Cloplestia
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Hehe, surprised Loona didn't mock Trixie's manner of speaking.
This is your official review for the Furry Foray Festival Contest!
I've tried to be as objective as possible, but of course there are limits. I've tried to avoid being biased or arbitrary as much as I can, and hopefully I've succeeded at least somewhat. The full, final results will be announced on May 4th, and winners will be contacted shortly afterward to ask how they would like to accept their prizes. When readings these comments, please keep in mind that I know I'm often overly critical -- to the point where I can always find nitpicks even with the greatest works of literature. So don't take anything personally!
Notes:
- Trixie's misunderstandings about Loona are amusing.
- Canine dick on a pony ... that's new!
-
“Why did you stop,” Trixie saidComma should be a question mark.- The doggy-realistic knotting was an excellent touch. At first, I was worried you were going to ignore it and let Trixie pull out with only a little difficulty, but no ... you did the full knotting experience! And multiple orgasms while still knotted -- really hot!
- Nice last line implying sequel potential. It would be really interesting to see Starlight's reaction to Trixie with a doggy cock.
- I feel like Loona went into it maybe a bit too easily, a bit too quick and easy from "What the fuck?" to "Let's fuck!" Probably would have felt more real if she was a bit more caustic and mocked Trixie more, demanded to be sent home immediately at first, etc.
- It's a bit of a pattern I'm seeing with these fics that Loona will warn a pony about what will happen if Blitzo finds out the pony got Loona pregnant ... but I've got to think that Blitzo would at first come for Trixie's spleen with a rusty spoon ... but when he finds out Trixie is a magical candy-colored pony ... things will change, lol, and then Blitzo's not-so-secret love of ponies takes over. But I guess that's a sequel for another time!
Scores:
Provocativeness: 75
Progression: 92
Payoff: 80
Pacing: 90
Personality: 75
Prose: 73
Total: 485
For more information on what these scores mean, see the scoring rubric.
11553779
Yup, had to go full knot! And, I dunno, frequently the trope seems to be about the knotee being trapped and dominated by the knotter, and I wanted to flip that around too.
Heh, for what it's worth Loona did say Trixie should have summoned Blizo instead. If he did show up with rusty spoon, he'd land himself in quite the personal quandary, though.
I haven't read the whole story just yet--I really don't like futa, just not my thing. But I will say from what I've read, you nailed Loona's character, way better than I did in my contest entries. Both in characterization and dialogue.
11556662
Thank you! She's tough, honestly. She has so few lines in the show, and half of them come from the pilot which is itself still kind of an early take on the characters. I see her as more snarky/annoyed by all the deeply uncool people that surround her (but for whom she feels affection nevertheless, not that she would ever say as much, God no!) than outright mean (although she is a bit mean to Moxie in that pilot.)