I'm a Brony I'm Canadian I have lived in Canada my whole life I love Pokemon, My little pony, and Ace Attorney
After a spell is cast, Twilight and Applejack wake up to a surprise the former is one year old foal and the latter is... HER MOTHER?! The pair try to find a way to fix this but it’s gets hard when they realize no one remembers events like they do could their reality have changed?
I had an idea like this after reading Fluttershy’s Foal? a fic where Fluttershy becomes Twilight’s Mother
Cover Art by lilfunkman
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Cute story so far I want to see more
I see more potential here than the Fluttershy one.
All I can say is that, so far, this story looks like it could have potential. Great work on the characterizations, exchanges and mystery build-up.
My guess is that the two figures that caused Applejack such shock were her parents, meaning they at least lived long enough to see her reach adulthood in this universe.
And, just be patient, Flutters. I'm pretty sure Discord will probably be providing you with at least one foal in a few years (:-D).
And, of course, we have to wonder who Twilight's NEW father is. Among the possible but VERY unlikely would be Discord (pretty much the only way THIS one could happen would be if Fluttershy truly and completely rejected him, Applejack tried to comfort him and one thing led to another [though Discord DOES have enough power where his genes would provide a good explanation of how Twilight could be an alicorn AS A BABY]), Shining Armor (this one would indicate Shiny was weak enough to cheat on Cadance with Applejack [though it WOULD mean her old family WAS still her family; just in a different manner]), one of the Flim-Flam Brothers (I VERY seriously doubt Applejack would let either one of them get THAT close to her) or an adult (by pony standards) Spike
Sorry about that. Got a little carried away (understatement, I must admit).
Anyway, I'll definitely be looking forward to more of this.
This has the same idea as Fluttershy’s foal where Twilight was born before Nightmare Moon returned so Discord would have still been a statue and she wouldn’t have met the others yet.
I don’t quite know what I’ll do with Twi’s new father but I’m kind of leaning towards him being some random stallion who doesn’t appear in the story for one reason or another
I think that Shining Armor should be the father, so that Twilight would still have connections to her old family, but not in the same way as she used to. That's just my opinion.
9045059
Fair enough. Thanks for pointing that out. I kind of figured it was unlikely anyway.
9050142
Yeah, but then we would have to explain either Shining cheating on Cadance with Applejack or Cadance leaving Shining for another stallion at some point before he met Applejack.
Unless, in this universe, Shining and Cadance NEVER became more than friends and Cadance ended up falling in love with and eventually marrying someone else. I mean, yeah, it would still be a one-night-stand but at least there would be no infidelity involved.
9050230
Maybe Shining Armour and Cadence were only friends when Applejack had Twilight, and then they started a relationship later on, possibly without knowing about Twilight because it was a one-night-stand
9050324
Okay. Yeah. I suppose that IS quite possible too.
I'm a little curious to know who the dad is in this alternate world.
so it was updated without a new chapter
9078574
No I accidentally hit publish on a new chapter without it being finished
9078578
ahh okay that explains it still i like the start
That look on AJ's face concerns me.
It concerns me greatly.
9078865
Was the base I could find
9078870
It's OK, just makes me nervous.
can't want this looks like it'll be a good one :)
9082824
Thanks
Are you gonna update the story soon?
9089571
I’m working on it I have 1097 words on the second chapter right now
9078865
I do not blame you
When wil the next chaper go live? I love the story so far.
9127452
I’m working on it
9127787
How long until the next chapter is ready?.
9331294
I’m having some trouble getting to the point where I could get through I have ideas though I’ll try to get the next chapter out before 2019
9331371
I see, I’ll and wait and see how it turn out.
But in the meantime, Applejack will raised Twilight Sparkle, things will be different for the apple family.
Please don't be a one and done
9425221
I’m trying
9425239
If you need help I will gladly lend assistance
9425242
Sure I’d be glad to accept that just message me
Hopefully it doesn't happen again...
9536268
Yeah I really love this story
9536273
Same here
Wish I'd found this sooner.
Tracking!
P.S.
Oh my Faust, those freckles!
Did you fix the error I found before the accident?
Dang it. My previous review got erased. Still, the edits look great as far as I can tell. And, as I said earlier, since Twilight is a baby in this universe, she can't very well be Starlight's mentor and it is, unfortunately, possible that Starlight is still a villain in this universe (which would explain Starlight's absence from that picture as well as Sunburst's, since Sunburst was only at the award ceremony as a friend of Starlight).
Still, the work on the exchanges, characterizations and future chapter set-up are all well done in all the right places.
Good chapter good chap
9583248
Thanks
Still worried about spike now I’m worried about starlight
I wanna know why this Moonstone guy abandoned AJ & Twilight right now!
9583482
You’ll find out soon
9583510
Dangit... Fine I'll wait
9583515
I’ll still be working on this story but I think I’m going to turn most of attention to ‘Twilight and Skaterloo: Mother and Son’ for a bit
9583517
It's fine, I'll can wait
REALLY good job on this first chapter. The exchanges, characterizations and future chapter set-up are all well done in all the right places. I particularly liked the "memory dream" detail, AJ's mom getting worried/suspicious (along with AJ being torn between fessing up to her mother and knowing the truth is too fantastic for any sane person to believe) and the detail of the fact that Our Town never existed (which means either 1. Starlight never existed in this universe, 2. Starlight simply never started her anti-Cutie Mark campaign/equality obsession in the first place for some reason [whether that reason was good or bad is yet to be determined] or 3. Starlight is being EVEN MORE subtle than she was in the main universe at first. But, yeah, I AM getting worried about Spike. I mean, it's possible that Celestia hatched and raised Spike on her own, but it's also possible that Spike is still an egg in this universe (which means he would be a TRUE baby dragon when he FINALLY hatches) AND it's possible that Celestia returned Spike to the Dragon Realms after he was hatched (whoever hatched him).
And, yeah, very certainly going to be looking forward to more of this, but will also be quite willing to respect that real world concerns and other projects might eat up a lot of your time.
And this is why you don't need with ancient spells THEY NEED TO THE TIMELINE!!!!!!!!!
Well, first, I'm flattered I inspired you to write this.
Though I noticed a few things you may want to work on. First is the regular use of putting the "pony said" parts before the sentences. Constantly doing it can get very distracting.
Second is the severe lack of , in the sentences, making them run on without pause, even after switching to another sentence altogether.
Third is the, if I'm perfectly honest, forced way the spell happens. Twilight discovers an unheard of spell and just decides to cast it to see what happens, without taking any precautions whatsoever?
There's also a few odd choices of lines that say the opposite of what you mean or are overly redundant.
2 examples below
Number 1
Twilight smiled and continued walking back to her castle after ten or so minutes of walking the mares saw a tall purple crystal building come into view. They entered the castle and made their way to the library.
No breaks in the sentences and overly establishing something that doesn't need so much explanation.
Number 2
Twilight’s expression darkened realizing she hadn’t just peed herself the most embarrassing thing that could happen had happened, “Come on!”
So, it says she hadn't just peed herself but everything after plays as if she has.
Anyway, that's my two bits on the beginning. Hope I wasn't being too critical.
Am interested to see where else this will go and hope it gets better the further in I go.
Have a nice day and happy writing
9631646
Admittedly I do use that a a lot I’ve been trying to turn back on it
Yeah I’m not the best with commas although I feel I’ve been getting better lately. I’ll see if I can have someone check over it.
All I can say is fair enough. I tried to explain it but didn’t work out as well it could have
I’ll look at your two examples and see what I can do with them
Thanks for the critique I greatly appreciate it and the detail
9584506
there IS a fourth option that would explain the absence of Starlight Glimmers' Village: she and Sunburst got their Cutie Marks at the same time and ended up going together to Celestias' School for Gifted Unicorns. They both moved to Canterlot after completing their Masters Degree and stayed there, which would leave no reason for the Village to exist in the first place.
9670008
Possible, but unlikely. If they DID both get their Cutie Marks at the same time and went to Celestia's School, odds are Starlight and Sunburst would have become Celestia's personal students (meaning SOMEBODY in Canterlot would have DEFINITELY heard of them). Starlight is one of the extremely few unicorns who is AT LEAST as powerful as Twilight and Sunburst is one of the few that's even smarter than Twilight (though not anywhere near as powerful), which means becoming any less than Celestia's personal students (plural because, in the scenario you mentioned, neither would accept without the other) would be an insult to and waste of their combined talents. The fact that nobody has heard of them, therefore, makes it quite unlikely that they got their marks at the same time and went to Celestia's school.
Still, I will admit that "unlikely" is NOT the same thing as "impossible"