• Member Since 14th Jul, 2013
  • offline last seen June 6th


To be continued...

Comments ( 7 )

Quick tip: Pick a way to spell a character's name, preferably the canon way, and stick with it, instead of spelling the name six different ways.

Also, *actions* are a big nono, and pretty much a dealbreaker for my reading experience.

If you're referring to Applejack, I used different names for flow purposes. It's a bit awkward when dealing with a character with a nickname; that being "AJ".

Also I agree with you opinion on what I assume you meant by '*actions*'. I too dislike that transition style and I'm going to work on changing it tommrow

For the names thing, I was talking about how you use "Applejack", "Apple-jack", and "Apple jack" throughout the story. Same goes for Braeburn. It's very offputting to read.


Did I seriously do that? :applejackunsure:

I'll revise it sometime between tonight and tomorrow. I was actually a bit confused over the spelling of "BraeBurn", as "Brae Burn" is technically the correct spelling for the fruit. But I suppose if that is cannon spelling I'll fix it!

i can see how any pony would give this a dislike. this was good, heart warming, apple family lovings. I liked it :ajsmug:

Not a bad story, but you really need to find a knowledgeable editor and have them go through it with a fine-tooth comb. There are words in the story that just don't belong, missing words, misspelled words, and words that don't mean what you probably think they mean. Your grammar and sentence structure need some work, too; you're missing a lot of commas and other punctuation. The variation in how you write Applejack and Braeburn's names has already been mentioned, so I won't go into detail on that. Do yourself a favor and find a good editor. I apologise if this seems harsh; you have potential, you just also need an editor to help you clean stuff up and point out mistakes. I know how easy it is to miss things when you're writing 6-12 thousand word chapters. Keep at it! Cheers!

Loved the sex... The grammar etc was passable enough not for it to fuck up the flow... Nice one

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