- Member Since 9th Jan, 2016
- offline last seen 1 hour ago
Dark Tail
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Dark Tail
Joined 9th Jan, 2016 ·
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Hell yeah, already looking hot from the cover alone!
Kinda want a sequel or two following this group.
11651599
Keep any eye out, I'm planning to work on a follow up chapter this weekend.
That was a pretty hot one dude! 10/10
This was very good, looking forward to that follow up!
This was pretty good, but there could have been a bit more depth to the smut when it got there. A little more foreplay, focusing on how it feels for each of them a bit more. Sorta felt like it was just sort of there and done. But the build up to it was really good.
yep Zelda
11651599
I agree.
11652433
I agree. There should have been a longer foreplay, and Button Mash and Sweetie Belle snogging before moving through the bases until sex in the pool. I was expecting him to get some action from Scootaloo too.
there should be a next episode where the mother leaves for a couple days and all three of the girls and him have a pool party with themselves and have a threesome.
11653048
I'll work with that. Got a second chapter already in the works but may do a bonus afterwards. Saw someone mention pool party for example, I might use that.
this could really use some proofreading. It seems like you don't know the difference between "your" and "you're," or "its" and "it's."
And also, it seems like you don't know when to use "but" instead of "and." there were lots of times when you said "but" -- like "She had small B cups *but* a thin athletic build" -- when you should have used *and,* instead.
Also, if they're supposed to be Anthros, why do they still have hooves?
11653467
Yeah I try to proofread best I can but for some reason I struggle to catch everything. All my proofreaders have become unavailable/unreachable/haven't been on in years. Also yes they are Anthro, so they have hooves instead of feet. I know some anthros will do feet but its all down to preference.
11653358
Marvellous to see. I await eagerly. Will Button and Sweetie attend a pool party thrown by their school-friends, and sneak off for some fun of their own; or will Button be allowed some sex by Scootaloo?
11654250
I haven't started writing that chapter yet, so it will be surprise for the both of us.
Damn it, and here I was hoping for ranked, competitive sex!
But! It does leave an interesting avenue open if say, Sweetie still wants to keep things going and then drags the other two in for some Button time.
I'm ashamed to admit I didn't catch Tunnel Build as a Minecraft stand-in until the Don't Mine at Night reference
Cool to see a new chapter. Little disappointed we don't get to see Apple Bloom and Button, but that's your call. Though that could change.
This was a great bonus chapter! Very steamy!😏
Huh… From the description, I didn’t expect so much action in just the first chapter. This is quite good!
Quite good indeed! Second chapter was a bit on the short and summarized side, but the last chapter definitely makes up for it. Scootaloo’s really the star of the show in the third chapter, which suits me just fine!
I really thought the chapter would keep going after Scootaloo, but it didn’t. Not much of a pool party, really. I was expecting the grand finale to be Button getting action with all three of them. I get the impression that their whole pool party lasted all of 15 minutes before winding down. Should have let them have fun after Scootaloo finished — slide on the slide, get those drinks, dance a little, etc. Meanwhile, Button could get his second wind and start fooling around with one of the other two CMCs. Or at least give the impression that this kind of stuff will happen after fading out. So it seems like more of a party — a party that doesn’t necessarily end just because Button blew his load. … Anyway, though, the session with Scootaloo was enough to get the job done, though, so I shouldn’t complain too much.
(Oh, and you did use ‘tube’ instead of ‘tub’ once in chapter 2.)
11653674
That's normal. You know what you intended to write, so your brain feeds you that instead of going through the effort of decoding what you see.
Scootaloo: “I’m a shark.”
Is this a Nimona reference?
11715618
I actually have not seen that yet but have heard great things about it.
Oh no!
Anyway...
Button: "Fine by me!"
Well, he is a young stallion and you are two young, beautiful mares.
I'm sure he is very cool with that.
Okay, that is fast... It seems Rainbow really rubbed off on her.
Good chapter!
I enjoyed reading it.
Small note: I think Button's mom is called "Cream Heart", not "Milano Mash".
I wonder what she might be planning...
And will Button be involved?
Awww...
I had to think of this classic:
Good chapter!
I enjoyed reading it.
...Fair enough.
Good story!
I enjoyed reading it.