• Member Since 31st Mar, 2017
  • offline last seen Mar 10th, 2021

HeartfireFirebrand


A leaner of SFM who writes ocassionally

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A teenage girl who has been living on the streets her whole life, steals the bag of a rich woman only to get pushed out of the building. She tried to escape into an alleyway only to be shot by the police but before the police could apprehend her a strange magical metal arm appears that will change her life forever.

Takes place in the Canterlot Adventures

Chapters (22)
Comments ( 94 )

9312319
I made it more clear who're you supposed to think it is because it is a surprise for the next chapter where the romance tag kicks in.

You desperately need a proof-reader. Your sentence construction is way too random, and it makes this hard to read properly. Is English your second language? Your spelling is fine, but the way you put your sentences together needs attention.

All-in-all, though, this is a very interesting premise and you need to continue the story, regardless of the writing faults.

There are many on here who can help you re-write this to make it much easier to understand. I remember someone saying there is even a group on FiM-fiction that offers proof-reading services.

A teenage girl who has been living on the streets her whole life, steals the bag of a rich womna only to get pushed out of the building.

Don't you mean woman?

9318363
Thanks um is it in the first chapter because I can't find it

Nice you incorporated that thread!

neither realising that a series of strange events would take place the following day.

But then again most of the time those aren't exactly planned...

9321372
Or the fact that Pinkie knew that there's another Twilight with the same purple and green dog that looks like dog Spike. And the Twilight who visited the Equestria Girls universe is really our Princess of Friendship in a human form.

9321914
Yep Silence_EXE will be providing Pinkie Pie's pov in the collab.

9321901
What does that have to do with anything?

9321967
Pinkie broke the 4th wall in both humanized and pony versions about Twilight being from another world and seeking her crown with a magical element in it. Her pony counterpart told Twilight about her dance with human Flash Sentry in 1st equestria girls movie. Later SCi-Twi comes to CHS at friendship games and Principal celestia asks if Twilight had a twin sister. Pinkie replies that "Sci-Twi" is the human version of the pony twilight who came to visit and has the same dog named Spike.

9322052
Yes, I saw the movies, but what does that have to do with the comment I posted? Honestly, I'm completely and utterly confused.

Sunset shrugged as she dropped the hammer only for Snips to grab Twilight’s crown off her head and then throws it to Sunset. Sunset grinned as she put on the crown only to scream as the magic flared around her twisting her body into a huge flaming red demon.

Sunset turned around to see the six girls glowing next to Snowy, Twilight eyes narrowed at Sunset “You ,may have magic now but you don’t have the greatest magic of all friendship.”

I feel like you missed a lot of important details here... also on the second one there should be a comma between all and friendship

Tempest turned away “Your survived, that girl was clearly not from here and neither are you. Do you have a place to stay, a proper home?” Sunset looked away from her, Tempest frowned “That tells me all you need to know, you going to come to my place and stay with me, I have quite a few guest rooms.”

don't you mean 'you survived' not your?

She left heading to her local bannock market dealer where she sold the diamond for a considerable sum, she then walked to the local orphanage with a smile. She knocked on the door and then left a huge bag of money with a letter, that read (Anonymous donation)

So she's a murderer, a thief, and someone who doesn't want other orphans to go through what she went through... huh

9323484
Okay that's who Thief is, as for who the character is now consider her an amalgamation of Tempest and Thief, it's hard to explain.

9323484
Actually a better way of saying this is a ghost in the system, no name, no birth certifcate, no indentity and that's how she likes it, the inspector and the guard she killed were in the way of her concealment. As for the Don well he threatened to kill her and that was a big no no.

I've spotted an inconsistency between you and me. Sunset wasn't taken out by Tempest, her crown was dislodged by Scoots' slingshot.

9326257
I'm just trying to figure out what's going on, and how it links to previously established stories.

9326259
Oh, I stopped trying to figure out what was going on since chapter 4. As for how it links to the other stories... I have no idea I've never read them.

9326291
This is kinda crucial, as otherwise we will start contradicting each other.

9326295
Sorry, can't really help you there

9326326
Oops, sorry. I thought you were the author.

9326548
Complete and utter moronic-ness.

9326561
Ahh, we all have those moments 😃

9326595
In other news, I'm in the featured box.

9326561
Okay how do you want me to fix this, where did the problems start?

9327377
Your take on the fight against Sunset contradicts what happens in my story. Sunset is rendered unable to shoot her fireball as Scootaloo slingshots the crown off her head.

9331641
This is more for the legal reasons, she needs a parent by law.

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