously, “Violence is never the answer.”

Other authors: Criticizes Celestia's morals (For being too Pacifist)
This author: Doubles down on her ethics

Wishing Star is more Celestia than she (Celestia) is
It's refreshing to see opinions other than the mainstream

11243111
I appreciate it man. You not believe how many times I've kept hearing, "Oh, Celestia's way pacifist and being a coward to fight back blah blah blah," or "Celestia's a ruthless tyrant and only cares for her well being alone and no one else's.

I'm seriously tired of hearing people say those kinds of things and not taking credit for what the creators' intents were for her. She's a mentor to Twilight and is the guiding hand on her journey, nothing more, nothing less.

I wonder what other adventures Wishing Star will have.

Okay, so that’s the wild card of the ponies, who else… Oh yes, Rarity. She would have me model for me if she has the opportunity to ask me. She’s generous, obviously, but she’s also kindhearted and a great fashion designer. Though there are some cons about her like how overdramatic she can be and over the top she is.

After four days kind of disappointed none of the issues I brought up which you acknowledged was fixed not even this one which just requires you to change one word "me" to "her". All it takes a two seconds yet you either forgot or couldn't actually be bothered.

Next is Fluttershy. Other than the obvious note than her being shy, she’s great with animals. I would’ve asked her to use ‘The Stare,’ on Discord earlier, but that would’ve complicate things because one: she barely even knows me and nopony had ever mentioned it to me, and two: she doesn’t like being forced to do things against her will, so I need to think of some ways to get her motivated without being forced, and if not, there are other alternatives.

This paragraph requires a bit more rework if you decide to remove him consider something he knows shouldn't work, again going against concept of him having intense knowledge of the show and world to the point of remembering a tiny detail of background characters. Though you could simply just change it to reflect on her kindness like he does with the others.

11246005
I apologize Ethan, I was super focused on the next chapter, I completely forgot about it.

You know... sooner or later, Carson will have to come clean and tell his friends the truth about who he really is.

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Technically, The CMC and Spike knew his real name, but not real reason as to why.

But, I do agree, he does need to fess up at some point down the line.

11246345
Indeed… even if it means he’ll tear his own friendships with them apart.

11246345
Let's just only hope it'll never come to that.

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