• Member Since 26th Oct, 2012
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I write about horses and other creatures kissing. The gayest of kissing


Much like most griffons, Gallus is no stranger to exploiting every loophole he sees.

Even if it's to someone else's detriment.

After all, it's not his fault they didn't see it.

So when he gets an assignment aiming to practically sing the praises of Equestrian Generosity, he instead decides to prove that it only takes ten bits to destroy what most ponies hold dear.

Little does he know, Pinkie Pie's cupcakes are not meant to be trifled with.

Written for the Thousand Words Contest in the Experimental and Comedy categories.

Based, in part, on this article about cheesed sticks.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 16 )

Howdy, hi~!

This was great. I definitely snorted at the end of it when Gallus stuck it to Ocellus. Loved the build-up and subtle nods to other fics. Was an interesting way of presenting the story with the coloured text and report style of writing. It was a fun fic.

Thanks for the read~!

(I jut have no idea what else to say.)

The fact that he didn’t put any into a container to have later speaks volumes about who’s really the dumb one here.

it didn’t taste like any pony meat I’ve had
Aca-excuse me?

semillon #5 · May 21st · · 2 ·

3:49PM - To clarify, I don’t go around tasting pony meat. The only pony meat I’ve tasted is Sandbar’s.

3:50PM - Another clarification. The Sandbar I tasted was his foreleg, which I only bit as a dare. I would say get your mind out of the gutter, but I’ve seen the books you hide behind those fashion magazines. Your mind comes pre-guttered.


Before leaving, Smolder leaned in close to wipe a bit of frosting from my cheek. I blushed, something I only admit because it means I was flustered by two genders today.

All I needed was a visit from Ocellus and I could bag a third.


“Hah!” Gallus exclaimed, lifting a claw to aim it as a gun towards the Changedling sitting beside him. “Suck it, bugaboo!”


good stuff thanks for feeding me with student 6 content

In attempting to write GallBar, I found that this weird GallBar/Smolcellus ship is truly endgame.

In a year I expect to just ship all of the Student 6. As god meant us to.

You can't just take them home for later. That would defeat the purpose of the deal!

I originally was going to have him ask about that, or at least provide a general run-down of the rules, but it had to be cut for word count :raritydespair:

With appreciation for the limitations of 1000 words, there are definitely some gaps you have chosen not to explain.
When I saw that he was going for unlimited cupcakes, I thought the grift was going to be generously giving away his unlimited cupcakes to anyone who wanted one. Unlimited for one can mean unlimited for everyone, if the rules don't say otherwise.

Parker #9 · May 22nd · · ·

Another clarification...
Oh my goodness, Gallus, my mind comes pre-guttered, too, it seems.

This was a delight, and it felt like you really got a lot of detail out of 1k words. This story was clever, cute, and as sweet as Pinkie's lethally saccharine cupcakes.

When it comes to these boys, the gutter is the only way to go.

I'm glad you enjoyed it. It may have been a struggle getting all of these things into one small story, but it has certainly been worth it.

Thank you for your words of kindness, friend. They will keep me warm in the coming days.

Ah yes, SCC. Not to be confused with SSC, makers of mechs with toes.

I don't like the concept of mechs with toes. Why have you done this to me

Blame the fictional megacorporation from 3000 years in the future.😅

I also let it slip that this was all for a counterculture-esque essay, to which she replied: “Heck yeah! Fight the power!

Let the record show that I did not switch to a different ink to write that sentence. It changed to that color after I wrote the closing quotation marks. May this serve as a warning.

I was going to be concerned about the pony meat comment, but then I kept reading. Very important addendum there.

I would say get your mind out of the gutter, but I’ve seen the books you hide behind those fashion magazines. Your mind comes pre-guttered.

Pro tip: Don't insult the professor in an assignment that already barely fulfills the requirements.

All I needed was a visit from Ocellus and I could bag a third.

"What are you?"
"I'm a changeling."
"No, are you a boy or a girl?"
"I'm. A. Changeling."
"What's in your pants?"
"Whatever I want. What part of 'changeling' isn't clear?"

Delightful demonstration of Equestria's soft power and the folly of underestimating it. Thank you for it and best of luck in the judging.

SCC core bonuses include Full Subjectivity Snack, Ghostwrap, and Kai Biofrosting.

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