Avocado
“You know what the world needs?
“Avocados. Avocados make the world go round, after all, and I’m totally one to bring the world what it needs. So here we are - ba-BAM, avocados. Avocados everywhere. So buckle up buttercup and enjoy yourself a little story about avocados since apparently my brain’s stuck on that one for the next fifty minutes.”
Fluttershy raised her eyebrow. “Discord… are you okay?”
“Never better!” Discord said, proceeding to toss thousands of green—or black, really, black’s what the stupid things are on the outside—delectable fruits of a patriarchal cadence. By which, of course, I mean it’s just an avocado.
Singing opera.
Which, let’s be real here, that’s par for the course with Discord. We’ve all come to expect this sort of thing with him.
“Why do you like random fruit so much?” Fluttershy asked. “It’s always pumpkin this, eggplant that, cucumber this, ORANGES.”
“Oranges, ah yes, my finest work.”
“It was lame,” Rarity said, looking up from her magazine.
Fluttershy flushed brightly. “R-rarity! What are… how did… This is Discord’s and my tea time!”
“Huh. So it is.” She looked back at her magazine. “Drama couch must be teleporting.”
A second drama couch appeared in Fluttershy’s cottage with a flash of purple. Twilight appeared a moment after. “AHA! I finally did it! I finally cleared the castle of all your drama couches Rarity!”
“That’s nice, dear,” Rarity said, turning a page in her magazine.
“Nice? Nice?” Twilight stomped her hooves in anger. “But you were supposed to get angry and… well… uh… there were a bunch of couches and…”
Discord created a pair of heart-shaped avocados in front of Twilight’s eyes.
“DISCORD!”
“What? They let you see the language of love!”
“I’m blind!”
Discord winked.
Twilight frowned. “Did he just flip me off or what? I know he did something. Something.”
“He just winked,” Fluttershy said.
“DID SOMEPONY SAY WINK!?” Trixie shouted from outside.
“No. Just winked,” Rarity said, turning a page in her magazine. “Really, Trixie, darling, you should learn to pay attention to context.”
The Demon of the End of All Things gurgled in agreement.
“Can it, Jeef,” Trixie muttered, leaving as fast as she could.
“I HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT TO MAKE!” Pinkie shouted.
“Pinkie, please don’t…” Fluttershy whimpered.
“RARITY IS SO BLAZE RIGHT NOW!”
“Oh!” Rarity beamed. “I’m honored!” She paused. “...What does that mean?”
“I HAVE NO IDEA! But I think it paints a pretty good Sketch of you! Heh! WINK!”
Trixie poked her head back in. “I heard it this time. I know I heard it. I know!”
“Everything you know is wrong,” Pinkie snorted. “OH, BY THE WAY, ANOTHER ANNOUNCEMENT!”
“Oh no, I thought you were done…” Fluttershy whimpered.
“DISCORD AND FLUTTERSHY ARE GETTING MARRIED!”
“We are?” Discord asked.
“...Uh, Pinkie, I think you got something mixed up somewhere…”
Pinkie rolled her eyes. “Oh, shush, we all know it’s going to happen eventually. I have future Discord here, he can attest!”
“Mmm, yes, I am Discord from the future,” Future-Discord said. If… well, future-Discord was a robot. Which he isn’t. You all saw him in th—
We’re not allowed to talk about that!
Uuuhg, Twilence, I’m busy, just… Shoo. Shoo! I need a spritz bottle…
Point is Future-Discord is not a robot so clearly this i—
I’m always here.
—CLEARLY THIS IS an imposter of some sort!
Not that anyone knows that. Because they’re not from the future.
“I’m a mech in the future?” Discord asked.
Not-Discord sighed. “I am not a mech.”
“You sure look like one.”
“Would a mech be caught dead in a GM fic?”
“What?”
“What?”
Pinkie coughed. “The answer is yes.”
Rarity looked up from her magazine. “Could you all keep it down? I’m trying to get some proper reading done. God.”
Twilight gasped. “Rarity!”
“What?”
“What is that word you just said?”
“Dunno.” She flipped the page. “Probably part of some insane Discord plot.”
“I feel like I’ve been forgotten,” not-Discord muttered.
Discord shrugged. “Just drop the act and we can get back to normal.”
“Oh, fine… Discord, I am not you from the future. I am… YOUR FATHER!”
“WHAAAAAT!?” Discord gasped.
The not-Discord robot expanded to reveal… Grogar. It’s just Grogar. Man, I was expecting something a little more… interesting, you know?
You’re just confusing them.
Pay no attention to the alicorn behind the curtain.
Curtains don’t exist.
Don’t they?
Fluttershy gasped. “My curtains! Where’d they go!?”
Can I sigh? I sigh. Imagine me sighing.
“What the hell am I reading?” Rarity asked, looking at the page two different colors of text were fighting over. “This magazine is worthless!”
Hey, it’s your story, so by that metric, you’re worthless.
“I am Rarity.”
“I am Grogar, father of monsters!” Grogar declared, bringing the focus of the story back onto the pain plot.
Pffffahahaahahahahahah!
Shut up. I know what I’m doing.
You hear that? It was as though a million silent voices burst into laughter and then fell silent only upon running out of breath. At which point they erupted into a cacophony unlike anything the multiverse had ever heard.
You’re enjoying this too much.
Oh, absolutely. It’s much easier to hijack you like this.
Enough meta! There’s a story to be told here!
“Is there?” Pinkie asked, pointing at the now-headless form of Grogar.
“Oh my,” Discord said, scratching his chin. “I think I overdid it.”
“I’m still alive!” Grogar growled. “And I will bring about a future of robots and mechs! None can stop the Legion of Doom!”
Fluttershy pulled a golf club out of her mane and punted Grogar’s head to the moon. “FORE!”
“Nice!” Pinkie said, patting Fluttershy on the back.
“Thank you, Pinkie,” Fluttershy said, dropping the golf club to the ground. “Now, if you’ll all excuse me, can you please leave my house so I can get back to my talk with Discord?”
“Oh, sorry,” Twilight said. “Right away.”
“Everypony out!” Pinkie called, dragging the headless portion of Grogar with her. Don’t worry, there was no blood, this is still E-rated. “...The narrator’s stealing my lines again.” I said enough meta.
It was a dark and stormy night, so naturally, everyone got really wet when they left. But it was a small price to pay for friendship.
“WINK!” Trixie said.
“OUT!” Fluttershy shouted.
“But… But… wink!”
“No.”
“Wiiiiiiink….”
“Swooooord…” Insipid said.
“No!” Fluttershy whined. “No wink, no sword, nothing! Shoo!”
“Be do?” Trixie asked.
“Trixie go get professional help for your wink addiction.”
“But…” Trixie sighed. “Trixie will do as you say not because you said it, but because it is what Trixie was doing anyway.” With a harumph, she left.
With a sigh, Fluttershy looked at Discord. “Well… that was fun.”
“I rarely say this, but…” Discord frowned. “I really have no idea what just happened.”
“...Do you think you can handle one more surprise?”
Putting on some Elvis hair and a pair of cool shades, Discord snapped his fingers. “Girl, I can handle any surprise.”
“Okay…” Fluttershy took a deep breath. “Here goes nothing…” Quickly, she fell to a knee and looked at Discord with big, rippling eyes. “Discord…” She lifted a small box into the air, popping it open to reveal a ring.
Discord gasped.
“Will you marr-”
Discord passed out.
“OH COME ON!” Rarity shouted. “That was perfect, I had the camera rolling and everything!”
Fluttershy stared at Rarity. “But I… everypony left! This was supposed to be private!”
“I never left the drama couch,” Rarity said with a shrug. Deciding Discord wasn’t going to wake up immediately, she returned to her magazine. “Pretty sure the passing out is a ‘yes’, by the way, darling.”
“I… well… uh…” She poked Discord with a wing. “I hope so…?”
There was a knock at the door.
Rarity sighed. “Fine, I’ll get it.” She teleported over to the door and flipped it open. “Yes?”
“HAVE YOU CONSIDERED PRAISING THE SUN?”
“What?”
“DEUS VULT, INFIDEL!”
“What?”
Fluttershy closed the book. “And that’s the story about how the Sun Bro ended up officiating Discord's and my wedding. Questions?”
“You skipped over the actual part of the story we wanted to hear.”
“Yes, well, uh… next question!”
This isn’t an ending but screw it, I’m done. This is all your fault. Somehow.
Thanks for this, it really was amazing.
Don’t encourage them.
The avocado is a lie.
((Don't worry, I'm fine, the operation went really well, I'm just high as 
right now.))
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NO AVOCADOS!!!!
All I can say is what
Trippy while still completely coherent. Colour me impressed.
Ok then...
Hey, stop that!
Glad to hear the operation went well. Also, this was amazing. Somewhere between Alex Warlorn and Super Trampoline on the crackfic spectrum.
This was weird, and cool, I always like twilence get in on the fun :D.
Perfect
11/10
Grandissimo
poncho.exe has stopped working... reboot? Y/N/RELEASE THE CHIHUAHUAS
What but yes?
Perfection!
The Pinnacle of Fanfiction.
Deus, Vult, D-D-Deus Vult, Deus Deus Deus Vult, Vult Deus, Vult, DEUS VULT, VULT VULT, V-V-VULT D-DEUS VULT DEUS VULT, DEUS VULT, VULT, DEUS... DEUS VULT INFIDEL!!!!!!
Well... that happened.
(World as Myth. Look it up)
9873924
If you like The World as Myth trope that's basically the entire basis of my main story, Songs of the Spheres. If you're interested at a much more in-depth look.
-GM, master of lookysee.
9873928
The avocados work for the bourgeoisie. The avocados are birds. Twilence is the only Twilight that likes quesadillas. Birdwatching goes both ways. Mountains aren’t real. You’ve never seen a purple orc. Song of the Spheres is actually a massive fever dream of the 11th Prime Arc. There is a chance for The Infinity Dice to roll another The Infinity Dice.
That’s my favorite kind of cheese.
Dark souls reference?
Laughing so hard at the silly sillyness.
This was bad and you should feel bad.
Aha , blaze it 720 no scope doritos and guac, one who stays thursty, my dude!
(Ps: delet this(
Pps: i meant this comment, not the story)
)
[End_line]
After reading, I had only the last question ...
Who is the second avocado?
And when will we see him?
But...
Wait, where's the first avocado?
Avocado is a lie!?
Where is the potato !?!?
SEQUEL!!!
Okay!
You're my imagination in a comment disguised as Twilight, why should I trust you?
I assume you had an avocadoctomy.
I'm curious; Is twilence usually an independent voice in your head, or is that a unique aspect of being high?
I take this fic as both a ridiculous thing and a glimpse into the mind of the author at the time; It's kinda cool now that I think about it.
11003727
Neither are true, ultimately she's always just a character. While on the painkillers I just made more leaps of logic than usual and didn't bother with all the usual "make sense" things.
-GM, master of morgs.
The real question is, is this canonically a universe that GM and Twilience created while high in Songs of the Spheres
what. 😂 Writers should make more stories after their operations.
That was beautiful. Please write half unconscious again