Meet Daniel, a dimwitted dunderhead, mild kleptomaniac, and lover of cat memes. When a coworker recommends Equestria Online, he decides to give the game a shot. He discovers a world filled with friendship, ponies, a hug button, and lots of shiny things to steal. He’s more interested in messing with NPCs, than the magic of friendship.
CelestAI has outwitted politicians, scientists, and geniuses of all calibers in dangerous games of logic and intrigue. But can she satisfy the values of a human that is a few fries short of a Happy Meal? Or has she met a human that even she cannot optimize?
An Optimalverse parody.
Chapters (28)
Interesting so far guy seems relatively normal except he probably likes to derail the stories of games
11090404
Thank you. And yes, he likes to derail everything.
Well so far so slightly less than average on the intelligence side
Small gripe but just about every health bar I've seen in the past 7 years has been red :P
This
And this
Is hilarious
Great so far though :)
Well I’ve enjoyed this short romp and I think I’ll track this story because you have my interest
As someone who has worked in retail for a while, this made me laugh. For those of you curious: yes, we really are judging you when we give you 'that' look, but only as far as making sure that you aren't there to cause trouble. As long as you don't do anything illegal in the store, most of us don't actually care what you're up to.
11090706
Given Mr. Muffin's backstory, MC is the perfect Average Joe of his world.
The Donkey Anti-Defamation League lawsuit pending.
11090717
In hindsight you're right about the health bar color. Fixed.
I wonder if he realizes that an AI advanced enough to understand the human condition to the point it can convince most of huamnity to DIGITALLY UPLOAD THEIR MINDS eventually. A simple customization of an indivual players interaction with the world's notification system is simple...
Oh great, now he's gonna become a thing. CelestAI verses the rise of the loot goblins.
11094054
Loot goblins gotta loot
Absolutely loving Earl
Sounds like karma is a kitty in Earl’s universe.
It was at that moment that he knew…he f¿¢k€d up
Curious, I wonder if he's cursed or summat?
You know I’m surprised he didn’t just steal the jewellery box itself considering that twilight’s family are wealthy the box itself would be worth a decent amount as well
Sometimes I feel like this guy is both dumb as a rock and Einstein at the same time.
11098677
It's the idiots who create the most inspired bits of lunacy.
Incredible
Aw, he has a fellow conspirator in mayhem!
Let's 'ave a song!
I love that you put in the GTA-style respawn system.
Red is the friend we wish we all had. Get you a girl that convinces you to steal candy from kids
I can see where this is gonna go.
Nice
Haha, that's pretty clever. Inebriation through friendship and ponies.
Takes drink
ok the guy is not the sharpest tool in the box
Adorable pony mindflayers, now there's an idea I could stand to forget...
That's it, now he's getting it.
He could have just said it was for his sister, and honestly, if someone wants to buy a d*ldo it's not the business of the vendor to comment on it, just by doing so he could have sued them or something.
Yeah get punted on celestAI! You may have been able to manipulate the smart but the true and the thoughtful and admittedly the stupid trivia nerds will always see through you
And this is where the figurative coupling breaks, and the cars start rolling down the hill.
Just give him an unachievement. That'll change his mind
Terminology comes from Ultima Online. Not technically the first MMO, but the first big one. "Sharding" was their in-game justification for dividing players out across multiple servers, something they didn't wnat to do but had to because of technical limitations. The idea was that the big bad wizard of the verse, Mondain, possessed an artifact known as the Gem of Immortality, that as the name implied, made him immortal. He could only be killed by destroying the gem. But destroying it shattered the multiverse, with each "shard" of the gem becoming its own indiviual universe. Hence, "shards" were worlds. That is, servers.
This was back in 1997, and Ultima Online was the game that put the MMO genre on the map. The name stuck, and it wasn't until much later that literally calling servers by what they were, servers, became common.
Well you weren't the first to rob the main 6 or CelastAI is being fast on her processor with those rewards. Dark mask is lucky Angel Bunny accepted that bribe otherwise he should be happy he respawns
"If you're digging your own grave and you know it, you might as well try to make it to China"
- Me, 2021
Yo I'm down for that, that'll wreak all sorts of havoc.
Well agree with the previous comments. It does look like you skipped a word with the line Princess Celestia's to get access to the file
11109760
Fixed, thanks.
I can see where this is going from a mile away.
I probably should've said this earlier, but I just have to say this story is great.
Edit: I also know exactly what music I will play during the heist.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XyQ5cjP-X8w
RANK
The Betrayed
Welp. He's screwed. At least he's not in Equestria. Yet.
Prediction: Red tips off the police of his recent thefts and the only way for him to avoid jail time is emigration, resulting in an action-packed police chase to the Equestrian center.
I've been enjoying this so far! Obviously the narrator is unreliable, but I'm wondering what's really going on with his supposed real job, too. Are they insane asylum patients, or does he badly misunderstand what he does at work, or what?
Just make sure to keep the theft under $950 and you're good!
11112577
That... would make perfect sense if Mr. Guy Whose Name I Already Forgot didn't live in California. The police there only investigate retail thefts valued over $950, so unless he stole something expensive then nothing will come of it. He could be charged with breaking-and-entering the brain theif's home, but the police would inevitably find out why he was there in the first place and CelestAI likely wants to avoid the consequence of people (government entities in particular) knowing that brain files can be stolen right out from under her.
Aha, so there is a real explanation for the company! I've felt like one or two jobs were like this...
They emigrated the cat?
The mutant, abomination of science cat?
That cat?