(Note: This fic takes place within the universe of My Little Pony, Friendship is Magic: Stallion Edition and it is strongly recommended that you check that out first to better understand the universe. This takes place after the events of Chapter 154, but aside from the first twelve chapters and Chapter 65, you shouldn't have to read every chapter.)
Shining Armor and his friends have faced many threats big and small over the years, but their friendship has always carried them through in the end.
But now, not only their friendship but the very land they call home is at risk. For a pony named Tempest Shadow comes on behalf of a threat known only as The Storm King, and with orders to capture the alicorns at all costs.
On the run from Tempest and desperate for help, the stallions must leave the comfort of home and journey beyond Equestria to recruit new allies. All the while, they will face hardships and find their friendship tested like never before.
And what if this mysterious Tempest who is pursuing them? What reasons does she have for obeying the Storm King? And just what does the Storm King want with the alicorns anyway?
Very little I can say beyond great start to the story. The exchanges, characterizations and future chapter set-up are all well done in all the right places. I particularly liked how well you are working in the little differences (particularly Shining being JUST Genre Savvy enough to get a bad feeling).
Well, on to the next chapter.
Once more, thanks very much for sharing this next chapter AND for liking one of my dialogue ideas enough to use it. Both are really appreciated. The action, exchanges, characterizations and future chapter set-up are, of course, splendidly done.
I particularly liked how you had the Princesses put up at least SOME semblance to a fight (of course, they STILL got Worfed, but that's, unfortunately, impossible to avoid without making the villains look COMPLETELY incompetent) as well as Tempest showing some semblance of a sense of "warrior's honor" AND Twilight, Starlight and the others get in at least ONE heroic moment without overshadowing the actual main heroes of THIS series.
And, yeah, now I'm going to be on to the next chapter.
Again, this is a VERY good job on the latest chapter. The exchanges, characterizations and future chapter set-up are all well done in all the right places. I especially liked how you explained why Shining and his friends don't go to the allies they already have (though it MIGHT be possible that Twilight and the others can still get into contact with said allies off-screen, say, just in time for those allies to arrive for the climax [give or take]). And, yeah, I like how you're working to give better character development to the villains as well.
So, I'll definitely be looking forward to more of this.
9021248 The interactions between Tempest and the Storm King draw inspiration from "Jaw$" in the 2017 Ducktales cartoon, in which Lena is a servant/slave to Magica DeSpell but raises objections and tries to back out on the deal.
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Gotcha. Anyway, here's a possible idea for later:
1. It can be shown that Shining's friends ARE taking this seriously enough where Shining would have no reason to feel desperate enough to, say, resort to attempted thievery. However, somebody of your choice can ALSO say "I know this is a serious situation and we need all the help we can get, but that's EXACTLY why we are doing this. The best way to GET help is to help out those that need it. If we give them enough hope, they might be sufficiently motivated to assist us when we need it."
Of course, if the idea doesn't work or if you already have a better idea (which, I will admit, is a definite possibility), I apologize for wasting your time.
And, once more, this is some great work. The exchanges, characterizations and future chapter set-up are all well done in all the right places. And, yeah, I particularly liked the added details you mentioned in the author's notes.
I'll very certainly be looking forward to more of this.
Will we get a backstory for the Storm King?
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No offense, but I doubt we will. I mean, SPB12 ALREADY compared the Storm King to the Joker, which means he probably changes his own backstory on a whim depending on the circumstances.
And that's okay, because all we NEED to know about the Joker is what we have in (almost) every incarnation: Namely, he was a criminal (whether a relative small-timer or not depends on the adaptation as does the level or lack of initial reluctance) who got a chemical bath and became Batman's greatest enemy.
9023816 Probably not. Not every villain needs a backstory explaining their every motive and action. They just need to be a credible threat and have a reason to go off the good guys other than just because.
Hey there. Again, this is a really good chapter. The exchanges, characterizations and future chapter set-up are well done in all the right places. I particularly liked the bits of character development you are giving Grubber.
Anyway, I have a couple of possible ideas for close to the climax.
1. Shining Armor can surrender JUST before his friends finally find Queen Novo, basically trusting that Tempest will have enough honor to spare his friends if he comes along quietly and also trusting his friends to find some way to get the help they need.
and 2. At an appropriate point JUST before the climax, there can be the following exchange:
Tempest: Friends? Please. In this world, you can't trust anybody but yourself. I had friends once - friends I cared enough about to risk both my life and my horn for. What did those friends do after I broke my horn? They turned their backs on me. Friends? Who needs them.
Shining: Everybody needs friends. No matter how powerful or how smart somebody is, they're never complete without good friends. Heck, Grubber seems to do his best to be a good friend to YOU - trying to keep you from going too far, standing by you no matter how much you yell at him. In many ways, he reminds me of Spike.
Tempest: Oh really?
Shining: Yes. Before Twily legally adopted him, he was her first real friend, even if it took her a long time to properly show her appreciation. As a matter of fact, over the years, I met a few mares who basically provided a good glimpse of how Twily COULD have ended up if she took a darker path and didn't embrace friendship.
Tempest: Your student being one of them, I suppose?
Shining: Well, yes. Let me guess - you read her file.
Tempest: More like SKIMMED. But, yes. Anyway, it's not like you have much room to talk about friendship. It's because of your friends that you got captured.
Shining: Only because trust is a major part of friendship. I trusted you to spare them once you had me and I'm trusting that they are all right. So far, I'm AT LEAST HALF-right. And I hope to be proven COMPLETELY right eventually.
Of course, if you don't like the ideas, I DO completely understand your right to your own beliefs.
9025182 I already have plans for an exchange between Shining and Tempest later on, but I might just incorporate some of your dialogue suggestions.
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Thanks very much for both the explanation and the consideration.
You know when I first saw the title of this I was thinking this was some kind of Digimon crossover
Thanks immensely for getting the next chapter up. I really appreciate you going to the effort. Again, you did a great job on the exchanges, characterizations, action and future chapter set-up in all the right places. I particularly liked the Both Sides Have A Good Point argument between the stallions as well as Capper's inner argument and how Tempest put Vetro in his place.
I'll, of course, most definitely be looking forward to more of this.
Again, very good job on the latest chapter. You did great on the exchanges, characterizations and future chapter set-up. I particularly liked the reasoning gave for NOT trying to fight the pirates despite the fact that there was only a few of them and the stallions have beaten much worse in the past.
And, yes, I WILL most definitely be looking forward to more of this.
Hello there. Thanks again for getting the next chapter up. Once more, you did a splendid job on the exchanges, characterizations and future chapter set-up in all the right places. I particularly liked how Celeano explained the situation of herself and her crew to the stallions and Spike as well as Soarin's pep talk to Celeano and her crew (which, considering Soarin' CAN'T do a Sonic Rainboom, did NOT go as badly as Rainbow Dash's in the actual movie).
Now, I'll very certainly be looking forward to more of this, of course.
Once again, very good job on the latest chapter. The exchanges, characterizations, action and future chapter set-up are all quite well done. I particularly liked the Both Sides Have A Point argument AND how you went into slightly more detail on certain things (such as the escapes and Grubber, again, trying to reason with Tempest).
Well, I hope you and your family have a good time at the wedding and I am definitely going to be looking forward to more of this.
Thanks immensely for getting this next chapter up. Once more, the exchanges, characterizations and future chapter set-up are quite well done in all the right places. I certainly enjoyed the way the group handled the fall and remaining distance to their destination. And, yeah, I DID like the fact that at least a couple of them DID actually mention the Sirens in this chapter, if only to dismiss the possibility.
I'll certainly be looking forward to the next chapter.
Hello there. Yeah, I appreciate you going to the effort to get the next chapter up. And, well, you bring up some really good points in the author's notes. Particularly about making the Storm King's threat more obvious AND the aversion of Protagonist-Centered Morality (of course, we have to wonder HOW Shiny would get desperate enough to try this even though his friends WERE taking the situation seriously enough to NOT make him that cynical). And, yeah, the exchanges, characterizations, action and future chapter set-up WERE well done in all the right places.
And, yes, I WILL be looking forward to more of this.
I loved the check-up on Capper and Celeano. The exchange and characterizations were great. And, here is a possible something for the next chapter if you choose to use it. If not, well, that's cool too:
Shining: Look, I messed up big time. I freely admit it. I'm just sorry you guys ended up taking the fall with me.
Somebody of your choice: We get that it was NOT your intention for us to take the fall with you, but that still doesn't make us any less upset.
Shining: And you have EVERY right to BE upset. That's actually WHY I didn't tell you guys about my full plan. Because 1. I figured you would then have plausible deniability and 2. I knew you wouldn't go through with it if you knew the whole truth.
Somebody of your choice: Of course we wouldn't have gone through with it. It was not only under-hoofed, it was completely unnecessary.
Shining: I realize that NOW - when it is much too late to make amends. Because I lost my ability to trust, I also cost us our best chance of saving Equestria. That is completely on me and I wouldn't blame any of you if you never wanted to speak to me again.
Somebody of your choice: Well, I wouldn't go THAT far. I mean, yeah, we're upset, but "'never want to speak to you again'" would be MORE than a bit of a stretch.
Shining: Fair enough. Right now, we have only one option left. I have to surrender myself to Tempest and pray she has enough honor to leave the six of you alone and also trust the six of you to find some other way to get the help we need.
Somebody of your choice: Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Bad idea there, Shiny!
Shining: Really? Do ANY of you have any BETTER ideas? Because, if you DO, I'm willing to listen.
Everybody else: Well, no. Not really.
Shining: That is exactly what I thought.
But, if you already have better ideas (which is completely possible), I will more than understand.
Excellent work on the exchanges, characterizations and future chapter set-up in all the right places in this chapter. Yeah, I LOVE the tweaks to the argument AND Shining's surrender. I'll most certainly be looking forward to more of this.
Once more, you did a VERY good job on the Ponyville check-up chapter . The exchanges, characterizations, action and future chapter set-up are all well done in all the right places. And, of course, you, again, make some good points in the author's notes. I particularly liked how seriously Flash is taking his responsibilities, even to the point of staying behind to protect Twilight and the others even though he KNOWS he's going to get captured .
Of course, we're going to have to wonder how the stallions are going to get back to Canterlot in time to help out, especially since Brae DOES NOT have Pinkie's group-sized party cannon.
But that's for later.
I'm definitely going to be looking forward to more of this.
Hello there. Again, you did a great job on the exchanges, characterizations and future chapter set-up in all the right places. And thanks very much for using some of my dialogue ideas enough to use them. I really appreciate that. And, again, you make some really good points in the author's notes.
Yeah, I am DEFINITELY going to be looking forward to more of this.
VERY good job on this latest chapter. I loved the argument as well as the arrival of the allies. Of course, I think you left out a "win" toward the end of the chapter (i.e. "The good guys always win in the end").
At any rate, I WILL be looking forward to more of this.
And I will also respect if real world concerns end up slowing up down.
Great chapter! Can't wait to see the next one come!
Hello there. Thanks very much for getting this next chapter up. Indeed, the exchanges, characterizations and future chapter set-up were all quite well done in all the right places. I especially liked Shining and Flash's chat as well as Shining (AND Grubber's) further attempts to reason with Tempest and the Storm King's demonstrations of menace.
Indeed, I WILL be looking forward to more of this.
Darn it! I hate cliffhangers as much as the next person, but I'm glad this is updated daily.
I love the flow of this and the differences between this story and the movie! This is very creative! Keep it up!
Again, this is some great work on the latest chapter. The exchanges, characterizations, action and climax set-up are all well done in all the right places.
And yes, I DO really like the added details to certain scenes.
I'm definitely going to be looking forward to the next couple of chapters.
Again, you did an excellent job on the added details/subtle alterations on the scenes in this chapter. The exchanges, characterizations, action and climax set-up are all well done in all the right places. I particularly liked how Grubber actively helped the stallions.
I'll most assuredly be looking forward to the next chapter (which, I'm guessing will be the second-or-third-to-last).
Should that be "him"? Anyway, this story is absolutely AH-MAZING!
Great job getting the fourth to last chapter up. Again, the exchanges, characterizations, action and epilogue set-up are all well done in all the right places. I particularly liked how Shiny was JUST Genre Savvy enough to figure the Storm King survived but NOT Genre Savvy enough to figure the Storm King would strike again so soon .
And, yeah, I'll definitely be looking forward to the three epilogue chapters.
VERY good job on the third to last chapter. The exchanges, characterizations and future chapter set-up are all well done in all the right places. I particularly liked the princesses' reactions to their restorations, the careful balance of punishment and mercy concerning the majority of the Storm King's underlings (though, ironically, in the tie-in comic, the Storm King actually DID treat [most of] his underlings well, albeit only to ensure their loyalty) as well as Shining's reaction to Queen Novo's appearance. And, yeah, I can see your point concerning the song.
I'll definitely be looking forward to the next chapter of the epilogue.
Once again, great job on the second-to-last chapter. The exchanges, characterizations and finale set-up were all well done in all the right places.
Yeah, I DID like the little bit of backstory Novo provided concerning the loss of Skystar's father as well as Celestia admitting that she also was partially to blame for the two of them losing touch . Most of all, I liked Shining fessing up to HIS big mistakes and Novo actually having enough of a sense of both justice AND gratitude to commute his banning from "for life" to "just a few months".
Anyway, here is something for Volume Eight or Nine of your "What If?" series:
1. The final scene in your version of "School Daze" (depending on which volume the re-write goes into) could be Chrysalis holding hairs discreetly collected from the Mane Six AND Starlight during the fight to rescue the kidnapped students. This would basically to provide some fore-shadowing for "the Mean Seven" (see below)
2. "The Mean Seven" (two-part alteration to "the Mean Six"): It can be revealed that Chrysalis used the hairs collected from the Mane Six and Starlight to create clones of her seven worst enemies and then spent months training them to make sure they were ready for the next phase of her plan, which is to pick off the real McCoys one-by-one with both the element of surprise AND the advantage of superior numbers. After all of the REAL Mane Six and Starlight are captured, Phase THREE (which starts at Part Two of "the Mean Seven") of the plan begins: namely the clones take the places of the captured heroes at the Friendship School to work on corrupting the children. Chrysalis TRIES to at least partially subvert Bond Villain Stupidity by 1. actually sticking around to TRY TO make sure the real Mane Six and Starlight don't escape and 2. NOT revealing her plan to the captured heroes just in case they DO escape and overpower her. Of course, the genuine articles DO escape and still find out Chrysalis's plan on their own, but hey, points for trying right?
And of course, the clones would have different personalities than they would in canon, but I'm trying to think about HOW they would be different (well, beyond coming to know how the genuine articles think and act well enough to fool the average moderately intelligent sapient over the course of Chrysalis's months-long training; but maybe not fool somebody like Spike, who just knows the real McCoys FAR too well). But, hey, you can probably think of something workable when the time comes.
Of course, if these ideas don't sound that good to you, I will completely understand.
9060363 It's too early to be thinking about Season 8 rewrites, half the season has yet to air. I know for sure that when I get around to Season 8 rewrites, the ones I will definitely be tackling are "Fake 'It Til You Make It", "The Parent Map", "Non-Compete Clause", "Marks for Effort" and "Yakity Sax". "Molt Down" is also likely to be on there, but it may get bumped off if more episodes I strongly feel are in need of a rewrite crop up. And as for "The Break-Up Break Down" I'm not sure what I may do on that, largely because I'm not sure whether I'll keep CheeriMac or not. The thing that stopped me from shipping SugarMac was the distance between them, but "The Break-Up Break Down" fixed that and their chemistry is actually quite good. I may have to wait to see further developments on the relationship before I decide whether to include it or not.
But Volume 7 will be out sooner than you think, I'm planning to begin it in August and run through September with it.
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Fair enough. That's kind of why I said "Volume Eight or Nine"
VERY good job on the final chapter. I LOVED the exchange and characterizations in the wrap-up. I particularly liked Shining's reaction to Tempest's real name. And, great points in the author's notes too.
And, for Volumes Eight and Nine of your "What If?" series (since I know Volume 7 is coming next month, but THOSE TWO Volumes won't be until next year), perhaps you could have "Horse Play" written out completely in order to make room for one of the re-written Season Eight episodes to be a two-parter (plus your re-written version of "A Royal Problem" will probably cover the issue "Horse Play" did in canon anyway [i.e. teaching Twilight NOT to put ANYONE on a pedestal], which will make "Horse Play" unnecessary) .
Plus, "The Parents' Tracks" (re-written version of the "Parent Map") works better as a two-parter anyway because that way, one part can be set entirely in Ponyville (i.e. Firelight visiting Starlight) and the other part can be shown entirely in the Crystal Empire (i.e. Stellar Flare visiting Sunburst) and the overall story then seems MUCH less rushed).
But I digress.
Anyway, really good overall story.
This was such a fun fic to follow! I can't wait for more of this universe!
Thank you so much for continuing to write!
9062042 "Horse Play" could still work, as there would still be the plot of the play going wrong. But at least one person suggested the idea of the student six being the ones proposing the play.
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Yeah. That IS a really good point.
Anyone know if theirs fics about humans in the my little pony movie 2017 witch was a good movie
Yay!