• Member Since 30th Aug, 2015
  • offline last seen 5 hours ago

Lighttone GryphonStar


I write stories because I enjoy them. I want to do better and am willing to take any advice to improve.

Sequels2

Comments ( 17 )

For those who want to see the full version of the cover pic, you can find it at 1925283 on Derpi (and for the alternate version where she gets her "apple juice," check out 1925285).

11815304
Shh... Don't spoil it.

But in all seriousness, thank you. I totally forgot to add that in the description. Not my preference to actively explore explicit art, but I had to choose this cover for obvious reasons.

So far the story is doing somewhere well. From the sight of the comments getting surged with thumbs down though, I might assume someone is attacking me with multiple accounts... I mean why thumbs down my comment twice and leave the other with just one.

Either way, this won't stop me. Writing the genderswap version with ButterscotchXApplejack shouldn't be too hard. But I'll at least make sure different actions are taken during the main event... and Thunderlane continues to be tortured as always.

11815575

What's your vendetta with Thunderlane?

I understand that everybody has their own hated characters. But having a character so hatred that you constantly torture them gleefully?

There has to be a reason for that?

11815784
Yeah, it started off in my first stories(no longer online) where I sometimes would need to injury/kill a character to add drama and just happen to choose Thunderlane too often. Plus one of my favorite ships Sparity made it rather easy to treat him as a villain or obstacle. Eventually, I just started treating him as my Kenny.

Note this has been happening in my stories long before S7 Ep 22 where they suddenly gave him and his brother a story arc. I am planning to flip around on the Thunderlane treatment for April Fools Day.

11815917

Okay, I guess. I do understand why he died in this scenario. He is already turning. No need for a second vampire pony to be another big problem.


But, the big issue I only have is killing Big Mac's own girlfriend/fiance/future wife; Sugar Belle like that? Can't they just explained the "situation" beforehand?

Or instead of savagely kill her. Just knock her out with a shovel, and just have Twilight ( IF she is in on this ridiculous "secretly". ) use a short-term mind erasing spell and problems solved.

NO need for this blindly killing, and moral trauma. ( It is too late for Thunderlane tho, because you took care of that. )


Plus, I doubt they will keep this "secret" forever. Ponies will question the "missing/disappearances". Especially the likes of Starlight and the other The Town Ponies on where Sugar Belle is?


I mean, why can't they ask Twilight to fix Fluttershy? It is HER fault that cursed poor Fluttershy like that! No need of this "secretly" BS, that will cause innocent lives to die!?

11815997

But, the big issue I only have is killing Big Mac's own girlfriend/fiance/future wife; Sugar Belle like that? Can't they just explained the "situation" beforehand?

The reason they kill her is the very reason why they can't just explain. It's in the the title of the chapter, to keep the secret and not ruin Fluttershy life in the process. Yeah, they could have turned to Twilight, but if Twilight couldn't fix Fluttershy, why would they trust her to fix this problem too?

Plus, I doubt they will keep this "secret" forever.

Good, I want you to think that. We can see the regret in Big Mac's eyes. He knows this is wrong, he wants to undo this, but it's too late. They've already killed plenty of ponies to hide the secret. The ending is not about if they can keep the secret, but the cost they will pay to keep it hidden for as long as possible.

11816099

The reason they kill her is the very reason why they can't just explain. It's in the the title of the chapter, to keep the secret and not ruin Fluttershy life in the process. Yeah, they could have turned to Twilight, but if Twilight couldn't fix Fluttershy, why would they trust her to fix this problem too?

Then why not ask the princesses? Especially somepony like Luna with ties to actual bat ponies? They will understand Fluttershy's plight. But it still won't excuse the apple family for the needless killing.

That's a better option than killing random ponies in the first place.

Good, I want you to think that. We can see the regret in Big Mac's eyes. He knows this is wrong, he wants to undo this, but it's too late. They've already killed plenty of ponies to hide the secret. The ending is not about if they can keep the secret, but the cost they will pay to keep it hidden for as long as possible.

Just wait until they get the attention of the government/princesses with the "missing pony" cases. And send in a professional detective or something.

11816155
Yeah, Princess Luna didn't cross my mind. As tackling the batpony/vampire angle is simply something I'm not touching that until the show's own canon gives us more batpony details. For my headcanon, they are two separate things. But yeah, I could see Luna having some knowledge on handling this problem as it clearly falls under dark magic.

And send in a professional detective or something.

Hmm, I could explore that angle in a possible sequel. But who of the cast should I send after Flutterbat. I want to refrain from making OCs outside of my main universe. So who among the cast should I send after her? Spike, Rarity, the CMC, though Apple Bloom might already know given the context? Maybe Gabby or one of the student six?

Either way those ideas will have to wait until I get the two alternate version of this story out for March and May, April is going to be too packed with other stories. For now when it comes to this I'm planning a genderswap version with ButterscotchXApplejack and a Werewolf Applejack version where her curse is being hidden by Fluttershy.

11816163

Hmm, I could explore that angle in a possible sequel. But who of the cast should I send after Flutterbat. I want to refrain from making OCs outside of my main universe. So who among the cast should I send after her? Spike, Rarity, the CMC, though Apple Bloom might already know given the context? Maybe Gabby or one of the student six?

Well canonically; Rarity actually has a thing with mystery novels, and was actually pretending to be a detective to help solve several cases herself. ( Plus, I have a feeling that a grown-up Spike should be a "bodyguard", just in case.

Because I highly doubt even Applejack won't shoot two of her best friends IF they figure out the bloody truth.


But that will be a BIG mistake for both ways. Because, even if by some bloody "miracle" that the apple family somehow got "rid" of both Rarity and Spike as well.


It will raise some RED FLAGS that a missing element bearer, along with a a famous dragon with ties to many IMPORTANT ponies/non-pony leaders.

The likes of Twilight, the remaining mane two ( Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie. ), Cadence/Shining, Twilight's/Shining's Parents, Ember, Thorax, Sweetie Belle, Rarity's Parents, Crystal Empire Residents, and the Princesses will now ALL be on their asses!!! )

11816172
So many ideas could come from this. I'm thinking ApplejackXSpike/Big MacXRarity as a distraction while Apple Bloom hides the bodies elsewhere with a splash of Sparity guilt/blackmail tossed in. Though where to fit in Flutterbat during this whole idea?

11816183

Doing the "frame" Rarity and possibly Spike angle, seriously!? And Appleboom's involved!?

11816203
No, I never said framed at all. Rather they were going to seduce and blackmail afterword.

Plus, Apple Bloom knowing is kind of already implied at this point. Besides, I'd rather her know instead of keeping her in the dark. After all, she is the smartest of the CMC.

11816299

No, I never said framed at all. Rather they were going to seduce and blackmail afterword.

Blackmail is just as bad. Thought that they will get caught, and Fluttershy will get the actual help from the likes of Luna.

Plus, Apple Bloom knowing is kind of already implied at this point. Besides, I'd rather her know instead of keeping her in the dark. After all, she is the smartest of the CMC.

Oh, never thought of Applebloom being in on this too.

It is a bit terrible that she's also in on these unnecessary killings, how would her two friends feel about that?

11816310
My aim for the sequel, possible dropping in June, is to made it a short story(5 or 6 chapters) in which Spike and Rarity investigate the disappearances. Applejack seduces Spike on one side of the farm, while Big Mac is forced to seduce Rarity on the other side of the farm. Blackmails them with the possibility of revealing their cheating. Meanwhile, Apple Bloom moves the bodies elsewhere and kills a very stubborn Undead Thunderlane who won't stay dead. However, at the same time, Flutterbat breaks in, attacks Caramel, and infects him.

That will lead to a possible third one shot in which the undead Caramel reveals the secret and everything ends in tragedy. From the beginning I was always aiming for a bad ending, but with these everypony on the farm will lose.

Those are just the summaries, not the full plot. I've got a few more ideas to iron out a bit more first.

11816319
So not gonna go with the real heartbreaker?

Wherein Applebloom, who has been feeling horrible about all of this, after fighting for her life against Thundeadlane, covering up his disappearance from his brother and possibly her best friend who's dating the aforementioned heartbroken brother, utterly exhausted and ruined by all of this and about to make the right call - gets attacked by Flutterbat out in the swamp for killing her new 'mate' and ends up turned herself, since her big brother and sister were too busy rutting to protect her? Now there's one to rip some hearts out and pjt them back in backwards and upside down.

11841643
Thank would be a good sad angle to explore when Apple Bloom is burying the bodies. Though my idea was a bit more... disgustingThunderlane's body parts were still moving out of the dirt, forcing Apple Bloom's curiosity out to satisfy the member before hating the white taste and burning it to ash

Basically, I'm continuing my running gag of torturing Thunderlane, even after death. However, after the joke, I could explore the sad angle of her needing to bury Sugar Belle. Maybe even reveal some of the other corpses she's been forced to bury before. Some examples I could include Tender Tap, Treehugger, Zecora, Triple Diamond, Derpy Hooves, Cloud Kicker and so on. Going into how dark this family has become in their determination to hide the secret.

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