You cheapflank!
Twilight Sparkle has always been something of an unusual pony.
For starters, she suffers from a phobia of quesadillas, loves writing checklists a little too much, and loves books way too much. Oh, and she’s also the embodiment of magic, a princess, and an experienced heroine of Equestria, although those are more “admirable” than “unusual” traits.
However, no odd fact about the alicorn rivaled her most baffling fact: she enjoyed pop quizzes and tests! To add more icing to the bizarre cake, Twilight had given herself tests for fun–something even her human counterpart might think was overkill. That odd guy across the street doesn’t seem so strange anymore, does he?
But now, as the School of Friendship’s headmare who doubles as a teacher, Twilight could share with her students the “joys” of quizzes and tests, then grade them to her heart’s content. The latter she was doing at the moment in her office at her desk, wearing a blissful smile.
As for how the students themselves felt about the tests and quizzes? Most hated them, like typical students, and moaned every time Twilight announced one was coming.
“Hehe, I’m really proud of Gallus. He has made remarkable improvements in his Equestrian history.” Twilight wrote a “92” near a corner of Gallus’s paper with a lavender-colored pen, which matched her coat’s color. “He might surpass even Ocellus if he continues–”
“SPARKLE!!” a female voice bellowed from somewhere in the school.
“Eep!” Twilight sprung sideways from her chair, crashing onto the floor with a thud. “Who was that?!”
“Where are you, Sparkle?!”
A second, meeker female voice said, “Trixie, don’t–”
“‘Don’t’ nothing! That pony’s not going to keep taking advantage of you!”
“But she isn’t! I love being–”
“Stop trying to defend her, Starlight! You’re too nice for your own good sometimes!”
“Please, just calm down and–”
“She’s probably there hiding in her office. Let’s go in!”
The door to Twilight’s office slammed open, revealing two unicorns: Trixie Lulamoon and Starlight Glimmer. Trixie stomped inside, gritting her teeth, with a deathful glare aimed squarely at Twilight. Starlight followed her, a pleading frown hanging on her lips.
“Trixie? What are you doing barging into my office?”
Trixie lifted a stern hoof to Twilight. Her no-nonsense hoof that commanded “shut your mouth” attention, even from princesses, hung in mid-air as she spat in a low, venomous tone, “You.”
“Me?” Twilight pointed a puzzled hoof at herself.
“I’m begging you, Trixie, just listen–”
“Trixie wants to have a word with you, Sparkle.” Trixie lowered her hoof, though her glare remained steadfast and unflinching.
“‘Sparkle’?” Twilight blinked twice in confusion. “Why are you calling me–”
“Hush!”
“Hey, I will not toler–”
“HUSH!!”
Twilight yearned to stand her ground, but the crushing air around Trixie shattered that ground. It was a side she had never seen from the usual boastful, flamboyant performer – she meant business. Thus Twilight stood from the floor, sat back on her chair, and remained hushed.
Equestria’s newest alpha mare took in a semi-calming breath. “Now, Trixie has asked Starlight how many raises she has gotten, but she said you never gave her any. Is that true?”
“I suppose it’s not untrue.”
“And it’s true that she has gone above and beyond for your students. She even worked when you and your friends were off in Canterlot celebrating the spring solstice!” Trixie affectionately wrapped a foreleg around Starlight’s neck. “When she wasn't in it, she went as far as to wear a bracelet that flashed if a student knocked on her office's door, and she dropped everything when it did! Which that thing did, a lot!”
Twilight’s ears drooped as she sank deeper into her chair. Said in the manner Trixie had put it, Starlight’s overachieving efforts without complaint sounded more unfair than the Princess intended. Whoops. “Okay, I know that may sound like I was abusing Starlight’s dedication, but I promise I wasn’t! I–”
“Yeah, yeah, you are a regular Filly Scout,” Trixie said, rolling her eyes, and unwrapped her foreleg from Starlight. “Still, you never granted Starlight a raise at least once?! You are many things, Sparkle, but Trixie never thought you were cheap!”
“But I’m not cheap!”
“Then why no raises?!” Trixie threw up her hooves in exasperation. “She has to collapse from exhaustion to get one first?!”
“No! I can’t give her a raise because…” Twilight bit her bottom lip. She could lie, but she had learned how that tended to blow up in her face–in rare cases, literally. But if she admitted the truth, Equestria might require a replacement Princess of Friendship later.
“Because what?!”
It was time to face her fate. Twilight took a deep, deeeeep breath, and answered, “I can’t give her a raise because she’s…working for free.”
“Um, could you speak up?” Trixie lifted a hoof to an ear and leaned forward. “Trixie didn’t catch your answer.”
Starlight jumped in front of Trixie and asked, “Uh, did I tell you about my idea for our next show?”
A pink aura surrounded Starlight’s body. She floated to her original position beside the magic’s Great and Powerful owner.
“You can do it later, after Sparkle here explains why she ‘can’t’ give you a raise.”
A lump rolled down Twilight’s neck, her ears drooping further. “I can’t give Starlight a raise because…she’s working for free. So, I technically can’t raise her salary because she doesn’t have one. Um, hehe?” Twilight’s lips curled into the most harmless, adorkable grin in her vast arsenal. A grin even Cozy Glow would be jealous over and exclaim “Golly.”
At the confession, Trixie’s body stiffened. There were no gritting of teeth or scowls given. Her unblinking eyes and expression were utterly vacant.
Red smoke from magic also started raising from Trixie's horn.
Starlight gazed at Twilight with an alarmed frown and warned, “Twilight, I know you’re an alicorn and this is your office, but you should run, fast, now. The only other pony that caused Trixie’s horn to leak magic is still in the hosp–”
“You…aren’t…paying…her?” Trixie asked in an alarmingly soft voice.
“B-but it’s nothing against Starlight; the others aren’t being paid either. They never minded it, so I…*gulp*...never offered to work out salaries.”
With her horn continuing to emit red smoke, Trixie’s pupils constricted. “I am so angry, my brain can’t register the emotion,” she muttered in the same chillingly soft tone as before. “I just feel numb inside.”
“Uh-oh.” Starlight stroked Trixie’s mane as she said, “B-but that’s okay, Trixie. Let’s stay numb, return to your wagon–”
“Hold it, my anger is registering again,” Trixie said in her previous soft tone, though her pupils ballooned back to their normal size. In a growingly deeper, darker tone, she added, “No, not anger. Rage. Fury.” Her horn released more smoke than before; some of which gathered into a toxic skull symbol, spooking Starlight into snatching her hoof off Trixie’s mane.
“N-no, go back to that numb–”
“Sparkle?”
“Yes?” Twilight asked meekly.
“I would slap you, but something tells me that might be a bad idea, so I will SHAKE YOU INSTEAD!!”
Pink magic gripped Twilight’s body. She yelped as she was yanked over her desk, barely missing the stacks of test papers, and ended face-to-face with her potential killer. The great shaking of an alicorn princess ensued with the previously mentioned alicorn princess grunting during the shakes.
I hope you have popcorn, because this isn’t a sight you see every day.
“No, let her go, Trixie! I agreed to–”
“You cheapflank! You bitpinching mare!”
“Trixie, I hate playing the ‘princess’ card, but I’m ordering you to release me at once!”
“Not until Starlight starts getting paid, Princess!” Trixie glared at Starlight. ”And, Starlight, why didn’t you tell me she wasn’t paying you at all?!”
“Because I was worried something like this might happen! Remember what you did to that creepy stallion that slapped me on my flank and tried to force me to go on a date?”
“Yeah, well, maybe I and my manticore got a little carried away with him, but that creep will walk again eventually. He won’t dare follow you again!”
“Okay, Trixie, you made your point!” Twilight smartly shouted in between grunts. “Just stop shaking me and we’ll figure something out!”
Trixie’s horn ceased leaking smoke. She smiled in approval and dropped Twilight to the floor. “That’s more like the nice Twilight Sparkle that Trixie is semi-friends with. Trixie needs to grab some things, but she will be back.” Trixie hurried out of the office.
Starlight extended her hoof to the (literally) shaken and panting alicorn. “Are you okay, Twilight? Sorry I wasn’t much help, but Trixie can be a force of nature when she’s being protective of me.”
Twilight grasped Starlight’s hoof and pulled herself up to stand. “It’s okay, and I thought you still had a temper. Still, I wonder what she’s doing?”
“No idea, but we better stay here and wait.”
“I get what you’re saying, but haven’t you waited long enough? You’re cute and a princess, so finding a boyfriend should be easy. Spike thinks so too!”
“But I don’t think I’m that cute.” Twilight fiddled with her hooves. “Rarity’s cuter than me, and she doesn’t have a boyfriend either. Besides, there are only two stallions I’ve ever had feelings for, but they never asked me out.”
“So why don’t you ask one of them out?”
Twilight gasped, her mouth agape. “No! I couldn’t dare– “
Trixie dashed into the office, levitating four rolled-up scrolls in her magic.
“Oh, Trixie, I’m glad you’re–” Twilight slapped away her sudden relieved grin “–uh, that is, what are those?”
“These are contracts.” Trixie floated and rolled out one of her contracts across Twilight’s desk. In the process, she shoved the students’ test papers to the side. “First, sign this.”
“What is it for?”
“Trixie did some research and found that guidance counselors are paid an average of 13 bits an hour. This contract says that Starlight will be paid 17 bits an hour, starting tomorrow. The fine print is boring and isn’t important, so don’t worry about reading it.”
“Okay, but why such a big jump in pay?”
“Because Starlight is among the best, most loyal, and faithful guidance counselors in Equestria. 17 bits an hour is a bargain for her services.”
“Oh. Well, all things considered, that is fair, and I know faithful.” Twilight floated a blue pen from a cup filled with more, different colored pens, and signed on the contract’s dotted line.
“Next is this.” Trixie picked up the signed contract, rolled it up, and spread out a second one on the desk. “If Starlight is left behind to work alone again or fills in a substitute headmare, she will receive one-and-a-half times pay. However, if either is only for two hours or less, she can have normal pay. Trixie won’t get too carried away.”
Without a word, Twilight signed the second contract. Trixie swapped it with a third one, but perhaps wanting to speed things up, she placed her last contract beside it.
“The contract on the left will give Starlight ten days of sick leave yearly. The other says you will give Starlight job evaluations every six months for potential raises. Both will continue until the school is hers, or for as long as she stays your guidance counselor if you never step down as Headmare.”
She signed both contracts. “Is that all of them?”
“Yeah, that’s it–” a smile crept on Trixie’s face “–wait, there is one more. Trixie will be back soon!” She dropped the first two contracts beside the other two, then teleported away; a “pop” accompanied the teleportation.
Starlight shrugged her forehooves; Twilight rolled the four contracts up neatly with her magic. After which, the pair chose to wait and talk some more until Trixie returned.
“Come on, Starlight! You have grown a lot and are cute yourself, so you deserve your own boyfriend. Most stallions aren’t like that stallion you told me about.”
“N-no! I can’t!” Starlight protested, a heated blush glowing on her cheeks. “I have no experience, and you know how bad my friendship skills were early on as your student! My girlfriend skills are probably just as bad.”
“You can’t be any worse than I would be, and as Ember pointed out, we are alike. If you think I can be a good girlfriend, you should be too.”
“Well…”
With a “pop” from magic, Starlight’s surprisingly shrewd agent teleported back inside with another contract. She promptly laid it out across Twilight’s desk.
“What is this contract for?”
“Sparkle, you took advantage of Starlight!” Trixie yelled with a scowl Twilight had grown too familiar with. “Just sign this thing!”
“Okay, okay, fine! I’ll sign it!” Twilight quickly signed the final contract. “Are we finally done? I need to finish grading my students’ history tests before I fall too far behind schedule.”
“Yes,” Trixie answered as she nodded. “Trixie knew you were a reasonable pony. Now, if you’ll excuse her, Trixie has some preparations to do. Ciao!” With her work done, the performer-turned-agent teleported away.
I wish I had her help when I wanted my own raise.
“Twilight, I really didn’t mind working for free and love being a guidance counselor. But, when I let it slip that I never got raises, Trixie flipped out.”
“It’s okay. I should arrange salaries for our friends too, before any of the Apple family, Maud, or even Scootaloo get the wrong idea and pay me a ‘visit’ like Trixie did. However, her actions further showed how much she cares about you.” With further respect gained for Trixie’s genuine loyalty to Starlight, Twilight giggled. “To think that I tried to keep you two from becoming friends–wait, let me read what the fifth contract says.”
Twilight levitated the last contract to her. After a quick read, her eyes bulged. “WHAT?!”
“What do it say?”
“It says that for the next year, Trixie can use the castle for shows anytime she pleases! Not only that, I have to pay you and her 123 bits per show!” Twilight slammed the contract on her desk and wailed a woeful groan. “Trixie, if you can hear this, ‘Twilight’ is going to get you for tricking her!”
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I like this story. It's funny, and it featured my favorite commie pony.
Trixie was funny, too! Keep it up!
The Flim Flan brothers and Iron Will should fall on their knees and beg the Great and Powerful Trixie to share the secret of her hustler ways.
One stallion is all but canon confirmed as Flash Sentry. Other might be Sunburst. But this is my best guess. Great story either way.
I don’t know why but this is such a weirdly funny line.
Great story.
Flash-pony and Flash-human.
This story is well worth reading!
I really like the beginning. It's a lore dump, but it's funny enough that it's hard to call it that exactly.
You weave a lot of ideas in here, like Twilight's quirks, her dynamic with her students, and even Gallus's aptitude for history potentially rivaling Ocellus's.
All in all a very good opening to a very good story.
Okay this is funny.
Reference for the filly with the best style!
Huzzah!
I wonder who they might be?
No, seriously who?
All I can think of is Flash Sentry (if you even want to call him a stallion).
Somehow I doubt most employers are as clueless and easy to intimidate as Twilight is in this story.
"I know where this is going."
'Reads the end' "Yup called it."
Let this be a lesson in reading shit before signing it.
No seriously. Don't sign things without reading them first.
I know most people would say Flash Sentry but I think the two "stallions" Twilight is interested in are two books she claims to be male. I mean, she
likesLOVES books right?Also, great story, I love it!
I enjoyed this story. Very, very much.
FYI you don't need to tell us about Twilight because we all know her character all too well. That's what's great about fanfiction; we already know all about the characters you're writing about. It's what makes writing fanfics easy. However, if you were writing this story for someone who had never seen the show, this section would be needed.
Stuff like this breaks the reader's immersion from the story.
That scene where Twilight was talking about potential lovers felt out of place. Nothing would change about the story if it was removed. Did you put that little scene in to ask us who we thought Twilight was interested in to try to get more comments? Cuz it worked lol. All jokes aside, it still took away from the story and broke my immersion because I was trying to work out how it connected to the previous scene. Came out of left field and felt random.
Overall, aside from those detractors, I enjoyed the story and gave it a like. Too bad it's marked as complete; I'd like to see what kind of antics Twilight had in mind for Trixie. Signing documents without reading them ain't that smart.
PS If you want more readers, add it to more groups.
I have concerns about the calibration on your Internal weirdness scale. This is... not surprising at all. She's the OG nerdhorse.
Trixie needs either one more or less negation here.
Now write a sequel where Trixie helps the teachers unionize lol
wait.
WAIT
You dear author actually have the indecency, the folly, the hubris, the AUDACITY to deny Trixie and Starlight each other's horsy hearts? You don't think Starlight deserves this mare that just beat up a demigod for her and made it look trivial? You want me to believe that Trixie's fervent passion and righteous fury on Starlight's behalf is the most passion they shall ever get to share?
I'm saddened and disappointed. Trixie and Starlight deserve better than this. They deserve each other.
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11232773
Thanks. and glad you enjoyed the story!
11232425
It'll probably be something like this:
Step 1: Get a friend.
Step 2: Have them not get something you think they should have gotten.
Step 3: Defend the friend's honor, then sneak in a scam as you do.
Step 4: Profit.
Step 5: Pay Trixie 50% of what you get.
11232446
The pony Flash is a stallion Twilight has a crush on in canon, but I thought I'll see what others would guess if season 9 Twi were to admit she has a crush on two stallions in canon, but wouldn't say who it was.
11232499
Technically, human Flash isn't naturally a stallion, but if you were to say he counts in your theory, then there you go.
11232594
I tried to add a little humor to it to try to keep it from feeling too much like it, and it flowed into what was happening to boot.
Probably not, although seeing Trixie try anyway could be fun.
11232681
True words here.
11232754
Part of me thinks Twilight wouldn't actually love a book, but in the world of fanfiction...
11232842
To be honest, I generally prefer to leave character facts and other stuff we know out of stories, and I have done it in some past stories. It even wasn't there in the story's first draft, since it's something I've been working on for a while and have had problems with it; it used to be worse.
The main reason I added it here was that it felt a little bland without it and it directly flowed into what Twilight was doing; otherwise, I wouldn't have added it for the reasons you brought up. Sometimes I see someone say you should add these things in stories and don't assume as if the readers know these things about the characters, making it occasionally borderline headache-inducing trying to decide if it should be there, if a shortened version is more appropriate, or if it truly adds nothing, even if its place is (for the most part) seem to be appropriate. Then I just have to take a shot and hope for the best
.
It's one of those things I try out in stories, and when I first did, it got a favorable response. Though it's also something I'd modify or just remove should it start getting an unfavorable response, and make a judgment call if results become mixed, thus I'll keep your response in mind going forward. It is something that's restricted to certain comedy stores, though, so my non-comedies would never have it.
It was, but in a way, it was the point. Kinda. It was mainly to show that a lot of time passed and Twilight and Starlight had been talking casually for a while, and by that point, you might be talking about something completely different from something that happened 1 or 2 hours ago. I also thought it would be more interesting than if Twilight and Starlight were just doing nothing as Trixie come back to the office. I also like seeing when characters talk a little about stuff they never did in the show but might would off-screen, and I felt it make them feel more real than if they only talked about plot-related things, so that was another reason.
Still, I could have guessed wrong in my approach in this situation or just did it wrong. If I did, I'll use it as another learning experience.
Thanks for the constructive criticism and glad you were still able to enjoy the story! It could make for a fun sight to see what Twilight would try to do to Trixie as payback if I could think of some good ideas. At the moment I don't have much and had no plans for it, but who knows? I have made bonus chapters for stories a few times.
I am planning to at some point, but I had received warnings about how some users might give an auto-dislike if someone dumps stories in too many groups at once and have heard that adding them in 3, 4, or 5 groups at a time is advisable. I'm not sure how true this really is, but I chose to play it safe and just add stories in more groups over time. I was adding new stories in more groups in the past right away, but I never noticed any drops in views when I only added them in 4 or 5 groups prior to their submission. If anything, there just might have been a small increase after the change, but probably not. My stories can vary wildly in views, but the number of groups I add a newly submitted story into seems to have little to no factor in it, be it 4 or 20 groups.
11232999
Here's a chance to show my inner Mudbriar. *clears throat* technically, it was never said Starlight wouldn't deny the chance to be with Trixie. Who knows; maybe Starlight will think about what Trixie did to Twilight and get turned on, and the rest would be a passion-filled history...
Not certain, but I'm fairly sure that a case could be made that all of these contracts are invalid, on the grounds of duress. "Do what I say or I atomize you" counts fairly decently as being under outside pressure.
11233027
If Equestrian laws of duress match ours, Trixie's contracts may be invalid. But we have seen throughout the show that pony culture is pretty different than ours, so there are no guarantees that duress laws exists in Equestria. Or their version of it could have different rules.
11233025
They both could probably do better.
11233014
Honestly no one besides Flash stands out enough to be a contender for me.
Although if you count Stallion Flash, that's technically two.
Good stuff.
11232842
Tell knighty to improve the massively horrible UI for adding stories to groups. Even just literally changing it so that clicking on a folder twice un-adds it to the group instead of telling you you already added it would be a massive improvement
11232425
Oh I am certain the filmframe brothers and Trixie would both greatly enjoy
11233014
Without claiming to particularly know the art and science of it, from reading and writing various short to mid length more light-hearted stories although this is probably true of darker stories too I just rarely read those, if the story feels like it needs to breathe a little before the main focus/plot kicks in, I think you can basically do whatever you want, as long as it sets up or transitions or leads to or build or hints or does something that ties it to the rest of the story. There's numerous ways to do this. You can have like an ancient fable or a humorous opening monologue, or a nice quote or two. Other options and examples including my favorite intro I've ever written I will post later because I'm about to fall asleep and I haven't slept much in 2 days so I need to do that so I will talk more about this later but basically yeah actually I think it would be interesting to make a blog post asking for stories that have fantastic intros
Hilarious!
Gave me a good laugh early in the morning. Favorited for sure.
I would take an fresh look at the last two sections of the story, it becomes difficult to follow who's speaking when with twilight and starlight especially.
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Glad you liked it!
11233670
I took a look and I'll look at it again later. But as of now, it seems fine to me since I used a method that's common and often recommended when only two characters are in a scene, such as a character calling the other by name and/or having them say something only one of them would say (making it clear who it is speaking), and mixed in a couple of beats to further show it.
If I wanted to be extra sure who was talking was clear and not confusing, I could have slapped on one or two more dialogue tags and considered it doing editing. But I felt doing it here would have risked going into "hand-holding" territory, something I had done a lot by mistake so I try to be careful not to do it. If it really would feel less confusing if I add a dialogue tag or two, though, I could. It won't kill me.
11233718
Twi does, but the Great and Powerful yelling shook her up and make her forget. It was one time her trusting Trixie bit her in the butt, and made Trixie's wallet heavier
I like to think the door was technically already open, but Trixie slammed it shut with her magic, and then it fell over.
Trixie is awesome. :D
11234322
That would have been one goofy way to make a grand entrance...which would be surprisingly in character for an angry Trixie since she can have her goofy moment but loves to make an grand entrance when she can
11234788
She can have her moments for sure.
Probably Flash, but if we go into Friendship is Witchcraft territory it could be Shining Armor... jk. Probably the other is Timber Spruce's counterpart.
The second Trixie started pulling out contracts I was thinking "Twilight don't you dare sign those without reading them!" For such a genius, Twilight certainly has her moments.
11235321
I never really thought about a pony version of Timber Spruce, If Princess Twilight were to ever get together with Timber, I can see Flash (human Flash, since he showed far more interest in Princess twilight than pony Flash) getting jealous over it. It would be funny in itself to see Flash "Waifu stealer" Sentry get a taste of his own medicine
11235711
Yep. Even the biggest of geniuses have their "What was I thinking?" moments. At least the first four contracts were fine and non-shady, so it could have been even worse for Bookhorse.
Definitely the Twilight we know and love.
11236414
Oh, agreed. I just felt like if Sci-Twi had a crush on human Timber, if Princess Twilight ever met pony Timber she would like him. But of course the two Twilights aren't the same with relationships, so...
11236425
Yep.
11236454
Interestingly enough, I always thought that out of all the counterparts of the mane 6, Princess Twilight and Sci-Twi are the most different from each other. So I would imagine that if any of the counterparts would have different tastes in boyfriends/girlfriends, Princess Twi and Sci-Twi would be the ones.
11237597
I completely agree. Mainly since Princess Twilight obviously has/had a crush on Flash Sentry, but when Flash met Sci-Twi in Friendship Games, he was brushed aside.
Maybe a little too much.
It’s still a funny story this is that yeah just because you signed contract doesn’t mean it’s ironclad. If you burn it now no lawyer will ever see it wink wink
11338138
Not gonna deny that.
11338626
If Twilight really wanted to, she could have tried to burn or otherwise get rid of that last contract and lie about it. But being the rule-follower she (usually) is, she felt more or less "honor-bound" to not try to get out of it since she signed the contract, despite how she was more or less tricked into doing it. This was even heavily implied in the earlier versions of the story, but I thought it might not have been needed.
11339665
Eh True, it is moslty a joke fic so hand-waving things is fine. i mean, as a princess, she could probalby also say contract is null and void under some sort of law too. Eh still funny. could see Trixie pulling something like that tehehe
The conversations Twilight and Starlight have while Trixie is away are adorable!
11395992
I thought it was too, albeit being an unexpected conversation