• Member Since 17th Aug, 2016
  • offline last seen Monday

ChiefKitsune


Hello everypony and welcome. Hope you enjoy my stories.

T

Shortly after finding out she was pregnant Twilight Velvet had a magic surge that caused her to pass out. She shortly awoke on the way to the hospital, for fear of the unborn foal. Once there it was revealed that nothing negative happened to the foals health. Twilight Velvet asked the Doctor to clarify what they meant by 'foals', once told that she had two wellsprings instead of the one before, she sat back down on the bed and proceeded to pass out again.


For further updates on how and what is going on with this story please see my blogs.

Well this is going to be my [major] rewrite of my other story "The Real MacColt" as in a few ideas and the MC, that's it.
Also Some tags don't have any content behind them yet, but they are there for a reason other than to look pretty.

Also there is a lot of Filly Twilight and Celestia Floof planned, only now the Twilight has been Doubled

Also Ask questions for the characters or even me, hay, share with me your ideas and I'll probably work them in some how. Like the idea of Celestia having the Trumpets blasting in her ears why they play them cause she is so tall. Little goofy logic points I'll almost certainly add into the story as long as they are appropriate, I want you to tell me your own silly Tia moments like that for the very purpose of adding them in I want you readers to read it and say 'Hay that's the line I suggested! They actually used it, totally awesome! :rainbowdetermined2:'

If you want more of my rambling please check out my blogs

Chapters (12)
Comments ( 98 )

8946546
Well I'm not going to tell you who, rather I'm asking which you would prefer?
8946566
Thanks I know the chapters are short and I hate reading short chapters, hopefully the usual from now own are a little longer than 600 words.:twilightsmile:

Can’t wait to see where this goes. Keep writing. :D

8947140
8946960
Maybe...:trollestia:

Also to be honest, you bring up a good point that it could be Derpy. I had thought RD and Daring Doo mother/daughter mix......
ginadrayer.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/DespicableMe1.jpg


8947140
Yeah 'bout that sorry all I had to write and run part 2 will be out soon like today soon

Please do keep up the good work and if you ever end up requiring an editor, you know who to call ;)

8947214
Well hey if I can keep up this pace and your offering I'll keep ya in mind:pinkiesmile:

Also anypony/anyone spots some mistakes PM me what you found and how I could fix it, tis very helpful

just don't do Michael beigh levels of explosions... *shivers*

8947354
what do you mean?

8947817
No promises! Mwhahahaha-! *cough* I need to work on the evil laugh more.

8948414
... I had to scroll through over two hundred (200) things to find this story.

8949063
Tell me about it! And I was only gone for three days!

Ooo, update!

It would help if you could get each chapter to at least 1500, it helps draw in readers.

8949556
I agree I haven't even started and the chapters already look to short to be good, but I still give it a chance.

Thiw really feels way to short, but I noticed someone already gave you the tip to make the chapters between 1500 - 3000 words long.

I'm hoping on getting to the entrance exam soon.

If that was a human become Twilights sister story, then I'm sure you should spent a few moment on showing them growing up and not rushing to the entrance exam,

8946909
I think I would prefer it to be Derpy, I know that you probably trying to use a different universe, but that way it would make more sense to me for Rainbow to be such a fan.

I said that I wanted to see more from Dawn, how they grew up or a scene where the human hears voices or already sees her mother after birth, just to get the hint if her human brain even works or if she could have been a simple pony in this story.

This chapter was the story about how Twilight and Dawn walked trough a lege labyrinth and survived to see the show.

No really, I'm not trying to be mean but beside the chapter being way to short, there is not even much in it.

Here we go, sorry 'bout the half baked chapter earlier but I had to type and run

My advice would be then please type when you have more time and stand still.

Thus lead to one of those moments that both fillies had the same thought at the same time. I want to do magic like her!

The problem with the short chapters is probably, you had no time so far to make me like the characters or to give me something that keeps me here.
What I wanted to say anyway, was in such sitiations and if Dawn is really a former human I always image Twilight being shocked and happy and Dawn not really interessted in Celestia to have two different reactions.

It doesn't look good the way you skipped to this moment.

Sorry but again I'm dissapointed that it stopped there, you could have started with them waking up or even showing her sister who maybe also get's an exam that day.

8949556

8949806

Okay to you both I'm going to point you to this,

https://www.fimfiction.net/blog/812728/crazy-stuffhttps://www.fimfiction.net/blog/812728/crazy-stuff

8949832

MAJOR SPOILERS I'm serious it could ruin the whole story, also please don't plagurize this idea.

Seriously I'm warning you now that unless you have a problem with the skips and how Dawn acts up to the exam then STOP!


Okay the this is I'm having the Human(Dawn) grow up a little as a happy little filly. Also I couldn't figure out how I would write an adult human male being pushed into a filly's body right from the get go. So to combat this problem I'm going to have Dawn slowly regain her memories as a human (who was a soldier so that's why she is so controlled) So to at least keep some secret to the whole plan, yet enough to hopefully keep people interested, something happens during Twilight's flare that will make Celestia take both fillies on as her students. That way I can get to writing the floof of filly Twilight with an old Mare that lost her only family nearly a thousand years ago. Hope I sorted that out for you, if not and this story still isn't what you like then thanks for trying it and offering advice

in the words of a certain YouTuber:
sleep is for the weak

8972476
as a buff Pegasus says YEAH!

:facehoof:Oh just shut up Chief, your embarrassing yourself.

*sticks tonged out at Dawn* Make me

Don't tempt me. Remember last time?

*stops taunting gaining a look of fear* you don't mean *she just nodes* Okay okay! I'll be good! I promise just don't make me experience that again. *Chief continues to degrade into a blubbering mess begging at Dawn's hooves*

8972523
I don't really want to say but lets just say it involved a muffin, a toothbrush, Dawn's fore hoof, and making physics cry.

He good times, also I was going easy on you.

*shivers in fear* what do you mean easy?! I still have nightmares! and I don't even remember Everything you did.

*rolls her eyes* oh relax I didn't do anything unsavory

8972531
oh I LOVE making physics cry... sometimes though I just do it to annoy people :pinkiecrazy: {like my brother}

8972541
:pinkiesmile:mhm also I do it to make ponies (and people) laugh!

No bad Pinkie! I just fixed that wall!

opies my bad, here have a cupcake while I fix it *shoves a cupcake into chief's mouth*

8972544
Here let me help *takes out jackhammer, plugs it in and turns it on shattering the wall in the process*..... you know now that I thing about it why did they call it the 4th wall, what happend to the other three

8972558
Oh come on that's going to cost a fortune to rebuild! Also I'm pretty sure they were destroyed by Pinkie to get to the 4th so she could make new friends with everyone.

8972705
Ahh don't worry I'll just use this (4th) wall fixing glue that I pulled from another dimension...... because screw reality as we know it
Also fair enough

All the while all three of their children were bouncing away on their bed.

Normally it's funny and I don't remember Dawns persoanlity right now, but she should have suggested something else this time.

8973225
well if you have a suggestion then please let me know what it is so I can improve my story, I can't do that if I don't know where I went wrong.

Also if all you are going to do is complain about how you don't like what I did without offering me suggestions on how I can fix it, when I do ask for them, I'm going to have to ask that you please stop as it is unhelpful when people complain about something then when asked what could have been done to improve it they don't get a reply is potentially hurtful especially to those who have self esteem issues. Meaning that there is a problem in their work so they must find it to fix it so that more people will like the story.

I'm not mad I'm just asking that if you say that you do see an issue or think I should've written it differently then all I ask is that you point me to it or else I will end up trying to fix everything trying to get it (which usually ruins the whole story) not to mention it will distract me from writing new chapters.

This goes for anyone else who feels I could've written it better by doing something differently, I can't add/fix/change it to make it more enjoyable to you if you don't tell me what you didn't like and ways I could fix it(if possible).

(addendum)
Also weren't you the one who pointed out that Dawn lacked dimensions as a character?

8972709
Well could you tell me which dimension you got that glue from 'cause Pinkie is constantly breaking my wall(of the 4th variety)

8973658
I got it from the conveniently placed dimension

8974258
Well I didn't and still don't have much of anything planned for before the Exam, I may add more later if I can get around to writing it. But like I said this is meant to show Momylestia with filly Twilight but doubled! So I need to get to where Celestia and the girls have interactions with each other. That's when I hope to really take off.

Also got any suggestions for stuff leading up to the Exam? It would go along way in getting me to write more stuff for before I introduce Tia

8974270
1. I meant look at how many chapters are before chapter two :trollestia:
And 2. I don't know ask pinkie pie to ask dawn and twilight what happened... but I can say this, DON'T FORGET MURPHY'S LAW

8974391
I'll give you that, but look at how long each is. I just can't find a way to put them together that I like. Also I tried but Pinkie said

No spoilers!

8974397
Umm you could just do a normal transition all wrighters do
if you want a bit more before celestia comes just break the shows canon a little more and have their magic do a bit more (during their magic surge), and you can add moments where they had magic surges that where just random events that happened during their foalhood (before the exam)

8974445
Well first that would be to easy and second what few of those events I have I have for their time with Celestia. Thus why I keep asking for people's suggestions for more events that I can expand upon.

8974522
Well heres something you should know about me, I suck at wrighting stories and giving ideas. (There's a reason I don't have any stories posted on this website)

8974549
Hey how would you feel if I told you the next chapter will be the longest yet (over 1500 words!) and its ready to go? I am feeling a little like a troll and don't know if I should post it now or put it up tomorrow.(it being 22:02 right now for me, meaning I'll probably wait until the morning to post it though I'll do it sooner with more responses):trollestia:

How about this if I can get 5 positive and constructive comments on this before the night is out I will post it. Also if you don't have any suggestions to improve or fix the story tell me what you like or your favorite part.:twilightsmile:

8974747
Ooooh a nice long chapter, and also here's something (not so) constructive: Keep up the good work, I couldn't find anyway to criticize this other than saying that you need to post longer chapters. (Especially for who don't have a lot of patience)

8974830
Hey even though they're short at least I have kept putting more out, though granted that still means quicker read throughs. The problem is that I can only write when I'm exhausted, also if you go read my other story and compare it to this one. Well the other story is what happened when I was thinking it out with a plan and outline and all that stuff they told me about in school. This story aside from the roughest idea, such as a human male is born as Twilight Sparkle's twin sister and has Adorkable moments with Celestia, I've been winging it....

:facehoof:That was just terrible it was just so cheesy

Oh come on I'm allowed to be cheesy.....

Cause I'm from Wisconsin!:trollestia:

:facehoof: You just made everypony dumber with that

8974939
OK 1. Twilight, that was far from the worst joke ive heard in my relatively short life. (The worst is my brothers out-of-context puns)
And 2. I would rather wait a week for a long and edited chapter then wait a day (or two) for a chapter with a few hundred words that I will have to read again later anyways because you've edited it

8974968
I know I know it's annoying for readers it's just that like I said, also from all the responses I've gotten so far I am trying to get the most out in the shortest time, I mean my last story got less than 5 comments and until I put this one out only had a hundred views. So I've been erratically sporadic from being so elated from the popularity of this. Also the only chapters I've edited were some of the originals that even I felt were rocky story wise. I mean imagine what you would be like if you wrote a story expecting it to sink like a rock, but get so much attention as this story has?

Login or register to comment