- Member Since 9th Apr, 2016
- offline last seen 6 hours ago
Jackelope
I hope you have a good day, every single day.
Jackelope
Joined 9th Apr, 2016 ·
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this was a great read, I liked it.
Good story that I'm glad to be a part of!
There were a Couple moments where his/her mixups confused me, but otherwise not bad ~
7925028 Thanks! Couldn't have done it without ya.
Appreciate your nice words.
7924647 Thank you!
7925594 Yeah, sorry. I tried experimenting with writing 4k words per sitting, and it really got me beat. It lead to a bunch of these unfortunate mistakes sadly. I'm glad to see at the very least you still managed to like it somewhat.
I gotta say, this was really sweet. I sometimes like thinking about a prostitute's client being really sweet and maybe a bit nervous and the prostitute reciprocating with a bit of sweetness of her own, so this hit the spot nicely.
On a worldbuilding note, I'd really expect prostitution to be legal in Equestria - if for no other reason than Celestia would know the sheer futility of trying to fight it.
7929027 I was more or less thinking that because is it Canterlot, such provocative and sinful establishments wouldn't be acceptable due to it being the royal city more or less. While it would be common for the upper class to have mistresses, a place where sex is 24/7 would be frowned upon in such a city as Canterlot. While Imagine it would be acceptable in other places, for the sake of dignity and saving face, to knowingly have such a place in the capital would be frowned upon, at least by prudish diplomats and hoity toity elite. So it operates in secret, with plenty of bribes and plenty of discretion. At least that's what I thought while writing it. I would have gone into greater detail about such matters but I think if it outweighed the sex it wouldn't have made good reading.
Very nice.
Whoowhee! This was just AMAZING one of the best clops that I've ever read. I mean it's way up there in terms of pure unadulterated lust with an extra helping of fluff (not to mention that I've always had a bit of a soft spot for properly done EscortxClient). This is definitely up there with Bechdel's Law in terms of pure length and depth of the story and HUGE part dedicated to clop. I mean the level of detail that's in it is absolutely perfect. It didn't run on or be purple prose but it followed every movement, every bit of body language, every bit of emotion that both ponies felt. Both characters were fairly interesting and kept my attention. This was just Incredible, I have little else to say I'm so overwhelmed by this.
Keep up the amazing work!!
A Foalcon Clopfiction with a happy/couple ending!?
What is this? And why do so few do it!? 
I mean, for God's sake, if you're going to write a Foalcon Clopfiction, this should be the official guide on how to close it out. Well done, Jacky Boy.
Plate?
Double period.
Your.
Matches.
Missing comma.
Extra period.
Missing period.
A while.
Missing end speech mark.
Still your editor.
Oh, how I love happy endings! Nice story!
7941907 As always you're invaluable. Thank you so much.
7941507 Yeah, happy endings are the best! I do apologise for the initial state of chapter 2, as I had no editors at the time to fix it, however I am overjoyed it wasn't pointlessly added, as it appears that people such as yourself are alike me on the front: Happy endings are baller.
7941963 I hardly noticed any grammatical flaws in Chapter one, strangely. Thank God for people like Tommal, eh? In comment editors that do all that work for no reward are immensely valuable to authors like you and I. Still, you are very welcome for the Favorite, you earned it and more.
7941907 Bless you, for all you comment editors do on this site. You guys are the greatest.
7942095
7941907
Tommal, and every editor of my fiction deserve praise! Don't know what I would do without them. Also commenters like you continue to motivate me to work, and I have unbidden appreciation for it, thank you.
7942105 T'was my pleasure to read your work, my good lad. Have a blessed day.
Great scene. A perfect mix of tender romance and hot sex. The only thing that took me out of it was him going down on her, (which, normally I love) but for the fact that she's a prostitute.
Might have worked better is she was simple 'the other mare' to his father, for him to confront her, but hey, I'm just nitpicking a matter of personal taste.
7942600 I'm glad you found enjoyment in it despite the flaw, and considering your reputation on this website I am extra humbled by your nice words. Thank you!
I'm confused. I'm getting the happy ending vibe, but it seems... weird. I want to like this ending. I really do.
But I mean, Berry still has his parent(s). It's not like he's an orphan. She's not a new mom figure for him. And she's... unemployed now? Self-employed? I get that they can't be a couple (yet). Or ever, as far as his dad is concerned (knowing who she is). At best, she's a friend with benefits now. But I can't rightly think of a way this could be changed into a workable 'happy' ending. He doesn't really 'rescue' her Pretty Woman style. I can only assume she is still whoring, unless she's gotten a day job now.
Yeah, they found each other again after not being able to, and that's nice. But there was a lot more emotion in their reunion than could possibly be justifiable after a one night stand. (Even as amazing as it was for him.)
It just all feels... less conclusive than it ought to for chapter meant for closure. After re-reading both chapters again, I personally feel that the first chapter works better as a stand-alone one-shot. I don't know.
Maybe I'm just over-analyzing it.
Maybe I'm just a jaded cynic that can't accept a happy, fairy-tale ending.
This story still gets my upvote.
7942698 After I had finished it, the plotholes you mention now were all that appeared in my head, and it was originally going to be longer. The meeting at the school was going to be the same, but it would end with them going on a 'date' at a café, where some of the plotpoints would be ironed out. They don't know each other, and Berry would have come to that realisation in the café, something which Velvet consoles him on. Berry gets frustrated at himself for getting attached, citing his age, although he doesn't regret it. I was going to then describe an ending where they simply 'talk', and leave it up to speculation what their futures would hold. The reason I had his friend bring up Manehatten was because I was this was also another cut plot point, where Berry brings up they could go to Manehatten together and 'elope' but Velvet refuses. The ending would have been a lot more bitter sweet. However I was losing my steam to write this, and I wouldn't say my ending now was a cop-out, so much as ending it before it became more of a mess. There were multiple routes, but I chose the one where I thought the least offence/complaints would come from, and some people liked the sweetness, so what the hell, right?
7942714 I completely understand what that's like. I've been right there before.
And for what it is, it was very well-written. You've got the talent. Let your muse come to you.
7942724 Thank you. It makes me feel better to know that someone like yourself has such problems as well. Speaking of muses, maybe you should read the story that just went up. After reading Hamlet I NEEDED to write dialogue similar to Shakespeare, with plenty of imagery and innuendo. I think you might appreciate it. It's shorter, cloppy, and lacks major plotholes.
7942105 Really, it's no problem! I enjoy doing this sort of thing for people!
Holy damn, this broke 100 likes and 1000 views! You hit the two milestones!
Congrats. Makes me happy to see this story doing so well. I hope 'No Longer Customary' gets such good attention, as well. That story was awesome.
7948602 Thank you so much, friend. I'm just glad a lot of people are enjoying it.
7948620 I am, too. It's good to see quality work get the attention it deserves.
7948633
You are a breath of fresh air! This is one of the finest examples of show, don't tell writing I have ever experienced. You had an alluring and believable premise that had me in a state of total suspension of disbelief, along with an erection... go figure.
I definitely look forward to browsing your other works. Keep it up!
god this is some top tier clop no scratch that this is more than clop this is a art piece that belongs up there with the greats
8227532
Wow, uh... Thank you! I don't think its worthy of that much esteem, but thank you very much.
8227559
it is it really is my dude I have read a lot of smut in my time and can name 5 that stand out that I can remember off by heart and thanks to you I now how 6
8227695
Aww, thanks man. That's the kind of thing that encourages me to keep writing, thank you.
Not sure I understand the ending. What happened? Was it all a dream?
8517823
Uh, no? The 'you're not a customer line' infers that she's not going to charge him.
8517872
Ah. My derp. Very hot.