//------------------------------//
// You cheapflank! 
// Story: Starlight's Great and Powerful Agent 
// by ThePinkedWonder 
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Twilight Sparkle has always been something of an unusual pony.

For starters, she suffers from a phobia of quesadillas, loves writing checklists a little too much, and loves books way too much. Oh, and she’s also the embodiment of magic, a princess, and an experienced heroine of Equestria, although those are more “admirable” than “unusual” traits.

However, no odd fact about the alicorn rivaled her most baffling fact: she enjoyed pop quizzes and tests! To add more icing to the bizarre cake, Twilight had given herself tests for fun–something even her human counterpart might think was overkill. That odd guy across the street doesn’t seem so strange anymore, does he?

But now, as the School of Friendship’s headmare who doubles as a teacher, Twilight could share with her students the “joys” of quizzes and tests, then grade them to her heart’s content. The latter she was doing at the moment in her office at her desk, wearing a blissful smile. 

As for how the students themselves felt about the tests and quizzes? Most hated them, like typical students, and moaned every time Twilight announced one was coming.

“Hehe, I’m really proud of Gallus. He has made remarkable improvements in his Equestrian history.” Twilight wrote a “92” near a corner of Gallus’s paper with a lavender-colored pen, which matched her coat’s color. “He might surpass even Ocellus if he continues–”

“SPARKLE!!” a female voice bellowed from somewhere in the school.

“Eep!” Twilight sprung sideways from her chair, crashing onto the floor with a thud. “Who was that?!”

“Where are you, Sparkle?!”

A second, meeker female voice said, “Trixie, don’t–”

“‘Don’t’ nothing! That pony’s not going to keep taking advantage of you!”

“But she isn’t! I love being–”

“Stop trying to defend her, Starlight! You’re too nice for your own good sometimes!”

“Please, just calm down and–”

“She’s probably there hiding in her office. Let’s go in!”

The door to Twilight’s office slammed open, revealing two unicorns: Trixie Lulamoon and Starlight Glimmer. Trixie stomped inside, gritting her teeth, with a deathful glare aimed squarely at Twilight. Starlight followed her, a pleading frown hanging on her lips.

“Trixie? What are you doing barging into my office?”

Trixie lifted a stern hoof to Twilight. Her no-nonsense hoof that commanded “shut your mouth” attention, even from princesses, hung in mid-air as she spat in a low, venomous tone, “You.”

“Me?” Twilight pointed a puzzled hoof at herself.

“I’m begging you, Trixie, just listen–”

“Trixie wants to have a word with you, Sparkle.” Trixie lowered her hoof, though her glare remained steadfast and unflinching.

“‘Sparkle’?” Twilight blinked twice in confusion. “Why are you calling me–”

“Hush!”

“Hey, I will not toler–”

“HUSH!!”

Twilight yearned to stand her ground, but the crushing air around Trixie shattered that ground. It was a side she had never seen from the usual boastful, flamboyant performer – she meant business. Thus Twilight stood from the floor, sat back on her chair, and remained hushed.

Equestria’s newest alpha mare took in a semi-calming breath. “Now, Trixie has asked Starlight how many raises she has gotten, but she said you never gave her any. Is that true?”

“I suppose it’s not untrue.”

“And it’s true that she has gone above and beyond for your students. She even worked when you and your friends were off in Canterlot celebrating the spring solstice!” Trixie affectionately wrapped a foreleg around Starlight’s neck. “When she wasn't in it, she went as far as to wear a bracelet that flashed if a student knocked on her office's door, and she dropped everything when it did! Which that thing did, a lot!”

Twilight’s ears drooped as she sank deeper into her chair. Said in the manner Trixie had put it, Starlight’s overachieving efforts without complaint sounded more unfair than the Princess intended. Whoops. “Okay, I know that may sound like I was abusing Starlight’s dedication, but I promise I wasn’t! I–”

“Yeah, yeah, you are a regular Filly Scout,” Trixie said, rolling her eyes, and unwrapped her foreleg from Starlight. “Still, you never granted Starlight a raise at least once?! You are many things, Sparkle, but Trixie never thought you were cheap!”

“But I’m not cheap!”

“Then why no raises?!” Trixie threw up her hooves in exasperation. “She has to collapse from exhaustion to get one first?!”

“No! I can’t give her a raise because…” Twilight bit her bottom lip. She could lie, but she had learned how that tended to blow up in her face–in rare cases, literally. But if she admitted the truth, Equestria might require a replacement Princess of Friendship later.

“Because what?!”

It was time to face her fate. Twilight took a deep, deeeeep breath, and answered, “I can’t give her a raise because she’s…working for free.”

“Um, could you speak up?” Trixie lifted a hoof to an ear and leaned forward. “Trixie didn’t catch your answer.”

Starlight jumped in front of Trixie and asked, “Uh, did I tell you about my idea for our next show?”

A pink aura surrounded Starlight’s body. She floated to her original position beside the magic’s Great and Powerful owner. 

“You can do it later, after Sparkle here explains why she ‘can’t’ give you a raise.”

A lump rolled down Twilight’s neck, her ears drooping further. “I can’t give Starlight a raise because…she’s working for free. So, I technically can’t raise her salary because she doesn’t have one. Um, hehe?” Twilight’s lips curled into the most harmless, adorkable grin in her vast arsenal. A grin even Cozy Glow would be jealous over and exclaim “Golly.”

At the confession, Trixie’s body stiffened. There were no gritting of teeth or scowls given. Her unblinking eyes and expression were utterly vacant.

Red smoke from magic also started raising from Trixie's horn.

Starlight gazed at Twilight with an alarmed frown and warned, “Twilight, I know you’re an alicorn and this is your office, but you should run, fast, now. The only other pony that caused Trixie’s horn to leak magic is still in the hosp–”

“You…aren’t…paying…her?” Trixie asked in an alarmingly soft voice.

“B-but it’s nothing against Starlight; the others aren’t being paid either. They never minded it, so I…*gulp*...never offered to work out salaries.”

With her horn continuing to emit red smoke, Trixie’s pupils constricted. “I am so angry, my brain can’t register the emotion,” she muttered in the same chillingly soft tone as before. “I just feel numb inside.”

“Uh-oh.” Starlight stroked Trixie’s mane as she said, “B-but that’s okay, Trixie. Let’s stay numb, return to your wagon–”

“Hold it, my anger is registering again,” Trixie said in her previous soft tone, though her pupils ballooned back to their normal size. In a growingly deeper, darker tone, she added, “No, not anger. Rage. Fury.” Her horn released more smoke than before; some of which gathered into a toxic skull symbol, spooking Starlight into snatching her hoof off Trixie’s mane.

“N-no, go back to that numb–”

“Sparkle?”

“Yes?” Twilight asked meekly.

“I would slap you, but something tells me that might be a bad idea, so I will SHAKE YOU INSTEAD!!”

Pink magic gripped Twilight’s body. She yelped as she was yanked over her desk, barely missing the stacks of test papers, and ended face-to-face with her potential killer. The great shaking of an alicorn princess ensued with the previously mentioned alicorn princess grunting during the shakes.

I hope you have popcorn, because this isn’t a sight you see every day.

“No, let her go, Trixie! I agreed to–”

“You cheapflank! You bitpinching mare!”

“Trixie, I hate playing the ‘princess’ card, but I’m ordering you to release me at once!”
 
“Not until Starlight starts getting paid, Princess!” Trixie glared at Starlight. ”And, Starlight, why didn’t you tell me she wasn’t paying you at all?!”

“Because I was worried something like this might happen! Remember what you did to that creepy stallion that slapped me on my flank and tried to force me to go on a date?”

“Yeah, well, maybe I and my manticore got a little carried away with him, but that creep will walk again eventually. He won’t dare follow you again!”

“Okay, Trixie, you made your point!” Twilight smartly shouted in between grunts. “Just stop shaking me and we’ll figure something out!”

Trixie’s horn ceased leaking smoke. She smiled in approval and dropped Twilight to the floor. “That’s more like the nice Twilight Sparkle that Trixie is semi-friends with. Trixie needs to grab some things, but she will be back.” Trixie hurried out of the office.

Starlight extended her hoof to the (literally) shaken and panting alicorn. “Are you okay, Twilight? Sorry I wasn’t much help, but Trixie can be a force of nature when she’s being protective of me.”

Twilight grasped Starlight’s hoof and pulled herself up to stand. “It’s okay, and I thought you still had a temper. Still, I wonder what she’s doing?”

“No idea, but  we better stay here and wait.”







“I get what you’re saying, but haven’t you waited long enough? You’re cute and a princess, so finding a boyfriend should be easy. Spike thinks so too!”

“But I don’t think I’m that cute.” Twilight fiddled with her hooves. “Rarity’s cuter than me, and she doesn’t have a boyfriend either. Besides, there are only two stallions I’ve ever had feelings for, but they never asked me out.”

“So why don’t you ask one of them out?”

Twilight gasped, her mouth agape. “No! I couldn’t dare– “

Trixie dashed into the office, levitating four rolled-up scrolls in her magic.

“Oh, Trixie, I’m glad you’re–” Twilight slapped away her sudden relieved grin “–uh, that is, what are those?”

“These are contracts.” Trixie floated and rolled out one of her contracts across Twilight’s desk. In the process, she shoved the students’ test papers to the side. “First, sign this.”

“What is it for?”

“Trixie did some research and found that guidance counselors are paid an average of 13 bits an hour. This contract says that Starlight will be paid 17 bits an hour, starting tomorrow. The fine print is boring and isn’t important, so don’t worry about reading it.”

“Okay, but why such a big jump in pay?”

“Because Starlight is among the best, most loyal, and faithful guidance counselors in Equestria. 17 bits an hour is a bargain for her services.”

“Oh. Well, all things considered, that is fair, and I know faithful.” Twilight floated a blue pen from a cup filled with more, different colored pens, and signed on the contract’s dotted line.

“Next is this.” Trixie picked up the signed contract, rolled it up, and spread out a second one on the desk. “If Starlight is left behind to work alone again or fills in a substitute headmare, she will receive one-and-a-half times pay. However, if either is only for two hours or less, she can have normal pay. Trixie won’t get too carried away.”

Without a word, Twilight signed the second contract. Trixie swapped it with a third one, but perhaps wanting to speed things up, she placed her last contract beside it.

“The contract on the left will give Starlight ten days of sick leave yearly. The other says you will give Starlight job evaluations every six months for potential raises. Both will continue until the school is hers, or for as long as she stays your guidance counselor if you never step down as Headmare.”

She signed both contracts. “Is that all of them?”

“Yeah, that’s it–” a smile crept on Trixie’s face “–wait, there is one more. Trixie will be back soon!” She dropped the first two contracts beside the other two, then teleported away; a “pop” accompanied the teleportation.

Starlight shrugged her forehooves; Twilight rolled the four contracts up neatly with her magic. After which, the pair chose to wait and talk some more until Trixie returned.









“Come on, Starlight! You have grown a lot and are cute yourself, so you deserve your own boyfriend. Most stallions aren’t like that stallion you told me about.”

“N-no! I can’t!” Starlight protested, a heated blush glowing on her cheeks. “I have no experience, and you know how bad my friendship skills were early on as your student! My girlfriend skills are probably just as bad.”

“You can’t be any worse than I would be, and as Ember pointed out, we are alike. If you think I can be a good girlfriend, you should be too.”

“Well…”

With a “pop” from magic, Starlight’s surprisingly shrewd agent teleported back inside with another contract. She promptly laid it out across Twilight’s desk.

“What is this contract for?”

“Sparkle, you took advantage of Starlight!” Trixie yelled with a scowl Twilight had grown too familiar with. “Just sign this thing!”

“Okay, okay, fine! I’ll sign it!” Twilight quickly signed the final contract. “Are we finally done? I need to finish grading my students’ history tests before I fall too far behind schedule.”

“Yes,” Trixie answered as she nodded. “Trixie knew you were a reasonable pony. Now, if you’ll excuse her, Trixie has some preparations to do. Ciao!” With her work done, the performer-turned-agent teleported away. 

I wish I had her help when I wanted my own raise.

“Twilight, I really didn’t mind working for free and love being a guidance counselor. But, when I let it slip that I never got raises, Trixie flipped out.”

“It’s okay. I should arrange salaries for our friends too, before any of the Apple family, Maud, or even Scootaloo get the wrong idea and pay me a ‘visit’ like Trixie did. However, her actions further showed how much she cares about you.” With further respect gained for Trixie’s genuine loyalty to Starlight, Twilight giggled. “To think that I tried to keep you two from becoming friends–wait, let me read what the fifth contract says.”

Twilight levitated the last contract to her. After a quick read, her eyes bulged. “WHAT?!”

“What do it say?”

“It says that for the next year, Trixie can use the castle for shows anytime she pleases! Not only that, I have to pay you and her 123 bits per show!” Twilight slammed the contract on her desk and wailed a woeful groan. “Trixie, if you can hear this, ‘Twilight’ is going to get you for tricking her!”