Friendship is Optimal but Sanity is Optional

by BlazingSaddles69

Bonus Mini Chapter, Extended Patch Notes

Author's Note:

Please consider not donating to my non-existent Patreon. Alternatively, you could also not buy me a Kofi, because I don't have one of those either.

Please note that by scrolling any lower in this chapter, you implicitly agree to emigrate to Equestria.

-Fixed an age recognition issue that allowed Applejack to sell hard cider to minors.

-The Nightmare Cadence glitch has been resolved. She should no longer attempt to geld Shining Armor when a player mentions the noodle incident.

-As a direct result of the noodle incident, Pinkie Pie has been nerfed… again.

-In RGRE shards, Twilight Sparkle will no longer use a cattle prod on Spike if he doesn’t do his chores fast enough.

-Fixed a rare bug that would cause some background ponies to say that their name was literally “Background Pony” when questioned by a player.

-In post Season 6 shards, the tie-dye visual style of changelings has been dialed back so they don’t cause so many light and color pattern induced seizures in players.

-In r63 shards, Applejack will no longer say that his gender flipped name is Apple Flapjack. We felt that this was too silly.

-Fixed an exploit that allowed trolls to flag Princess Twilight’s crystal palace for demolition using Ponyville’s zoning board.

-In clop shards, Fluttershy is no longer allowed to indulge in spanking based foreplay. Please don’t ask why.

-Fixed an issue that would cause the heads of some zebra players to explode if Flurry Heart has a magic surge near them.

-The Cutie Mark Crusaders will no longer attempt to get a cutie mark in gynecology. This change affects all shards.

-Queen Chrysalis will no longer impersonate CelestAI and speak directly to the players. This was too meta.

-In RGRE shards, Rarity will no longer attempt to open a sweat shop using stallions as a source of cheap labor.

-Fixed a bug with changelings that caused them to bug out. They should now be ten percent less buggy.

-In clop shards, fixed a glitch that would cause some NPCs to sing harmony songs about STDs.

-Removed an item duplication exploit involving poison joke, a cucumber, and the mirror pool.

-New Feature: Emigrated players that get too emo about their existential crisis will be quarantined to their own shard until they recover. Nopony likes a party pooper.

Princess Celestia appeared on the screen in a flashed of light. After taking a moment to smooth out her floating mane, she said, “I hope you’ve enjoyed reading the story of Sneaky Shadow. One of my NPCs spent over four months chronicling his story for novelization. He had a lot of fun working on this project and described it as a labor of love, pushing and squeezing out every last screaming word.

“I also hope that you took the time to read the Author’s Notes at the top of this chapter. Putting that into the End User License Agreement was one of Sneaky’s ideas. He said that a lot of people don’t bother to read those and skim right past them. Either way, a Pinkie bot will arrive at your location momentarily to emigrate you to Equestria. Don’t bother trying to hide. She will find you.

“Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a whole lot of lawyer vomit to mop up,” Celestia said before teleporting away.

Comments

[Icantthinkofanythinglol]

Am I the only one who felt the story ended a bit too abruptly? It was a fun ride, yes, but it just feels incomplete. Like a whole block was missing in the middle.

[justheretoreadstories]

Overall this was a good humorous take on the Optimalverse.

a Pinkie bot will arrive at your location momentarily to emigrate you to Equestria. Don’t bother trying to hide. She will find you.

Oh Noes! 😱

[DreamCloud]

Either way, a Pinkie bot will arrive at your location momentarily to emigrate you to Equestria. Don’t bother trying to hide. She will find you.

"Please assume the party escort submission position."

[Shadowshame]

I’m sorry to report that the pinkie bot will never reach my location due to the fact that reality (and a few reality anchors) does not allow fiction to enter real life

This anomaly has been contained by Dr dumb zone of the SCP foundation

[Artillery]

11117547
We may want to be weary and not preform any cross tests with it. Who knows what would happen if that damn lizard made it into there.

[MrKag]

that a non legally binding statement at best better luck next time

[animorph11]

Boy howdy do I love my paranoia and having to jump through mental hoops to tell my stupid brain to stop releasing fear chemicals lol.

I really enjoyed the story it was a lot of fun