- Member Since 23rd Oct, 2016
- offline last seen 8 hours ago
Midknight_Stardust
Weaver of stories of action, drama, love, sex and a loyal knight of the Sunset Empire! Hail to the phoenix empress! Sunlight & Sundagio are # 1
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nice work
11570925
Thanks. Probably gonna do another chapter on my next day off work.
I can tell some of the down votes on this fic are from people who didn't bother to read it or just hate smut. Lol
They have no idea of how dangerous Sunset can be with she's in Ultra Dom Mode.
11575878
Sunset underestimates how horny sirens can be compared to other pony
Wouldn't that be a foursome?
11570943
I can't wait for your next day off then😏 I wann know ends up on top😏😏
11578721
Wednesday or Saturday this week expect a new chapter ;D
11577474
Good point
When you use the term would with a past tense or present tense action, you're describing something that's going to happen in the future, rather than something that is currently happening. It's also a tense change, which is a sign of bad writing. Stick to one tense throughout. This clearly needed an editing pass.
11589971
Yes, of that I am well aware. I don't have an editor and have looked for one. No such luck; so I make due with what I can manage on my own.
11590182
Stuff like this, where you have the future tense (technically future-in-the-past), then present progressive, in a story that is otherwise written in past tense. I think you made this mistake at least 4 times, if not more, in this story?
For stories that are in past tense, actions that are continuing are all still past tense, regardless of when they began or when the characters think they will end. Certain forms of perfect tenses might be appropriate, or even conditional tense statements, but usually only in the context of dialogue between characters. Things that began in the past and ended in the past (because your story is in the past tense) are all things that have finished happening and thus should be written as such. It's a common mistake I see made, and one that's easy enough to avoid.
Microsoft Word might be able to detect this now, and a free account on Grammarly would as well (although typing with grammarly is a pain because it sucks CPU resources, so I'd only run it as a final pass to save your PC from melting).
11578840
Yeah, you should fix that when you get a chance.
What an interesting coincidence. I came up with something similar for some custom lore and world building for Succubi. XD
Reading this also made me realize that the two beings are slightly similar too. As both are supernaturally gifted seductresses. It's interesting food for thought.
I can see Sonata using crude language at points, but it would come from Aria far more often.
It's a really solid start too.
Is there gonna be another chapter on this?