Detective jakkid166 in everything

by jakkid166

Detective Jakkid166 in Rainbow Factory

(WARNING: This story is much darker than some others i wroted! its not enough to be rated M but it still might have sad stuff in it. if you cry on your keybord and ruin your keyboard or your laptop or flood your house of tears and drown in it do not complain to me please.)

"Hahahaha!" laughed rainbowdash evilly. She was with her workers in the rainbow factory about to turn a bunch of ponies into rainbows for some reason. "Any last word Scootaloo?"

"Yeah"

"What is it then?"

"That was it."

"Oh okay cool" and she went to go push the lever to dorp scootaloo into the Rainbow Grinder but then she stopped. "Wait do you hear that Dr. Atmosphere?"

"Yeah I do," said him. "My name is Dr. Atmosphere."

But then the doorbell rang!

"Wait what" said Rainbow "Dammit! We was almost going to blend up the ponies into rainbows! Who even is at the door?" and she went and open the door and standing there was ME, Detective jakkid166!

"What the hell?" said Rainbow "Detective jakkid why are you here?"

"Hi Rainbow" I said "I'm here to give the monthly suprise health inspector investigation."

"Shit I forgot about that!" said Rainbow. "Okay well you cant come in right now."

"Why not?"

"Because we are closed."

"But all the lights are on!" I said.

"Yeah the off switch for the lights broke."

"But the sign says its open!"

"No it only looks like that, but its actually pony language for "closed"."

"But there is a guy on the roof who keeps scraeming "THE RAINBOW FACTORY IS OPEN RIGHT NOW"."

Rainbow pulle out a gun and shot him and he died, but she had a silencer on it so I dident notice it. "No there isnt."

"Hmm" I said "Okay fine I will come back another day."

But then as I was gonna walk away and jump off clouds dale, a red pony come up and whisper something to Rainbow Dash. I didnt hear it but he said "Wait Rainbow, if we let him investogate and dont let him see anything bad he will leave us alone!"

"Oh yeah good point." said Rainbow "Okay jakkid come on, you can investigate. But first you have to put on this Hard Hat and murder-proof vest" she said and she put them on me.

"Sonds good," I said and I got out my clip board. "Okay so first question: How do the rainbow factory operate?"

"Uhhh," said Rainbow "Let me show you." and she press a lever and lights turned on to show a giant blender. And there was a pony on top of the lid all tied up and stuff

"Wow thats a big blender," I said. "So how this work?"

"First we need to put the pony in the blender," said Rainbow. so she hit a lever and the pony fall into the blender but it wasn't on so nothing happened to her.

"Okay what next?"

"In this next part you have to look behind you. The rainbow is dangerous for you eyes"

"Alright cool" I said and I turned around. Once I turned around the pony was gone and there was rainbows pouring out of the blender! It was beatufil and amazing.

"Wait," I said "Where did the pony go?"

"Today is her retirement," said Rainbow. "She went to live in Nepal and never ever talk to anyone again so dont try to find her."

"Oh cool I hope she has a happy life." I said. "So what do you do with the rainbow now?"

"We use the rainbow to make rainbows."

"Interesting!" I said "I never wold have thought of that. Well it looks like this Rainbow Factory is operate under full condition. I will be back until the next suprise inspection. But for now you guys get a A+."

"Okay cool" said Rainbow "So you are going to leave now?"

"Yep," I said "But one thing first. I had taco bell this morning, I gotta go Dump Ass. Where is your rest room?"

"Oh its down the hall past the sign that says 'torture room'" said dash.

"Thanks" I said and I went into the hall and into the bathroom. "Exellent," I said and I cracked my knucles. "Time to dump."

But then i realized something was very not correct! The bathroom was DIRTY!

"WHAT" I said and I took out my clip board "This is unappeptable! I cannot give this place pass anymore." so I went back out of the bathroom and back to Rainbow and hte other workers and said "Rainbow Dash your bathroom sucks ass. Unfortunately you plant does not pass, and I will have to call in a inspection either from Princess Celestia or Princess Luna or Princess Applejack"

"WHAT?!" said Rainbow "No you cannot let them investigate this place!"

"Sorry but it is the law" I said and I went to leave but then the doors LOCKED.

"What on fuck?" I said and I looked back at Rainbow but she looked evil now and she had blood on her face and that wasn't good.

"Detective jakkid I gave you chance to leave but now," she said "We will have to kill you and blend you up into rainbows!"

"WHAT!" I said "But I dont have rainbows inside of me! Only blood"

"Then they will be red rainbows. GUARDS arrest detective jakkid166 the greatest detective in the world!"

But as the two guards came to grab me I jump on one of their heads and use it to launch myself off his head and kick the other guard in the face and I backflip onto a railing above!

"Fuck!" said Rainbow "Someone who can fly go get him!"

so Dr. Atmospere got onto the railing and faced me and said "You idiot if you destroy the factory cloudsdale will not have rainbows anymore!"

"So fucking what? Why are rainbows so important"

"Uhhhhhhh" he said "Shut up" and he tried to punch me but I jumped into a vent and climbed in the vents.

"Dammit" he said and he could not get in because he was too fat.

"Jeez" I said while walking through the vents. "I cant believe this place is about killing ponies to make rainbows. But I will put stop to it! I just gotta escape so I can go to Celestia and tell on them." so I went through the vents more and I found a part of the vents that was big like a room! It had a couch and a TV and a kitchen and bathroom. On the couch was a pony named I don't know

"Who the hell are you?" said her.

"Im detective jakkid166," I said. "Im trying to escape so I can tell Celestia about the TRUE intention behind this factory!"

"Hey me too!" said her. "My name is Scootallo and all my friends are dead."

"That sucks." I said. "Oh well. Anyway lets escape! Do you know how to get out?"

"No," said Scootaloo "So Ive just been living in this vent with my TV and Nintendo Switch and stuff."

"That is terrible!" I said "If you been stuck here this whole time thats like being in jail, which means its like she arrested you! And shes not a detective so she cant do that. That is ANOTHER law she is breaking! Dont worry Scoopaloo we will get you outta here."

"Okay but how?"

"We look for exit!"

"But what if we get caught"

I pulled out my gun "Dont worry I can protect us."

~ LATER ~

We were climbing thorough the vents and we got to a vent that was a bove a room. I looke through the vent and the room had Rainbow Dash in it!

"Dammit you idiots" said Rainbow "You better find jakkid or else I will grind you into rainbows too!"

"Yes sir" said the guards and they ran off.

"I do not like Rainbow Dash anymore," said Scootaloo.

"Okay well dont worry," I said "I can get the information on how to escape from her."

"How?"

"With sublimimal messaging!" I said and I made abig booming voice. "RAAAAINBOW DAAAASH! I am GOOOOOOD, AND i am telling you to SAY HOW TO GET OUT OF THE FAAAAAAACTORY"

"Oh no it's God?!" said Rainbow "Okay I will say it. First you have to- WAIT A MINUTE!" she said, because Rainbow realized it could not be god, because Rainbow was an atheist!

"DETECTIVE JAKKID!" Rainbow said and she started to fly up to the vents!

"Fuck!" I said and I grab scootaloo and jump through the vent and land on Rainbows head and knock her unconsus and we all fell to the ground.

"Haha," I said and I grabbed the key card off of Dash's neck. "We can use this to uncock the doors and escape!"

"Sweet!" said Scoot

So we ran outta the room we were in and into the halls of the place but there was lots of guards around and they saw us!

"HEY ITS DETECTIVE JAKKID AND WHOEVER THE PONY IS!" said a guard "Quick KILL THEM" and they all pulledout machine guns and shot at us and we was runnign through the halls and I was matrix dodging the bullets while they flew through the airs.

"Fuck you idiots!" I said and I grabbe a trash can lid and throw it at them and all of their bullets hit the trash can lid and bounce off and hit them instead and they all got shot!

"HELL YEAH!" I said "Wait a minute did they die? Fuck I didnt wanna do that. Goddammit now i gonna have to arrest myself for murder!"

"No its okay the bullets only hit our legs," one of the guard said.

"Oh cool."

"jakkid we need to escape!" said Scootaloo.

"Oh right" I said and I ran to the end of the hall was the emergency exit. I scan the keycard and open the door and we run out of the factory, but there was the problem!

THE RAINBOW FACTORY IS ON A FUCKING CLOUD

"Shit!" I said looking off the edge at the ground "How arr we gonna get back to the ground without dying of fall?"

"Shit I dont know" said Scootaloo "I cant even fly!"

But then Rainbow Dash and Dr Atmosphere and guards ran up to us.

"Detective jakkid there is nobody to run!" said Rainbow.

"Thats what you think" I said and I pulledout my gun and aime it at them. "Stay away or I will shoot! Detective jakkid166 is a loose cannon"

"Detective jakkid listen to me!" said Dr. Atmosphere "We are not bad guys! We just need to make rainbows, and we grind up ponies to go with the rules of naturel selection!"

"What the hell?" I said "Thats not how natural selection works. How many fucking stupid are you?"

"Zero stupid!" He said and he pulled out a gun and Rainbow did too and we was at a standoff.

"You idiots is just murderers!" I said. "You kill ponies and also hurt them! And murder them! And kill them"

"It is for the good of cloudsdale!" said Rainbow

"No its not you are lying to yo self." I said.

"NOOOOO!" said Atmosphere and he was having Conflict of Mind. "Wait Rainbow what if they are right?"

She got mad and was like "You idiot dont listen to them!" she put the guns in his hoofs and said "Dr Atmosphere, shoot them on the count of 3!"

"Okay."

"ONE!"

I looked at Scootyloo. "Are you thinking what im thinking?"

"I dont know maybe.

"TWO!"

and we JUMPED OFF THE EDGE!

"What the shit?!" said Rainbow "Why didnt you shoot them?!"

"You said to wait until you count to 3."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH"

Meanwhile me and Scootaloo were FALLING TO THE GROUND!

"What were you thinking JAKKID?!" said Scoot

"Quick!" I said "Grab my hand and try to fly up as much as you can!"

"Okay" she said and she did that but I was so heavy. "Dammit jakkid you eat too many burgers today!"

"Wait theres more!" I said and I took out my gun and shoot at the ground to slow us down but we was still falling too fast! "Shit what else can we do?"

"Wait I have an idea!" said Scootaloo and she PUNCHED me in the stomach and made me throw up my lunch and it made me lighter!

"SHIIIT WE ARE HITTING THE GROUND!" I said while we were hitting the ground. But we was just barely slowed down enough so we didnt get hurt very much! I slamme into the ground and scootaloo landed on top of me.

"Goddamn!" I said and I got up "We did it!" But then the lunch I threw up landed on my head. "AAAAGH EWW!!" I said wiping it off my face.

"Haha lol," said Scootaloo. "Alright lets go see Celestia!"

"Yeah that sounds cool," I said "But first I gotta go take a shower."

So we did that and then went to the train to Cnetloer

We got off the train and went to Celestia's house and knocked on the door to her throne room. "CELESTIA i have bad news I need to tell you!"

She opened the door "What is it jakkid? Im trying to make mac and cheese right now!"

"You can do that later! I have important report from the Rainbow Factory inspection!" I said and I grabbed my clip board and gave it to her.

She looked at the clipboard. "What the FUCK?" she screamed. "The BATHROOM IS DIRTY?"

"Yeah, but also they have been murdering innocent children ponies to make rainbows!"

"Oh yeah thats bad too."

~ THE NEXT DAY ~

I went back up to the Rainbow Factory (i used the cloud elevator) and saw that it was now being shud down. Princess Luna was arresting Dr Atmosphere and Rainbow Dash for their crimes, and all the impirsoned ponies was being set free.

"You idiot!" said Rainbow "Now cloudsdale will die as fuck!"

"So what?" I said "I dont care. Being in the air is stupid anyway, just live on the ground like normal people."

They got put in the pony police car and was drove away.

"Detective jakkid," said Celestia "You did a good job exposing the Rainbow Factory for its crimes."

"Yes," I said "It is a happy ending!"

"But wait," I said "How long was this place like this?"

"For like 10 years aparently," said celestia. "I guess nobody noticed all those ponies went missing to death."

"You guys suck at your job," I said.

"Yeah well fuck you too," said Celestia and she went to go do other stuff.

"Well" I said and I looked up directly at the sun. "Another mystery solved. Wait why can I not see anything anymore?"

THE END

Author's Note:

special thanks to Zaten the Changeling for give me the title for this story.

Comments

[CoffeeMinion]

This story is lowkey insane and hilarious.

[The Original Gaston]

...alright then...

[The 24th Pegasus]

Once again, justice has been served

[PresentPerfect]

I like how this is basically just Rainbow Factory. Like, other than anyone living at the end, that's just how it goes. XD

[FanficReader920]

This is best trollfic.