• Member Since 7th Jun, 2017
  • offline last seen 20 minutes ago

Dr Sharaz Jek


Cynically Pretentious Hedonistic Nihilist...and those are my nicer qualities!

Sequels1

Comments ( 34 )

Hot dayum. Short, hot. Thumbs up.

if she slays completely still and silent

I read this from the description and while I knew what you meant to say I still saw sunset in the sushi girl uniform assassinating various people:rainbowlaugh:

10211691
Lol, damn typos! And that's after checking over it several times! Would be pretty cool I must admit!

This is a horrible end. I must read further. Is it too much to ask for an "I Spit on Your Grave" sequel scenario?

10211881
I could certainly consider it, if I come up with a good idea! The Dazzlings often run into bad luck when I write them, like that story where they're banished to Victorian London and end up as prostitutes...:fluttershbad:

Are you perhaps a man of culture inspired by a certain elf, human, and angel???:duck:

10212800
Are you referring to Interspecies Reviewer? Haven't seen it yet, although I do love my hentai!:heart:

10212811
Lol yeah there's a certain scene with certain fire girl in a similar situation:rainbowlaugh:

10212813
Now I have to see it! Plain vanilla rarely does it for me anymore!

Well it's a good story, but how long until any of Sunset's friends find out something is wrong, not to mention that the Sushi place is in the MALL itself, so how would they be able to sneak out Sunset to be given over to whoever would have bought her in the first place.

10213704
Sunset is doing this in secret at odd hours, although suspicion will certainly fall on the place where she works. Lots of cover-ups and payoffs/secret deals connected to the black market; I figure some of the businessmen have connections to the Yakuza. I'm sure her friends will soon investigate her absence, though!

Sunset is probably going to be shipped out with the food trucks in a container; basically stuffed into a box lile human chattel.

10213714

What about her MAGIC, shouldn't she be able to unleash a massive amount of magic that could bust her free then, not to mention her friends could try and use their magic to follow where her magic is at to free her then.

10213719
She doesn't have her geode on her, if that's what you mean? To be honest I haven't watched much EQ past Forgotten Friendship, so if she gets more super powers consider them ignored in this continuity; I honestly never liked the idea of giving the EQ cast powers, which just leads to lazy storytelling most of the time.

10213726

Well it's more tied to her special talent, which was Solar Magic as by her cutie mark, she can use solar and fire magic easily and was able to start using it slightly as a human.

10213738
Yeah, definitely ignoring that! As if Sunset wasn't already overly perfect...

10213743

Still Sunset should be able to escape, after all the Dazzling are not going to get away with this after all.

10213747
She might if I ever do that sequel!

Perhaps Sunset should exact her ultimate revenge on them with the one thing that's popular to break.

10213836
What, hearts? Hard to imagine them getting romantic with all the bad blood between them!

This is the best application of sunset’s sushi thinglet

Those poor eels tho

A little bad end now and then is good as a palette cleanser from all the fluff. :moustache:

10214040
Truly the eels are the real victims here!:trollestia:
10214044
Eh is how I feel every time you comment; fair enough if you don't like it, but please put actual effort and substance into your criticisms.
10214171
Love me some bad ends!

10213920
A popular trend that's still going on: Tentacles.

10214584
That's what I planned at first, but felt it would be me redoing The Fourth Siren too much! Also considered having them stuff a poisonous spiked blowfish up Sunset...

10214605
A different one from your stories.

So is Sunset like completely broken now? Also what are the Dazzlings gonna do to her now. I mean I can't imagine the girls will sit by and let this happen.

10232785
I'll be sure to address all that if I ever get around to a sequel, but I'd say Sunset is pretty broken, albeit not completely. The Dazzlings are basically passing her off to the mob where she'll used/abused in captivity.

Her friends will of course investigate, but she'll likely just be seen as another missing person without any evidence.

10232923
Well that's depressing, though personally I figure the Dazzlings would keep Sunset as their own personal toy, both to amuse themselves since they probably don't have nearly as much fun in terms of things to do since they have no magic and just to keep an eye on Sunset.

10233270
The Dazzlings feel the mob will do much worse than they could to Sunset, plus they sold her for a cut of the profits. It's pretty shortsighted on their parts though, as will be shown when I get around to a follow up.

This is your official review from Dirty Little Secret's Dirty Little Contest!
Remember to vote in the contest's poll -- voting closes at midnight, June 6th.
And make sure to allow notifications from the contest group and/or follow Dirty Little Secret to get the full results and the awards show post on June 9th!
You can also check the current ranking, thanks to garatheauthor's unofficial ranking of the scores that have been publicized so far.

------ Review ------

Please keep in mind, I know I can be overly critical and negative at times. I can always find something to nitpick, even in the greatest works of literature ever written. Please don't take it personally!
-The extremeness of this fic really does sneak up on you. It's brought in very subtly and slowly and does a good job of building up to it.
-Kind of a cop-out to mention the giant train they're going to run on her, then not show it.
-The tags/description did not prepare me for what was going to happen. Being non-consensually stuffed full of live eels needs more than just a bestiality warning.
-Seems to just zoom through things without letting the gravity of them sink in.
-A nice touch that they fucked Sunset's boss in order to make this happen, to give even their corruption a sexy bent.

------ Scores ------

To clarify what these scores mean, check my judging rubric.
Cloppability: 85/100
Allure: 80/100
Enticement: 55/100
Immersion: 70/100
Prose Quality: 90/100
Total Score: 380/500
The more specialized scores for individual prizes, as well as the results of the community poll, will be published when the full results are announced. If this story wins any awards, there will be another post in the story comments sometime after June 9th announcing that this story has won.

Thank you for participating, and thank you for contributing to Fimfic's collection of clop!

-The tags/description did not prepare me for what was going to happen. Being non-consensually stuffed full of live eels needs more than just a bestiality warning.

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Dan

"Nyotaimori" might be demeaning, degrading and objectifying to women, but men do it too ("Nantaimori"), so that kind of equalizes things.

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