6. Scootaiteration
CHAPTER VI
SCOOTAITERATION
The weaponised party barge tore through the bushes at Ponyville’s outskirts. The pie launcher was primed and ready; Pinkie Pie opened the hatch, watching the perimeter. “Clear,” she reported, and put on headphones. “Twilight, how’s it looking out there?”
“Something’s happening in the town.” Twilight’s voice sounded clear in the radio. She was flying above the party barge and the detachment of Royal Guards following it. A few pegasi, including the Wonderbolts, were flying with her, ready to give the army aerial support.
“We need to hurry,” Rarity said. She was sitting on the top of the party barge along with the Head of the Department of Wartime Technologies. Both were wearing new camo uniforms, although Rarity adorned hers with gems, much to her companion’s dismay. “Those ruffians may be preparing us a warm welcome.”
“I don’t see anything,” said the blue pegasus Royal Guard called Guardian Angel. She was one of the first guardsmares and although she’d spent most of her career chasing filly guides away from the richer districts of Canterlot, she’d recently took part in arresting Cozy Glow, which definitely made her qualified for the job. “Wait…”
“What is this?” Twilight asked.
“A Scootaloo–” Guardian Angel furrowed her eyebrows and took Pinkie’s radio from her. “A Scootaloo is walking towards us with a white flag. Maybe she wants to talk.”
“I can shoot a bit of armour-piercing cheesecake at her,” Pinkie said. “So she knows we’re serious.”
“You can’t,” Rarity replied. “White flag and all that.”
“Not even incendiary muffins?” Pinkie asked. “You’re no fun.”
“Don’t shoot at me!” one of the Scootaloos exclaimed, standing in front of the party barge. Then, in a flash of magic, she turned into Sclerite. “Nicht schießen. Je me rends! Nye stryelay, u menya vodka i ya znayu gde bordel! I am but a lowly changeling hiding among those clones.”
It was common knowledge that once away from the swarm and out of disguise, changelings were vulnerable to attacks. Thus, many of them learned to beg for mercy in at least fifty languages.
“What are you doing here?” Rarity asked.
“Telling you to hurry up,” Sclerite replied. “The slaves started a fight against the Scootaloos, but they’re outnumbered. Pterostigma went to the hospital to tell them about it, so the nurses may join them soon.”
“Alright,” Guardian Angel said. “The crew of the barge, hide inside. Guards, keep formation. We need to bypass their defences.”
“Applejack, full steam ahead!” Pinkie exclaimed. She closed the hatch and the party barge rushed forward, tearing through the grass and shrubbery. The guards followed it; some of them looked at the sky, where the pegasi had already reached the city limits.
Several fireworks flew towards them. Twilight caught one with her magic and threw it back, carefully aiming away from the clones. This, unfortunately, meant that she chipped away a large part of the roof of the School of Friendship, freeing some strange, deformed creatures.
Rarity opened the hatch on the top of the party barge and looked around. The field in front of them was orange – clones were standing there, awaiting the attack. Rarity shuddered, realising that they outnumbered the army of guards.
“Pinkie!” she shouted. “Load the chocolate shrapnel.”
The pie launcher roared. Rarity grabbed her binoculars and saw that some Scootaloos ended up knocked down by the chocolate muffins. One of them managed to catch her muffin with her mouth and then carefully collect the remaining projectiles to eat them.
Twilight’s spell exploded nearby. The party barge drifted sideways, its pie launcher spewing sabot carrot cakes, chocolate shells, explosive cookies, and depleted uranium brownies. Still, Scootaloos rushed to it, climbing on the top deck.
The Head of The Department of Wartime Technologies got out of the barge, facing the clones. She first produced her pistol, but when it failed due to its barrel being blocked with whipped cream, she produced her rapier and swung it around, keeping the Scootaloos at a distance.
“Stand and deliver!” she exclaimed. “Or Tirek may take you!”
Then, one of the flying clones unceremoniously dropped a jar of whiskey on her head, knocking her out.
Starlight poked her head from the rear gunner’s seat and sniffed the puddle. “Hey, that’s whisky from my liquor cabinet!” she shouted at one of the clones, who just stole the Head of The Department of Wartime Technologies’ wallet. “Where did you get it?”
Nopony replied. More clones climbed on the barge, banging their hooves against the armour.
Starlight sighed and charged her horn. “Why am I even asking…”
Apple Bloom looked around and realised that the situation had spiralled out of control. Fleetfoot was unconscious and overwhelmed by a swarm of clones. Apple Bloom herself was surrounded, along with Diamond Tiara, Dee-Dee, Silver Spoon, Scootaloo, and Sweetie Belle. Only a few more ponies were still fighting. Apple Bloom could see the clones flying towards the place where Derpy and Dinky were, only to get blasted away with Dinky’s spells.
“I knew it was a bad idea to trust her!” Silver Spoon exclaimed, shooting Dee-Dee a glare.
“We’d win if it weren’t for you all!” Dee-Dee replied and pointed at Twist and Button. “Let’s join them! We need to get out of this ditch!”
“Oh, horseapples…” Apple Bloom muttered, looking up.
Sweetie Belle’s clone was standing in the flash of green light, her eyes closed. Her horn was sending sparks around, as she slowly levitated a pile of earth a few inches above the ground.
Scootaloo turned to the real Sweetie Belle. “Is that even possible?”
“How would I know?” Sweetie shrugged. “I guess she’ll drop it on her head when she tries to move it…”
The clone’s magic flashed and the pile started to slowly move towards the ditch. Lightning shot out of her horn, smaller sparks snapping on her fur.
“Bordel de merde,” Sweetie muttered one of the curses she’d accidentally learned from Rarity.
“She’s gonna bury us all alive!” Diamond Tiara exclaimed. “I don’t want to be buried alive next to Apple Bloom!”
“How about you get buried next to me?” Silver asked, punching one of the clones that was about to catch Diamond.
“I can get behind that.” Diamond turned back and kicked another clone with her hind legs.
“Someone needs to get me there.” Sweetie looked at her clone.
“Not me,” Scootaloo said. “Unlike my clones, I can’t really fly.”
“If they could learn, you can too,” Sweetie said. “Come on! I’ll help you get off the ground.”
She sat on Scootaloo’s back and levitated her, trying to make her as light as possible. Scootaloo flapped her wings and, to her surprise, she took off, flying above the heads of the surprised clones.
“Come on!” Sweetie exclaimed, focusing on the magic flowing through her horn. She noticed that several clones chased them, including one with black strips in her mane – Scootaloo 150.
“I can’t do this for much longer…” Scootaloo panted, trying to fly above the ditch.
“Of course!” Scootaloo 150 chuckled. “After all, we’re superior!”
Scootaloo furrowed her eyebrows. “I’m gonna rip your tail off and feed it to you!” She flapped her wings harder, charging at the clone.
Suddenly, Scootaloo felt that Sweetie cancelled her magic. As gravity came back to normal she got much heavier and realised that they were about to crash.
“What are you–” Scootaloo paused when Sweetie jumped off her back, grabbing Hundred-and-Fifty’s neck. The clone thrashed when Sweetie climbed on her back, twisting the piercing-adorned ear with her magic.
“Now you’ll fly me to her,” Sweetie muttered.
“What if I don’t?”
“Don’t worry, I’ll give you a push!” Scootaloo somersaulted in mid-air and kicked her clone in the ass, propelling her and Sweetie towards the floating pile of earth. This was, however, the end of Scootaloo’s strength; her wings gave up and she fell into the crowd.
As soon as they were on the surface, Sweetie jumped off Hundred-and-Fifty’s back and zapped her with her magic, just in case. Then, she ran towards her clone, levitating some stick lying on the ground.
The sky darkened. Sweetie realised that the pile of earth was right above her head and that soon her copy would drop it into the ditch. Said copy being right in front of her. Her eyes were now open, glowing with pure energy.
“There can be only one!” Sweetie yelled, throwing the stick at the clone’s horn.
The resulting explosion blinded her for a moment, just before the pile of earth fell right on her head. Instinctively, she conjured a protective bubble, rushing to the surface as mud bounced off of her magic. Flashes and lightning erupted around her, a terrible roar filling her ears.
And then, everything suddenly ended. Sweetie found herself standing on the top of the pile, clear skies above her. She looked around, realising that everyone stopped fighting.
“Uhh…” Sweetie blushed, realising that everyone was looking at her. “I, umm… I have become, like…”
The ground beneath her hooves moved and her clone dug herself out. Her fur was dirty, with missing patches. Smoke was coming out of her ears and she could only take a few staggering steps towards Sweetie before she had to catch a breath.
“Ms. Belle, I don’t feel so good,” she said. Her hooves trembled and she suddenly turned into a cloud of dust, slowly dissipating in the breeze.
Sweetie’s jaw dropped. “Did I do that?”
“I did.” Another pony emerged from the dust. He had a blue hat with bells, a robe, and a long, white beard. “Enough of this nonsense.” He closed his eyes and charged his horn, unleashing a huge, white flame above Ponyville.
Several Scootaloos looked at each other, their eyes widening. Then, they started disappearing, one by one.
“Starswirl? What did you do to them?” Sweetie shuddered.
“Don’t worry, they’ll be fine,” Starswirl replied. “Your friends too.”
Next to them, Scootaloo 150 stood up and looked at her hooves. She furrowed her eyebrows and then, just like that, she was gone.
At the bottom of the ditch, ponies stood up, realising that the attacking clones just evaporated. Diamond Tiara was the first to let out a loud cheer.
“I knew a superior one would win!” she exclaimed.
Silver Spoon looked at her. “You… You’re Dee-Dee, aren’t you?”
Diamond Tiara smirked. “Don’t worry, no one will see the difference,” she whispered.
“Oh no,” Silver muttered. “Apple Bloom? At least you are you, right?”
“Yeah,” Apple Bloom replied. “Scootaloo seems fine too. Are ya okay, Scoots?”
Scootaloo sat on the ground and rubbed her temples before looking at her friends, her lips forming a playful smile. “Rainbow Dash is best pony,” she said.
Rainbow Dash furrowed her eyebrows and threw the dice. She smirked, pushing the top hat-shaped piece along the board. “Okay,” she said. “So, I’m buying Hoofington and now I can build hotels.”
“Aww, damn,” Scootaloo 053 muttered. “And that’s just when I ran out of cash.”
“Time to sell Ponyville to me,” Rainbow Dash said. “You can also give me the real town, you know.” She looked at the paper bits in the bank. “Guess we can give you some credit…”
Fifty-Three took a long sigh. “Well, it’s not like it’s a very big town. And I think the prisoners are rebelling again.”
“Bread and circuses, as Twilight would say,” Rainbow Dash said. “Fleetfoot is here, so we could race from time to time. Or you could organise fights in that pit you dug. Winner gets freedom and stuff. Or–” She paused, realised that Fifty-Three disappeared. Literally – she didn’t go to another room, she just vanished into thin air.
“Great,” Rainbow Dash muttered. “Just when I found someone I could win against.” She shrugged. “Can someone bring me more cider?” Her words echoed across the empty corridors. “Anyone?”
She walked to another room, but all she found was Rumble, lying on a large bed and staring at the wall. “I had the strangest dream…” he muttered.
Starlight opened her eyes. Her head was throbbing with pain and she could smell the scorched hair; a telltale sign of overexerting her horn to the point she accidentally lit her mane on fire.
“Hello,” said the Head of the Department of Wartime Technologies. She was sitting on a hospital bed next to Starlight’s, her head bandaged. “You’re finally awake. The nurses say it’s the longest time you spent here unconscious. They seem to know you well.”
“I’m a frequent flyer,” Starlight replied. “What did I do this time?”
“We thought you unleashed some curse and sent all the clones off somewhere, but then some hobo appeared out of nowhere and took all the credit.” The Head of the Department of Wartime Technologies shrugged. “Still, that was some impressive magic.”
“Thanks,” Starlight muttered.
The Head of the Department of Wartime Technologies smiled and reached her hoof to Starlight. “Butter Ball.”
“What?”
“That’s my name,” The Head of the Department of Wartime Technologies blushed. “I’m Butter Ball.”
“Starlight Glimmer.”
"Finally, we're home," Pterostigma said. "Those ponies are quick when it comes to rebuilding houses, right?"
"This house wasn't damaged much anyway," Spring Breeze replied. "But at least they took care of our papers and we're now proud subjects of Princess Celestia."
Sclerite coughed. "I think I got horsey hives."
"How could you even get it?" Pterostigma rolled her eyes. "It's a pony disease."
"I don't–" Sclerite coughed again, this time changing into Scootaloo.
"Oh, not this again!" Spring Breeze yelled, instantly turning into a nirik. Sclerite jumped back, suddenly turning into a big, coughing bowl of casserole.
Spring Breeze froze, raising her eyebrows, and turned back into a kirin. "I just don't get this guy..." she said, shaking her head.
Twilight looked down from her balcony. The ponies were cleaning the streets; Applejack was helping the workers build new houses in place of the burned ones. The ditch to Tartarus had been carefully filled with earth. Several skilled necromancers from the Department of Wartime Technologies were trying to remove the curse from the school of friendship. So far, two of them ended up growing antlers.
In other words, everything in Ponyville was going back to normal.
“So, what exactly did you do to those clones?” Twilight asked Starswirl who stood next to her.
“Horde chess,” Starswirl replied. “I became the queen behind their defences.”
Twilight sighed. “Yes, but what did you do to them? That looked like quite a powerful spell.”
“Oh, it was the same thing as usual,” Starswirl replied, smiling. “Why would I change something that works? Also, I’ve heard of your method from Pinkie. Effective, but time consuming. Once you reach my level–”
Twilight froze. “Starswirl… Did you send them to the human world?”
“Human?” Starswirl raised his eyebrows. “Now that’s a word I haven’t heard in a while. We had one of these back in the old days. Bald. Green skin. Weird face. Said something horribly inappropriate to Princess Luna, so young Sir Sombra shot him and had him stuffed. Quite a fine specimen. Probably still lies in some basement in the Crystal Empire.”
“Well, I mean–” Twilight paused when she heard the buzzing sound and saw flashing lights from her room. “Wait a minute, I have to pick that up.”
Just as she expected, Sunset Shimmer wrote her a message. It was short and mysterious.
Is Starswirl with you? If he is, tell him to look at his ass in the mirror.
Twilight wrote a quick “yes” and went back to Starswirl. “Could you go to this mirror and look at your, umm… tail in it?” she asked.
“Why?” Starswirl furrowed his eyebrows. “Is it some magical experiment?”
“Experiment?” Twilight smiled sheepishly. “Yeah, we can call it that.”
“Sure, why not.” Starswirl walked to the mirror and stood in front of it. Then he turned around, examining each strand of hair in his tail.
Twilight watched the portal. Something was definitely going on in it. Magic flashed briefly and the frame started to tremble.
“I don’t get it,” Starswirl muttered. “What is supposed to–” He screamed when a yellow hoof emerged from the portal, kicking him in the family jewels. Clutching to them, he rolled on the floor.
Sunset Shimmer emerged from the portal. She looked at Starswirl and levitated him, slamming him against the wall.
“Sunset!” Twilight exclaimed. “What are you doing?”
“Don’t worry, I got this.” Sunset turned to Starswirl, stopping his attempts to fight back with a flick of her horn. “Listen up, old fart. I would be really grateful if you stopped using my world as your dumping grounds, okay? Magic from Equestria, okay. Artifacts? Fine. Sirens? Now that was a dick move.” She lifted Starswirl a bit higher. “Speaking of, the state of your balls at the end of this conversation depends on how happy I am with it, so listen to me closely.”
“Sure,” Starswirl replied, looking at Twilight. “Who is this wicked wench?”
“Shut up.” Sunset brough Starswirl closer. “Over ten thousand girls, most of them identical, suddenly appearing in the middle of the football pitch during the most important game of the season. Most of them seriously fucked up. A few of them claim they are ‘the real one’, whatever it means. Others didn’t notice yet that they don’t have wings anymore. They can make a pretty good use of their fists, though.”
“It’s not my–”
“Well, whose else?” Sunset exclaimed. “Some of them told us a hare-brained story of evil Twilight Sparkle who’d send them ‘back to the pool’ and who imprisons innocent fillies in Tartarus. They also mentioned an old fart with bells on his hat.” She turned to Twilight. “I’m not sure what you did, but Sci-Twi has a pretty bad existential crisis because she realised some of her counterparts in other dimensions may be evil.”
“Well, I’m sure we can fix this,” Twilight said.
“What do you want to fix?” Sunset asked. “The authorities may be blind to magic, but when ten thousand girls suddenly appear somewhere… Let’s say the school is now full of guys in black suits with no sense of humour and my fake passport looks more and more fake with every passing day. No one knows what to do with that, especially since some of those girls found a lawyer and are asking for asylum, claiming to be persecuted in their home country. The fact that no court ever heard of Equestria doesn’t mean shit.”
“Some of them?” Twilight asked. “What about the rest?”
Sunset casually dropped Starswirl on the floor. “About that…” She walked to the portal, put her hoof in her mouth and whistled.
It couldn’t possibly be heard across the dimensions, but somehow it worked. The portal trembled again and the first clones emerged from it, slipping on the floor or flying around the room. Two of them grabbed Starswirl and flew away with him, dropping him into a pile of fertiliser.
“It’s not about you, Twilight,” Sunset said. She had to shout to be heard over the crescendo of voices. “I’m just kinda done with Starswirl’s shit. Guess you’ll find a solution… A new home or something.”
Twilight’s eye twitched and she smirked in a way that shouldn’t be possible. “Of course…” she muttered right before passing out.
Stats
Page generated in 0.139 seconds
Total duration
766 users online
719,850 hits today, 2,364,530 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
And, once again, everything is Starswirl's fault.
9460063
Well, given he's literally one trick pony...
XD You son of a bitch. This was a blast!
...Pun intended.
files.everypony.ru/smiles/8c/d8/f279d9.png
- Oh, my long-lost brother, It's me, Blackjack, the self-proclaimed Queen of Whiskey.
If anyone shoots at him, I'll bite off his tail!!
9463260
derpicdn.net/img/2016/9/26/1258965/large.jpeg
Hmm, knowing Blackjack's luck, she should watch out for brothels. Especially if there are boats nearby.
9463267
Everything will be fine if BJ goes there already drunk
I mean, that was why you started all of this in the first place, right? Good job on that, by the way.
And basically the moral was that nobody learned anything. The end.
9463315
Well, Starswirl learned that you don't fuck with Sunset Shimmer...
9463320
Well, okay, nobody learned anything except Starswirl, who we hope actually learned quite a bit from this experience.
Absolutely fucking brilliant. I am so happy to have helped with this.
At this point I'd pay you for a fic where Starswirl gets his ass kicked from pillar to post while being told what a complete and utter tool he is. :p
During pre-reading, I described this story as being like "the Infinity War of all Samey's fics", and then this happened
So are all the Scootaloos back in Equestria, or are some of them still in the human world? And what about the ABs, Silver Spoons, DTs etc.
Also what happened to Twist and Button? DeeDee just pointed at them, said her group should join them, and... that's it. Like, there isn't even a description as to what they were doing. I wouldn't be so anal about this, but you just kind of called them directly to attention then just... stopped and started describing a different SB.
You forgot Scootaconclude and, perhaps, Scootapplication, but still.
9466481
It all leads to Scootapocalypse anyway.
9465614
Some chose to stay. I guess 021 would stay in the human world after discovering meat.
Well, the fact that she was just levitating a huge pile of earth to bury them was more important in the scene, but I really should've written some sort of epilogue for Twist and Button, now when I think about it (though it'd probably be Twist explaining in great detail why it's all Button's fault).
I figured she'd have come to that conclusion moments after first meeting pony Twilight. First rule of probability space: Everything that can happen, does. It just doesn't all happen here.
In any case... yeah, this is one heck of an interdimensional incident. Even aside from the Scootahorde, there are going to be some very pointed and unpleasant questions for many ponies in the future. Thanks a lot, Beardhorse.
Also, I don't suppose they ever found a workable method to get Scootaloo airborne?
In any case, thoroughly hilarious madness. Thank you for it.
9466799
Probably including some diplomatic relations between both worlds...
Not the real one, I guess (and then they couldn't find which was the real one).
9466525
You didn't even need an epilogue dude(though I certainly wouldn't turn one down, really like their interactions), it was just kind of weird how there wasn't even a short description as to what they were doing during the scene. Like, it'd be fine if you completly ignored them(while funny, they aren't vital to the scene), but Dee-Dee takes the time to point them out. It isn't clear why she even does that, I initially assumed they already escaped or something and she was pointing that out to the Crusaders as an example of what they needed to do but... it isn't. There's just nothing to follow up on that. I have no idea what they're doing in the scene, and while it's ultimately unnecessary and SB burying is more important... why is it even pointed out?
You see what I mean?
9468067
It's a mystery!
I'll bring up more as I chew through the chapter.
9471386
Oh, I thought they were stallions
i.imgur.com/NVhrtMk.png
Star Swirl managed to screw everything up more than even Starlight normally does!
You mean...she somehow thought her actions as Midnight Sparkle in Friendship Games were an action of good?!
But yeah, that ending...doesn't quite wrap everything up nicely. Instead, there's going to be even more general chaos in the future.
Uuuhuh.
Starswirl the Deuc Ex Machina it is then.
The most exquisite crack fic I have ever read.
9600094
Thanks
Btw, did someone recommend it to you? This story is getting a lot of traffic recently and I wonder why.
9600116
No, I think it was featured. If not, then I probably came off of another story, but I wouldn't be able to tell you which one.
9602319
It was featured a while ago. But yeah, I've seen it in similar stories column on quite a few CMC stories (and it's not easy to miss that cover art).
What pies does it use?
9727464
Fragmentation fritters, I guess
This story was very fun. Two thumbs up.
Oh and Punk Scootaloo is sexy.
HAH. RUN THEM POCKETS AND BREAK YOSELVES HOES.
FUCK YOU YOU WORTHLESS BASTARD. I I'm not crying you're crying.
Well now I know where Ezekiel went after the last season.
Highlander? Nice.
I have a feeling he enjoyed it.
10124556
i.redd.it/hdcicxk3q4ox.jpg
10124576
That's what I thought of too.
At least those who are responsible(everyone but the humans and pony turned human) will suffer for their actions.