Cross-Town Express
“Twi,” Applejack said as she pulled aside the blanket draped over a table in the far back corner of the library. The sliver of light made Twilight squint. “Starlight’s being antisocial again.”
Twilight rolled her eyes and stuffed a bookmark in place. “What’d she do this time?”
“I was havin’ a nice conversation with her, and everything was fine until she suddenly got right snippy.”
“Snippy?” Sometimes Starlight could get moody, but rude? In Twilight’s experience, that only happened when Trixie crossed a line.
Applejack picked at a hoof. “Yeah. We were catchin’ up, and talk turned to this year’s apple crop, so I told her how many of each kind we’d harvested, and since some family came to help, I told her who all showed and how we’re related—”
“And how long did this all take?”
“That’s just it!” Applejack said with a stomp. “Only half an hour, and I was gettin’ pretty close to the end!”
Nothing too out of the ordinary then. Twilight could smooth it over. “So what did she do to stop you?” Starlight probably only snapped at her without thinking, and a quick apology would make it all better again.
“She teleported me across town.”
Twilight blinked. “To Sweet Apple Acres?”
“No, from Sweet Apple Acres!”
“Why was she there?”
Applejack shoved her hat back and scratched her head. “She said it was one o’ the best kite-flyin’ spots.”
“And she had her kite with her?”
“Yeah.” Finally, Applejack looked less sure of herself.
Twilight emerged from her literary refuge, only to find the rest of the girls standing around. She buried her muzzle in the frog of her hoof. “Oh sweet Celestia. What did she do to the rest of you?”
“I wanted to show her my latest tricks!” Rainbow Dash growled. Then she stood tall, closed her eyes and gave a sharp nod. “Triple-somersault quadruple flip—” she cracked open one eye and looked at the ceiling “—what was it now? Hey, AJ?”
“Huh?”
“You know that trick?” Rainbow said, curlicuing a hoof in the air. “Triple-double-triple…”
Applejack grinned. “Double-double-double—”
“—triple-double-triple—”
“—quadruple-double-double—”
“GIrls!” Twilight shouted, clenching her jaw.
“Anypony else getting hungry for a hayburger combo?” Pinkie murmured.
Rainbow threw up her hooves. “And then she teleported me across town.”
“Oh for the love of—” The stress-relief arm move Cadance had taught her sure would come in convenient about now. “And you, Fluttershy?”
“Oh, um… me?”
“Yes, did you see Starlight today?”
Fluttershy nodded and gathered herself up as straight as she could. “I saw her walking through the woods, probably to get to Sweet Apple Acres. She had her kite with her.”
For a minute, Twilight waited to see how that might provoke a teleportation, but nothing was forthcoming. “And?”
“Oh! I saw she was about to step on a spider, so I warned her, and her next step came awfully close to a mayfly, so I warned her about that, and her next step—”
“The short version, please.”
Fluttershy took a deep breath. “She asked me how I avoid that and I said I just fly so she started levitating herself but was about to run into a butterfly so I warned her and she teleported me across town.”
Maybe it had started to sink in. The room had fallen silent, and the girls glanced sheepishly around. “Go ahead,” Twilight said to Rarity.
“I was only saying her old manestyle would have been better suited for a nice hat. I did see photos of her after she went through that… portal… thingy, and what she had on there worked, I suppose, but she didn’t have to worry about accommodating a horn.” Rarity shielded her mouth with the back of a hoof but didn’t lower her voice at all. “Frankly, that hat was awful. I was thinking of designs for her, and I inquired whether she’d prefer a spiky goth one, and then she—”
“—teleported me across town,” everypony else chimed in.
Pinkie was uncharacteristically quiet. “What’s your story?” Twilight asked.
“You remember that time Fluttershy was nervous about singing with the Ponytones and she got Big Mac to lip sync for her, and I spent the whole time browbeating her about her fears?”
Everypony nodded.
“I don’t. Anyway, I kept popping up, asking if she thought we thought like she thought her Our Town zombie minion friends thought about her. Because we don’t. Totally. But I wanted to make sure, so I kept asking—”
“—and she teleported you across town.”
Pinkie snickered. “Hee hee! No, silly! She teleported me to Cloudsdale!”
“But you can’t fly!”
“That… would explain a lot.”
And Twilight had reached the point of no longer wanting explanations.
Spike ambled in, a rolled-up comic book tucked under his arm. “Well, here she comes now,” he said, peering out the window.
When Starlight made it through the door, she blanched. “Look, I’m sorry,” she said.
“Sometimes I just want a quiet place to read,” Spike commented, and Twilight gestured toward her blanket tent.
“He gets it!” Starlight said, which earned her a few disapproving looks.
“I was trying to read, myself,” Twilight said, but then Derpy shot through the door as well, sporting a nasty bruise.
Pinkie shrieked and pointed at Derpy. “I fell on her from Cloudsdale! Are you okay?”
“Yeah, don’t worry about it,” Derpy replied. “But I just found out something amazing! I didn’t know the mayor was trans! She used to work at the post office long ago. That’s the only reason I heard it. My coworkers told me about the time she—well, he, then—”
Twilight leaned in toward Starlight. “I mean, kicking Applejack out of her own home? That’s a bit much.”
“I know, I know.”
“—remained calm when over a dozen prospective secret operative trainees came in disguised as oaks.”
Pinkie gasped. “Male mailmare Mayor Mare stayed staid for fourteen teenage agent entries’ trees?”
Immediately, Twilight herded Starlight and Spike into her reading tent and teleported everypony else across town. “We’ll apologize later.”
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Hahahahaha booo. I definitely think that was the best response.
They couldn't figure out after all that she just wanted alone time with just her kite and her.
Love a bit of dumb wordplay
Ok I enjoyed that.
I swear I was expecting at least one of them to say they just annoyed her for the free trip, and wanted Twi to see if they could just ask next tme.
Being teleported across town can be catching.
they are lucky in Twilight's position I'd have sent: Rarity to Yakyakistan, Pinky to Griffonstone, Applejack to Mainhatten, Derppy to an optometrist, Rainbow to a lecture on insomnia, and Fluttershy to a rabbit sanctuary.
I was really wondering where you were going this, & then at the end you hit me with that?! Bravo lol!
I have two questions how is the swell event and why doesn't she remember that, is this a funny gag or are you hinting at something
11668853
No, it's just a joke. How can she have described it in that much detail if she didn't remember it? Thus it's a paradox, and that suits Pinkie.
understandable reaction
ahaha, love it
hehe, very Starlight solution
ok this is great
so true
really agree with Rares here, that hat was awful! but yes, actually saying that to her would get one teleported across town
love how self-aware Pinkie is about this somehow
and yes this is perfectly Pinkie
if it were any earthpony but Pinkie, i would be afraid for them
ah so that’s where that part was going!
well done with this one, thank you for writing!
Enjoyable concept, but to quote Yahtzee Croshaw, intentionally annoying is still annoying. I can sympathize with Starlight, but the reductive characterization for almost everypony else gets grating after a bit. Plus, the ending tongue twister ends up feeling tacked on.
A lot of comedy is timing and pacing, and the word limit makes getting both right especially challenging here. You gave it a noble effort. Thank you for the entry.
11698542
Here I thought this might be my strongest entry...
I will say comedy is probably the hardest thing to connect on. People generally agree more on what's dramatic or sad or scary than on what's funny. Personally, I don't mind something like a reductive characterization that might be grating over the course of thousands of words, but when the reader knows it's short, you can get away with more... or so I thought. I also have mixed feelings about Pinkie's tongue-twister being tacked on. If I ended on that line, the story would feel like a feghoot, but that's not the punchline. so there's more after it that relates to everything that's happened all along. But then none of the comedies I entered in write-offs ever did well, so I may just be an outlier in what tickles me.