Diaries of an Equestrian Overlord

by KitsuneRisu

11th January

1.15 PM

Apple Bloom is still trying. It's already the next day. I was hoping she'd give up by now. Honestly, I'm just guessing though. With the short attention spans children have nowadays, she could very well just be doing random things.

She has enlisted the help of Rainbow Dash, but she isn't going to help a bit. Rainbow Dash might be quick, but only in the physical aspect, if you get my drift.

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1.50 PM

Pinkamina, on the other hoof, might cause severe problems.

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1.53 PM

No. No, of course not. She just wants to make cakes again.

I can tell from the large clouds of black smoke rising from the chimney of the Sugar Cube Corner Bakery and Patisserie, which I still linger in my decision to seed with descrying devices.

Thought:

They say that there's any excuse for cake, but there's always room for jelly.

This is a conundrum of the highest degree. In order to successfully decide, then, on the merits of jelly versus cake at any one period of choice between the two, discounting other influences or any other choices, one must then define the concept of 'room' and 'excuses', and then apply them to the subjective scenario in which the choice lies, thereby establishing a clear baseline in which one will no doubt take precedence over the other.

Furthermore the modifiers of 'any' and 'always' change the nature of the base nouns 'room' and 'excuse' considerably, as each of the adjectival determiners make a remarkable impact upon the severity and usability of their respective qualifiers.

All I can say for sure is:

Jelly fluctuates capriciously in a bowl; and cake settles irresolutely on a plate, aware of their unstable position in the universe.

Where was I?

Oh yes, since I had Spike refrain from planting devices within the Sugar Cube Corner Bakery, I have no choice but to contemplate on the dealings within the vapid house of Cake (Mr. and Mrs.).

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2.13 PM

Twilight has entered the bakery. There is no change in activity.

Why are they baking so much, anyway? Is there some kind of thing going on that I am unaware of/have not been invited to?

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3.15 PM

Over the past hour or so, there have been decorations going up, preparations being made and the like. If I didn't know better, I'd say they were having yet another party.

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5.54 PM

Now it makes sense. A Cuteceañera has been planned, by that silly Silver Spoon filly. The Ponies are showing up in droves and entering the bakery.

It's totally unfair. I never had a Cuteceañera when I was a filly. Of course, I didn't technically have consciousness either, not to mention I didn't get my mark until a couple hundred years after I was born.

But still, it's totally unfair.

I want a Cuteceañera!

Bah, my Gala is better anyway. Stupid Ponies and their stupid customs.

---

10.30 PM

To my surprise and my personal delight, a useful report came not from Cheerilee or Spike, but rather from Twilight Sparkle herself, who had unintentionally divulged information in her regular correspondence with me about the nonsense of Friendship.

I knew those letters would be useful one day.

She wrote:

Dearest Princess Celestia,

I am happy to report that one of your youngest subjects has learned a valuable lesson about friendship.

Sometimes, the thing you think will cause you to lose friends, and feel left out, can actually be the thing that helps you make your closest friends, and realise how special you are.

I had to read between the lines a little, but I have come to this understanding:

Apple Bloom had originally thought her lack of a Cutie Mark was a debilitating affliction rife with unneeded attention and the taunting of little schoolchildren. She has now found that by allying herself with other ponies who share this disease, they can wilfully ignore the taunts of others and band together strong, in some sort of group of derelicts.

It has yet to be seen who these Ponies are, however.

Of course if the problem of 'Cutie Mark Forcing' is confined to this group, there should not be any more fear of contamination. I believe the right action now is to segregate the group from the rest of their peers and cause them to be outcasts, such that no others will look up to their actions as a role model to follow.

For now I will consider this matter sufficiently contained.

All this Cutie Mark business has reminded me of my own mark, and how I got it, and why it makes me the best. I could not help but stare at it, lost in the memories of my triumphs and successes.