Something's Fishy

by anonpencil

Are You A Lizard?

~*~

Spike stood in front of his mirror, looking critically at his own reflection. His scales were neat and polished, his claws were washed and clean. His little red bowtie perfectly emphasized his complete lack of a neck. As awkward as he looked, this was probably the best he was going to get.

Swallowing hard, he looked down to his dresser top, at the letter and photo that were resting there. On the photo was the image of a slender pink dragon. Her name was Cinder Ella, and she was, by far, the most beautiful dragon he had ever seen. Her eyes were a glowing gold, the spines along her neck and back a deep emerald green. She stood tall on her hind legs, her tale long and flowing like a river of scales. Her wings, tucked neatly across her back, were also an emerald green, to match her spines. And, above her well-shaped waist and hips rested a pair of inexplicable lizard breasts the likes of which Spike, or anyone really, had never seen.

Truly, she was a masterpiece.

Below her photo was a lovely, scrawling letter. Spike’s eyes lingered lovingly over the words written there.

My Dearest Spike,
I am so glad you wrote back! I’ve been thinking about what you said, and I think, yes, I’m ready to meet you. We’ve talked through our letters for so long about our passions, our joys, our problems… I truly feel like I know you better than anyone I’ve ever met. I hope you feel that way about me too.
I really liked the fireflower you sent in your last letter. It was absolutely beautiful. You’re always so thoughtful and sweet. I hope you liked the miniature garnet sweets I sent with this letter. You’ve listened to all my problems, and I admit I’m a little afraid I won’t live up to your expectations. But I’ll try.
There’s a little place I know right at the edge of the Everfree forest. There’s a large oak tree there with a swing attached to its longest branch, right near the entrance to the Northern Path. If you meet me there, around 4PM I’ll show up and I can finally give you that big hug we’ve always talked about. I’m really nervous, but I’m really looking forward to this too.
I hope that works for you. Write back and let me know and, claws crossed, I’ll see you there this weekend!

Love,

Ella

Spike let out a low sigh of affection. He’d written back right away to let her know that yes, he absolutely would meet her there. Even just writing to her to ask to meet had been absolutely nerve wracking for him. Now that it was finally happening? He was downright terrified.

He straightened his tie for the hundredth time, and turned away from the mirror. In the doorway to his room, he found Anon, his castle-mate, standing against the frame with his arms crossed.

“So,” Anon said, “you’re actually gonna do it, huh?”

Spike swallowed hard, then nodded.

“Yep, after all these months, I figured it was time. She’s really nice and pretty, and I just hope she likes me.”

Anon smiled, then walked over to the little dragon to pat him gently on the head.

“You’ve told me how much you’ve been talking to her, how highly you think of this dragon. If you really let her know everything you think and feel, like I know you did, then I’m this meeting will be an amazing time.”

Spike looked up at him hopefully.

“Y-you really think so?”

Anon nodded with complete confidence.

“Spike, I can damn well guarantee that if all goes according to plan, this little meet up will be one for the ages.”

Spike smiled up at his friend and let out a quick breath of relief.

“Okay,” he said, puffing out his little chest. “I’m ready. Wish me luck, okay?”

Anon waved at the young dragon as he marched out of the room and down the stairs.

“I wish you all the luck in the world!” he called after him.

---

No one was there yet when Spike arrived at the oak tree with the swing. The sun was getting low in the sky, but it was not quite evening yet, and there was a light chill in the breeze. Still filled with all the nerves, Spike strode over to the swing and hoisted himself up onto it.

What if she hated him? What if she showed up and took one look at him and just left? There were so many things that could go wrong here, so many potential problems. But he really liked this girl, and he just wanted it to work out. Hell, he hadn’t felt this strongly about anyone since his crush on Rarity.

He tried to reassure himself a little. They’d talked about everything. Every like and dislike, little embarrassing moment, every secret, every fear, hope, dream. They knew each other so intimately, more intimately than Spike had ever known anyone. And he felt that they had a connection. She seemed like she really felt the same way. There was something there, something between them. He knew that much had to be true.

All at once, he heard a rustle in the trees behind him. His heart leapt to his throat as he slid off he swing and stood there, paralyzed with anticipation. He couldn’t make himself turn around at first, he just stood there, prepping himself.

“Ella?” he called at last. “I’m sorry I got here so early, I just…”

His words trailed off as he turned around. Then, Spike was blind.

He let out a tiny cry of distress as a piercing white light shone directly into his eyes. All he could see what the brilliant, glowing paleness. He reached up with his claws to aggressively rub at his eyes, then squinted up towards the light source. What the heck was going on here?

As the blindness began to clear he was able to make out… Anon! And he was holding an intensely bright spotlight, pointed directly at Spike. In his other hand, he appeared to be holding a video camera. Around them, a soft, bright, bubbly music began to play, like something from a gameshow.

“A-anon?” Spike stuttered out. “W-what?”

Through the bright light, Spike could make out that Anon was smiling.

“Thaaaat’s right!” Anon said in a bold, media-tactic voice. “Spike, you’re the unwitting newest participant on Equestria’s hottest reality show…. CATFISHED!”

Spike blinked, open mouthed, not really managing to comprehend what was going on. At last, he was able to speak, and his voice came out in a squeak.

"What?"

“My associates and I,” Anon went on, tone sunny, “created a fictional character by the name of Cinder Ella, and wrote you letters as if we were your new pen pal! Over time, you fell in love with that character, and we decided it was time to reveal that you’d been played! And boy, did you ever get played!”

Played? You mean… all this was a lie? Ella… wasn’t real? As Spike watched in shock as Anon turned the camera to face himself, and spoke directly into it.

“Over the course of their correspondence, Spike sent her flowers, precious gems, and even a piece of his blankie from when he was a baby,” he said officially. “He also told us about a time where he accidentally burned up Twilight’s favorite photo album, and had to replace all of the photos with random shots he took around town. He also announced that he has a sleep-farting issue that makes him so insecure that he uses a cork to plug up his butt at night!”

The baby dragon cringed.

“W-wait…” Spike said weakly.

“AND,” Anon went mercilessly on, “he told us about the fact that when Rarity turned him down for the 100th time, he got so depressed that he ate 5 pints of ice cream, to the point where ehe actually threw up in Pinkie Pie’s bakery. THEN he pretended it was part of some batter, and it got mixed into one of Pinkie’s cakes! What a scandal!”

Spike felt himself begin to tremble all over. Anon knew everything. He’d been writing to Anon this whole time, and now the whole world was about to learn all his secrets, all the worst parts of him. He wanted to scream, fight Anon, stop him… but instead sit hurt too much. All he could do as just stand there and shake.

“So Spike, what have you got to say about all this? How does it feel to be lied to and embarrassed on TV, for all your friends to enjoy?”

Anon again turned the camera back at the little dragon.

“….awful,” he whimpered out.

“As it should! That’s what makes great television!” Anon declared. “Now, there’s only one thing left to do!”

“…let me go home?”

“Nope!”

To his horror, Spike saw Anon pull something out from behind his back. It was shining in the light, gleaming like a knife, but it wasn’t a knife. It was…. it was…

A fish?

“YOU’VE BEEN CATFISHED!” Anon shouted.

Then, before Spike could move, Anon pounced on him and, laughing hysterically, began beating him mercilessly with the catfish in his hand. Spike cried out for help, but there was no one around to hear. No Ella, no friends, no help. Just Anon and his catfish.

After a few minutes and several new bruises, the cruel human finally stopped. He stood back, turned the camera on himself once again, and waved.

“Until next time, don’t go fishing in shark infested waters! Bye now!”

Spike heard the beep of the camera turning off. There was a moment of deep silence, as the sun slipped closer and closer to the horizon. Spike just lay there on the ground in misery, hoping Anon would just go away. Instead, at last, he heard the human’s voice once more.

“Seriously though, that fireflower was pretty sweet.”

With that, Spike burst into tears.

-END-

Author's Note:

Spike is a sympathetic character here. I don't know what's wrong with me. I actually feel sad for him

Anyway, this was a commission for the wonderful Flutterpriest! If you liked (or hated this) and want me to write something for you, check my user page to see if I'm still open!

-pencil

Comments

[Flutterpriest]

I'm a bad person

but not as bad as the people who made this a real show.

[Majin Syeekoh]

9227251
Yes you are.

Poor spike.

And that poor fish.

[Olden Bronie]

9227251
Yes you are!

Bad...but funny!

Poor Spike!

[Huk]

Anon... you:

therealcape.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/sonofabitch.jpg

Spike should have burned him to the crisp for that!

[crazyone]

[FamousLastWords]

[WalkinOnTheSun]

To Anon:
i.imgflip.com/2k01h3.jpg

[Soviet Pone]

"Don't go fishing in shark infested waters"
Now that is the best advice i have ever heard...

[Vaalintine]

9227251
Im only upvoting because everyone needs to see how horribke this is. TO THE FRONT PAGE!

[An Asian Brony]

Spike deserves it all

[Matthew Stone]

Jesus Christ, man. I know you despise Spike....but this was just straight-up EVIL.

[MisterNick]

Catfished! New episodes every week only... on Spike TV!

[anonpencil]

9227659
Now THAT's a good one!

[WalkinOnTheSun]

y u hate dragon boy?

[Griseus]

Where is Opera when you need her...
9227251You get a middle finger! 9227767 You get a middle finger! 9227496 And you get a middle finger!
Middle finger for everyone! *gives middle fingers out like candy!*
I hope Anon (the guy in this story and not the writer. I like this story because the writer did a good job) gets cancer, finds the love of his life, she fakes kidney disease and cheats on him.

Good job anonpencil!

[FullMoon]

I've been wondering why the vote counts have been so even, and now I know why.

Anonpencil, you said it yourself and I'm agreeing with you. I don't know what but something is wrong with you lol (all jokes, no offense intended :P)

[B_25]

The cannon has been broken.

[Infamous Paradox]

I have been wondering but why didn't anon hire some changelings. He could ask them to transform in the mane 6, The Princesses and Ember and Smolder. So when Spike had been told everything was a lie, and that anon was telling his most embarrassing secrets he has told him on Tv, the disguised changelings would come out of the hidden places and just add in with anon on how they are disappointed with Spike and so on.

[Trevor12300]

Now I want to see a fic where Twilight finds out what anon did...actually, anon might die if that happened, nvm. Still, poor Spike.

[RK_Striker_JK_5]

This was so cruel. Funny as hell, too.

[Betsuni]

I would love the same thing but with Calestia and anon falls for her but can’t warn her of what’s going to happen because his boss is Luna and this show was the way Luna was getting anon better to pull off her ultimate prank on Calestia also p.s the reason anon gets away with the show is Luna so without her protection all of the previous victims would get their revenge.

[Alex_]

At least he got to be on TV. I'd say that's worth it.

[Crystal Static]

Wow, that was fucked, so deliciously fucked.

~Crystalline Electrostatic~

[Stainless Steel Fox]

I've always hated this sort of show. I always swore that if I was ever the subject of one, the first thing I'd do would be to attack the host with the nearest sharp object. Then I'd go for whever set me up.

I'm not downvoting, because it is a good story, as the sort of story you were trying to tell, even if I personally hate the content.

However, I hope there's a sequel where Anon himself is 'bigger fished'. I may even write one.

[anonpencil]

9322388
Please do, and link me to it!

[parflon]

No Ella, no friends, no help. Just Anon and his catfish.

top kek

[Officer Hotpants]

Spike-chan.

[Andy Ray]

Hey, what do you know? An ideal 50/50 up/downvote rate!

Must read sometime.

[dshadow14]

9322388
That would be awesome.

[WojakWriter]

Then, before Spike could move, Anon pounced on him and, laughing hysterically, began beating him mercilessly with the catfish in his hand. Spike cried out for help, but there was no one around to hear. No Ella, no friends, no help. Just Anon and his catfish.

Made me giggle ngl