• Member Since 11th Oct, 2011
  • offline last seen 3 hours ago

Pascoite


I'm older than your average brony, but then I've always enjoyed cartoons. I'm an experienced reviewer, EqD pre-reader, and occasional author.

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All Starlight Glimmer wanted to do was fly her kite. Then friendship happened.


An entry in A Thousand Words Contest II
Reading by StraightToThePointStudio

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 14 )

Hahahahaha booo. I definitely think that was the best response.

Immediately, Twilight herded Starlight and Spike into her reading tent and teleported everypony else across town. “We’ll apologize later.”

:twilightangry2: As in, a thousand years later!

They couldn't figure out after all that she just wanted alone time with just her kite and her.

Love a bit of dumb wordplay

Ok I enjoyed that.

I swear I was expecting at least one of them to say they just annoyed her for the free trip, and wanted Twi to see if they could just ask next tme.

Being teleported across town can be catching.

Immediately, Twilight herded Starlight and Spike into her reading tent and teleported everypony else across town. “We’ll apologize later.”

they are lucky in Twilight's position I'd have sent: Rarity to Yakyakistan, Pinky to Griffonstone, Applejack to Mainhatten, Derppy to an optometrist, Rainbow to a lecture on insomnia, and Fluttershy to a rabbit sanctuary.

I was really wondering where you were going this, & then at the end you hit me with that?! Bravo lol!

“I don’t.

I have two questions how is the swell event and why doesn't she remember that, is this a funny gag or are you hinting at something

11668853
No, it's just a joke. How can she have described it in that much detail if she didn't remember it? Thus it's a paradox, and that suits Pinkie.

“Twi,” Applejack said as she pulled aside the blanket draped over a table in the far back corner of the library. The sliver of light made Twilight squint. “Starlight’s being antisocial again.”

Twilight rolled her eyes and stuffed a bookmark in place. “What’d she do this time?”

understandable reaction

“And how long did this all take?”

“That’s just it!” Applejack said with a stomp. “Only half an hour, and I was gettin’ pretty close to the end!”

ahaha, love it

Nothing too out of the ordinary then. Twilight could smooth it over. “So what did she do to stop you?” Starlight probably only snapped at her without thinking, and a quick apology would make it all better again.

“She teleported me across town.”

hehe, very Starlight solution

“You know that trick?” Rainbow said, curlicuing a hoof in the air. “Triple-double-triple…”

Applejack grinned. “Double-double-double—”

“—triple-double-triple—”

“—quadruple-double-double—”

“GIrls!” Twilight shouted, clenching her jaw.

ok this is great

Fluttershy took a deep breath. “She asked me how I avoid that and I said I just fly so she started levitating herself but was about to run into a butterfly so I warned her and she teleported me across town.”

so true

“Frankly, that hat was awful. I was thinking of designs for her, and I inquired whether she’d prefer a spiky goth one, and then she—”

really agree with Rares here, that hat was awful! but yes, actually saying that to her would get one teleported across town

“You remember that time Fluttershy was nervous about singing with the Ponytones and she got Big Mac to lip sync for her, and I spent the whole time browbeating her about her fears?”

love how self-aware Pinkie is about this somehow

“I don’t. Anyway, I kept popping up, asking if she thought we thought like she thought her Our Town zombie minion friends thought about her. Because we don’t. Totally. But I wanted to make sure, so I kept asking—”

and yes this is perfectly Pinkie

Pinkie snickered. “Hee hee! No, silly! She teleported me to Cloudsdale!”

“But you can’t fly!”

“That… would explain a lot.”

if it were any earthpony but Pinkie, i would be afraid for them

Pinkie gasped. “Male mailmare Mayor Mare stayed staid for fourteen teenage agent entries’ trees?”

ah so that’s where that part was going!


well done with this one, thank you for writing!

Enjoyable concept, but to quote Yahtzee Croshaw, intentionally annoying is still annoying. I can sympathize with Starlight, but the reductive characterization for almost everypony else gets grating after a bit. Plus, the ending tongue twister ends up feeling tacked on.

A lot of comedy is timing and pacing, and the word limit makes getting both right especially challenging here. You gave it a noble effort. Thank you for the entry.

11698542
Here I thought this might be my strongest entry...

I will say comedy is probably the hardest thing to connect on. People generally agree more on what's dramatic or sad or scary than on what's funny. Personally, I don't mind something like a reductive characterization that might be grating over the course of thousands of words, but when the reader knows it's short, you can get away with more... or so I thought. I also have mixed feelings about Pinkie's tongue-twister being tacked on. If I ended on that line, the story would feel like a feghoot, but that's not the punchline. so there's more after it that relates to everything that's happened all along. But then none of the comedies I entered in write-offs ever did well, so I may just be an outlier in what tickles me.

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