• Member Since 18th Jan, 2017
  • offline last seen March 2nd

All Art Is Quite Useless

When I'm not writing stories, I'm writing essays. My keyboard sees fairly frequent use. University student, high functioning Rainbow Dash enthusiast, and satirical activist.


On a camping trip with Rainbow Dash, Scootaloo claims that she could beat the strongest pony in town in a fight. Rainbow Dash bursts out laughing.

To prove that she's as tough as her words, Scootaloo challenges Big Mac to a fight.

Pre-reading by the brilliant Ceffyl Dwr once again, I cannot thank you enough man!

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 13 )

I generally avoid author's notes, so I'm just going to leave this in the comments: I sincerely hope that whoever reads this story comes away from it with a smile on their face. It was a lot of fun for me to write, and the uplifting nature took the story in an entirely different direction to what I had originally envisioned! Funny how an idea can do that. Honestly, I'm just happy I can share it.


It's funny that you write this now, because just yesterday, I was volunteering at a library where they were reading The Grouchy Ladybug to kids. I haven't read this fic yet, but the image that immediately came to my mind was Scootaloo acting like the little ladybug trying to fight a whale...and if this fic is half as adorable as that thought, I'll fave this in no time.

What a funny coincidence! I've not heard of that one, but the image you offer sounds brilliant, and I hope I can at least go halfway to matching it!



It's by the same author as The Very Hungry Caterpillar. Basically, like a lot of picture books, it repeats itself a lot, with the ladybug wanting to fight and coming across progressively bigger creatures (and afterwards saying "you're not big enough" and flying off). Eventually, he gets to a whale and...yeah, the whale gets him in one hit.

But mainly, the image was cute.

The Grouchy Ladybug was one of my favorites back in preschool. They even let me keep a copy of it. Still have it.

This was a cute story. Scootaloo's point of view is a fun one to engage with. Well done.

"Ah, I wouldn't have no problem there," Rainbow said between a laugh, "I've fought changelings before, ponies, heck, I even roundhouse kicked a dragon one time. I doubt I'd have any trouble."

She didn't actually do too well against the Dragon, but there's no reason for Dashie to volunteer this information to Scootaloo ...

Rainbow's answer was instant. "On a good day, yes, on a bad day, no. With the element of surprise, sure. If she got one of those spells off on me, I'd be toast though."

Twilight isn't as agile or fast as Dashie, especially not in the air. Though she has Earth Pony strength like any Alicorn, she's a small Alicorn and tends not to focus on bodily exercise, so she's physically a fairly weak Alicorn. Her magic, though, is extremely powerful and versatile, and given a moment to think out a plan, she could probably trick Dashie.

Rainbow Dash knows these things. She very much respects Twilight Sparkle, including as a combatant, and she knows her only real chance against her in a fight would be to strike fast and hard. In my headcanon, all Alicorns have a potent regenerative healing factor and are hard to kill -- but a quick and powerful enough blow not shielded against by magic could knock Twilight Sparkle out, at least long enough to contain her if her assailant had the right equipment.

"Big Mac. I know he's not as big as Bulk Biceps, but I'll bet you he's stronger, and he can move too. That stallion could probably knock me into next week if I so much as slowed down for a second, it wouldn't be pretty."

Big Mac is also around as smart as Applejack, and in the Shadow Wars Story Verse has had some combat experience (against Everfree monsters). And yes -- he's brave, fast, and tough. Absent a quick takedown with a Sonic Rainboom, Dashie couldn't defeat him rapidly, and she would have to constantly beware his cunning. In a sparring match, her main advantage would be that Mackie would hold back.

... and Rainbow Dash is in the unusual position of being the voice of restraint and sanity. In a serious fight, Scootaloo wouldn't stand a chance. In a sparring match, Scootaloo's only chance would come from the fact that Mackie would hold back a LOT against anypony as small as Scootaloo. Indeed, I don't know if Big Mac would do anything beyond trying to grab her and hold her until whatever madness was possessing her departed. And that mostly because her hitting him would annoy him.

If Big Mac went all-out against her, he'd kill her. And he would be well aware of this reality, which is why he would be very much trying to avoid hurting her. Mackie is a good stallion.

"Because Scootaloo's desperate for Rainbow Dash's praise, and hey, it's been a while since the three of us acted on some harebrained scheme together, should be fun." Apple Bloom grinned.

What does a Cutie Mark in psychotic violence look like, exactly? The mask from Halloween?

"Oh, right, I forgot you guys were here," Scootaloo admitted, her voice slightly shaky. "I thought that if I could make him mad, he would be more interested in fighting me in future, but he didn't really seem to get mad. Not even half as mad as he was during the whole Gabby Gums thing. Plus," she shuddered, "he threatened to tell my parents . They're still getting over the last time I broke the rules, one more and I'll get grounded for weeks."

Obviously Big Mac doesn't get violently angry very easy. If he did, he'd probably be a convicted criminal, given that he's demonstrably strong enough to toss Ponies around like straw ricks. He actually did that in "Lesson Zero," but didn't get in trouble over it because he was under mind control at the time. He managed to avoid seriously hurting anypony on that occasion because his natural inclinations are toward gentleness rather than violence -- in other words, he did that when he was holding back.

It's relevant here that he's almost certainly stronger than Applejack, and Applejack is canonically able to kick a multi-ton boulder over a hill (see the Season 7 Finale, when it airs). Super strength appears to be an attribute of the Sweet Apple Acre Siblings (note the wagon Apple Bloom pulls in "Somepony To Watch Over Me," and Bloomie is small).

Come to think of it, I don't think that Scoots could take Bloomie in a fight.

"...I ain't even gonna question how you 'member that, but I'll take your word for it. Come to think of it, even that didn't really rile him up all that much. I feel like we're gonna have to pull out the big guns."

I'm not sure that being coerced into spending time with Cheerilee counts as offending Big Mac. Though being mind controlled into almost marrying her probably did. Still, the CMC saved them from their own spell before things went too far.

"Hold on... Equestrian Wrestling Federation... You're a stooge!" Big Mac called, pointing at her, "You knew about this all along, didn't you?"

Big Mac is not stupid. I also like the way he realized that this was a long-standing plan of Twilight's.

He, finally, gets tons of Good Sport points for not being mad at anypony over the outcome.

Scootaloo for the win :scootangel:

Comment posted by DragonGeek deleted Oct 13th, 2017

This gave me diabetes

*At Start of Fic*

"Hey Scoots, you remember that time when you girls gave Mac a love poison and he pulled an ENTIRE house down the street like a locomotive from Tartarus?"

"Uh, yeah?"

"You fighting him? Basically THAT."

"Uh...? Oh. Ohhhhhh....."

"Yeah, biting off more than you can chew there squirt. Shows guts, but not thoughts (Gee Dash, never thought you'd hear yourself say that)."


You know what will be a great idea: An Apple Family dinner party.

That was BRILLIANT!! Crazy to think RD of all ponies came up with it!

"I know," Twilight giggled, "And I need to get through it at some point for a report I want to write, I figured a soothing voice might help that a little."

Yeah, when I think of soothing, Rainbow Dash's voice is DEFINITELY the first thing that comes to mind. :rainbowlaugh:

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