This story is a sequel to My Little Pony Friendship is Magic What If?: Volume 7
Eight seasons of material, seven volumes that have come before it, six new characters to include, five times as much focus, four seasons of rewritten episodes, three non Season 8 episodes, two special characters to add, and one volume to hold them all! It's that series which seeks to answer the fateful question "What if that episode had been written differently?"
There are fourteen episodes in this collection, three from Seasons 5-7 and the remaining eleven are all from Season 8. There will be quite a few personal rewrites of episodes I enjoyed or found good enough, but could've done more or done something differently. And there will of course be much more focus on the student six, giving them the screen time they were sorely lacking during Season 8's original run. There's also going to be one Season 8 episode expanded into a two parter, which means another episode will have to bumped off to make room. And some characters that were either absent from Season 8 before or appeared only in the background will get their chance to shine in this collection.
As always, the same disclaimer applies, the episodes rewritten are based on my personal opinion so please respect it. Don't get offended if an episode you liked is on the list here, or an episode you didn't like isn't. I'll gladly respect your opinions if you respect mine.
And of course, I mean no disrespect to Hasbro, the DHX writing and editing staff, or anyone who likes the episodes that appear here. The intent of this fic, like all of its predecessors, is for entertainment purposes only.
You can access the first volume from the main page of my account, and from there you can follow the links to see what episodes have already been rewritten in Volumes 1-7. To list them all here would take forever.
I have to say, Spike and Twilight hitting the reader over the head that THEY'RE MOTHER AND SON DAMNIT kinda takes me out of the story. It feels forced, overcompensating.
People seem to forget that the CMC did try to lie their way into the school at the start of the episode. Twilight's accusations make more sense in that context.
As for the Cozy/Chrysalis thing... eh, personal choice, I guess. I was glad they didn't go that way. I would've preferred if she had a connection to Neighsay, as the setup was there in What Lies Beneath, but that was also a red herring I fell for.
I was kinda hoping the rest of the Main 6 and Starlight found out about his wings just for their reactions
I included them in my own story
9417839 I don't think the ending of What Lies Beneath was meant to tie Cozy Glow to anything, it was only to explain how she discovered the crystal catacombs that she later used for her master plan. It's really the only thing they ever truly foreshadowed with any hint of subtlety (leaks had already destroyed any chance of keeping the twist about her a secret).
And the CMC lying to try and get into the school doesn't justify Twilight falsely accusing them without proof. She knows the CMC, she should find it odd that they would be that bad at friendship according to Cozy Glow. And they never would've had to lie had she simply told them what Starlight told Cozy.
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They tried to convince the older ponies they were suddenly very bad at friendship several times. Plus the answers Cozy gave were so ridiculously off, I understand why Twilight would think they were sabotaging Cozy Glow. Could she have listened? Yes, but I completely get why she didn't.
As for Cozy Glow herself, not the ending, the beginning, when she poked into each of the Student Six's insecurities. She rattled off a list of negative stereotypes about each of their species, much like a xenophobe might. A xenophobe like Neighsay.
Can you do The Break Up Break Down?
9418799 Maybe in the next volume. Like I said, I still haven't decided whether I'm going to keep CheeriMac in this series or start pairing SugarMac.
Really good job on this rewrite. The exchanges, characterizations and future chapter set-up are all well done in all the right places. You made excellent points in the author's notes, of course and I LOVED the ironic similarity concerning Apple Bloom [with her first friend Twist] and Starlight [concerning Sunburst] AND the bit of foreshadowing considering Diamond's future redemption .
And, now, on to the next chapter.
Once more, superb work on this rewrite. In addition to the well-made points mentioned in the rewrites, the characterizations, exchanges and future chapter set-up are all well done in all the right places. Plus, I really like how Starlight got to make a valid point, how everybody admitted to past mistakes that led to THIS mistake AND how well you managed to compare this to what the kids experienced in your version of "Bridle Gossip".
And now, on to the next chapter.
Again, you've done a good job improving on an episode that was already great as is. Yes, it DOES make much more sense for Discord to try to change himself for Twilight's sake than for Fluttershy's (as you have pointed out). As great as the episode was as is, it basically did nothing but provide fuel for the Discord Fluttershy shippers. Anyway, really good job on the exchanges, characterizations and references to the comics AND tie-in novels as well as the general wrap-up.
And, on to the next chapter.
Again, you did a splendid job on the rewrite. Indeed, it DOES make far more sense to change the focus of the episode AND do a better job including the school theme AND the student characters. The exchanges, characterizations and general wrap-up are all well done, as were the points you made in the author's notes. And Sassy's flashbacks concerning her failures and near-failures were a logical way to stretch out the episode in a school setting.
And, now, on to the next chapter.
Again, thanks very much for getting this up and for liking one of my ideas enough to use a modified version of it. I really appreciate you going to the effort on both counts. Again, you make REALLY good points on the author's notes and the exchanges, characterizations and part-two set-up are all well done in all the right places.
On to part two.
Again, you did an excellent job on the second part of this re-write. You did an excellent job on the added details as well as the exchanges, characterizations and general wrap-up in all the right places. Plus, the points in the author's notes are, once more, VERY well made and very well taken.
I'll do the reviews of the seventh and eighth episodes in about an hour.
Really good job on this rewrite. Again, you make VERY good points in the author's note and the action, exchanges, characterizations and general "episode" wrap-up. I especially liked how Smolder was shown more sympathetically than in the actual episode, the slight alterations to the reasons the roc went after Zecora and Rarity (Twilight is lucky SHE is better equipped to take care of herself against a giant bird of prey) and the subtle body alterations for Spike beyond the new wings.
And, on to the next chapter.
Excellent job on the rewrite once again. Altering the story to a series of flashbacks of the Crusaders helping "Cozy" and the Crusaders trying to choose between keeping the club running and accepting the offered job at the Friendship School makes a heck of a lot more sense. In addition, "Cozy" being Chrysalis in disguise makes a lot more things about the season finale make a lot more sense (including her eventual punishment). And I loved the detail of Diamond being somewhat suspicious of "Cozy" almost from the start, but not wanting to make strong accusations without hard evidence. Anyway, VERY good job on the exchanges, characterizations, references to the comics AND the tie-in novels, general "episode" wrap-up and future "episode" set-up.
I have a couple of possible dialogue ideas for future re-writes.
1. At the appropriate point, the "Matter of Principals" re-write, Twilight can mention "I considered asking Spike to step in but, well, he might not be a BABY dragon anymore, but he's still (just slightly) too young for THAT level of responsibility. Even taking into account the fact he has a level of experience that belies his youth, I want him to have at least as close to a normal childhood as I can provide while I still can. However, he can definitely be a big help to you if it becomes necessary."
and 2. For the "School Raze" rewrite (which, I'm guessing, will be in Volume NINE), somebody of your choice can comment "I have to admit, Chrysalis, your acting HAS improved since you got deposed. You've DEFINITELY gotten A LOT more subtle than you used to be. If it weren't for your criminal record and revenge obsessions, I have no doubts you could earn all the love you could ever need with a career in the movies."
But, well, if you don't like the ideas, I can and will respect that.
At any rate, I WILL very definitely be looking forward to more of this.
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One of the main issues with A Matter of Principals definitely was Discord's characterisation. Being a Terror to Starlight and the students is hardly justified with Twilight not giving him a prominent role at her school; he would've even been rewarded for his extreme bullying if we hadn't found out he was worse than we assumed, sending Fluttershy and the rest on a fake quest, and not an ounce of guilt for any of his actions.
9419751
A valid point. One with which I'm sure SPB12 will work quite hard to fix in the rewrite (though this is about the maximum that I dare to guess without risking spoilers).
Excellent job on this rewrite. The idea of tying it into the re-written "Friendship University" IS a really good one. As was the point out of Twilight actually planning ahead in the event that she get called away AND the comment about how, at least here, Twilight DID offer the position of "acting head" to Spike FIRST but he turned it down. Anyway, the exchanges, characterizations, general "episode" wrap-up and future "episode" set-up are well done in all the right places.
Now, on to the next chapter.
Thanks very much for getting this up AND for liking one of my ideas enough to use it for inspiration. Both are really appreciated. Starswirl acting as Celestia's eyes and ears was a really good detail in this rewrite, as was the Flim-Flams' actually having a semi-sympathetic reason for being in the position they were in. And, yeah, I DID love seeing Gladmane get his comeuppance. At any rate, wonderful job on the exchanges, characterizations, general "episode" wrap-up and future "episode" foreshadowing in all the right places.
And, yeah, I'll definitely be looking forward to more of this.
I'm imagining Anthony Del Rio or Justin Briner voicing him right now.
Great Job on this rewrite!
9422274 Nah, he'd still be voiced by Cathy Wesluck. They'd just pitch-shift the voice down a little like they did in "Secret of My Excess".
Do you plan to do School Raze?
Once again, you did a splendid job on the rewrite. The exchanges, characterizations and general episode wrap-up are well done in all the right places. I especially liked your spin on the origin of Pinkie's obsession with - that instrument, the fact that the rest of the Mane Six actually DID at least try to offer ways to help Pinkie, the appearances of the Cakes and the letter cameo by Cheese Sandwich. Again, it makes me wish you were one of the writers for the actual series.
Anyway, I'll definitely be looking forward to the next chapter.
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We'll have to wait until Volume Nine to find out what SPB12 has planned, but it IS very likely that a re-write to School Raze WILL be included in Volume Nine. But, whatever SPB12 has planned for a rewrite, I have no doubts that it will be MUCH better than what the actual show gave us (both because it would be extremely difficult NOT TO BE and because this is SPB12 doing the writing).
I have to say, I do prefer this version over the actual episode. But according to the show staff, Discord let Starlight banish him, to prove a point. So I doubt she could actually hurt him with her magic, even if he was caught off-guard.
9422964 Well even if that's so it was still poorly conveyed in-universe. And again, the students didn't know that. What do you think it looked like to them?
9423028
That's not really the point I was trying to get across. I just meant that it's unlikely Starlight could actually harm Discord, even if she used her full magical power.
Excellent job on this latest/second-to-last chapter in this rewrite volume. Again, you made a lot of excellent points in the author's notes and the characterizations, action, exchanges and future chapter set-up are all well done in all the right places. I especially liked your nod to your "Rainbow Falls" rewrite as well as Soarin's attempts to talk to Scoots (nicer than Spitfire's, but no less valid and still pointing out that, even with the proper training and equipment, accidents can still happen to even experienced professionals). And, yeah, I loved seeing Rainbow going to Scoots's aunts for help in finally getting through to her little sister figure.
Definitely going to be looking forward to seeing what you come up with for "Mother Knows Least?"
Again, you did an excellent job on this chapter. You made some really good points in the author's notes and the exchanges, characterizations and general "episode" wrap-up were all well done in all the right places. I especially liked how you treated Rockhoof with more respect than the actual episode did, fleshed out the bond with Yona AND the work you did on the flashbacks (both as far as the jobs Rockhoof tried before AND on his checking up with the other Pillars).
VERY certainly going to be looking forward to the final "episode" in this rewrite volume (and then the next volume later on in the year).
Nice to see Twilight support HER LITTLE BROTHER.
Cause anyone who thinks Twilight raised him have no clue about how parenthood works.
Babies take a lot of care. And Seeing as Twilight would have spent half her day in school and doing school stuff for most of the week, Twilight couldn't have raised him.
Plus we have seen that Twilight was very irresponsible as a child growing up and didn't really notice much outside of her studies, even into her adult years.
Plus it would have made Twilight's parents and Celestia total monsters for them to force a child , who has been shown to be irresponsible and obsessed with her studies when she was young, to take care of another child.
Excellent work on this last rewrite in the Volume. The exchanges, characterizations, general "episode" wrap-up and foreshadowing for the finale rewrite are all well done in all the right places. And, of course, the points you made in the author's notes of this rewrite are very well taken. I especially liked the support Spike got throughout, the fact you actually gave Singe a good reason for her long absence (and, yes, I DO think Tress MacNille would make an excellent voice actress for her), the nod to the comics, already working in a modified version of the encounter with Sludge in passing (though without the stupidity on the part of the main characters) AND the thought of Spike now having TWO mothers.
I'm definitely going to be looking forward to seeing what you come up with for the next volume (which will probably be coming in June or July) as well as more of your work in general.
9431751 She didn't raise him alone. At least while she was in Canterlot she had whatever staff Princess Celestia assigned to her for help. And I believe at least Lauren Faust said that it was Princess Celestia who taught Spike how to send messages via fire.
It was a good chapter. No offense, but you forgot to fix the plot hole where Scootaloo didn’t know about Lightning Dust even though she mentioned Lightning in her scrapbook from Parental Glidense.
9453097 Actually, I rewrote "Parental Glideance" as well so that exposition dump didn't happen. I forgot to mention that. In this rewrite series, Scootaloo doesn't know about Lightning Dust prior to this. I think most fans cringed at that blatant exposition.
And as for the "plot hole" for the official episode, the best handwave I can come up with is that Scootaloo didn't learn all the details about Lightning Dust, just what Rainbow Dash told her. Rainbow Dash was probably vague about Lightning Dust.
9453116
Hmm... must’ve forgot about that.
Apple Bloom’s not even only blank Frank in class what about pipsqueak He still blank to this day. Isn’t Rumble too
9480809 Rumble's iffy. We've never seen him in Cheerilee's class. I think he might be from Cloudsdale.
To be fair, shibjng was reacting like a rape victim toward chabgelings. His strong feelings towards such a species makes perfect sense considering he was brainwashed and such. It’s not like he had any other baseline to go off of
9482073 Still doesn't give him the right to make such an overtly racist statement.
Season 8 feels like the season where Hasbro tried to take complete control of the show. Hopefully, Season 9 and Gen 5 will be their apology for that.
This was a much needed re-write. You have my praise for this. I will confessed I laughed hard at this:
*Smacks forehead hard* OF COURSE! Why didn't the writers think of that?! That was a missed opportunity!
Hope they learn how to dodge.
I'll take that into heart.
I accept this head-canon. Flash Sentry gets too much hatred as it is.
Did she now? That's interesting to know.
I'll remember that.
This was a much needed re-write. I felt...underwhelmed when I saw the episode, seeing that there were many missed opportunities. This chapter makes me feel better.
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Pitch Shifted Cathy Weseluck as Growing Up Spike in "Secret of My Excess"?!
Nah...no no no no no. EVERYBODY knows that Older Spike in "Secret of my Excess" is voiced by Matt Hill. (That voice matched perfectly to Matt Hill's Skeebo voice from Pac-Man and the Ghostly Adventures)
I agree with you with the ending of the episode. To me, it's the worst of the tv series. If they put in a scene where Starlight and Cozy tells Twilight and the others what happened and realize that they weren't clear with them, maybe i wouldn't hate it so much.
I like how you added in Diamond, Lofty, and Holiday. It was nice to see the technical new friend of the CMCs be incorporated. And Lofty and Holiday were amazing with how they turned that around! There's just one thing I don't like about it...Why the hay didn't you change Spitfire's lines?! Every time I watch that episode I am embarrassed for her, it's like she's saying those things to try and be laughed at. No offense, you can do what you want with your stories, I just REALLY don't like that scene.
9480826
His brother is a Ponyville pegasus at least - he took part in the water-lifting and competed for the town in the Games. And it seems like they live together.
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He's not supposed to be right. Just understandably biased.
10190574 Maybe, but what he said goes beyond bias. It's a textbook definition of racism and stereotyping, blaming an entire species for the actions of one bad actor/actress.
10190567 Then I guess he's in a different class than the CMC or is homeschooled?
And I admit, I would never have thought of giving such a third-string character her own episode, but she makes it work better than Flutters did, with more focus for the students too. In fact, we could have perhaps used a few of these class-format eps.