• Member Since 31st Mar, 2017
  • offline last seen Mar 10th, 2021

HeartfireFirebrand


A leaner of SFM who writes ocassionally

Comments ( 114 )

Well someponies are trigger happy, not so much as a “who and what are you” before they fire the rainbow laser.

Autumn smiled “It’s me Autumn, Natsuki is Windy and Yuri is June.” She then shook her head “It’s not safe to be in the forest for very long, I believe that we explain this ponce we get the other two up and running.” They woke up Windy and June, Autumn explained the same thing to the others.

Extra p.

Star cheered “That means we need to find the Everfree City and the Castle of the Two Pony Sisters!”

Castle of the two pony sisters? Pretty sure it is just the castle of the two sisters.

Not bad but not a fan of the intense ye olde speak. Makes sentences kinda hard to understand.

10150449
I am trying to make it accurate to the period, it's how ponies speak. At some point it will vanish, I assure you.

10151117
Also after Chapter 7 I will post two versions of the chapter, one normal speak and the other in old speak.

Could you dial it back a little with the ye olde language a bit? Sometimes it seems like the girls are hearing more than I can understand.

10151193
Post Chapter seven I will post two versions of the chapters.

You know what’s sad about this? I can actually see the ponies of that time acting like that to past Luna in canon.

So Sayori is basically Sans.

10152098
Kind of, she can't just summon Gaster Blasters.

Can’t wait to see what Natsuki’s powers are.

A bit of an overreaction to Sombra simply poking the Griffin, but overall, a good chapter.

10153225
Do you know that every time that Palom said something slightly out of line, Porom smacked him. That was what I was going for here.

10153231
I've never seen the game, so I wasn't aware.

10153245
Not everyone has but it was what I was going for.

Cinch, man did I wanna punch her when I saw the Friendship Games.

10154330
This is like prior to the Nightmare Moon part of the timeline, although in this universe that is unlikely to happen.

10154350
Hey, is Monika ever going to program an inventory for the four of them?

10154990
You know how in video games, when you pick up items, and put them in your inventory, so you don’t have to walk around while holding whatever you’re trying to get from point A to point B? Or when in survival games, where you collect things, then put them in your inventory for future use?

10151324
Same. I remember a HiE story where there was a chapter that flashbacks to Pre-Nightmare Moon times and it also made me really unsympathetic to the ponies of the time period.

Not sure what you’re talking about, seems like a normal discussion to me.

(For self presentation reasons, that’s a joke.)

I love Final Fantasy IV.

10156375
Imagine being a talking head stuck in an animatronic for eternity on someone's shelf

10156467
Well, Monika has made zero effort in concealing how powerful she and her friends are (in fact she's openly stated how powerful they are), so the worthless excuse for a mother had that coming. Not to mention that even if Monika wasn't there, the mother would still have to face the ones who raise and lower the sun and moon.

The ye olde talk is improving from what I'm seeing.

I wonder how disturbed Monika and the gang are if Spring Trapping the mother didn't even phase them. Is it a result of them being Displaced as their characters or were their pre-Displaced selves were always like this?

10156581

10156375

It's only going to darker from here, these four aren't saints by any means.

You might want to get a proofreader or an editor for your story. There are many grammar mistakes in here. The story idea is great, but I can't really read it right now. If you want to know where to get a proofreader or an editor, go to The Proofreader Group and to the Looking For Editors group for an editor.

I can proofread short bits of chapters so if you want small grammar mistakes that you want to be fixed, just PM me. Just keep in mind that I can only fix small parts, so you might also want to get an official proofreader as well.

Hey, what are your thoughts on M.C? You know, the character you play in the game.

This story is earning that dark tag.

YA FRIKIN' THINK?!

10157900
Well yeah, they are far from being the 'nice guys'.

So Monika can manipulate the code of reality, Yuri has the third eye, Sayori has Monster magic, and Natsuki has Vegeta's power.

Lit.

Hmm…
.
.
.

(●__●)
Can she go blue…?
Or even worse… blue evolved…?

P.S. Blue evolved is the leveled up SS blue Vegeta got to match Gokus kaio ken blue.

10161449
No, that requires god ki. She is more likely to go SSJ4 than SSB

Daybreaker will be a thing.. and Sunset may be caught in the crossfires.. big oof.

Well this make sense, the ponies had to gain their xenophobia from somewhere, I guess something like this was bound to happen eventually.

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