No Third Prances
"That's, what, the third time you've ruined Twilight's plans? I've got some catching up to do" Starlight teased as she walked me through the streets of Canterlot. "Seriously though, I'm amazed she's giving us another chance. You know what Twilight's like; she barely gave you your last chance."
Exactly, Twilight wanted more of me. "After enough disasters, ponies forget the individual events. They roll into one," I explained, as an expert in making frenemies. "It's endearing, really."
"It's endearing to me, you great and powerful gremlin." Starlight playfully bumped into me. Everyone found me lovable, Starlight was just the only one to admit it. "Promise me no 'Moonshot Manticore Mouth-dives' this time?"
"Oh he was a rental," I assured her.
"You're lucky no kids were watching. You never would've gotten away with almost killing yourself during a show for foals," Starlight reminded. "You know I love your antics, Trix, but this is dinner with Celestia. Twilight wants to prove I'm learning friendship, and I do too. Be on your best behaviour, okay?"
She was beginning to sound like Twilight, although I could tell this was important to her. "Fine, for you Starlight. I promise."
"Welcome, come on in!" Twilight beckoned us from the door, wearing a forced smile of composure.
Twilight leaned towards my ear, "This dinner is extremely important to me Trixie. The princess has graciously given you a second chance, so keep your... Trixieness under control! No getting into trouble, okay?"
"Relax Twilight, Trouble was a rental."
Twilight stared at me inquisitively.
Reaching the dining hall, I was awestruck. Stage setting was all about sending a message, and Celestia knew how to send a message of importance. Artwork and tapestries decorated every wall of the dining hall, and surrounding each plate was more cutlery than I'd ever owned. A comically oversized soup bowl crowned the table's centrepiece, and Princess Celestia herself sat waiting for me. She spared no expense preparing an extravagant three-course meal. Perhaps befriending Twilight had its perks. First impressions were everything, and for Starlight, I would set a good one. I claimed the closest seat to Celestia.
"Miss Lulamoon, is it?" Celestia greeted. She knew of me? What was I saying; of course she did. "I look forward to getting to know the new friend of Twilight's pupil. I believe we tried to book your show for Prince Blueblood's function."
I recoiled slightly in surprise. "Trixie assumed those were spam."
Something felt... off. My hat was shifting abnormally, feeling heavier than normal. Almost as if it were- oh.
Ohh.
That hat.
The hat with the bomb in it.
The hat I'd prepared to explode as the finale for an upcoming performance.
The firework hat.
I looked at Twilight, doing my best to signal "I'm not trying to assassinate the ruler of Equestria or anything, but I think I'm rigged to blow" with discrete hoof motions. She simply stared back, silently screaming with her eyes. Turning, I saw Celestia looking down at me, confused, like I'd just answered a question with a funny robot dance.
Judging by her expression, I did, and she was still expecting an answer.
I hadn't been paying attention, had I?
"Oh yes, absolutely!" I shot in the dark.
"No no, we're just friends, your highness," Starlight interjected, "...I think."
Celestia rose. "I'm... going to check the entrée. Please, dig in, don't wait for me."
Perhaps if I simply pretend nothing is wrong, nothing will go wrong? I was the first to light my horn and pick up a ladle. Big mistake.
The fuse lit.
I dropped the ladle, but it was too late. A giant hissing firework perched atop my head. I was great, but not deathless. This was bad. I needed to think fast, do something to extinguish the fuse. Starlight had grabbed my ladle, and began pouring me a bowl of soup. In that moment, my great and powerful mind came up with a plan. I am a genius!
Starlight, with observation skills as sharp as a spoon, was still lecturing me; "Careful, Trix, we want to make a good first impression. Try not to get any soup on your hat."
Maintaining eye contact, I decisively enacted my plan. In one graceful motion, I yanked off my hat and slam-dunked it straight into the soup bowl.
The red liquid sloshed against the sides, leaping out of the bowl as my hat sank unceremoniously to the bottom.
Starlight, unaware of the bomb, slow-blinked at me while mouthing the word "What." She stared, slack-jawed, like I'd just morphed into Queen Chrysalis herself. A wall-eyed Twilight, splattered with soup, was speechless in disbelief, her mind in another dimension. I nervously grinned, looking sheepishly between the two.
Starlight's eyes glared daggers through my body, pinning me in place as she reconsidered every choice she'd ever made up until this point. Her confusion melted into an infernal wrath. She glared, challenging me to find one place in Equestria where I'd be safe from the blinding energy charging in her horn.
Perhaps my plan wasn't perfect. Still, I'd prevented-
KABOOM
Mount Appetizer erupted, a pillar of soup coating every inch of the room. Crystal decorations shattered, the table collapsed, and fragments of bowl rocketed in all directions. Crackling sparkles rained down, celebrating the chaos.
A souped-up Starlight was frozen in disbelief. Twilight, absolutely lost in the sauce, fainted.
Celestia rushed back into the room. She looked from the painted walls, to the obliterated table, then finally to me. She stared curiously, her face betraying some amusement. If I could collapse into a black hole right now, that would be ideal.
I looked to Starlight for help, but got none. My mind reeled faster than a starving fisherman, grasping at straws that weren't there. Celestia and Starlight briefly shared an incredulous grin. The Judge and Jury then turned to face me, demanding an explanation for why was soup dripping from the ceiling.
I stammered out the only excuse I could think of;
"I am... reeeeally clumsy."
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It's fact
I hate you. Just kidding, I love this shit.
Yeah, this was fun, good job. I was a bit surprised by your choice to make this a first person story but I kind of see why regarding some of the jokes. I really like how you kept up the pace, not all are bangers but some of this lines are pretty darn witty. Lovely end, by the way. I could see the entire story playing out in my head, which I think speaks rather well of your narrative skill for this short format. Some of the reactions you described are so vividly accurate and expressive I could just see them, even the more abstract ones.
You're not breaking any barriers here but as a quick Trixie centered sketch you've delivered. Well done.
this is really good! I love how you portrayed Trixie in this.
11619088
Thank you for the kind words!
Would you believe me if I said I originally wrote it in third person, and rewrote it after a suggestion from a pre-reader? I'm now wondering if that was really the smartest choice. It lets me get inside Trixie's head more, but excludes some opportunities.
If you're curious, I still have the original text, although it's much worse. Several unfunny jokes were cut for the published version.
I heard of blowing the house down, but this is ridiculous! Good luck getting that next chance Trixie
Celestia would say for years to come that trixie was da bomb
11619110
It's a compromise, each narrative person offers something and takes away something else. For what is worth, I don't think it hurt this story, but at the same time, I feel it wasn't that necessary. Nevertheless, it was interesting to see.
11619224
It was my suggestion. It was kind of because the humor in it was actually in part inspired by an r/TIFU post and I observed that a lot of what was funny in that post was first-person-specific humor, so I kinda suggested maybe taking first person for a spin in order to replicate that style of humor a bit.
Granted, I'm horrendous at comedy in general. I pretty much just took a bit of a shot in the dark and after Dana rewrote it it *seemed* a bit more like what was being aimed for. If you're not a fan of the first person perspective, that's alright and I'll take this as a good learning experience for me. If anyone wants to elaborate on things, that would be appreciated!
11619240
For what it's worth, I agree with the choice. I do feel like it's better for it
11619240
I have nothing against first person perspective, and I do see how some of the jokes in the story depend on it, which means that it was used well. Just that for this kind of story in particular it's not the best fit, even though, as I said, it does not really diminish the quality of the final product. There are not unbreakable rules in writing, so I might have to eat my own words here. But first person is a resource for telling as well as deepening the reader's understanding of the character. That means that with such a strict word count, the ability of the narrator to express herself in a way that makes her stand out as her own person is more weakened than if the story counted with the liberty of the third person narrator who can just tell instead of show in regards to characterization. Again, this is just my opinion, I insist that the story is good and that the choice of POV did not hurt it. It worked well here, and that is all that matters.
"You blew up the Appetizers, on accident?"
"I...am not a clever mare"
Twilight was absolutely lost in the sauce lmao
Let's face it, Celestia loves wacky shenanigans. She has enough boredom as Princess to not appreciate these moments.
Twilight was thinking about her life choices lol
This fstoryic needs animation adaptation, lol
Trixie set us up the bomb...
This was really good!
extremely Trixie philosophy, love it
ahaha that is great
befriending one of the four superpowered rulers of a continent-spanning nation might have its perks, you don’t say?
oof! i mean, given how Trixie’s show has been doing, all too believable she wouldn’t believe that she was suddenly being asked to perform for Canterlot high society
oh Trixie you lovable scamp, how will you get out of yet another one of your self-inflicted jams in this episode?
it is nice that they have enough of a rapport for Twilight to understand exactly what she means
ahaha that is perfect
love this burn on Starlight’s observational skills
so true
ahaha love these literal uses of these phrases
audience laugh track, curtains.
absolutely delightful and pitch-perfect Trixie tale! i have no notes whatsoever. wonderful stuff, thank you for writing!
11697855
Thank you so much for the feedback (on both my stories) and the award! I'm extremely glad you liked it :D
I'm a complete novice at creative writing, so this is fantastic motivation. Thank you!
Oh, Trixie. Oh, Trixie.
A bit heavy on the foolishness for me, but this was still a delightful read. Thank you for it and congrats on the judge prize.
First person is a neat choice for this, but you really pulled it off. Poor Trixie.
The spam letters were a cute joke to slip in. n_n
Hello! I read all the stories from this contest that won recognition, so have a review. Pretty funny, and telling it from Trixie's POV was a good choice. Might have worked better with a full-on silly-max approach, and the last line is a bit dull, but still enough here to upvote.
11778404
Thanks for the review! I think you're on the money with the "lacking confidence for maximum silly" critique.
This is perfectly Trixie down to a fault and I love it!