• Member Since 17th Aug, 2016
  • offline last seen Last Friday

ChiefKitsune


Hello everypony and welcome. Hope you enjoy my stories.

Comments ( 41 )
fnafdragon #1 · May 11th · · 5 · Ch. 1 ·

This is so awesome man please keep going more chapters please.

not bad start, just need proofreading , spruce up the grammar. Love the concept though, Also uncapslock the title. Its abit annoying. What kind of sidearm does she use/have? A glock 18? And what about ammo? Does she have infinite ammo?

Not a bad start but, just need proofreading , spruce up the grammar.

This was a awesome heart pumping sad beginning I hope Nick shows up in the future.

10228218
copy paste much?

This is definitely rough around the edges. It could be trimmed up in some areas, and it feels kinda stiff, but that might just be me. I will be following this though.

Its alright.

Crystonian #9 · May 12th · · 1 · Ch. 1 ·

Seems like an interesting concept. Lets take a read.

Next chapter needs to be out now 👍👍👍👍👍👍🤣🤣🤣🤣😍

10228954
What do you mean "an interest concept"? This is by-the-numbers displaced. It's only on the first chapter and I bet I can predict every story beat like it was written on my calendar. Hell, it's already begun in the Everfree Forest; next will be Fluttershy's house.

10229760
I'm speaking of the Zootopia crossover. I have yet to read it so that's all I can say for now.
And if you look over to the Also Liked tab, you can see one of my stories.

10229760
Ok first have you even read it? I never mentioned the name of the forest and I even said that the village has no name. Also if you have a problem with Displaced stories then you don't have to read this. I have no need for negativity towards my story or my readers. If you agree with this user's comment then please don't' bother reading this story.

10228264
I will neither confirm nor deny the arrival of Nick Wilde in the future of this story.

Pretty interesting and, while I dislike some things you did like the beginning what with overweight and in transformation you include the MC's crotch, but other then that this was pretty good for first chapter of a displaced fic

10230613
Oh well send me a PM with what you didn't like exactly about it and I'll discuss it more in detail with you then.

More pls loved it:pinkiehappy:

10229760
Yeah I can tell you didn't actually read it because that Fluttershy house thing is literally impossible as this is set in the time when Luna and Celestia are fillies

Wow, this is pretty good. I love the new spin on the displaced genre. Along with not making the character op at first or horrible. I mean, the magic part is a bit far fetched but hey. Its an alicorn. Fuck reality cause we move the Sun and Moon. Heh. The gender changing part was a bit erotic but makes sense, one would feel please having their dick shrink and shove up into their body like that. Very erotic thing. Bit graphic at parts but who cares, you got down what its like to change ones gender, how they felt physcally and a bit mentally. So good job and can wait for more.

DNC
DNC #22 · May 14th · · · Ch. 1 ·

10228318
Not just you.:applejackunsure:

Interesting idea, i would love to see more

Me gustó el capítulo porfavor sigue subiendo más episodios

Hmm I'm interested.....continue

I like it. Continue!

Dis Is going to be good

Mid-chapter you referred to the alicorn foals. That was the first time their tribe was mentioned as well as their colors. It’s obviously the future diarchs, but the setup could have been commentary when she first laid eyes on them. Of course my advice is free and therefore worth nothing.

Wonderful start to what could be a very original displaced story concept. 👯‍♀️
🎱U🎱

I really hope that gun has infinite ammo or the bunny is kinda screwed being in pre uniting of the tribes equestria. This is probably the first displaced I’ve seen that doesn’t have some kind of overwhelming advantage to help survive. Interesting.

I think this is also my first comment after being in the site for three years. Congrats the bunny has stopped my lurking ways. Lol

She was blessed with ethernal youth and magic.
Now I am curious what kind of magical skills/abilities she will develop.
Considering that with her care Nightmare Moon would be really unlikely and history after the banishment would go quite differently.
I am looking forward to finding out where she might be in modern Equestria. If she will live that long.
My bet would be that she was helping in the Crystal Empire and got caught up in its banishment. Or it was Discord playing his games. Or an experiment of Starswirl gone wrong (Timetravel...).

This was a sweet and heart warming chapter I love it.

Love it please make more chapters please and I am a fan of the story keep going please.

Quick question, is there going to be a time skip?

Now I am curious on what kind of power her spray can has. Most Displaced come with out-of-this-world artifact after all.

10230497
The main issue most people take with Displaced is that there's so many of them and very few even manage to stand out or "change up the formula". Most of them follow a near identical script of events, usually along the lines of "My life was boring, nothing much happening" to "Suddenly I black out and wake up in Equestria as this character" followed shortly after by near immediately being able to move on past the full body transformation (And sometimes gender swap in some cases including this one) and walking about looking for adventure. Very few ever bother to include the relatable actions of "Oh god, why am I ___? What the hell happened to me? Where even am I?" or other things along those lines. Characters are just dropped in to the scene, immediately know exactly what to do, how to move, don't have any issues with the suddenly new body (Sometimes gender) and are instant badasses. That and they tend to be self-insert, near mary sues.

This one... certainly doesn't seem to deviate much from the common Displaced script outside of your character being sent via magic Coronavirus package. That's another thing, actually. They weren't expecting a package but immediately pick it up, bring it inside and open it immediately. No alarm bells, no caution, just sudden "Well this is a nice surprise". I get wanting to get your character into Equestria, but you probably could have been more creative than that.

Adding on to that, the entire bit before opening the package seemed rather unnecessary, as did bits of the transformation and the random picture in the middle of the chapter. If you want to describe something, use actual words rather than showing us a picture. If you can't describe something in words on a fanfic and need to use a picture, then you have failed as a writer. I will give some slight praise for actually describing the transformation as it's happening, though. That's not something I generally see in Displaced fics. But adding the bits about their ass, boobs and crotch seemed a bit... fetish-y. If you're just going to make this a clop story, that's one thing, but generally Displaced have some sort of story beyond human A turning into character B and don't focus on the sexual/intimate details.

So far, the story isn't bad per se, but I don't think you can say it really hits any home runs in the creativity department. It just doesn't stand out from any of the other dime a dozen, easily abandoned Displaced fics save for the character in question. If you want it to stand out, you have a bit of an uphill battle to fight.

Can't say I'm a fan of the path you've decided to take with this story. It reads more like a self insert, almost fetish level clopfic catered to the types of people who enjoy baby play/nursing. Add on to that, the fact the main character knows exactly what the Displaced are, and refers to them as "The Displaced Club"? Rubs me in all the wrong ways, honestly. Knowledge of canon I could have written off. Self aware bronies in self insert HiE's are so prevalent on this site, it would be a chore to try and find any decent ones without it. But having knowledge of the specific subset genre you're writing for, as well as your character being "A writer and reader of fanfiction" (Loosely quoted, I know those aren't the words used. Point remains the same.) just seems like lazy, uninspired writing.

It's clear at this point that I really shouldn't have any expectations of greatness from this fic, even if I really wanted to because of the Displaced character in question. Yet another Displaced fic with an interesting character concept, yet horribly flawed in execution.

AWESOME story dude!!! 👍

an interesting story can't wait to read more of this. kind of funny that luna used magic to get milk and somehow kind kinky but vary funny. hope this story turns out good tho it is displaced the crossover part is always something I kind feel like ruins the story but you do you will still follow the story to see where we end up next.

looking to see more chapters this looks to be a start of a good story

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