This story is a sequel to My Little Pony Friendship is Magic What If?: Volume 6
Seven full seasons of episodes, seven volumes, seven rounds of rewriting. Once again it's that series which seeks to answer the question "What if that episode had been written differently?"
This volume will be the most ambitious yet, four episodes previously rewritten are up for a redo to try and address some of the bigger problems that the first one either did not address or did not dwell on. One will even shift the focus to a different cast of characters. And then we have eight rewrites from Season 7 (as Season 8 is still ongoing at the moment), including two episodes being expanded into two parters, another episode being split into three stand alone episodes with a tying theme, and then one standard rewrite.
By now it probably goes without saying, but the episodes rewritten are based on my personal opinion so please respect it. Don't get offended if an episode you liked is on the list here, or an episode you didn't like isn't. I'll gladly respect your opinions if you respect mine.
And of course, I mean no disrespect to Hasbro, the DHX writing and editing staff, or anyone who likes the episodes that appear here. The intent of this fic, like all of its predecessors, is for entertainment purposes only.
Follow the links in the previous volume to find Volumes 1-5 if you want to see what other episodes have already been tackled.
VERY good work on this redo of one of your earlier re-writes. Indeed, it DOES make more sense to have younger lead characters for this type of story. The exchanges, characterizations, general wrap-up and "future story" foreshadowing are all well done in all the right places.
And, I guess "the Parents' Tracks" (when you get to Volume Eight) is going to be a two-parter in the sense that both stories have a tie-in theme, even if they are set simultaneously AND in two separate areas (i.e. Firelight visits Starlight in Ponyville with Twilight and Spike trying to help Starlight cope and Stellar Flare visits Sunburst in the Crystal Empire with Sunburst struggling to cope with the help of Shining Armor and Cadance while ALSO trying to handle his responsibilities as Flurry Heart's "Crystaller").
But I admit I COULD be wrong on that, and, at any rate, since it won't be happening until Volume Eight anyway, that will still give you a good several months thinking time.
Well, on to the next one.
Will you be including any of the Season 8 episodes? I think there is a lot wrong with Non-Compete Clause and Twilight was WAAYYY out of character in Marks for Effort. Was also hoping that the entire Main 6 and Starlight were around to witness Spike's molt and Pinkie NEEDS to throw a party for him
Sorry if this is asking too much of you
Great work on the redo of this re-write. The exchanges, action, characterizations, general wrap-up and "future episode" foreshadowing are all quite well done in all the right places. And, yeah, you made some excellent points in your author's notes.
Of course, Twilight actually DOES have a few good points. I mean, honestly, she SHOULD have gotten her first clues as to the existence of Pinkie Sense when Nightmare Moon returned (as Nightmare Moon returning from a thousand year absence should have DEFINITELY triggered the "pinchy knee", and the "twitchy tail" should have surfaced from the Nightmare Moon-engineered rock slide).
And Pinkie DEFINITELY has a good point about how nobody would let her keep Gummy unless he DIDN'T have teeth.
At any rate, I'll very certainly be looking forward to more of this.
9087644
Well, those will probably be reserved for Volumes Eight and Nine.
But rest assured, there definitely WILL be a Volume Eight AND a Volume Nine - and in BOTH cases, there WILL be Season 8 episodes in those.
One of the important things about this episode is how season 1 Twilight Sparkles was still growing out of her 'could be another Sunset Shimmer' phase, put another way, she acted under the principal 'If I am unable to quantify something, that means it doesn't exist', never mind the hard evidence to its existence is staring her in the fact.
On a little detail I don't think Spike spoke about her crush with Rarity in the open until after Green Isn't Your Color.
9089926 It was still rather obvious when he made it public.
Again, this is a very good redo on the re-write. I loved the flashback/present day parallels in this story. In addition, the exchanges, characterizations, general wrap-up and future story foreshadowing are all well done in all the right places. And, yeah, you made some excellent points in the author's notes.
Anyway, here is something for either Volume Eight or Volume Nine when you get to those next year.
School Daze: Twilight actually finds out about the loophole concerning "Princess domain" BEFORE she even proposes the school to begin with (meaning her going to the education board is more of a courtesy [i.e. while I would PREFER to have your approval, I am quite willing to do the school even without it). At first, things go reasonably well, despite Neighsay's , well, nay-saying. However, when Chrysalis kidnaps six of the students disguised as one of the teachers (I think you can guess which six), the threat of war comes. The Mane Six and Starlight go to the rescue while Spike tries his best to keep the school going with the help of Celestia and Luna themselves and your choice of substitute teachers. Eventually, the Mane Six and Starlight succeed in rescuing the kidnapped students and driving off Chrysalis. However, the traps and secret passages she placed in her new lair distract the heroes enough for Chrysalis to complete her escape, along with a hair discreetly collected from each of the Mane Six and Starlight from the battle (this serves as foreshadowing for "the Mean Seven").
Non-Compete Clause: Applejack and Rainbow actually succeed in keeping their competitive streak in check enough to focus on the teamwork lesson. Instead, ALL of the complications come from nature itself (both weather AND animals). This makes things harder because they have to keep modifying their plans, but it also helps because it provides even more chances to practice teamwork.
The Mean Seven (two-part re-write to "the Mean Six"): After several months of planning, preparing and training the seven clones she created from the hair samples she collected at the end of the re-written "School Daze" Chrysalis is finally able to put her plan into action. First, she uses carefully planned sneak attacks to capture ALL of the REAL Mane Six and Starlight one-by-one (this takes up all of part one), she then proceeds to Phase Two of her plan: Sending the clones to the Friendship School to corrupt the students. The real Mane Six and Starlight escape from Chrysalis's trap and capture Chrysalis herself while Spike, with some help from Discord (who is MORE than a little peeved about the thought of Fluttershy being in danger), deals with the clones. You see, Spike knows the real Mane Six and Starlight well enough to NOT be fooled by the clones and had the foresight to call in Discord for back-up (as he would be the only one powerful enough to stand a chance against both the Twilight clone AND the Starlight clone). Discord, who is actually NOT Nerfed this time, makes EXTREMELY quick work of the clones (though he keeps them alive so he and Spike can question them). Of course, before Spike and Discord even have a chance to start interrogating the captured clones, the real Mane Six and Starlight return, a little worn out and frazzled, but otherwise okay. Chrysalis and the clones are then shipped off to Tartarus.
A Matter of Principals: All of the Mane Six get called away from the school on three separate simultaneous friendship mission problems (all three of them QUITE real) and they don't return until the very end of the episode; after which all three teams (your choice which teams) give only slight details onto the nature of the problem.
Anyway, the main story is Spike and Starlight (Spike as acting principal, Starlight assisting him) trying to handle things at the school. Meanwhile, as for substitute teachers, the Pillars (minus Starswirl) as well as Celestia and Luna try to fill in for the Mane Six there.
But, anyway, that is for Volumes Eight and Nine (possibly even Volume TEN) and I will also respect your right to NOT do these if you don't want to.
Still, I am definitely going to be looking forward to more of this.
9091299 I'm thinking "A Matter of Principals" would be blended in with "Non-Compete Clause" as episode 14 since "The Parent Map" or "The Mean Six" would be a two parter taking the slot by "Non-Compete Clause" with Starlight and Discord competing against each other for the position of headmare in Twilight's absence, tying it into "Friendship University" when Twilight investigates Neighsay's school.
9091312
Yeah. That sounds like it could work too.
Of course, both "the Parent Map" AND "the Mean Six" could be two-parters if you cut out one of the other episodes that probably wouldn't work in the "re-write" universe. That would definitely leave room for BOTH episodes to be two-parters.
9091387 We'll have to see whether "The Mean Six" is relevant to the finale or not first.
9092122
Yeah. Probably WON'T be, but you never know.
Actually, if Chrysalis and the clones ARE all shipped off to Tartarus in the re-written "Mean Seven", it could actually go quite a way to explain how Tirek managed to absorb enough power to be a threat again (i.e. Chrysalis and Tirek work together JUST long enough to plan and successfully pull off a break-out, Tirek THEN drains off the magic from the Rarity clone, followed by the Rainbow and Fluttershy clones and the Applejack and Pinkie clones then the Starlight clone, saving Chrysalis and the Twilight clone for VERY last. As a result, he would AT LEAST be more powerful than the entire Mane Six combined [possessing all of their combined abilities plus those of Starlight AND Chrysalis]).
Still, as I said, it probably won't be relevant to the finale. But that doesn't mean it can't be relevant in the re-writes.
Hey there. Once again, very good work on the re-do of one of your earlier re-writes. You make some great points in the authors' notes, as usual. Also as usual, you did a great job on the exchanges, characterizations, general wrap-up and future story foreshadowing in all the right places. I particularly liked Shiny's cameo.
And, yeah, I am, of course, very certainly going to be looking forward to more of this.
Maybe now you can do Ponyville confidential
9095983 Not until Volume 8 at the very least and to be honest, that's not very high on my rewrites list. I do kind of want to tackle it someday, but I actually do like the episode as it stands.
9096321
Like it where it stands? Rainbow Dash put a raincloud over the Crusaders's heads, Twilight put up a shield like they were common criminals, And they didn’t even apologize for it. Is that what you like?
9096447 I'll admit it bothers me how everyone except Twilight had the hypocrisy of "It's funny until it happens to me", but think about it from their perspective: They don't know the CMC were remorseful for what they'd done and were looking for a way out. They had every right to be mad, and I'm sure they more than apologized when they learned how sorry the CMC were. I just question how, even with Spoiled Rich as president of the school board, it took until the Gabby Gums apology letter for Cheerilee to step in. They would've known a lot sooner what was going on, someone should've stepped in before it ever got to the point of blackmail.
I have a question: Are you going to do a what if for Equestria Girls
9099649 Maybe someday. But I still have yet to even do one for the IDW comics, which remains one of my most desired projects.
Excellent job on the latest chapter to this series. Great points in the author's notes. Indeed, the episode did quite well with the one episode they were given, but it would have been even better as a two-parter, which you are doing a great job showing. The exchanges, characterizations and future chapter set-up are, of course, very well done.
Now, on to part two.
Again, great job sharing bits and pieces of Celestia's teaching experience as well as the nods to the comics (particularly concerning Sunset and "Reflections"). Also, really good (subtle) foreshadowing to the Season 7 finale.
And, naturally. you also did an extremely good job on the exchanges, characterizations, continuity nods, general wrap-up and future "episode" set-up in all the right places.
And, on another note, I have an odd hunch that Celestia's first pupil might have been Twilight's too-many-greats-to-list-here-grandfather (mainly because it happens to be the most popular name for literal a male Twilight, which makes it an excellent Mythology Gag).
But I digress.
At any rate, I will VERY certainly be looking forward to more of this.
As there is no order in the seven volumes, If you don't mind the question... Do you plan to do the episode "The one Pinkie knows"? Or did you already do it and I missed it?
9107689 No, I have not done it.
I don't think there was anything wrong with that episode at all except for the moral.
I think they were trying for this moral:
Other ponies may have other beliefs. Even if you don't you will still need to accept their beliefs because it is important to them.
Once more, this was a rather well done chapter. As usual, you made some excellent points in the author's notes and you did a splendid job on the exchanges, characterizations, references to both other re-writes AND to the comics and future chapter set-up. I particularly liked how Diamond pointed out her parents' behavior when THEY were arguing as well as the mention of the mass nightmare and Celestia and Luna doing the cutie mark swap thing themselves .
Anyway, on to the next chapter.
Wonderful work on the second part of this rewrite. Indeed, the exchanges, characterizations, action and general wrap-up are all well done in all the right places. And, of course, you make some great points in the authors' notes. I particularly liked how Twilight ended up learning in this rewrite what she, in canon, wouldn't until "Horse Play" .
Indeed, I WILL be looking forward to more of this. And I hope you and your family have a great time on vacation (especially at Cedar Point).
I found out this story was added into the LUNA DRAGON SITTER and SPIKE & LUNA FRIENDSHIP folders, which stories did that?
9114929 You can check the Dragon Sitter Luna group to find out which stories do it. All of them have also been published on either my account or yodajax10's account.
9114960
I was actually asking which stories in this particular one made it possible.
Once again, a very good job on this latest chapter. You make some excellent points in the author's notes as usual and you, of course, did a great job on the exchanges, characterizations, general wrap-up and future story set-up in all the right places. And, yeah, I especially liked the flashback appearances by Bright Mac and the effort to tie in two different sets of flashbacks (i.e. the Rockhoof legend being tied into Applejack's early lessons).
I am most assuredly going to be looking forward to more.
Simply put, this is, once again, some excellent work. And, yeah, I can definitely see the point concerning how well Mistmane's legend could be combined with this particular episode. You did a wonderful job proving it. And, of course, the exchanges, characterizations, references to your other re-writes and future chapter set-ups are quite well done.
I am most assuredly going to be looking forward to more of this.
Simply superb job on this latest chapter/episode as usual. Once again, you make excellent points in the author's notes and you did a splendid job on the exchanges, action, characterizations, general wrap-up and "future episode" foreshadowing in all the right places.
I especially liked your take on the Equestrian versions of Captain Hook and his crew (though, really, Rainbow, by now you should KNOW there is LITERALLY no such thing as "just an old pony's tale" in Equestria) and how you worked in the Flash Magnus legend into the adventure.
Anyway, I'll definitely be looking forward to the next/final episode (especially since I'm curious as to what you were finally able to come up with to successfully stretch it out to 22 minutes without putting anyone too out of character).
Excellent job on the final chapter of this volume of your re-writes. :-D I have to admit, I wouldn't have thought of making it a Discord episode , but it works so darn well. And, yeah, Discord trying to set up a "fun mystery" to simultaneously fight boredom AND increase business for the Pies WAS actually an enjoyable spin .
Anyway, great job on the exchanges, characterizations, references to the comics, humor and general wrap-up in all the right places.
Now, I have some possible re-write ideas for Volumes Eight and Nine if you are interested:
1. Once Upon A Zeppelin: This one basically just cuts out the Iron Will sub-plot entirely and focuses COMPLETELY on Twilight trying to juggle her attempts to be a good Princess and trying to spend time with her family, perhaps getting some advice on that front from Celestia herself (who, along with Luna, REALLY DID fully approve the "Princess Cruise" trip).
2. Horse Play: As you said in an earlier post, the students could come up with the idea for the play, which would then be a school production. As Twilight ALREADY learned to NOT put Celestia on a pedestal in your re-written "Royal Problem", that part of the story is out completely and the focus then goes to the students (not just the Student Six, but a fair number of other students at the school as well) as they try to find somebody to play Celestia who ISN'T a comically bad actor at best.
3. Marks For Effort: Cozy Glow is introduced to the story right at the start with a meeting with Diamond Tiara. Cozy mentions wanting to enroll in the Friendship School, but, while she doesn't see anything definite, Diamond's instincts tell her that there IS something off about Cozy (who Diamond visualizes as a much more subtle Pegasus version of her old self). The trouble is, she already learned from what Twilight told her concerning her first encounter with Chrysalis NOT to make strong accusations without hard evidence. So Diamond tries to FIND a way to get the hard evidence she needs to either prove or disprove her suspicions. If she is wrong, then nobody needs to know except herself and MAYBE Twilight and Starlight. However, if she is RIGHT, she has a chance to stop Cozy BEFORE she does anything nasty.
and 4. Friendship University: The school is fully legit (at least on the Flim-Flams' end; not so much on Neighsay's end) and the Flim-Flams are upfront about the proceeds to the university going toward equal parts charity and improving upon their resort (to allow for more guests AND to make things more comfortable AND more entertaining for said guests). After all, they (at least in THIS universe) have enough sense to NOT try to pull a scam on Celestia and Luna's mentor (which would be a rather EPIC case of Bullying A Dragon). Also, Rarity comes up with a better disguise for Twilight (one that hides both her wings and horn so that she basically looks like an Earth pony with a hat and vest) so she can help in the investigation.
Of course, I can completely understand if you hate any or all of these ideas.
9138518 Kind of like the idea of Diamond Tiara meeting Cozy Glow and Cozy bringing up wanting to enroll in Twilight's school, it could be a nice next step for Diamond after becoming Twilight's new pupil.
9138604
Thanks very much. :-D
9138660 I also kind of like your idea for "Once Upon a Zeppelin", I already had a few changes I knew I wanted to make but they were all minor (replacing Iron Will with a more sympathetic ship captain so the conflict is balanced, having Spike go with Twilight while Starlight stays behind, Shining Armor having more of a role beyond the airsick jokes). Still think I'm gonna leave that one on the backburner for the next volume, it won't be entirely Season 8 episodes but suffice it to say Season 8 has given me the most ideas for rewrites since Season 3.
9138913
Yeah. That's more than fair enough.
Hmm I was really excited to read this because I loved that episode and when you added Twilight and say no cutie Mark switching I really thought you were gonna put some great sisterly spin on things. Sadly I was really disappointed this was basicly a retelling of the episode with very minor changes. Also I feel like the ending was really wrong. Why is Twilight getting a lesson like this hold thing was her fault. Celestia and Luna are full grown mare who obviously knew they had a problem and instead of talking it out they wanted to snap at each other. Plus for them to actively try to hide there fighting when they knew other wanted to help was just really immature and really just plain stupid. This also makes Celestia lecture to Twilight even worst because she say if Twilight had tried to help they would have listened but in the beginning when she asked they lied to her. So I just found the Royal sisters seemed really terrible for pushing the blame on Twilight.
Hee hee bubble pie, being that it’s pink you could see that but I’m assuming it’s a typo.
quote]"Mark my words, pie snatcher!" Pinkie said to herself as she took the bubble pie out of her mouth. "You can run but you can't hide! Detective Pinkie Pie is on the case, and I won't rest until I've cracked this case of your crazy wild pie chase!"Hee hee bubble pie, being that it’s pink you could see that but I’m assuming it’s a typo.
Super Pink Brony:
I will confess that your re-write of Rockhoof's tale in this chapter was...something I can personally relate, and has encouraged me. Both Rockhoof and Applejack, in their efforts to become stronger through their training, have brought inspiration to me. For you see, for the last year or so, I have been training in empty-handed self-defense and firearms application. It does get frustrating when I come up short in the techniques I'm trying to apply, especially when I'm under stressed, or when I can't get the perfect marksmanship at a faster pace. Your tale here has taught me to keep at it, and keep practicing, knowing that I will get better and be able to protect the innocent in my line of work as a security officer.
Applejack's story with how she needed to be patient with her recuperation from her wounds, and her constant practice in applebucking, hit very close to home. I've gotten small injuries in my training, forcing me to stop for periods of time, which puts a halt to the progress I've made up to that point. While it is very frustrating and discouraging, your story reminds to never give up. With God's help, I will succeed in my goals.
Thanks for reminding me to keep training, get stronger both emotionally and physically, and never give up. Hat tip to you. 👍
This was a pretty sad to read.
Yo ho yo ho, a pirate's life for me.
One of the great inconsistencies with the Pinkie Sense is that it never turns up again, even for season finales. Hoping you'll be incorporating it into some of the upcoming chapters!
9757159 Uh, it did indirectly crop up again in both "The Mysterious Mare-Do-Well" and "It's About Time". And I believe it happened again in "Princess Twilight Sparkle, Part 1" when Pinkie ducked out of the way before a vine could hit her.
9757170
Oh yeah, must have slipped my mind
But what I meant what that it was never a major part of the plot again. You make good points, though!
If you're going from Peter Pan and the Never Land Pirates (which I actually watched once) then where's Peter's pirate crew? I get this is a Wonderbolt story but you can't give us the two villainous characters of a franchise and not give us the heroes/main characters of the same franchise.
Also, loved Spitfire's scene, it was perfectly written to display her personality (tough, but secretly a big softie)
Love the Ponyville Mysteries reference
This episode rewrite in particular, I really don't think is good. Wasn't it established at the end of the actual episode that Starlight was sent on this mission because she's the only one bold enough to do something like switch the princesses' cutie marks, albeit impulsively?
...unless they're in a Micheal Bay movie.
Captain Gorilla D Hook