Chapter 1
It a fairly average day in Ponyville and Spike was delivering some voice training books to Sweetie Belle at the Carousel Boutique. Rarity and the other five had left to see a showing of 'Cirque de so Lame' as the purple drake called it. When Spike reached his destination he knocked and received no answer, so he opened the door and vaguely heard muffled whimpering noises from upstairs.
Spike placed the books on the counter and was about to head up to what he assumed was Sweetie's bedroom, but just as he made his way to the stairs Rarity's cat barreled into him. "Stupid cat!" Opal hissed at him and the dragon gave it the look that said, 'come at me bro.'
As Spike finally made his way up the stairs and nudged the door open slightly he felt a pang of sadness at the sight of his own special somepony crying while as she stared into a near empty fish bowl.
Sweetie Belle's face was wet, her cheeks stained with tears and puffy with a tinge of red on them. "M-Mr. Bubbles...st-st-stupid cat..." She stopped when she heard the door creak open. It wasn't hard for her to figure out who was there as Rarity was out and the rest of the Crusaders were busy. "Spike?"
The dragon chastised himself for spying on her. "Um...sorry for peeping, it's just that I was dropping those books off and I heard noises and I wanted to make sure you were alright." Spike rambled on as he tried to explain what he was doing in the doorway.
He expected yelling, but what he didn't expect was to bit knocked over by an alabaster colored blur. "Spike! It was terrible Rarity's pain in the flank of a cat ate Mr. Bubbles my pet goldfish!" Sweetie whom only a few minutes ago had been crying was now full of venom as she mentioned what events had transpired earlier that day.
Spike and damn near everyone that has been to the Carousel Boutique to visit the two sisters knew how truly evil the cat was, even dear sweet Fluttershy whom loved all animals would rather pull teeth from an angry honey badger than take care of Opalescence. The only pony that was oblivious to how nasty that cat was was Rarity whom continued to baby and dote on the wicked feline. Spike was only lucky that his scales were stronger than its claws.
Sweetie Belle broke the growing silence. "Opal is always doing stuff like this. She shredded my diary, ripped a solid chunk out of my mane and...marked my saddle bag amongst other things."
"Wait, I thought only male cats do that?"
"Yeah, I did too. It just feels like she does things out of spite."
Sweetie Belle was getting angrier by the second and Spike knew what ponies were capable of when pushed to the extreme and that was 'anything and everything.' Spike was scared what Sweetie Belle could do considering he had seen Twilight burst into living flames, Rarity turn into a skilled martial artist and pinkie...well...he didn't need to dwell on that one. "Um, Sweetie, why don't we go to the library and get some ice cream?"
While the white filly was still very livid she agreed and the two set off towards the Ponyvlle library.
The two of them were at the library as Spike had suggested they got some ice cream and some waffle cones in the hopes that a frozen dairy snack would help take Sweetie Belle's mind off of things...
...It didn't work only now they had sweet sugary Chunky Monkey and Cherry Garcia in their bellies along with hatred for everything Opal.
As Spike continued to munch on the waffle cone that once housed his frozen treat he noticed a bunch of small red and orange feathers laying around the floor and a dark and twisted stroke of genius came to mind. He turned to Sweetie. "Why don't we feed Opal, Pee Wee?"
The white filly looked at her dragon like he was crazy. "But, Spike--" He silenced her with a raised index finger.
"I know what you're thinking, but Pee Wee is beginning to molt and is gonna burst into flames soon anyway, so it won't hurt him." Spike explained phoenix regeneration to Sweetie as he gestured to the now balding hatchling who was eagerly pulling his feathers out.
The unicorn was beginning to understand what Spike was saying about his pet. "So...when Opal eats him...." She envisioned the tiny bird bursting into flames as hot as molten steel, turning into ash and launching forward in a flash of white light and becoming whole again.
He absent mindedly finished her sentence."...it'll be like a gory jack in the box."
She tried to come up with a reason why it was wrong other than it was Rarity's pet and after about four minutes she couldn't think of anything especially after the saddle bag and gold fish incidents. Her conscience divided into the stereotypical angel and devil depictions of herself except the angel didn't show up.
The devil on her left side spoke up. "Kill the cat, it won't be missed. It's caused you nothing but trouble."
"Umm...isn't there supposed to an angel here as well?"
"You know I don't think she ever showed up for work."
Meanwhile Sweetie's good conscience angel was sleeping as the alarm clock kept ringing.
"Like I was saying, you should put the kitty to sleep...PERMANENTLY...MWHAHAHA."
"Okay, I'll go with your idea."
"Sweetie? Sweetie? SWEETIE!" Spike yelled in the Royal Equestrian voice to get her attention.
She snapped out of her trance."Huh? Wha?"
"I was telling you my idea for removing Opal."
"I'm all for it."
"G-great, now we just have to ask Pee Wee if he'd be interested in being a snack."
The two of them went up the stairs to the bird whom was still pulling out feathers and scratching itself. They sat down before the baby phoenix and explained to it what they wanted to do.
"Chirp, chirp chiiiiirp, chirp, chirp." Pee Wee responded to their request.
Spike nodded. "That much?"
As if giving a final answer the fire parrot hatchling responded with a cold. "Chirp."
Sweetie couldn't follow any of what Spike and Pee Wee were discussing so she turned to the drake to get a better understanding of the situation. "Spike, I didn't now you could understand birds and what is he saying?"
"Yeah, Fluttershy taught me. Pee Wee wants two pounds of Shy's special bird seed, a tankard of cider and pack of firecrackers."
Spike knew the cider would be hard to come by in the off season, but he knew where early high quality barrels the Flim-Flam brothers were kept. The firecrackers could be gotten from one of the colts in Sweetie's class and the bird seed would cost quit a few bits as it was the premium stuff that Fluttershy sold.
"Okay Pee Wee you got yourself a deal."
An hour later at the boutique they set up plastic over all the dresses, fabric and ponyquins in the display area of the store, just in case of a mess. Spike got his feathered friend out from a nearby basket.
They feigned innocence and set Pee Wee whom was playing the part of the weak baby bird, down in the middle of the show room and pretend to walk out the door. Opal walked out of the kitchen and almost spotted the defenseless sickly looking hatchling, looked at it hungrily and decided that bird would go great with that fish it ate earlier.
Spike and Sweetie walk back into the room and acted shocked and angry. Tears were rolling down Spike's eyes which were the clever byproduct of squirting lemon juice in them.
"H-how could you, it was barely a few months old and you had to eat him didn't you? You're worst than those teenage dragons!" Spike said in an overly dramatic tone, it was clear that he should leave the scenery chewing to someone like Rarity or Discord.
Sweetie Belle pretended to cry.
Opal looked content and hisses at the two. She seemed satisfied with her meal, but then she felt sudden warmth in her belly. She at first ignored it thinking it was mild indigestion. A few seconds later the warmth turned into intense pain and it felt like her blood is boiling. She started to panic and began to let out a gut churning shriek. The look of horror was etched on her face. It was like her stomach was ripping open and as she was reaching the climax of her pain, she let out the most blood curdling howl as she was literally being cooked from the inside out. Somehow very much alive Opal watched as her chest burst open and a white beam of light flew of her out sending tar hot blood, bone fragments and other baked bodily fluids into the room.
Pee Wee reassimilated himself albeit now with healthy plumage as he let out a series happy tweets and whistles.
The young dragon and unicorn filly were shocked about what they had just witnessed. "Crap, we're gonna have to clean this up. At least we covered Rarity's dresses, fabrics and ponyquins with plastic before we began."
The two spent the next three hours cleaning the Boutique that was covered in blood and cat guts. When they were done it looked better than new.
Spike turned to his fillyfriend. "Umm, let's never speak of this again."
"Speak of what?"
"Exactly."
"Anyway, we still on for that triple date this Saturday with Scootaloo and Pipsqueak and Applebloom and Feather Weight?"
"Yep as long as we can rent a balloon and get Twilight to cast that cloud walking spell." Sweetie said as she got another trash bag out from under the kitchen sink.
"Well, I hate to cut this short, but I need to clean the library before Twilight gets home and you still have a cat to bury."
Sweetie Belle watched Spike walk out the door dreamily as she shoveled the remains of Opal into a shoe box.
About 20 minutes later Rarity returned from the performance she and her friends had gone to see in Canterlot. She approached her home and business when she noticed Sweetie Belle digging a hole in the front yard.
"Sweetie what are you digging a hole in my yard for?"
"I'm burying my goldfish."
"Oh, I'm terribly sorry about that..." She saw that the box was a tad too big for a fish. "...um Sweetie if I may, why are you using such a big box?"
"He's inside your stupid cat." She said coldly as she continued digging.
'Surely doesn't mean...' Rarity thought as she lifted the lid on the box and was greeted by Opal's face frozen in the fear as there was blood all over her once white coat with a gory chest wound with bone, connective tissue and organs seemingly scorched as if the cat been cooked from the inside out. "WHA HA HA!!!" Rarity shrieked and fainted getting grass stains on her ivory fur.
As sweetie finished her hole she saw lights in the sky and heard a synthetic melody (close encounters theme) play through the air when suddenly a flying saucer landed right next to her. To say Sweetie and the nearby townsfolk were shocked would've been an understatement.
Once the craft had landed a tiny furry bi-pedal alien emerged. "You wouldn't know where Earth is, would you?"
Sweetie Belle still shocked once shook her head slightly.
"Darn..." He sniffed the air and was entranced by the smell coming from the cardboard box. "Hey, what's that heavenly smell?"
"My sister's cat." Sweetie sheepishly replied.
The alien began to lift the top off the box and began to salivate. "Roasted cat!!! Just like mom used to make." He ripped off one of Opal's legs and gave it a chew which drawled a collective gasp from the crowd of ponies. "Mmmm, better than Mom's, I'll give you twenty quazars for it."
"Uh..."
"Okay you drive a hard bargain, twenty-five quazars and not a shintuuple more."
Sweetie Belle only shrugged. "Um, okay?"
The brown fuzzy alien threw a bag of strange looking coins to the hesitate filly. "Thanks, now I must be going. I mean American suburban families aren't gonna annoy themselves are they?" It was a rhetorical question as Alf went back into his space ship with his dinner. He looked down at the box. 'Sucker, I would have gone as high as thirty quazars.'
The ground shock as the craft took off into the sky leaving everyone with the exception of Rarity whom was still unconscious to wonder what just happened and who was that obnoxious cat eating alien.
Sweetie Belle looked at the coins once more before filling in the empty hole. 'At least I have something for Show and Tell next week.'
She dragged Rarity inside the Boutique onto her fainting couch as Rarity had the most terrifying nightmare. When she woke up Sweetie explained that it was all a dream and the only true parts were her cat going missing and the strange alien.
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Bwa-ha-ha-ha, now that was funny.
Soo funny! But the bit with the aliens was a bit unexpected....
I... yes. Have a thumb. Opal dying deserves it.
I always hated opal, nice job
Ok. Aliens are normal in talking miniature equine land..
I am.....Afraid.
I have no clue if that alein at the end was neccesary.
Overall, quite some grammar bugs, tense switches and a bit rushed events. Enjoyable, but keeping my thumb due to the ending that killed it for me.
Also, Opalescence should not screw around with Mr. Bubbles
cache.kotaku.com/assets/resources/2007/06/protector.jpg
THANK YOU! I fucking hated that cat. Thanks for killing it. Although, the alien? No idea where the fuck that came from.
....
ALF?!
YOU PUT ALF IN A FiM FANFIC?!
I.. You.,.. Huh?!
...
What am I saying, that was awesome.
have my thumbs up.
You have rekindled my faith in humanity. Thank you waffler.
Best wishes!
(Also thank you for putting that damn cat down, now we just need to take care of Angel...
)
This is as PG rated as 'Alien' is rated G.
1103887
Ha. Bioshock. Funny Story.Rarity is crying though.
Hilarious! That cat is evil. they sould kill it off in the show. And ALF He that was funny. I love ALF.
My response to Opal finally getting hers...
1103887
Kudos to you and anyone who caught the blatant Bioshock reference. and aliens aren't that out of place in a world of magic, gods of chaos and cities made out of clouds.
1104490
Alf came from the idea of...well, you had a cat that was essentially roasted from inside, Alf eats cats and I was watching that on the Hub a few days ago.
To everyone else I hate Opal and Angel, speaking of which I might do one with Angel, if anyone wants it. Considering owls eat rodents (rabbits, bunnies, mice, etc.).
1104654
First. i figuered that's wrer you saw him.
Second when you boil it down most of the MLP:FIM world is just a watered down version of Greco-Roman Mythology.
Me reading this story.
Dat evil cat.
Pee Wee! Why did that cat eat it
O_O Wow i forgot a phoenix could do that.
Where the fuck did the alien come from?!?!
1104669
Yeah and that's a shame because I'd like to see things from Eastern mythology and Celtic mythology. Things like Hellhounds, banshees, kitsune, luck dragons and Kirins, etc.
Why so much hate on Opal? I mean, sure Opal is mean, but I could never want to see it dead. I love cats. Not sure why. I am more of a cat guy than a dog guy. Same with Angel. People want Angel dead, but that would make Fluttershy cry. I can't bear that. Hurricane Fluttershy was a tough episode for me.
1104716
Yes that would please me as well. I'm not much of a cat person myself, but i love rabbites, so i don't know about killing Angle .
1104716 i loled at this so hard. oh yeah congrats on KILLING THAT GOD-BE-DAMNED FELINE
1104740
1104723
Yeah, I'm a dog person, I have an albino pitbull and rabbits suck they don't much and smell to high heaven. To be fair they aren't as bad a ferrets *repressed childhood memories*. My sister had a cat like Opal. Cats can't be trained and actively hate you. You think that cat loves, you? That damn thing wants to use its shit box, eat, bite the f**k out of you and be left alone. They are the merchants of death in horror movies. It's never a dog that jumps out of a closet before the killer throws a pick-axe in your face.
Dude, I'm a cat person, and even I gotta give you props on this one. It was funny as Heck. My only real problem is that canonically, Fluttershy's the only pony Opal is kind to, so that line about Shy not liking to take care of her bugs me a bit.
Also, that ALF cameo was the most awesome and unexpected thing I've read in a fanfic, and I don't even like ALF. It's a bad show.
1104827
I always figured she was putting on a happy face kinda like when I used to work at a toy store and I had to put up with stupid customers.
Fluttershy: "Opal was no problem at all Rarity." - If you go to her home you'd see half a bottle of sangria empty.
Alf is a complete douche bag is like the prototype for Rodger from American Dad.
Oh wow... I really don't know what to say... Poor Opal. Also... Dat Alf cameo. This story was just hilarious.
1104778 Dude. I am slightly insulted by that. And while I do have a cat that is extremely distant towards most people most of the time I have known some extremely sweet cats. But if you feel that way about them then okay. I just disagree with that statement.
1104778 You see, that is just one cat. I have a cat named Rusty who is the best and just lays his fat butt down and will allow anything to be done to him. Throw him across the room? He will come right back to lay near your feet. My friends cat Sheya is the best cat you will ever see. She will hop onto your lap and purr, you can just push her off if you don't like it. Never a dog in horror movies? Well, there are those evil zombie dogs in Resident Evil, the first movie. Let's not forget the Silent Hill games. In Minecraft, if you get a wolf and train it, you need to constantly feed it. Cats are less needy than dogs.
In real life too. They are less needy and you don't have to endure the training step. Dogs will take a s**t on your floor until you train it. All of the dogs I had, including the one I have right now, have been terrible pets. Plus, you don't see a Cat Whisperer on TV because most cats aren't as troublesome as dogs.
1105664
This might turn into a deeply divided stance where the cat people and dog people fight it out. First off the Resident Evil movies suck balls and only serve as an acting vehicle for the director's wife whom can't act. Second, in Silent Hill, the horrors there may only be the manifestations of the character's own psyche. Third, in Minecraft, there aren't any wild cats, oh wait lions, tigers, cougars, etc would tear your face off. Fourth, cats you need to buy them a crap box, they carry a myriad of parasites like ringworms, you can't have an unfixed male cat or it'll mark everything you own and sharp claws that screw up leather.
As for dogs because there are literally hundreds of breeds, the difficulty of training one varies. They can eat damn near anything. The promote a more active lifestyle as you should walk them regularly. Let's face it when used lived in some of the shitty neighborhoods I've lived in a 140 lb Rottweiler will make people think twice. You have the same issues with dogs as I've had with crappy cats.
I currently have a 12 year old dachshund: Dixie who's never been an issue and only needs food and walks 3 times a day and for the most part is a couch potato. My other dog is a 3 year old pitbull named Diesel who can open closed doors and is extremely patient and huggable and I have to run him 2 miles everyday with a bicycle. The only negative thing is he snapped 3 metal choke chains.
My thought process after Rarity fainted: "Hmmm, not bad, I chuckled throughout, and...wait...ALF!?"
...Yes. Thumbs up.
1105900 This may be. Perhaps our argument is because of our past experience with dogs and cats. Cats can also ispire a healthy lifestyle, just not as directly. Get yourself a playful cat and your butt will be chasing it down. Plus, with dogs if a new person comes on by than they will go in a frenzy. Sure, if you live in a bad neighborhood dogs are perfect. That's why we got the dog we have now. Becaue in all honesty, I'm too weak to defend anything. So a German Shepard fixes that. Except.. that dog is crazy. Same with my last dog. And the dog before that. Cat's just have better manners. And have you SMELLED a dog? Really, those things are nasty.
Plus, they don't need to be walked. Because of that nasty box that they go in, you don't need to get up off your but. They go leashless! How amazing is that! Plus, what else do I need to say but this: Laser Pointers. Just... Laser Pointers. End of argument.
1106128
Diesel is entertained with laser pointers he just tends to break thing as he jumps for the little red dot. Plus I like to throw things like cookies, crackers and rib bones and watch him catch them in mid air he can jump almost five feet straight into the air. Rope toys are also fun. It's awesome.
1106183 Your dog sounds cool. Mind you, I never said I hated dogs. Dogs are cool. Cats are better though. At least to me. I have had too many cat vs. dog arguments in real life and on the internet to find any joy in them any longer.
1104778
You know your right. Well we don't have any pet right , but we have had several dogs, fish, and Iguanas.
My personal favoriot animal is the Turtle though.
DEATH TO OPAL!
lol
Opal finally got killed? i.imgur.com/cjtbf9l.gif
3046080 Every comedy that I go to, I am confronted by that avatar. I now am going to have bad dreams.
3079599
Yes
Yes, Let the fear flow through you!
Sweeties a cold son 'a bitch
4846069
LOL that comment made my day.
Is the alien Alf? randomramblingsofacrazywoman.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/1-Alf.jpg
I think it would've been funnier if they just staged it in a way while Rarity was still around. Because otherwise the real question is, why not just stab the cat with a knife?