• Member Since 31st Mar, 2017
  • offline last seen Mar 10th, 2021


A leaner of SFM who writes ocassionally

Comments ( 549 )

I love this fic. Please do not abandon It as "Harmony Kingdom"

Yeah. I have high hopes! This could be much better then the other one! Some good effort, and you'll have it!

I did not find Harmony Kingdom a bad fic, I just wanted them to continue( Sorry the Google translator)

I know. I did find it pretty good. It was just a little....bare. You know what I mean?

Yes . I understand . One of the few defects of this fic (not your fiction it has a lot of potential) and that she did not take Spike along with her. Sorry for the translator, I'm Brazilian.

more? little bare for my liking i jeneraly stay away from fics with less than 1500 word chapters but ill hang round i love me some bad ass twilight

Love it keep it up please!

I wrote rise of the mostly kingdom and I am interested in reading more
Might give me motivation to continue my own story

I enjoyed you story it inspired this one, thank you for the kind words.

This fic has promise and potential.
The only problem is that it's too fast paced really. Other than that, concept and writing style is good, just slow down the pace a bit

Could be more descriptive though

Things will proceed quite quickly for a while but I promise It will slow down for a bit after Chapter 8 before it picks up again.

Great so far if a little short on the chapter langth

It will be like that for a while but I will try to fix that later.

The language at the very beginning was harsher than expected, especially Luna's first line. You don't want to overpower the dialogue with profanity, so you might wanna consider toning it down a bit.

A bit more description of what the others are doing when writing about them would help add depth to the story
(ex. Pinkie's interaction).

Other than that it's pretty good.

Yes please! Continue it. The only thing which makes it not a pleasant read is that it is unfinished.

I am starting to read the story right now. If it doesn't stop at a critical point like the story that inspired you, I'm sure this is gonna be , as Rainbow Dash says, soooo awesome. :)

She accidentally
30 ponies.
"Twilight 's journey will get a lot more bloody in the future."
Obviously, 30 pony a day is just not enough. :P

Well let's just say this will stop becoming accidental.

Now this fic is heating up.

Chapter 9 and the ones following are probably going to be quiet for a bit before I then kick things into High Gear.

Ok um whoa!:pinkiegasp:

That certainly escalated quickly. King Sombra cultists is an interesting spin.

She's gonna be super hardcore the next time the others see her. Definitely not the same Twilight they knew.

That will be a while away, trust me there is a lot to cover before that happens.

Here my opinion on this story.
One, fuck yes badass Twilight:
Two, Pacing, slow it down, seems to rush,
Three, not really that smooth
Four, more violence pleaS

It will go fast for a while and I have to give the characters some character slow down time which will happen later.

Please slow down the pacing, I'm not a track star,so it hard to keep up.

I going to bet the weddings canceled

It feels like the atmosphere in Equestria changed really quickly.

Twilight smiled “I hope we meet again.” Twilight trotted away from him deeper into the town the smell of urine, poo and alcohol filled the street Twilight did her best not to gag at the smell.

Instead of saying poo, try feces instead. It sounds a little more mature.

Noted and implemented thanks for the tip

Ehhh... At the beginning of this chapter, the pacing was fine, and then out of the blue, Capper, and then, bam! Mercenaries!
The Capper part is ok, with she coming into town, there's a commotion, she investigates, meets Capper, that's ok.
But, after meeting Capper, oh look! Mercenaries want to hire you! It's just...too coincidental.
You could fix this by having Twilight and Capper chatting for some time, and then, several hours pass, the mercenaries show up, asking if anyone would like to join them, Twilight says she wants to join, one of the people realizes that Twilight was to one who took down Terror, and then the you continue on the next chapter

I made some changes to hopefully fix that.

Thanks for helping, note the next chapter has a lot going on

How much going on?
F1 or Hurricane?
Or nuclear bomb?

Things are starting to get interesting.

If you want to get a huge kill count chapter ten will give you it, just wait for it.

A mercenary group? This story is really starting to get interesting.

It will only be the four of them to start but it will grow.

*just reads Chapter 7*
Yes...So far the pacing has...calmed down a bit, in my opinion you should have them walking for some time, and then, BANDITS!
The part where Twilight's in a coma and seeing her friends...is interesting to say the least.
Other then that, so far the story's been,
Medium Execution (meaning it isn't bad, but it could be better)

2 hours did pass so they had been moving for a while plus wagons are slow and bulky so they haven't gone very far.

Please say that Spike is going to join Twilight's team. Because I don't want Twilight to hate him 😞

He just a baby dragon, and I feel that the anothers ponies force him into leaving Twilight all alone.

Spike hasn't turned up but he will be mentioned in a future chapter.

all of this swearing; you have my interest

Well you are doing a good job on this story, keep up the work!

keep it up i relly want to finish this book.

A minotaur and a unicorn pony. That's definitely a new ship that I've never seen set sail.

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