• Member Since 30th Aug, 2015
  • offline last seen 1 hour ago

Lighttone GryphonStar


I write stories because I enjoy them. I want to do better and am willing to take any advice to improve.

Comments ( 17 )

pussy sex???

That's another meaning for vaginal ya know?

11847568
Yeah... I'm aware. Just a short hand reflex I do when writing the warning out every time. You'll notice it more when I drop more one shots. Sometimes stories contain Pussy Sex, or Anal Sex, or both. Better to just quickly clarify which one instead of just saying Sex

11847571
Yeah......... just trying to be a good bloke on here.

Does the ending feel a bit unneeded or is that just me? I know you love plot twists. After all, you once posted a fanfiction on here about M. Night Shyamalan kidnapping Steven Spielberg. But the idea of "It was a changeling the whole time" does feel a bit flat. No hating obviously, everything else was great.

11847576
Yeah, I've been thinking the same thing ever since I posted it. I could change it right now, but that would be a bit jarring for the ones that already read it. Plus, this leaves room for a sequel.

Just think of it, Twilight confronts the real Spike about stealing HER mare. He's utterly confused until Trixie shows up back on the land again.

Sorry, I'm spitballing ideas again.

11847579
I guess you could play it like that.

11847576
I agree. Because how on earth was thorax Pharynx able to pull off helping Trixie so many times and not expect that Twilight (who is a princess) to not go straight to the police and ask why Trixie keeps getting off the hook? And if she learns that Spike was behind it, she will definitely confront him, hell, who to say she won't run into him when she gets home. He could easily show up earlier than normal or just arrived and if that happened then Twilight would teleport back and catch Trixie and Thorax Pharynx in the act.

11847656
Actaully the changeling in question is not Thorax.

Trixie groaned in annoyance but kept her smile. Spike's body glowed and his form returned back to that of a changeling. It was never the dragon at all, but Pharynx.

He's more willing to break the rules then his brother Thorax, but yeah. I get what both of you are saying. In my head, the justifying was that Spike previously already witnessed a separate moment of Trixie sleeping with a Fake Spike, and that is why he's being blackmailed too.

11847656

If that doesn't work, Pharynx is a prince with the same level of rank, but then yeah, kind of defeats the whole idea of the story if Trixie can just go to him legal rather than playing this blackmail game. It sounds smart just to use his rank, but Trixie was never the brightest bulb at all, but yeah, the ending does make the story feel kind of pointless.

Which is why I bring up the question now. Should the scene be removed? I can just write two different sequels, one where it was all a trick and one where it actually happened. I'll leave it up to the rest of you readers to decide.

I did not expect that plot twist in the end there.

Which is why I bring up the question now. Should the scene be removed? I can just write two different sequels, one where it was all a trick and one where it actually happened. I'll leave it up to the rest of you readers to decide.

I say the plot twist should be removed, honestly, because it just doesn't work in the long run. It's a funny twist, but it has far too many plot holes.

The only way I can see how Trixie keeps getting away with her crimes is because she's literally have been using her hot body and sex to get away with anything and everything.

No one can resist Trixie; so, she can easily get away with a bunch of minor crimes with the offer of sex with her great and powerful body. So, why the hell would she need to blackmail anyone when she got them dancing in the palm of her hand.

Just look at Twilight, she's a perfect example of this. You could say that Trixie had been fucking the police to get out of her crimes, but her fucking Spike was just a part of her plan for Twilight to catch them in the act.

Trixie knows that Twilight has the hots for her and plotted to get her to lay off on trying to get her arrested by fucking her as well. Using her sexy body to get a princess on a leash and do anything she wanted, such as turning a blind eye to Trixie crimes.

But that's just my opinion. You do you.

11847773
Okay, okay, the original ending has been removed and placed in the description for everyone to see. However, I will explore both possible sequels, one with the canon ending and one without.

11847743
Well, you are now getting both ideas as sequels.

Question. Sauce for the cover art?

11865741
Currently on public wifi, ergo I'm not crazy enough to link up some porn. I'll send you a link when I get home tonight or tomorrow morning. But if I remember correctly the artist might be Indigosfmworks. Not confirming it, but that's my best memory.

I'll update you with a proper link tomorrow at the latest.

Login or register to comment