AlliePastel
Joined 14th Jul, 2013 ·
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Cute
What's a mimic? Are talking about those things from Dungeons and Dragons?
9015547
A mimic, by it's definition is an impersonator of replication of something that exist; often to . So, in this story, the 'mimic' is the magically conjured fake pony (Sunny), based off of Princess Celestia, that Sapphire Gem supposedly created to help out at the magic kindergarten.
However, in the context of most fantasy/adventure settings (Dark Souls, Terraria, ecetera), the word 'mimic' often refers to mythical creature whom takes the form of a treasure chest in order to lure in adventurers before attacking them.
You said mimic and I was confused when it wasn't a chest-monster.
9015655
Yeah, I was slightly worried people might think that.
Wonderful story! Really enjoyed it. I just do wonder from Sapphire's line; Celestia is going to be surprised, but she knew Twilight was there to get hypnotised? Well, its highly entertaining and the twist at the end is highly amusing. One slight suggestion, perhaps Twilight shouldn't stutter so much, since she seems to do it fairly often even from the start.
Otherwise, loved it, hope you write more stories like this in the future.
9015723
I'm glad you enjoyed it and I really appreciate the feed back. To answer your comment about why Sapphire stated that "Celestia was going to be surprised". She was just stating how surprised Celestia would be with the effectiveness of the 'experiment' was while also teasing Twilight.
This was a good read always love TS ABDL stuff with here in it.
This story is definitely creative. I would say it flows coherently for the most part. It's also rather lighthearted/soft for porn, to an almost innocent degree. That may or may not bode well with people who are looking for smut. Everyone is different. As a whole, I would say that I don't really see an outstanding climax (in the literary sense) that leaves the reader completely satisfied. While that may sound slightly defamatory, I actually want to see more of this story. Perhaps what I'm trying to say is that this story has potential that isn't quite met in less than 5,000 words. It's not bad by any means, but I do see room for improvement.
Overall opinion: You don't deserve the like/dislike ratio that you're getting. It's quite tame for something tagged with 'Sex' and 'Porn' but it is a good idea that is executed adequately enough for me to want more.
More soup please?
i.imgflip.com/89bvo.jpg
9015949
I do regret not stretching it out a little longer to some degree. But I do have good reason for writing this piece the way that I did.
See, when I'd originally wrote this story I was going to make it a more smutish/sexual piece that left Twilight sitting spent in a messy diaper. But, some ways through and my inner story writer decided to turn the story's once prominent sexual overtones into quiet sexual undertones and transform the story into something much more profound (albeit at the cost of many of my reader's attention).
In essence, the relationship between Twilight Sparkle and Sapphire Gem/Sunny is supposed to be a cautionary tail about bloodsucker relationships.
Without going into too much detail. The story starts out with Sunny deliberately wanting Twilight to crave her affection (as a foal with no sexual attachment). While Twilight is reluctant at first, Sunny's name, general Celestia-like stature, demenor, and hypnotic gaze slowly but sure draw Twilight in. In her own accordance, Twilight accepts the invisible ring (wedding ring) and later on the changing table has her sex taken by Sunny (via the sprinkling of the white baby powder and diaper wrapped around her waist. The blue-dolphin designed baby bouncer is meant to symbolic of the two being in a lesbian relationship. However, the instant Sunny is sure she has Twilight under her complete control (during the breastfeeding/messing request part) she realizes that she has everything she needed from Twilight (the completion of her experiment) and pushes her aside by putting her in the baby bouncer.
Twilight meanwhile is sitting there, in virtually the most humiliating attire possible desperately reaching for a single chance to be close with the mare who doesn't really love her back, that she's grown attached to.
A most interesting tale. I definitely didn't notice all the unique symbolism you put into it but certainly can appreciate what you were going for.
For me, I saw this as a 'test' for Sapphire Gem that was designed to see if she could succeed in the use of her 'special talents'. Seeing how she figured out how to manipulate Twilight by creating a 'perfect situation' to let her guard down was most clever. It's really something to think of how familiar surroundings and circumstances can lower our guard. It was a trick but it worked.
The thought I had is whether the mimic was real. Perhaps it was never true to begin with? The whole situation developed to see just how far Sapphire's talents could go? If she could do what she did to a princess it is definitely possible to think of what she could do to a potential threat to Equestria.
Given what sapphire did I can see her being an agent of S.M.I.L.E. Her abilities certainly would be good at keeping the land safe from danger. Lyra and Bon-Bon could maybe work with her? :)
Sorry, i had to down vote this... as much as i can't stand Lose Stories (situations where hero or main character loses and that's it) I don't get any explanation as to why this is happening. I mean who's telling the truth, who's lying. and Just one chapter doesn't explain anything at all. Also, I didn't like the pacing, if anything twilight should've had more days enough to act like a grown pony. Further more the explanation of the mimic saying "never trust strangers" sorta doesn't make since since she's never even alive. Plus if its one of Celestia's personal students then of course twilight is going to know her. All in all it seems hastly written with plot holes left and right. The mimic who suggested the inhibitor horn has no authority to ask such a thing, and the story shows bad pacing and just nothing at all appealing. 1/5
Is it okay if I wanted to have another chapter with Celestia showing up to take Twily with her?
nice work.