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Clopficsinthecomments
I want nothing more than to bring a smile to your face with a light-hearted clopfic! If you want to bring a smile to mine, leave a comment!
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This mare really needs some sex, i'll say that much
Know what I'm reading tonight...
I had actually liked her until those parts. Miserable, manipulative bitch. Though I guess 5% isn't really much of a loss.
Still over all I do find her interesting. I wouldn't mind reading more about her.
Edit: But then again he did bring this upon himself, I just remembered that he gave her false name. On one hand she did chose to sleep with some "random" guy without any coercion. But on the other said guy left out the fact that he was her potential boss knowing it would have an influence on how proper she acted. But still, threatening his company and livelihood over one mistake is over the line.
I like how this actually in a way harkens back to Jet's manipulation of Delta way back. Just goes to show he hasn't completely grown out of his ways.
Well I better get started cleaning up my stuff...Clopficsinthecommenys writes another story...god dammit
8695462
Eh, i feel like she was kinda justified and yet she was only proving her point that she could nail him to the wall for some sexual misconduct at the very least. Not sexual assault, but harrassment if he didn't drop it like she was telling him to. The big threat was more in "the court of public opinion" as once you get labeled a sexual predator then you become a social pariah even without a conviction. He's a pretty sleezy guy to be honest and with what he did to delta it shows a pattern, even if that is a little meta since Dimond doesn't know about that (yet).
It's not like she's making false rape allegations though. Lying to convince someone to willingly have sex with you and forcing yourself on someone are two different levels of fucked up and one is more easily forgotten.
Please make a sequel
orgasm denial... my weakness
and i think i have a new waifu. Thank you oh so very much!
Comet and her need to bang
Wow I really enjoyed that. Ive been following your stuff since I first heard ScarletBlades reading of Rocket science. Your writing has just the right amount of scene building that that is a story with sex and not just another clopfic. I'd love to see that inner control streak of diamonds with Comets inner softy coming out. Mind you that move on Jets ponut... Hnnnggg
Diamond and Comet seem fairly compatible, you know, when Diamond's inconvenient biology doesn't get in the way. Who knows, maybe they'll be able to start again with their relationship, what with Night Tracer's elevator intervention.
And bless that poor, drunk, and deluded Jet Stream in the flashback. The sex might have been pretty hot, but WOW did he get lucky that Diamond didn't actually make anything public. Even if he was drunk, that was just plain stupid of him. Which I guess describes Jet perfectly: he exchanged all his sense for smarts.
All-in-all, another winning clopfic by the illustrious Clopfic.
The cover art Shino did for the fic is absolutely stunning, too!
Also, during the flashback Diamond had of her first time meeting Jet, I think you broke this boldface formatting:
Unless you meant to make all of those lines full boldface. Then pay no attention to the crazy man in the corner!
Diamond... really needs to get laid
I'm actually surprised nothing even worse happened with her at work, that could have caused quite the disruption.
Then again, who knows, maybe the staff is (usually) professional enough to not pay it too much attention.
Comet was incredibly oblivious though. At least he backed down when he learned the truth - that's admirable, in my opinion. Then again, Tracer's presence might have had something to do with it as well.
Jet was able to shoot Comet down quickly as well after those innuendos, that was pure gold
And Tracer pretty much throwing Diamond out of the office... yep, that was beautiful too. I like how you nicely connected this with Replacement Parts - just a tiny little scene, but hey...
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I also wonder how she reacted to Crisp's introduction. Did she deck or blast him as well?
Now, about that memory... wow. First off - Diamond has quite the memory.
... or that was just something truly worth remembering.
Either way, quite the vivid one!
So Jet was actually there the whole time, watching how Diamond would react, while she felt like she was being ignored?
Not cool.
Jet comes off as arrogant, or at least way too forward here. I remember you saying something about wanting it to be like that for his past self, so if that is the case, you've done a great job!
Dem teats though... yum! No wonder Jet was not able to last.
And when Diamond found out... hoo boy, that almost turned extremely dangerous. And Jet came off as quite desperate as well. How the tables have turned... nice touch.
Welp... Jet can easily say that Diamond is a fucking good lawyer, and he'll be right. Even if some won't get it because the history is just between the two of them.
So, that end... Diamond secretly craves Jet's D. Quite the dilemma for her.
I wonder if we'll ever see that happen.
... probably not, but it's a fun thought.
All in all? You really know how to bestow gifts. Great job!
So...how many caught your tie in to Delta’s Refuelling Procedure? I just about spat my coffee when I caught Diamond semi-flirting with Gypsum.
Actually, now that I think about it, this takes place at the same time as Delta’s Refuelling Procedure and Apogee Tries Replacement Parts.
If these three ever got it in their heads to get what they wanted from Jet at the same time...R.I.P. Jet Stream. At least he went with a smile on his face.
To say I like Diamond is an understatement. She’s a lovely character with loads of potential for development/growth. In more ways than just an occasional voyeur “watch the horny girl get some relief.”
Tracer is another character that caught my eye. She initially strikes me as a no nonsense character that lives security while on the clock. Meaning she won’t make the same mistakes that a normal security officer would, even HoS. I meet with security personal on occasion in my line of work, so I’ve seen them all, from the professional, to the lazy, to the type that think they have more power than they actually do. I’d like to see more of her, honestly.
And yes, I wouldn’t mind seeing more of her getting some relief. Bat ponies are hot!
Comet...I’m not sure how I feel about him. While he struck me as the “comic relief” in this...he also pretty much sums up ever bloody harasser I’ve had the misfortune of seeing at work. Like Tracer I’ve had to shut them down as well, and I have very little respect for them. And age isn’t the issue, I’m sorry. He’s 23 and he should know better. Bloody hell! I knew better while still in secondary, and that was over 20 years ago! Before sexual harassment got to be such an issue that it’s required in the states to have annual meetings about it.
I digress, and am letting person feelings cloud my statement.
He has potential...just maybe if he were put in his place. Perhaps Diamond could do it...but, to me, it would feel like a victory for Comet if she did become interested in him as more than a once a month. In fact, I feel that it would send out the wrong message that persistent harassment will get what you want, the mare in bed and drooling all over you. And that seems antithema to Diamond’s life ethic. She hides her teats because she doesn’t want to be considered the loose lay. If she were to sleep with Comet, that’s exactly what she would be, even if it were a serious relationship. How would the other mares that work with, and possibly look up to her, think knowing this situation between them has been going on for how long?
Hmmmm...my tone says I don’t like Comet. Not true. Comedy relief he’s good. As a prospective romantic partner for Diamond. No, I have to say he’s not good. Maybe for some other mare, just not for Diamond.
Another remarkable addition to the Space Ponyos stories
As 8697315 and 8697542 mentioned, continuity in this story (and in Space Ponyos in general) is great. In this story alone I caught references to Apogee tries Replacement Parts (The Chief), Delta’s Refuelling Procedure (Gypsum Board), Any Landing (Diamond already knowing Apogee has a relationship with her father); not to mention the new addition of Comet and Night Tracer, which are based on some great Space Ponyos OCs’ art. Even Honeycrisp keeps coming around one way or the other. This story sets its roots deep in the established universe and builds from it with outstanding coherence and consistency that never cease to amaze me. As every new fic comes out, I stand in awe of how tightly bound together the whole universe feels and this one is a prime example of this “inter-stories continuity”.
I’m really liking Diamond, it’s awesome to see her up close after all the scenes in many other fics. This story makes her justice, shedding the light I didn’t know I needed on her background.
As for Comet, I have to think there’s something more than what comes through at first. If he really was just trying to annoy Diamond, I don’t think she’d have taken the time and effort to answer him every time, with the occasional witty rebuttal, unless she also was in on the joke. Comet definitely took things too far in the elevator, but my personal perception is of a common joke shared between the two, not something from a single side. I don’t have the experience 8697542 has, though, and I’m glad there are different opinions on the matter.
In regard to Jed, I wholeheartedly agree with 8697315: dick move. It’s way too close to taking advantage of her, more reminiscent of someone who doesn’t really care for their co-workers than a proper leader.
If I may try to do some math, this story’s outer frame appears to be taking place contemporary to Apogee tries replacement parts, which should take place in the same year of Any Landing, in which Apogee is said to be sixteen. The flashback takes place eight years before that. In this time, I can assume that Apogee is eight and I read that Jet has already broken up with Delta. If he’s still salty about the break and looking for distractions, I can understand—yet not justify—his actions. This is most definitely does not strike me as the same Jet who has written the lovestruck notes on his ex’s thesis in Any Landing chap. 3.
That cover art is great on its own and oh-so-great in the context of the story. Shino has outdone himself once again.
I laughed way harder than I should have
Well, and here I was about to drop a comment to end all comments, just to see that Pahn, Eight and Bleddyn are already way ahead of me.
Oh well...
Like I mentioned before, this one remains as my personal favorite of your works. It's quite rare finding stories with assertive, strong female characters that get the femdom just right, but this one exceeded at it.
Also, reading through it again, I think I should revise my previous statements about Comet. As Bleddyn pointed out quite nicely, he works well as a comedic relief, but he does come off as a tad bit too assertive for my personal tastes, and I personally don't think him getting together with Diamond would work well - not in the long run, at least.
Other than that, I quite like your portrayal of "young" Jet. He does come off as selfish and entitled in this one, but seeing how all this is in the past, I could very well see him getting "reformed" a few years down the road. I've been toying around with a story set in roughly that timeframe, and this Jet was quite the inspiration indeed.
As others have mentioned, the continuity with this one was excellent, and I liked the hints to your other stories you made within it.
And of course, as I've mentioned countless times by now, but damn. Those boobs had me go 💦
I'll be forever grateful if we should ever see another scene involving Diamond.
Buut in any case...
Great work once again Clops! I can't wait to see what else you have in store!
Um? Excessive bolding? Or is it meant to be bolded like that?
Jet is one extremely lucky guy for not getting in trouble from that type of behavior back then. He has changed a lot over the years, hasn't he?
I have to agree with the others about Comet. He works best as comedy relief from what we know of him. I also don't see him working out or being compatible with Diamond. Sounds like Comet also has a history of several failed office romances he can't resist getting into. I can possibly see some sex happening if Diamond somehow decides to change her mindset on sex with coworkers, but nothing that will last.
Like the story. Love Daimond's character, her brains and that body! Especially those TITS!
Tracer is nice, but Comet was a pain in the ass! If Daimond does go though with her plan, she is going to have to train him. I'm thinking what she did to 'Jed' with some face sitting and he can mount her after he behaves.
All in all: Story gets a 8/10.
Smut gets a 10/10!
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Thanks!
Comet is a Han Solo type rogue. It's tough to make em lovable right off the bat.
Diamonds teats were a damn fun concept, we were playing with the idea in a discord, when the concept of her shrinking them down during the day popped in my head, it is now one of my new kinks, lol!
8720310
I hear you. Anthro pic and some stories give the ladies big breast, but don't give mare 'teats' enough love. Good to see you hit all the 'fine' points the a mare!
8722777
I would love nothing more than to write the happy ending!
But that's Shino's blog's domain! Unfortunately you'll have to enjoy the feels for a bit longer until we get the final word on how the story will pivot!
8696229
Seconded. They need some hot action (to do the plot justice ofc)
Diamond was my favorite character to come from Shino's art in the first place, but this story has certainly cemented her place. Tracer was pretty interesting, too. Can't say I like Comet though.
Not as satisfying as the other stories within the same universe. But a nice story overall. Loved getting to know Diamond Gavel and I'm left wanting to know more about her. I love her character being the stunningly hot career oriented mare. Her teat spell was fun to read about, and jet's reaction was great. Really wanted more of that. Little disappointed she shut down his offer right there. But that was pretty sneaky from Jet, not telling her who he was.
After so many months I think I can confidently say that most people do not want to see Diamond and Comet as a couple.
So are you planning to make a sequel for this, because if not just tell us so we don't have to keep waiting for something that will never come
Diamond X Comet? Gonna have to pass on that unless he gets a lot more character growth. He’s a fine side-character, and little else.
The fic was good! It was nice seeing a younger Diamond and Jet. She’s still hungry to prove herself and he is still a selfish douche, but that’s ok. Character development for them is incoming. Their growth into the people they are in nice. It did get a little unbelievable that they could have that much fun but have no one call the cops. The entire scene once things got heavy had this anxious tension for me, but was also kind of hot in its own way.
10057694
That's really great feedback! Thank you!
Wow! This one-shot is longer than Lily's futa schlong. I can't guarantee I'll make it to the end but I'll try.
Comma after heavy.
I'm surprised you didn't go with "a different kind of meal" instead!
I'm glad the Space Ponyo universe exists if only so I can be happy I don't have a "career", just a simple job.
This line... bugs me. That's probably because I'm old though and having narrator editorialize on 28 being 'young' is reminding me I'm not.
Interesting. I come from a school of headcanon that states ponies don't sexualize the teats and then goes on to sexualize them. It doesn't make much sense but there you go. In any case, teats are good. We like teats here.
There are breast-reduction surgeries I bet ponies have available to them in your fairly technologically advanced version of Equestria, particularly for somepony making as much money as Diamond. Setting that aside and simply accepting my porn premise without question, it is a huge honor to see a non-anthro/humanized application for this fetish. You deserve praise for that.
You're killing me, Smalls!
That has got to be hell to live with. Man...
Then again, Roseluck has her own issues, especially with low ceilings. Heir-of-Rick syndrome is a harsh mistress.
Nubbin-like? What does that mean? (looks it up) Oh... that's a word. Nevermind.
Why am I in no way surprised ponies created this?
Heh. I never really figured stallions would be so clingy when writing Roseluck. Given the selection they have to choose from, I always assumed the "friends with bennies" market was chock full for a mare who really wanted a quick fuck. Then again, Rose is an Earth Pony and DG is a rich, successful unicorn. DG's SMV is definitely higher.
Unless you're a zeeb.
A flashback? Really? Aight.
Is that an Airfoil Restraints reference? No thanks.
I see we both have the same idea for how birth control works. Roseluck gets hers from the pharmacist, packed in glass vials in a discreetly-marked box. The used bottles get rinsed out and sent back for recycling purposes in a massive, Santa Clause-sized bag about once a year and stored in her closet otherwise. Lily used to think she was a closet alchemist but learned the truth one horrible day and passed out.
Xenophilia is like that famous ancestor you constantly have to bring up in conversation. I wish I could say I liked that story but while I respect it for basically being the father of RGRE-HiE, I can't say I enjoyed it. The prose is great but the story is crap.
She loved the pulse function on her shower head, especially when she let it cascade against the base of her horn, relieving the tension built up there and lightly stimulating what could be a fairly sensitive body part for a unicorn.
That is some great imagery! Good man!
Another one of those switches to modest narrator!
Add a space or hyphen. That's not a compound word.
Bravo sir. That is the laziest use of ellipses in the known universe. One set, one paragraph.
The narrator is approaching self-parody.
I actually really dig the way your narrator engages in a sort of free-wheeling conversational tone with the reader and it's something I'm working to incorporate into mine, but he's off the reservation at points in this story. At times, it looks like I'm reading someone's chat window.
That's one hard board!
She can't be Lady Di. I already gave that name to Delta Vee.
Okay, that got a laugh from me!
Like this guy. He's just a lovable troll.
This fucking guy. Comet is owning this scene!
Fucking based! Please tell me she does something amazing! Come on Tracie! Deliver us something great, Best OC Not Named Littlepip!
Night Tracer has seen your dick.
This is quite a conundrum. Comet is doing a great job making me laugh but Tracer has seniority. Who do I root for? Screw it, I'm rooting for the Mistress of Mangoes herself.
The only thing that could make this worse is if Manfred von Karma shows up and shoots one of them.
I'll continue this comment tomorrow.
10320653
Lol, I love how Tracer shows up and you're hiring and hollering with joy like a movie star just made a cameo!
10320866
She isn't a movie star but she should be.
Something something back for more.
That's definitely one way to get past the cliched bit of mentioning a face blushing. Great analogy!
It is odd to see NT playing the role of cockblocker here, though that's only because the last time I saw her she was high off her ass on mangoes.
Something about the way you phrased this makes me giggle.
Scented ponies is such a great headcanon. One of my all-time favorites weapons to deploy in clopfiction, perhaps only short of earplay.
Your estrus is really, really strong! I generally try to make estrus an accessory to the plot, necessary only to ensure reproduction, and not the entire plot but I get it. It's the inherent friction of overcoming flagging resistance that drives popular clopfiction.
That and Anon. At least these days I don't feel like Anon/human is completely overwhelming everything anymore so there's that.
Show and tell.
Here's a major issue I have with this kind of clopfic; if I'm to understand that estrus is so powerful it drives mares batshit crazy, how does every pony, male or female not understand what's happening? It's only surprising to us -- even though it really isn't in the meta sense -- because we're not a product of this world. These characters didn't just spring up out of the ground yesterday!
That's true enough and it establishes a degree of responsibility to her for when he eventually gives her one. Add a space between your ellipses.
I mean you straight up told me Jet Stream was going to do the job but I thought maybe you were mistaken so you still pulled off the misdirection. Well played!
Solid gold line! Or perhaps in DG's case, 24 karats.
I'd be very interested in reading a lore-heavy story of yours in this universe so I can understand exactly what this means.
You can't always get what you want. And what I wanted right then was another golden line from the Mistress of Mangoes. Alas, what could have been!
It's a shame the phrase "frog march" doesn't work with equines. This line still feels like it could be improved though. How about, "she showed up to politely but forcefully remove her from the premises". I don't like the word "essentially" here because it feels like a cop-out from having to describe the scene.
I've always joked with friends that I feel genuinely bad for the poor janitor who has to clean up after Roseluck's loads of ejaculate after a story, going so far as to find a plot reason to use hay for her to lay on for Loving Submission. I feel worst of all for the janitor who is going to have to clean all the upholstery this mare has come into contact with.
Remembering
She's read your porn.
She's picked your lock
She's seen your balls
She's licked your cock
Is she suggesting that given the chance he might not go through with rutting her? He'd have to be full-blown gay to not get with a mare with giant crotchboobs.
Another word of yours for me to steal.
Oh no, another flashback! I'm being pulled in!
Good backstory on this character.
You're missing the word 'she' before had.
bemused (bəˈmyo͞ozd)
puzzled, confused, or bewildered.
I'd use a different word, personally.
She's really intimidated by this guy! Stuttering from the start is not a good sign if he's looking for a strong mare. This is a pretty nice use of a flashback though, showing us a picture of this mare's vulnerability but in different circumstances. I joked about the flashbacks but you're using them well.
Oh, these two are going fuck like bunnies...
I was going to give up huffing gasoline but then I read this. Thanks, Jet!
Well said, Diamond. Very true.
There's got to be a reason he's answering to Jed.
Excellent use of the word "tantric'!
Okay, I need another break. I'll post part 3 tomorrow.
10324549
She's read your porn.
She's picked your lock
She's seen your balls
She's licked your cock
100/100
I love this idea.
Great comment as always! Again, so fun to re-experience an old fic from your eyes.
FYI, my headcanon on estrus is that it is a sort of social faux-pas. Mares take care of it (through 'action' or medication) or they stay in. Going out in public with it is so rare as to invoke joking disbelief. Like if you were walking around with a big bulge in your pants, and a friend asked if that was a 'phone in your pocket', because you'd obviously take the time to adjust yourself and not sport a massive boner in your sweatpants.
Comet assumed the same and was teasing Diamond thinking that she'd screwed up her perfume or something. Hence why he felt a bit bad about being almost predatory in taking advantage of her state.
This is also because one of my pre-readers at the time considered the act of a stallion 'taking advantage' of the situation to be a little bit... rapey? So I added in a bit so that Comet wasn't a disliked character.
For some reason, it didn't work, most people never really liked Comet's kind of annoying cockiness and attitude, and it always made me feel bad as he was another artist's contribution to the Ponyo-verse and I felt like I ruined his character somehow, even though I thought he was great comic relief.
Ah well.
Can't wait for the continuation of your comments!
10324645
This is a completely reasonable headcanon regarding estrus. The fact she's such a professional suggests she's the kind of gal to work through illness just so she'll never miss a day of work. At times, for commenting in the moment, I'll be a touch overly critical.
I can't speak for everyone else out there but speaking for myself I actually really like Comet. I think if he was a female character people would have excused his bahavior without calling it "rapey".
Sexy times ahead. Let's see how she goes...
Tailplay isn't a major weapon in my toolkit but it's a very neat accessory. I like having them smack each other's asses with them.
I don't know if this fetish has a name but I recall you used it in Apogee's Play Date as well. I do enjoy using a variation of this fetish with clothed futas.
You, sir, are a confirmed "ass man". If there's a description of any part of the female body that needs describing more than once, you better believe dat ass is either "pert", "tight" or "cute".
Change tight to something else, anything else. The descriptors are becoming noticeably redundant in this scene.
Another description of her butt. We got it, bro. It's 'cute'!
Lavender Unicorn is lavender.
Oh dear...
I know, not every clop scene can be good. I've had my share of clunkers too.
4U!
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One day Apogee will have to teach you the "Wounded Pigeon Technique"!
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But seriously, that scene was amazing. Frequent Flyer for life!
This is just a matter of taste but I'm not a huge fan of narrator uncertainty, at least in the third-person. It's probably because my narrator is so omniscient like you've pointed out but if it were within my control, I'd forbid the use of the uncertain qualifier during sex scenes entirely. When you got dicks and pussies and plapping all around, now is the time when the little details become infinitely important to nail down. How about just 'unbelievably larger' or 'somehow larger' if you're really trying to rally the reader's libido through the use of escalation?
I'll grant this scene this, that's a pretty damn good bit of dick-sucking right there. I could learn a thing or two from you when it comes to writing this kind of scene.
Oh shit, that's a great image! Very nice!
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That was a really sweet description of Jet sizing up the mare he's been fucking. Killer paragraph!
I'm glad I stayed with this scene. It's really found its stride!
Arrrrrggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Why did you have to say "totally!?"
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All it took was one word to crush that paragraph's momentum. What a shame. Also, that's like the fifth or sixth time you've mentioned his huge base. If you keep playing it up, all his base will are belong to us.
Having to place those inverted commas around 'Jed' every time his name is mentioned must have been a pain in the ass.
She may want to get that checked. But I see Apogee has some competition for high score playing LUNA Lander.
Noice clit action there, my dude! Just when this scene start losing me, it picks me back up.
Oh, come on. French kiss? This isn't season 1 of MLP, friend. You don't get to make mistakes like that! Your ancestors are watching!
I thought I was the only one who did this sort of thing with horns! I headcanon warm sparks that float down from a unicorn horn and tickle the skin of anyone who comes into contact with them. Salaam alaikum, my brother!
I hate this guy now.
Yeah, he deserves what's coming.
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This seems a lot like non-con to me, setting aside the fact I don't feel any remorse for him at all.
It's interesting to keep seeing earplay that's female to male in your works. Not that I'm complaining. I'll have some cute, fuzzy mare lick my ears anyday!
And all I can think of is Denim_Blue picking fun at my clop scenes on the google docs... Ahh DB. I miss him...
Holy shit, that is a King's ransom!
That's certainly my feeling about the first sex scene I ever wrote.
I gave you an upvote. The sex scene was... extremely uneven. One paragraph was brilliant and the next was ehhhhhhhhhhhh... and the next one was like whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!? Still, all and all a likable story.
They did a pretty good job on this. I only found a few goofups. I hope Shinodage enjoyed this. I certainly did for the bangup job on the blowjob alone!
10326244
As always, I love the feedback!
It's been years since I've last read through this scene, an looking back on i here's definitely a few clunkers that stand out that I like to hope I wouldn't do today.
Repetitive adjectives, unnecessary qualifiers, and some other little bits.
I do get a touch of fondness, too. The old me really wanted nothing more than to get to a singular scene that had piqued my interest.
In this case I can clearly remember wants to have diamond throttling jets big cock as it lay wedged between her expanded teats.
I may have even been 'too passionate' about getting there!
That said, glad at least part of it checked the box for you! Sorry to keep making you slog through my older suf o get caught up on the canon for the newer fics!
Did just drink himself silly and forgot the interview, until she goes to meet him and he lies about his identity to get laid or did he intentionaly let her wait and wait and wait ?