A leaner of SFM who writes ocassionally
A teenage girl who has been living on the streets her whole life, steals the bag of a rich woman only to get pushed out of the building. She tried to escape into an alleyway only to be shot by the police but before the police could apprehend her a strange magical metal arm appears that will change her life forever.
Takes place in the Canterlot Adventures
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Who does she run into?
9312319
I made it more clear who're you supposed to think it is because it is a surprise for the next chapter where the romance tag kicks in.
You desperately need a proof-reader. Your sentence construction is way too random, and it makes this hard to read properly. Is English your second language? Your spelling is fine, but the way you put your sentences together needs attention.
All-in-all, though, this is a very interesting premise and you need to continue the story, regardless of the writing faults.
There are many on here who can help you re-write this to make it much easier to understand. I remember someone saying there is even a group on FiM-fiction that offers proof-reading services.
Don't you mean woman?
9318363
Thanks um is it in the first chapter because I can't find it
9318422
It's in the story description
9318683
Thanks for telling me
9318691
Welcome
Nice you incorporated that thread!
But then again most of the time those aren't exactly planned...
9320774
Thanks
9321372
True
9321372
Or the fact that Pinkie knew that there's another Twilight with the same purple and green dog that looks like dog Spike. And the Twilight who visited the Equestria Girls universe is really our Princess of Friendship in a human form.
9321901
Pinkie's an odd one
9321914
Yep Silence_EXE will be providing Pinkie Pie's pov in the collab.
9321931
I hope they can characterise her well
9321901
What does that have to do with anything?
9321967
Pinkie broke the 4th wall in both humanized and pony versions about Twilight being from another world and seeking her crown with a magical element in it. Her pony counterpart told Twilight about her dance with human Flash Sentry in 1st equestria girls movie. Later SCi-Twi comes to CHS at friendship games and Principal celestia asks if Twilight had a twin sister. Pinkie replies that "Sci-Twi" is the human version of the pony twilight who came to visit and has the same dog named Spike.
9322052
Yes, I saw the movies, but what does that have to do with the comment I posted? Honestly, I'm completely and utterly confused.
I feel like you missed a lot of important details here... also on the second one there should be a comma between all and friendship
i.imgflip.com/287z8l.jpg
This seemed fitting for this chapter
9322193
Thanks for commenting
don't you mean 'you survived' not your?
9322422
Fixed thanks for helping
So she's a murderer, a thief, and someone who doesn't want other orphans to go through what she went through... huh
9323484
Okay that's who Thief is, as for who the character is now consider her an amalgamation of Tempest and Thief, it's hard to explain.
9323484
Actually a better way of saying this is a ghost in the system, no name, no birth certifcate, no indentity and that's how she likes it, the inspector and the guard she killed were in the way of her concealment. As for the Don well he threatened to kill her and that was a big no no.
9323799
Ahh, ok
I've spotted an inconsistency between you and me. Sunset wasn't taken out by Tempest, her crown was dislodged by Scoots' slingshot.
What the?
9325996
What?
9326257
I'm just trying to figure out what's going on, and how it links to previously established stories.
9326259
Oh, I stopped trying to figure out what was going on since chapter 4. As for how it links to the other stories... I have no idea I've never read them.
9326291
This is kinda crucial, as otherwise we will start contradicting each other.
9326295
Sorry, can't really help you there
9326326
Oops, sorry. I thought you were the author.
9326518
Ok... how?
9326548
Complete and utter moronic-ness.
9326561
Ahh, we all have those moments 😃
9326595
In other news, I'm in the featured box.
9326600
encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn%3AANd9GcRoQKt8mD4mfkqHLv4a2n5TuljsQHnLEVGXUqlXLIgAiajRmPBK
9326561
Okay how do you want me to fix this, where did the problems start?
9327377
Your take on the fight against Sunset contradicts what happens in my story. Sunset is rendered unable to shoot her fireball as Scootaloo slingshots the crown off her head.
9326724
Thanks!
9327563
You're Welcome
9328636
I appreciate it.
9328731
...that was fast
media1.tenor.com/images/73c9ad4cdb095d006ac07db206cbac1a/tenor.gif?itemid=7847084
9331641
This is more for the legal reasons, she needs a parent by law.
9331810
Oh... OK