• Member Since 16th Apr, 2018
  • offline last seen 11 hours ago

PapierSam


I know you didn't ask for a distantly downhearted observation on ordinary life, but I wrote it anyway.

E

Rarity and Rainbow Dash embark on many byzantine heists – where it takes two to live with the dire straits of mediocre life and still keep it together.

Keywords: suspension of disbelief, context (or lack thereof), and dramatic crackfic.


Chicken scratch Cover image by me. A 1000-word pictorial representation of what you can expect herein.

Chapters (3)
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Comments ( 24 )
JackRipper
Story Approver

This actually reads surprisingly well; do you have prior experience with writing? :twilightsheepish:

I think I'll track this and follow you. I have a feeling you're very good at this.

And another talented writer chooses to waste their skills on FIMFiction. Welcome to the cesspool, mate. :trollestia:

This ain't half bad, dog. Keep it up.

Prose, you got it in spades, though I'd wager the dialogue is the strongest aspect of this story so far.

So, my sentiments are like the rest here: keep up the good work, because you're a good writer.

8870069
8870016
8869919
8869903
Thanks! I didn't expect anyone to really notice this much at all, much less actually like it, so much appreciated.

8869883
I don't have any actual experience, I mostly just read and think too much. :/ Still, I'll try not to disappoint (happy horse emoticon here).

Chellos hummed low, beside the small details in the curtain accents and tableware.

Cellos

“I hope putting the lives of the most elite business people and their loved ones in the world was distraction ENOUGH!

Oddly phrased - probably would work better as "the most elite business people in the world and their loved ones"

Interesting start. Somewhat hard to keep track of at times, but I suspect that was the point, given the lack of context. Let's see where this goes.

8871443
Nice catches; noted and fixed. Thanks!

(As for the lack of context, that's the gist. I wanted to see what the general reception of it was before I decided if I was gonna continue the ambiguity or if the next chapters should ease into a more concrete narration.)

8871517

Not a problem, always happy to help.

As for whether to continue with ambiguity... tricky. Short term, it could be fun, but I'm not sure it could be sustained indefinitely. Of course, it partly depends on how long you intend the story to be, but I could see it going from intriguing to frustrating if done long enough or taken too far - much like a mystery where the answers are always teased but never given. On the other hand, simply explaining it runs the risk of making lose its allure. Probably best to simply see how it goes.

I realize that's probably not helpful... and further, that you neither asked my opinion nor have reason to give it any credence, so I apologize for rambling like this.

8871565

As for whether to continue with ambiguity... tricky. [...]Probably best to simply see how it goes.

Precisely my thoughts, on all parts.

and further, that you neither asked my opinion nor have reason to give it any credence, so I apologize for rambling like this.

For the record, I wanted to ask (I posted the story up for the feedback after all), but I thought even asking was asking too much. So, actually, I greatly appreciate your rambling: I'm only as good a writer as I am a reader.

8877532
Short explanation: it's a ridiculously over-complicated scheme. See byzantine, definition 2

JackRipper
Story Approver

The quality of your prose makes me angry. :derpytongue2:

8902556

Why angry? Some of the story beats feel a bit like they're there to hang word-play upon, like the nominal plot of a Marx Brothers film, but in general, it's a joy to read.

“Our chance encounter, is it not but Destiny that could bring us together like this?”

Soarin snorted, as if the irony was almost overplayed. “She would tear us apart.”

“Is there one of us she wants?”

“It’s what we have that she wants.”

Huh. Feels weird to have a Soarin' characterization that has him being all poetic and stuff.

“Of course, it's just that-it’s just—remember that transfer student I told you about?” Rainbow made a thinking face. “The pretty one with the bob-cut?”

“Oh, yeah, Destiny Bond.”

Oh, very well played.

But then again, the way Rainbow Dash thought made the world very different than the way she acted she thought.

I think some words are missing?

9336935
Yes, absolutely. Adding 'like' in that sentence would improve its delivery, in the technical sense.

Stylistically, I liked the way it came out when omitting some words. Sorta like: "I think, but then it doesn't show with how I act I think." There's a different, less practical-oriented voice in that conveyance. Felt like it was apropos to the idea of what the sentence was getting at altogether.

“This isn’t a masquerade, darling: it’s a funeral procession.”

Oh man that's my favorite My Chemical Romance song!

I like the story and I'm interested to see where it goes! A lot of unanswered questions though, I'm hoping for a little more backstory.

When will there be more chapters? :raritydespair:

9447084
Bold of you to assume there are more chapters. Could there anymore chapters? Does the fic end here? Is This It?

9449666
If there aren't, then the synopsis of the rest is a joke only a couple pre-readers ever saw.

9449941

If there aren't, then the synopsis of the rest is a joke only a couple pre-readers ever saw

So is my life :/

In all seriousness, the next two chapters are halfway done and long overdue. Both of those things should be rectified soon.

So it's like Bonnie and Clyde without the sex and guns. And death.

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