After being stood up by Starlight and Trixie, Twilight arranges a do-over dinner with Celestia. Twilight insists that everything go perfectly this time.
Starlight promised it will. Unfortunately, Trixie has a firework on her head.
Written to be exactly 1000 words for the 1000 word contest (Comedy). Winner of Bicyclette's judge's prize.
Cover image made by me. Thanks again to SpoonierThanThou and Steady Gaze for pre-reading. Rated teen for references to bombs and potential death.
Featured 24/06/23
Translations: Ukrainian
Chapters (1)
It's fact
I hate you. Just kidding, I love this shit.
Yeah, this was fun, good job. I was a bit surprised by your choice to make this a first person story but I kind of see why regarding some of the jokes. I really like how you kept up the pace, not all are bangers but some of this lines are pretty darn witty. Lovely end, by the way. I could see the entire story playing out in my head, which I think speaks rather well of your narrative skill for this short format. Some of the reactions you described are so vividly accurate and expressive I could just see them, even the more abstract ones.
You're not breaking any barriers here but as a quick Trixie centered sketch you've delivered. Well done.
this is really good! I love how you portrayed Trixie in this.
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Thank you for the kind words!
Would you believe me if I said I originally wrote it in third person, and rewrote it after a suggestion from a pre-reader? I'm now wondering if that was really the smartest choice. It lets me get inside Trixie's head more, but excludes some opportunities.
If you're curious, I still have the original text, although it's much worse. Several unfunny jokes were cut for the published version.
I heard of blowing the house down, but this is ridiculous! Good luck getting that next chance Trixie
Celestia would say for years to come that trixie was da bomb
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It's a compromise, each narrative person offers something and takes away something else. For what is worth, I don't think it hurt this story, but at the same time, I feel it wasn't that necessary. Nevertheless, it was interesting to see.
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It was my suggestion. It was kind of because the humor in it was actually in part inspired by an r/TIFU post and I observed that a lot of what was funny in that post was first-person-specific humor, so I kinda suggested maybe taking first person for a spin in order to replicate that style of humor a bit.
Granted, I'm horrendous at comedy in general. I pretty much just took a bit of a shot in the dark and after Dana rewrote it it *seemed* a bit more like what was being aimed for. If you're not a fan of the first person perspective, that's alright and I'll take this as a good learning experience for me. If anyone wants to elaborate on things, that would be appreciated!
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For what it's worth, I agree with the choice. I do feel like it's better for it
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I have nothing against first person perspective, and I do see how some of the jokes in the story depend on it, which means that it was used well. Just that for this kind of story in particular it's not the best fit, even though, as I said, it does not really diminish the quality of the final product. There are not unbreakable rules in writing, so I might have to eat my own words here. But first person is a resource for telling as well as deepening the reader's understanding of the character. That means that with such a strict word count, the ability of the narrator to express herself in a way that makes her stand out as her own person is more weakened than if the story counted with the liberty of the third person narrator who can just tell instead of show in regards to characterization. Again, this is just my opinion, I insist that the story is good and that the choice of POV did not hurt it. It worked well here, and that is all that matters.
"You blew up the Appetizers, on accident?"
"I...am not a clever mare"
Twilight was absolutely lost in the sauce lmao
Let's face it, Celestia loves wacky shenanigans. She has enough boredom as Princess to not appreciate these moments.
Twilight was thinking about her life choices lol
This fstoryic needs animation adaptation, lol
Trixie set us up the bomb...
This was really good!
extremely Trixie philosophy, love it
ahaha that is great
befriending one of the four superpowered rulers of a continent-spanning nation might have its perks, you don’t say?
oof! i mean, given how Trixie’s show has been doing, all too believable she wouldn’t believe that she was suddenly being asked to perform for Canterlot high society
oh Trixie you lovable scamp, how will you get out of yet another one of your self-inflicted jams in this episode?
it is nice that they have enough of a rapport for Twilight to understand exactly what she means
ahaha that is perfect
love this burn on Starlight’s observational skills
so true
ahaha love these literal uses of these phrases
audience laugh track, curtains.
absolutely delightful and pitch-perfect Trixie tale! i have no notes whatsoever. wonderful stuff, thank you for writing!
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Thank you so much for the feedback (on both my stories) and the award! I'm extremely glad you liked it :D
I'm a complete novice at creative writing, so this is fantastic motivation. Thank you!
Oh, Trixie. Oh, Trixie.
A bit heavy on the foolishness for me, but this was still a delightful read. Thank you for it and congrats on the judge prize.
First person is a neat choice for this, but you really pulled it off. Poor Trixie.
The spam letters were a cute joke to slip in. n_n
Hello! I read all the stories from this contest that won recognition, so have a review. Pretty funny, and telling it from Trixie's POV was a good choice. Might have worked better with a full-on silly-max approach, and the last line is a bit dull, but still enough here to upvote.
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Thanks for the review! I think you're on the money with the "lacking confidence for maximum silly" critique.
This is perfectly Trixie down to a fault and I love it!