• Published 22nd Nov 2018
  • 1,052 Views, 69 Comments

Detective jakkid166 in everything - jakkid166



In these storeys, Detective Jakkid166 will be into all sorta different pony stuff that already exist. Fanfictions, videos, games, and all that stuff, he will BE THERE and he will INVESTIGATE te stuff crapkajfkaqhf IO gonna be good at it.

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Detective Jakkid166 in A Canterlot Wedding both part 1 and 2

(this based off the MLP episode a canterlot wedding where all the charaters are idiots and twilight is the only smart one. except this is how it happen in my universe)

One day during the best season of the year (season 2) I was with Twilight andfriends in the outside, doin really stupid stuff like playing in the grass. I was playing lawn darts with Pinkie Pie and Rain Bowdash, and Raritey and Fluttershy were eating picnic. Applejack had twilight tied up and they was kissing each other for some reason

Spike rode his bike over to us and said "GUYS I have a letter!" and he came over and threw up a letter on the ground.

"Thanks Spoke." said me the detective jakkid166 who is in this story. I pick up the letter and said "This is adresed to Twilight, but since im a detective I need to inspect it for drugs first." so I open it and tried to read for any words that said "drugs".

"What does it say jakkid?" muffled Twilights voice through her ropes

"Its from Celesita, and it says your bro is getting married to some french princess girl," I said. "Also she sent you a bag of cocaine."

"WHAT?" said Twilight and she unfucked her ropes and grabbed the leter. "This cant be! We gotta get to canterlot fast or we will miss the premeire of this episode!"

"You right," said Applejack. "But how we gonna get there? None of us can go on the train because we are poor."

"Dont worry," I said. "I can get us there FAST."

so we all got in my Detective Car and I drove it to the tran station. I hooked up my car to the train and the train drove up the tracks to Canterlot and dragged us up there.

"Wow jakkid," said Twilight. "Its a good thing you are here. Otherwise if you wasnt with us right now we would have never made it." and she tipped me fifty bucks for the ride.

"Glad to be service," I said and I put on a hat (not a fedora) and tipped it to her.

"Okay guys go away and do other stuff so I can go find my borther," said Twilight. "Except you jakkid, you can come with me for some reason."

"Sounds good" I said and we left away. "So Twilight who is you brother?"

"He is a guard here at Canterlot and he is station here at the Grand Wall of Canterlot Where Guards Stand On. His name is Shin Ingarmor."

"That's a good idea Twilight," I said and we reached the wall.

"Wait a miute, there is no ladder here!" said Twilight. "How are we suposed to get on top?"

"I got a plan," I said and I went into a outhouse and grabed the toilet plungers. I gave 2 to twilight and we used them to climb up the wall to the top. Once we got close to top there was a pony who point his spear at us and started stabbing my hand and her hooves a lot so we couldnt climb anymore.

"HALT GOES THERE!" said the pony. "You ar trestpassing on our property!"

"Shining you idiot shut up!" said Twilight. "Its me, Twilight Sparkle who is your sister!"

"Oh ok." and he let us get on top and gave us a band aid for our hand wounds. "I guess you guys are come here to see the wedding." and when he said that all of a suden, the girl she was marrying came out and she was standing there. they werent getting married yet, just in the future. Not today. But just from how Twilight cold look at her, she could tell something was wrong!

"This is Pirncess Cadence," said Shining Armor. "She is Princess Cadence."

"I think you are suspicos," Twilight said to her. "I think you might be evil."

"Thats rude Twilight!" said Shining Armor. "Why do you think she is evil?"

"Because she is pink, and she wears a crown."

"That makes sense, but still you cant say that!"

"Okay okay fine!" Twilight said and she cross her arm legs like annoyed. "Hey jakkid do you think something is wrong with Cadence? She didnt even do the butt shaking dance."

"Well times change Twilight," said me. "Maybe she dose not want to be a erotic dancer anymore."

"Yeah I guess so."

~ LATER ~

I was helping set up the weeding with everyone where I was helping make baked bake with Applejack and Pinker Pie. Pinkie Pie was making good desserts while Applejack was making some german dessert with apples.

"Im making Apple strudels partner," said Applejack even though no one asked her

"Hey Pinkie I think this cake needs more layers," I said to her. "7 is not enough, we need 1 layer for every pony that is gonne be there."

"Ok so you think I should add about 200 more layers?"

"Yeah that sounds good." I said and I look at Applejack. "Hey jAcklejack, make sure to make some apple strudels with no apples or strudels in them for peopel with allergies."

"You got it portner!" said Applejack.

"Man I am good at this. I should get paid" I said. "Wait holy crap I really should get paid. Hold on guys Im gonna be right back I gotta go talk to Celestia." and I jumped out the window and ran to Canterlot Castle.

In th meantime, Twilight arrived back at the baking place and said "Hey you idiots guess what? I think Princess Cadence is evil?"

"Dumbass," said Rarity. "Princesses cant ever be evil, or queens or kings or princes or whatever. That would be illegal"

"Dammit you guys dont believe me!" said Twilight. "Detective jakkid166 doesent believe me either. But I will get evidence! Then I will post it on Myspace for all you to see" and she ran out the door.

"Aw hell no," said Fluttershy. "Twilight is going insane."

but then they all heard a explosion sound and I crashed in throuhgh the roof and my clothes was all smoking and black.

"Hey jakkid166 how did the talk with Celstia go?" said Rainbow.

"Uhhhh," I said. "Never mind that. Someone get my clothes to quit smoking before they get lung cancer"

~ LATER TIME ~

"You the hell are we going?" I said to Twilight who I was following (in real life, not on myspace)

"We're going go go spy on Candace and Shining so I can proove that they are evil," said Twilight and we got to the door. She pulld out her cell phone and set it to record with the carmera and we peek in through the door their room.

"OHHH SHIT" said Twilight "What is happerning??!"

cause we saw inside the house was Shining Armor and Pirncess Cadence, exept Cadence was using big MAGIC spells on Shining and punchng him in the face and kicking him and beating him up and throwing him into walls and stuff.

"I knewed it!" said Twilight. "Cadence is evil!"

"Twilight just because they are into weird kinky shit doesent mean they are evil," I said.

"But jakkid are you sure?" said Twilight

"Of course im sure," said me. "Im greatest detective, and very smart. I scored a 100 on all my tests, includeing the math test, english test, and IQ test."

"Okay jakkid if you say so," said Twilight.

~ LATER AGAIN ~

I was in the canterlot wedding room hall thing while I was tuning mine guitar to prepare for the celbratory Jam Session where me and Celestia and Luna and the Rainbow Dash and friends were gonna perform "Talking Heads" by Burning Down the House. I was gona play Piano and Guitar and Drums and trumpets and saxolin and singing at the same time while the rest wold play whatever other intruments.

But just as we was about to Rock On, we was interrupted by Twilight Sparkle who was tryin to get into the doors. But the doors was locked, so Twilight pulled out a key and used it to bash the doorsdown and then she went in.

"Alright George im here!" said Twilight.

"Cool," said George. "We are about to get started now."

and then Cadence and Shining Armor walked up, but they dident want to be rude so they use magic to build new doors and then knocked on those. "Come in," said shining armor and they went in the room with us. But when Shining was walking to us Cadence sneaked behind him and pulled out a knife and stabbed him 51 times

"AAAAAARGH" screamed Shining Armor whil he was making blood all over the ground.

"OH NO!" said twilighte. "I KNEW it ! Cadence IS evil!"

"Twilight how cold you say that?!" said Celesia. "I am ashame of you!"

"Yeah!" I said. "I bet you are jealous and wanna marry him instead! No wait hes your brother thats gross. never mind"

"But you gotta beleeve me guys!" said Twilight.

"Nope," said Luna. "Thou art one dumb ass mother funker."

"Yeah," said Shining Armor. "Just cause I got killed doesnt mean im dead."

and so everyone was ashame of Twilight and left her alone in the hall and she had to practice her Talking Heads by herself. She pick up a guitar and but she didnt have fingers, so she cry on the guitar strings to make the music.

And Cadence but then walked to her and said "Dont worry Twilight, I will play Talking Heads with you."

"Aw sweet!" said Twilight and she ready her guitar. But when Cadence starte playing, Twilight realized something is wrong!

"Aw shit!" said Twilight. "This is not Talking Heads, this is Death Metal!"

"Hahaha" said Cadence. "The death metal will make you die!"

"NOOOO" said Twilight but then a green appeared and she got melted into the sucked into the ground.

meanwhile I stepped back into tha room and said "Oh sorry Twilight I forgot I left my house in here- WOAH WHAT THE FUCK?" and I saw Cadence death metalling Twilight into obilvion.

"NOOOOOO!" I said and I plug my ears. "i HATE death metal!" and I ran at Cadence but she trip me and I fell into the green too.

while i was unconscious, i had a dream about something. I dont remember what it was though

I toke up in a big cave of crystal next to Twilight. Twilight said "What the fuck is going on" and stood up and then woke up.

"I dont know," I said. "I know! Princess Cadence IS evil! I was right the entire time! Now she killed us and we are in hell."

"SHIT!" said Twilight. "You right! Jakkid I am sorry we didnt believe you."

"Its okay Twilight, but now we gotte escape from hell and tattle on her." so Twilight and me ran down the crystal halls. I found an Oubilette while we was walking, I dont know what a Oubilette is but it sounds cool and magic and useful.

I skidded down the hall in my detective Heelys and stoped cause we were at a cliff. "Consarn it!" I said to Twilight. "How we suposed to get across? We cannot walk on air, and its not season 5 so you dont have your wings or horn yet."

"Damn youre light," said Twiright. "Wait whats that sound?"

and we turn around and saw there were a bunch of ponies going to us.

"Oh crap" said Twilight. "It is the brides maids!"

"Shit," I said. "I hate maids because they always clean stuff up and make me pay too much money for it. We gotta escape from them Twilight!"

so I stood on Twilights back and she also stood on my back at the same time, and we jumped off each other a bunch of times until we went in the air and crosed the gap. We landed at the other side and I said "haHA Idiot bridesmaids! You smell like a bag of diapers that has been used by babies and old people!" and we ran through more the caves.

"Wait!" said Twilight said because she saw something out of her eyes. "Whats in that cavern with nothing in it?"

"Lets see," I said and we went in there. And sitting in the caverns was

drum roll drrdrdrrfdrgfdbgrbfgrbf

PRINCESS CADENCE

"HEY!" I said "Its the EVIL princess cadence!" and I pulld out my hand cuffs.

"Wot?" said Cadence. "I am not evil!"

"Oh yeah?" said Twilight. "Then why ded you kill us?"

"Because I didnt!" said Cadence. "The one who killed you is actually a evil imposter. I am the REAL cadence!"

"Bull shit!" I said. "You ar just copying what happened in Detective jakkid166 Go Equestria Now when I was framed by a clone of myself. You ar under arrest" I said and I handcuff her horn to myself. "Now Twilight lets escape!"

"Okey," said Twilight and we ran off.

~ MEAN WHILE ~

"Wedding is now in session for the trial of Princess Cadence and Shitting Armor" said Pricess Celestia. "Is the defense ready?"

"Yes," said Shining Armor.

"And is the prosecution ready?"

"Yeah I think so" said Princess Cadence.

"Exellent," said Celestia. "Then put on the wedding rings"

so they tried to put on the rings, but they do not have fingers so Cadence put the ring on one of her teeth and Shining put his ring on some other pointy part of his body.

"Exellent," said Luna. "I now pronounce you husband and Princess Cadence."

"I am so happey," said Shining. "Now I will not be a virgin anymore!"

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIT" shouted a voice. Shining turned his head 138 degrees to the left and saw who is it? It was ME, along with Twilight and Cadence!

"Twilight you idoit why are you still trying to fuck up everything?" said Celestia.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIT" shouted me. "I have PROOF that cadence is evil bastard!"

"WHAT?" said Cadence. "How is that posible?!"

"Simple" I said. And then I look at the cadence I was handcuffe to. But then I look back at the other cadence. And then back to my handcuffed cadence.

"Wait" I said "What the fuck. How are there two cadence?"

"Thats a fake Cadence!" said my cadence. "She is evil!"

"WHAT?" I shouted at her. "WHY DIDENT YOU TELL US THAT YOU IDIOT?"

"I forgot"

"HAHAHA!" Screamed the evil cadence. "Fools, it are too late! We are already married!"

"Damn" said Armor. "Now im gonna have to get divorced."

"Hahaha" said Cadence "Hahahahahaha hahaha aha ahhahaaha ha ha aha ha ha ah aha ahaha ha."

"Wait!" said George. "If you are not the real Cadence, who are you?"

"Haha haha ha", said Evil Cadence. "Hahah aha, I am not the real cadence, but instead, I am not the real cadence!" she said and she RIPPED HER FACE OFF

"Oh no, not YOU!" I said. "Who are you"

"My name is Queen Crystalis!" she said. "And I am the Queen of the Chonglongs!"

"You look like a bug or some ugly thing that looks like a bug," I said. "So what are you gonna do now? You are surrounded on all 4 sides except for 3 of them."

but then a whole ARMY of changelings busted in! there was Marine changelings and navy changelings and air force changelings. A changeling stepped out and said "My name is General Change Ling and I am here to lead the changling army to destruction!"

"Hahaha ah ha ha," said Queen Chrysalis. "My Changeling army will set out and do super evil changeling stuff! Like whatever evil stuff it is that we do."

"Hey idiot!" said Celestia and Chrysalis turned around and punched Chrysalis in the face.

"OW" said Chrysalis. "What the fuck dude?"

Celestia: You wil not take my kingdom of Cequestria! I will fight you and you will lose!

"Fine," said Krisalis. "Lets do this shit!"

so Celestia and Cadence both put Boxing Gloves on and stepp into the ring. I was the referee and also went in there and said "Alright you two this is the match for all tha money! The rules are no kicking, no biting, and no punching. Now FIGHT!"

"Wait" said Celestia. "Can there be a rule where only I am allowed to win?"

"Sure that too," I said. "Now ROUND ONE: FIGHT!"

So Celestia threw a uppercut at Chrysalis but Chrysalis grabbed celestias hoof and put it bac on her own face and she punched herself. But then Chrysalis grabbed Celestia and suplex her into the ground. But Celestia was ready, so when Chrysalis did that she actually was upside down and landed on her hoofs. Then she grabbed a ladder and climbed up it and jumped off and kicked Chrysalis in the face and punched her in the wing and bit her on the ass.

"Bitch!" said Chrysallis and she punched Celestia in the sholder.

"HEY!" I said. "Puching is not allowed! Queen Chrisalis is diqualified from existing."

"Hell!" said Chresalis. "I forgot about that."

"Its a good thing only I am allowed to win," said Celestia.

"Wait" I said and I looked at the rules paper I wrote on and I saw that instead of only Celestia being allowed to win, I was actually accidentally wrote Chrisalis instead! "Aw shit"

"OH NOOOOOOO" said Celestia and she was knockout.

"HAHAHAHA ha ha HA AH Aha!" said Chrosalis or whatever her name is. "Now with the magic of punching people in the face I can take over Canterquestria!"

"Not so fast criminal scum," said I. "You arent gonna do this if I have anything to say about it."

"What do you have to say about it"

"You suck fucko!" and I took out my gun. "You are under arest!" and I shot vullets at her. But her body has holes in it, and so the bullets just went through the holes.

"Dang it," said me. "My aim is so good its making me miss."

"Hahaha ha ha ha ah ahahahhaha," said Chrysalis. "Now that I am princess, I can steal the royal budget and spend it all on evil things like hacks for Mine Craft."

"NO!" Applejack shoute. "She will ruin my server! Someone do something!"

"Shining Armoire!" said Twilight. "You gotta use your spell to blast the changelings to hell!"

"I cannot Twilight," said Armor. "I am too weak because I have been doing too many reps at the gym. I am tired"

"Dammit" said Twilight. "Why do you suck at everything? Now we gotte get the elements of harmony." but THEN General Change Ling sneaked up behind Twilight and hand cuffed her to herself, so she coulde not move away from herself to go find the elements.

"Haho," said Change Ling. "Queen Chrysalis will win! Did you know she is called Queen Chrysalis because her favorite band is Queen?"

"Wow I did not know that, it is cool trivia" I said and I pulledout my laptop and went on the MLP wiki to edit it in. "Alright anyway what were we doing? Oh yeah. You are a bad guy so fuck you." so I assume me fighting stance.

"Aww yeah I love fighting," said Change Ling. "What fighting style you use?"

"I use Street Fighter style and also a little bit of Tekken to spice it up. And also Injustice 2 and smash bros."

"Yeah well I do MORTAL KOMBAT STYLE!" said Change Ling and he pulld out a knife. It was the kind of knife that was made of metal and has a handle and a blade on it, but also the kind of knife that can also shoot bullets if he uses a gun.

"Shit," I said to him. "That is deadly weaponry. Detective jakkid166 does not fight lethal, so I will fight with honor." so I went to a suit of armor at the wall and grabbed the Non Lethal Battle Axe it was holding. "Alright lets do this"

so Change Ling ran up to me and jam his knife down my throat, but I was actually practiced Sword Swallowing techniques so I didnt get hurt. So I instead pulled the knife out and threw it at him non lethally and it knocked one of his teeth out.

"Aww YEAH!" said Change Ling. "I am gonna get a quarter from the tooth fairy tonight. Thanks jakkid"

"No problem" I said and we kept fighting. This time I made sure to be super yeah. Change Ling ran at me and I used the axe like a baseball bat and shouted "FORE!" and hit him so hard he crashed through one of the realy expensive stain glass windows and got knock out.

"Dammit," said Twilight "That was a cool fight, I wish I was part of it."

I walke up behind twilight and open her handcuffs. "Dont worry. Remember Twilight, the important thing is you Trylight. But I may still have plan up my pants." and I pulld out my guitar, and the oubilette I found earlier.

"What are we gonna use that for jakkid?" said Twilight.

"Remember how we was gonna play music?" I said. And Twilight nodded because finaly she understood what I was saying at, jesus christ it took her long enough. LIke 2 seconds

So I pointe at Chrysalis and said "HEY IDIOT!"

"What the hell you want?" said Khrysalis.

"You mayhav the power of magic, but I have something with even more power. The power of MUSIC!" and I pulld out my guitar sticks, and I also took out the Oubilette and shoved it into my guitar to make it more powerful.

"Hahaha ha ah aha ah aha ha haa ha," said Chrysalis. "Idiot mortal, your music is not powerful enough to defeet us!"

so I lookt to Twilight and nodded. I looked at Rainbow Dash who was on drums, and Applejack who was playing the Apple Accordion, and Rarity who played the piano man, Pinkie Pie who played Doom 3 on the switch, and Fluttershy who played the instrument that makes music. Twilight and I was lead vocals and I was guitar. I strummed some bars and said "HIT IT!" and rainbow dash started drumming

"IM

AN

ORDINARY GUY

BURNING DOWN THE HOUSE"

and we JAMMED it so hard that it was like jelly. "oh NO!" said Christalis. "You dident tell me you had TALKING HEADS! The music is too GOOD!" and the sound waves was so pwoerful it started to blast her and her change dlings out of Canterlot.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO" said Chrisalis as she was being blasted away over the forza horizon.

"WAIT!" said Shining Armor.

"What" said Chrysalis and she stopped being blasted away. "What do you want"

"I need you to sign these divorce papers," said Shining Armor and he held them up into view.

"Oh dammit fine"

~ LATER TIME ~

I was at the after wedding party where Shining Armor and the Probably Real Cadence were just got married. It was very profound event, because them getting married was actualy what symbolizes them getting married. I said that to Celestia and she give me 3 nobel prizes

"Hey Bar Tender give me a drink" I said to the bartender whose name was Bar Tender.

"What kind of drink?" he said.

"Alcohol"

"What he fuck is alcohol?" he said.

"Alcohol is a drink that taste really bad and make you feel sick," I said. "Its very popular"

"Yeah well we dont have that," said him. "We do have gasoline though"

"Okay sure close enough" I said and I got a glass of that. And then Shining Armor went up to me and said "Hey jakkid thanks for saving Equestria again."

"It was no problem" said me. "Using music magic to blast away evil shape shifting bugs is jsut part of every detectives job."

"Well jakkid do you think you can give us some your music again tonight? This wedding is boring becaus everyones music taste sucks. We need someone who can tell us about music that is good, instead of crappy pony music"

"I got you covered bro," I said at him. so I pulled my guitar out of me pocket and went on stage. "Hello Everyone, I am Detective jakkid166 and this is my band, "Detective jakkid166 and the people who are not Detective jakkid166". We are going to play romantic songs so romantic that it will make you want to all get married to each other. and me and Twilight and the rest of them started the chord of "Rock and Roll With Me" by David Bowie.

we played the music as the camera look up and zoomed into the stars in the sky and then the stars moved to form these words

THE END

Comments ( 16 )

Please tell me you actually went and edited Chrysalis' real wiki page.

What an epic ending to an epic crossover.

9792716
i try to but i dont actually have wikia account. i will inform them abot this development though so they can change it

God I hope our favorite detective shows up in the series finale to make it the best.

"Wedding is now in session for the trial of Princess Cadence and Shitting Armor" said Pricess Celestia. "Is the defense ready?"

I just about friggin’ died at this. :rainbowlaugh:

I’m very sad to see it end, though. Surely there are more things that the Greatest Detective in the World could make better by detecting in?!

QUEEN OF THE CHONGLONGS.

Pardon me while I die laughing.

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

Ah, this was fucking beautiful.

and IQ test

...Wait a minute.

Exquisite. Don't know how I'd missed this until now, but I'm glad I addressed that mistake.

"Dammit you guys dont believe me!" said Twilight. "Detective jakkid166 doesent believe me either. But I will get evidence! Then I will post it on Myspace for all you to see" and she ran out the door.

"Aw hell no," said Fluttershy. "Twilight is going insane."

I know right? Didn't Myspace go offline, like, 1500 years ago!!1!?? :derpytongue2:

This was actually a well-planned shitpost. Concealed underneath the intentional typos and bad grammar, I can tell you put thought into the jokes.

61 likes. 61 dislikes.

Perfectly balanced, as all things should be

who ever is downvoting this, i will come to your house and force feed you black & red alicorn OCs

My liquid pride. What a masterpiece!

10009217
A Kamen Rider associated with bikes? Looks like he's only alive because you said this AFTER Christmas.

Will Detective jakkid166 have learned Garou Mark of the Wolves style when Detective jakkid166 In Everything 2 is released? Or did you train in Guilty Gear style? I'd say Arcana Heart style is a possibility, but I get the feeling that you didn't like the kid whose element was Heart in Captain Planet.

I scored a 100 on all my tests, includeing the math test, english test, and IQ test.

I walke up behind twilight and open her handcuffs. "Dont worry. Remember Twilight, the important thing is you Trylight. But I may still have plan up my pants." and I pulld out my guitar, and the oubilette I found earlier.

This is amazing. Not that I'd expect anything less from the greatest detective in the world. :rainbowdetermined2:

"Of course im sure," said me. "Im greatest detective, and very smart. I scored a 100 on all my tests, includeing the math test, english test, and IQ test."

And drug test!

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