• Member Since 30th Apr, 2018
  • offline last seen 23 minutes ago

FruitTrifle


Literally nothing on here is below mature, just to warn

Comments ( 16 )

Is Twilight also going around and knocking up everyone she can? She already knocked up Rainbow and she encouraged her to knock up their friends so she wouldn't miss a chance to have fun breeding everyone she knows.

9914804
A good idea, although this fic will just focus on Rainbow's exploits

Interesting take on mind control...

Normally I don't like Sub!Starlight, but since it's with Dom!Dash, I'm okay with it

Rainbow dash is she going to knocked up Queen Chrysalis dragon dragon lord ember and zecora and vinyl, Octavia, spitfire,

10575031
i can confirm chrysi will get her world rocked

Will she marry them and when were they be giving birth to rainbow Dash's kids

10594659
if she did marry, itd be Fluttershy only, and at the end of the story, which isnt too far off

I really liked this. Nice start to a clop fic.

11100670
Thank you, i really enjoyed writing it!

If Chryssy can lay eggs in stomachs, no reason not to knock up Shining next.

First word...is ainbow......this is the first word.....

11306420
fixed it, thanks for letting me know

Kinky, funny and straightforward good clop !
I love it !
Please write more !

Think you could separate the speakers into separate paragraphs? It wasn't too bad in previous chapters as there wasn't a lot of talking but here it is a confusing mess.

Well, I love the concept of this story … but the execution leaves a lot to be desired. Longer chapters with more detail would be appreciated. And while I love how casual it often is, it’s often far too casual to be believable at all. There are also some pervasive grammar issues that make the story difficult to enjoy, and at times difficult to even decipher. Having dialog from multiple speakers in the same paragraph is the biggest problem, but there are also many typos and other small issues that could really use the touch of a diligent and knowledgeable editor.

Oh, and in the Celestia chapter, the use of portals was kind of laughable. They were barely used at all, and even then, only used for things they could easily have done without the portals. I was really expecting more creativity there, like Sunny eating out Rainbow’s pussy while also getting fucked, or maybe even using the portals to make Rainbow fuck herself.

That said, there were a lot of things in this story that I did enjoy, like Twi and Rainbow both impregnating each other. Like the attention that was given to teats throughout. Like Starlight scissoring cum into Trixie. And the orgy with Chrysalis was pretty great.

You’ve got the bones of a great story here — I just wish it was better executed.

11627854
thank you for the critique, i appreciate it! This was the first story i did, so I'm working on improving and I appreciate you letting me know exactly what I need to work on or keep in mind.

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