• Member Since 20th Jul, 2012
  • offline last seen 8 hours ago

Phoenix_Dragon


Just a friendly dragon.

Sequels1



T

Young Nictis had one dream: to serve his hive by becoming an Infiltrator, the most vital and vaunted role a changeling could aspire to. To hide in plain sight among the other species, blending in, while gathering the vital emotional energies that fueled his people. Few were deemed worthy of the dangerous job. He was one of the few nymphs selected for training, in the hopes that one of them would develop the skills needed to be entrusted with such a treacherous task.

But when a training expedition ends in tragedy, Nictis finds himself thrust into the role not to serve his hive and people, but to preserve his own life. Separated from the hive, alone, he must put what little training he has to the test. He must blend in with the hive's greatest source of food, and its most dangerous enemy: the ponies of Equestria.

(This story takes place in the same continuity as Fragments, but stands on its own. Reading that story isn't necessary for this one.)

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Chapters (23)
Comments ( 1360 )

First!

...Am I doing it right?

So, the world of Fragments is expanding. Seems I'm doing what I've generally been very skeptical of: taking a fairly self-contained story, and deciding it was good enough that I'm going to make a trilogy out of it. Yep. Oh, to be fair, I'm not going to pretend, "It was always going to be a trilogy." Yeah, it wasn't. When I was writing Fragments, I never thought of what else I could write in the world I was setting up. I had a self-contained, independent story, and I wrote it.

When I did think more on the events I had set in motion, however, my brain got rolling. The main thought I had: what happened in Fragments is going to have repercussions.

But that's the third story. This is the story of a different character. It's not a sequel to Fragments, exactly, or a prequel. It's more like a... side-quel. It converges, to a degree. It's an independent story, and if you haven't read Fragments, that shouldn't detract from this one, although they both build toward the third.

This is also going to be bigger than Fragments. Probably significantly bigger. How much bigger? Well, every time I make a guess at its size as I'm writing it, it tends to end up rather larger. I've got the structure of the story planned out, and from what I've covered so far, I would guess that Without a Hive will end up about twice as long as Fragments. If the bit I've written ahead is any indication, that guess will probably be getting nudged upward over time, too.

I'd also like to make some notes about the tags.

First off, the number-one "biggie": OC characters, with no other character tags. Yep, the story focuses on completely fabricated characters. It's a changeling story, which somewhat limits my options for main characters, and I think I've inflicted enough on Ponyville and the "mane six" already. That said, a few characters from the show will show up, and at least one will have some degree of plot relevance, but for the most part, they're background ponies in this story.

The number-two "biggie" would probably be that Romance tag. Yes, there is going to be some. That shouldn't be too surprising, changelings live on love, and the two tend to go together. In this case, it is mainly focused on a small part of the story, but carries enough importance to the plot that I felt the tag was warranted.

And of course, the Sad and Dark tags. While I think Dark applies, it's fairly light on the dark, mainly due to the main character's nature as a changeling, as well as a bit more visible mortality. The difference in outlook and experience in life can make for a significant difference in tone, and this one will tend darker than Fragments. It won't be all dark, of course, and there will surely be happy and funny moments, but to put it simply, Nictis is going to have a complicated life.

Well, enough blathering for now. Enjoy! :twilightsmile:

(And only a couple days until my little world is crushed by canon. Whee!)

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(And only a couple days until my little world is crushed by canon. Whee!)

Know of anyone doing a stream of the show? After I moved, my new and current cable provider doesn't include The Hub in a package within my price range.

1586274 If you search for MLP episodes on YouTube there is one uploaded thats username is Pinkie Pie. This one will probably upload the first episodes of season 3 after a few hours.

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In the past, I was usually asleep when the episodes actually aired, so I just caught it on Youtube.

Well that was pretty good, so far. :twilightsmile: Excellent characterization there, though I get the sense that Ceymi would much rather be Starry Night than a changeling so to speak. I'm kind of angry that you killed her off so early in. I feel like it's not quite the right time for Nictis (or whatever his/her name is now) to just show up and be Starry Night's daughter/son whatever. I hope there's a back story there, i.e. she's got some plan for having somehow had a child. That and I feel like a revelation of the actual truth would pretty much have to be slated somewhere down the line. Looks like you have a good justification for the hive not really wanting individuals, realities aside. The more of a personality you have to begin with the harder it will be to assume that of someone else. Habits die hard, but not if you don't have any that belong to you and not whatever pony you are impersonating (is there a ponyism of that?) or pretending to be.

(And only a couple days until my little world is crushed by canon. Whee!)

When you're writing your own story, canon is not as important if you don't need to follow it for some reason. Whereas we expect the TV show not
to contradict itself.

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There's like 30 accounts that are named pinkie Pie....

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I get the sense that Ceymi would much rather be Starry Night than a changeling so to speak.

Hmm... Yes and no. She does very much love her time there, but she is very proud of being a changeling. She's proud of who she is: strong, determined, disciplined, and sees that as a contrast between changelings and ponies. She'd much rather be a changeling... though she'd probably be quite happy to be both. Fortunately, as a changeling, she can!

And I'll admit, I'm really sad that she is gone. She was only there for two chapters, but I loved writing her. Sadly, she was doomed to her fate even before I had decided on her name. Poor Ceymi. You will live on in Nictis's memory. :applecry: (Probably disciplining him for whatever he's gotten himself into now...)

The next chapter is mostly written, mainly just needs some touch-ups. While her motivations aren't really explained (As capable as changelings can be, Nictis can't read minds), she's sending him to a familiar place that she hopes he will be safe at, or at least get enough sympathy or affection to survive. She's probably also hoping that he's intelligent well-trained enough to come up with a good background.

As for personalities and habits, I picture each changeling having their own personality, if somewhat... muted? Secrecy, discipline, and a common upbringing and situation, are going to make for many similarities. That said, the little glimpse we've had of changelings in the show itself has shown a wide range of reactions to the same events. Some were grim, some were excited, some were angry, some seemed almost confused... one in particular looked like Pinkie Pie in a candy shop with a stolen credit card :pinkiehappy: Much as they, in this story, change names and genders with little thought, I imagine they would look at personalities the same way. That said, getting the personality right is probably the hardest part. Even Chrysalis got it wrong! (Just, erm... don't ever tell her that...)

Though this is all brushing on the hardest and most interesting part of this little project. I'm taking little bits and pieces that we've seen in the show, and trying to extrapolate details out of it. I'd like my interpretation to be as close as possible to the established canon, as of the end of season 2. I obviously can't plan for future events, but any extrapolation runs the risk of contradicting any new canon we get. I'm fine with that. It might make my story a divergent alternate-universe in the end, but that's just fine with me.

It also runs the risk of contradicting the head-canon of my readers, but that's kind of inevitable.

Read chap 1, loving it so far.

Is that a pokemon reference up there?:pinkiegasp:
Misty and grey oak ? With a child who loves adventure which they never fear for?

This story is a fine catch :pinkiehappy: looking forward to the next update :twilightsmile:

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Huh. I've actually never watched Pokemon, and know almost nothing about it. It's not a reference, but it sounds like I managed an impressive coincidence!

1591092 unintentional reference ftw:pinkiehappy:

Somehow, I imagine Ceymi intended for her to pretend to be her foal or something. That would have garnered a more welcoming response, although I suppose in the long run this approach was reasonably effective. I mean survival is the important part here not cushy living.

you, my good sir, are an amazing writer. what ever you do, don't stop.

1586760 Yeah but only one uploads MLP, well to my experience anyway. If you just search for episodes there will be an uploader with just Pinkie Pie as a name, nothing else. I'll see if I can find a link for you though.

wow this is unlike any... almost...nope this is unlike any changeling fic ive read :rainbowkiss:

and it is good :pinkiehappy:

want to see how he (she?) will react to crystaless' invasion :twilightoops:
is he from the same have as crystaless :rainbowhuh: you never mentioned that :derpytongue2:

what time dos this take place? :trixieshiftright:

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She was probably a little too distracted to have put much thought into it beyond "this might help you," sadly... Though claiming to be her child would have had problems of its own, such as how their daughter, who by all accounts had a wonderful and loving relationship with her parents, just had neglected to mention having a child for however many years. Nictis didn't know how often she'd been there, but had a good idea that it was at least semi-frequently. On top of that, the closer a relation Nictis claims, the more details he could get wrong. Very much a risk/reward thing, and he's already stressing out enough about getting things wrong!

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:pinkiehappy:

And no worries, I'm having too much fun with this story to stop!

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Thank you very much!

The time that the story takes place will be made apparent later on, but for now I think I'll keep the secret (Bwahaha). However, I did drop a clue already that could give a good hint. Well, two clues, though the second is rather vague.

Don't worry. That, and your other questions, will be answered over the course of the story. I've got plans... :rainbowdetermined2:

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Well to be fair, we have a really vague picture. Although now that you mention it there are some realistic problems still, such as explaining why she'd be traveling anywhere near the Everfree with her "child" being that young. Anyway, keep up the writing. :twilightsmile:

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Fortunately for Nictis, that wasn't the part of the story they were paying attention to... and I'm not sure whether to feel happy or sad about that :twilightoops:

There might be enough plausibility coming from Starry Eyes being quite the adventurous filly herself. Or it might be something that seems less reasonable the more they think on it. Nictis was rather relying on the emotional impact helping to cover up any gaps in his reasoning and knowledge.

This was one of the best stories I had the pleasure to read in a very long time. While I am reluctant to bump it straight into my top 10 (as it's too early for that and I put a LOT of thought into it), I think it will end up there if you manage to write your story so expertly.

I really was floored by this gem. It's a shame only 60 people found it interesting enough (me included, ofc :pinkiehappy:) to upvote... This will never do! I intend to give it a tiny bit more publicity - maybe I will manage to bring you 2 or 3 more thumbs up? :twilightblush:.

Anyway,
MOAR!!!

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Awww, I want to just hug him and make it all better.

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To tell the truth, it's had a more positive reception than I'd ever hoped for! I just hope I can keep up with everyone's expectations :twilightblush:

MOAR on the way! :twilightsmile:

This is a very nice story! I'm in the middle of class.. and I'm supposed to be working on an assignment due in a few days and I can't put this down! :rainbowlaugh:

heh, looking forward to see this little war between Meadow and Bigs

Oooooooooooooohhhhhhhh, Drama!
Edit: FIRST! ...That wasn't nearly as satisfying as everyone make it out to being. I don't think that I will be doing that on a regular basis.

Ohhh!... This is gonna be good! Of course I want to see Nictis succeed, but at the same time I must admit I'm afraid he is underestimating his aggressor...

A pony against a changeling in a war of lies and deception?
...
...
...

:ajsmug:

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The author of Love Mine likes my changeling story? Woo! :pinkiehappy:

I've been wanting to leave some comment, but I've just never been able to come up with the right thing to say. The best I can think to say right now is that this comment made me very happy!

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Huh?
>Opens "stats"
>Looks for your name
Oh, I hadn't even realized... Sorry, it's just hard to keep track of all twelve-hundred-something of you... :twilightblush:

And... ah, it's kind of weird for you to say something like that. Like I'm a "celebrity" or, more likely, someone to look up to? I dunno; seeing you say "The author of Love Mine" instead of something like "Zephyr" is just... weird. But then again, I'll always say I'm most like Fluttershy... :fluttershyhidingbehindmane:

All these infiltrator quotes bring to mind invaders form invader Zim, don't know if it's intentional or not, but this is really similar, now all Nictis needs to do is scream victory at random intervals

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Heh! Man, that just stirs up all sorts of funny thoughts. I doubt Nictis would find the comparison very amusing, but I certainly do!

(And hey, the Queen is the tallest of the changelings...)

One of the moments I love in any story: Knowing that someone has created a competition for themselves, against an opponent who will beat them so far into the ground, figuratively or literally, that they stand a negative chance of success.
Seriously, if he knew he was about to attempt social warfare against a highly trained changeling, he'd realize how completely and utterly ****ed he is. And that's what I love.

MOAR, MOAR, MOAR!!!!!!!!! MOAR!!!!!!!!

This is really getting to be one of the best fics in Fimfiction! Fresh, interesting and very well written.

You do realize that this, means war.

I really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really :pinkiegasp: , really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really cant wait for the romance to come in :heart: and also dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Octavia_plot.png yeah, romace.

Intriguing, you've done a good job balancing the Changeling's alien society and thought process with a still relatable character/characters.
Liked and followed.

:fluttercry: You really managed to make me feel for poor Nictis in this chapter, excellent writing.
aww I really like Ceymi, her thoughts her views her motive her teaching, shame she had to die, kinda wish she had gotten to see more of her. Still that;'s the fate of all main character "Obi One's"
I also like the building you've done on Chageling culture/society without giving us to much, I quite like the idea of numerous princess's.

Years from now some pony will come up with a word to adequately describe the amount of fail that Biggs is going to achieve. :rainbowlaugh:

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well, Bigs does have one advantage, at least for the moment. Nictis might have more finesse and skill in pure manipulation, but Bigs has a lot more knowledge of pony social interaction. Granted, as time goes on Bigs' advantage will steadily decrease, likely very quickly, but at least for the beginning of this little war Nictis' position isn't quite as strong as he seems to think it is. And Ceymi even warned him about underestimating the intelligence of ponies and letting his pride get the better of him....

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I have a question about the timeline. When does this story take place, in general terms? It seems like it's happening around the time the Mane 6 get their cutie marks, but I don't know how much of that is because it's true, and how much is simply because the Changelings have limited access to current events in Equestria.

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There are a few clues that suggest when it's taking place, but it won't be made perfectly clear until some events later on. I like to maintain a little bit of mystery :twilightsmile:

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Ok, now that I've finally found the time to finish Fragments, I've answered my own question on the timeline.

And I can also say that if you don't finish this series you've started, I will find pictures of Fluttershy crying and post them all over everything of yours online until you do. Fragments was good, Without a Hive is better, and the two of them together are shaping up to be one of the best Changeling stories I've had the pleasure of reading on this site. Especially if I'm even slightly right about some of the things I think you have in store for us.

Although, I kind of wish I hadn't read that epilogue...now I can't wait to find out everything that leads up to that, and what happens after...

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