- Member Since 9th Apr, 2016
- offline last seen Yesterday
Jackelope
I hope you have a good day, every single day.
Jackelope
Joined 9th Apr, 2016 ·
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Sequels1
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Jackelope · 52k words · 133 6 · 2.5k views
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Remember, if you dislike and give me no reason why, I can't improve on my faults. Your criticism, even if it isn't constructive, is valuable. Thank you.
I... that was really great. The ending was so sweet, and the exchanged between Luna and Feather were just so perfectly done. The sex was oh so well written, and the descriptions of everything were so poetic and fitting for the tone.
I give it a 10/10. I hope this gets featured.
Also.
You cheeky bastard.
7942601 media.tenor.co/images/bfae23db42c95456f267df0ba71b261c/raw
Thank you. I am very glad you liked it. It means a lot to me when someone likes by work, and you are no exception.
Well this was... an experience. It feels like it was a writing exercise more than anything. And that's okay. The dialogue was a reading challenge, certainly. The clop was good. But on the whole, it falls into one of those hard-to-classify categories. (Which I am guilty of producing myself. So, you know, grain of salt.) The dialogue make the clop difficult to enjoy (in the base sense). And the clop precludes the innocent comedy of Luna's awkwardness. Both parts are done well, for sure, but they feel at odds with each other.
And then:
Holy shit! A moral!?
I take it all back! This unexpected nugget of wisdom in a clopfic, and the genuine, romantic happy ending makes up for any perceived shortcomings. That final exchange between them was worth everything.
media.giphy.com/media/26xBvOs1sZRHa6JHi/source.gif
7942802
Thanks. I had a moral in heart at the very start. I'm glad you liked this one too. As of right now I have no other works I'd recommend, but I am thankful I'm a competent enough writer at this stage to please you. I appreciate it with genuine sincerity.
I honestly don't think I've ever seen such clear and perfect usage with Dark Age English. It's hard to find people who know what they are saying without butchering the entire speech process.
And the moral at the end fit perfect, I thought that Feather was just using her for sex (Somehow, mind you) but then she's witty and makes a lesson out of it.
I have to give this props, not only for being very hot and well written, but talking like that (writing it) must have been a bitch.
7942802 I wholeheartedly agree with this assessment. Both the criticism and the praise. Additionally, his writing style makes proofreading his work an experience. It's so different than how I write that I can't really find many errors (beyond the inevitable typo and awkward word choice, at least), just differences in opinion (it also makes me feel inadequate in some aspects). And while poetic writing isn't my forte, I earnestly think the contrast between Jackelope's and my own writing style contribute to the quality of the other's work (admittedly, his writing style contributes to my work exponentially more than mine does to his).
7942835 I truly did enjoy reading this. Especially the second time around, as I wasn't as focused on proofreading to find as much wrong with it as possible.
To be blunt, that was amazing. Beyond being hot and futa Luna (always a plus), but the older style of English combined with just being beautifully crafted and lovely to read must have been difficult to do, but my goodness you managed it with flying colors.
I also must admit I enjoyed the moral lesson you had here, and Feather saying no was probably my favorite part of the fic.
7943136
Thanks! Although not that I mean to toot my own horn, it actually wasn't that hard for me. Difficultly did arise in the proper usage of 'thou, thy, thee, thine' but once I got that down, it was a hoot. I'm also glad you liked my story. It appreciate your nice words.
7943647
High praise? I'm getting all flustered. Thank you so much. I also enjoyed employing the moral, if only to make Segway to the sweet ending.
One of the best Love stories I have read in a while, and here I thought FIM had lost it's spark. Most stories now are just random clop and in my own words degeneracy although that is just my opinion
7944646 I believe one of the best tools for writing good fics is positivity. I don't know if what I write is good, and I don't want to be a fool and assume I'm great, as arrogance leads to you not accepting the flaws of your writing and character and improving yourself as a writer and person. I write fics with happy endings, or are as some would call 'sappy', but I like happiness even if its just between two fictional characters related to the Hasbro properties. Romance and lust are two concepts that feature quite a lot of overlap, and whilst others may be inclined to write just one, and I personally see no fault with that, but I do prefer lust's end goal to be love or romance. Thank you for the kind words, I appreciate them a lot. They motivate to write even more, and hopefully my writing quality is on an upward incline, so that more people like you comment on my fics and just make me feel a positive vibe, and keep me writing. An ouroboros of continuous improvement if you will.
7944712 Well you made a moralist enjoy a story generally mostly about lust you should be proud
7944774 No problem, rockstar. I just happy you're happy.
That was brilliant!
Any chance of a sequel which expands on the blossoming romance here?
I'd love to see Feather introduce Luna to the many elements of modern romance, and I wonder what Celestia's reaction will be.
7946600
That, my friend, would make an interesting sequel. Indeed I toyed with the idea, but I have not actually written anything down, an expansion on the romance aspect is something I would like to do. However if I were to do a sequel, whether or not it be clop, I do not know. Of course a sequel would come at a later date, maybe I'll dabble on it somewhat next week or next month. Although your comment here will at least keep me reminded of it.
My only complaint is that the flowery prose – prose! not dialogue – made it hard to read the clop portion. Especially on a site that auto-full-justifies paragraphs, my eyes were crossing when there were no new paragraph breaks.
But aside from the issue of readability? Flawless. Well done.
I think the old English was my favorite part.
7947784 Sorry for taking so long to reply to you. I'm actually working on something right now and I've barely been able to drag myself away. I am thankful for your kind words.
7953029 I enjoyed working on that. It's mine too!
I came in reading this story without peeking at the tags. Needless to say, Feather's reaction at a certain "something" wasn't too far from my own. A pleasant surprise!
Absolutely loved Luna's dialogue in the story (My favorite part of the whole thing, to be truthful. Considering I suck at writing as her.) Definitely hit the nail with some of the intentionally awkward, and sexual moments. Your pacing, and flow is so smooth and not at all clunky.
Feather not completely falling at heels with Luna after this was so relieving, and one of the more believable ways to end this story. While I am all for sudden love, It's a nice change of pace to know it will be something more steady and slow on Feather's part with her feelings.
Wow! This is actually very impressive. I'm surprised at how you managed to use how Luna talks so fluidly, most writers would simply ignore it in favor of a easier way of speaking but I truly appreciate the pseudo old english! And Lunas passion is rather cute, I'm glad I read this little seed of love.
... Well, she is a maid after all.
8144541 I'm glad someone finally noticed!
Though I do not usually partake in clop fics, this work was thoroughly enjoyable to read. I shall read your other story we were talking before for comparison. I want to enlighten myself to more of your stylization of writing.
This was a wonderful jewel of a surprise. Earned a like and a fave, for reasons already stated by others in these comments.
A sequel would be lovely. Oh, and that Argonian reference was pure gold
8352914
I do have a sequel planned. Not sure when it'll come out. The title for it would be 'Learning Love' You could probably extrapolate the plot from that alone. I do plan for to be longer as well, as I will give it a storyline of sorts.
Ah, terrible (wonderfully so) smutty poetry in Early Modern English, what can be better than that? This was fun to read and the end was kinda sweet.
8352914
7946600
Sequel is well into production. Around 7k words at the moment (that's just the prologue and chapter 1 thus far) and am finding an extraordinarily good time writing it. Here's two teasers. Not filled with any spoilers of the plot (because it will have this one this time around) but's just a little something to let you know it is being made.
and
8702596
Dang fandangled modern contraptions? Bad puns?
I approve wholeheartedly!
8702701
8702596
That pun hurt my soul. I'm so reading the sequel when you publish it
Verily, thine writ word tis found want, in thine manner yon.
... work on your "Ye old Equish".
8854146
It's more Shakespearean than true old English. Furthermore, if I were to write it in true old English, it'd be much too hard to read/understand Luna. Plus, Shakespearean allows for prettier dialogue.
8854241
Ah. Well, I'd suggest Rosencrants And Guildenstern are Dead. But, it's only a suggestion.
I never would have expected that the word I would use to describe this story would have been 'wholesome'.
It seems silly considering the nature of it. But between the well written dialogue, a pleasant pacing and the conclusion of Feather not instantly falling in love with Luna at an instant, after their shared copulation. I felt that the story all in all was delightfully wholesome.
A pleasant read indeed. Well done!
8855144
Thank you, that makes me extremely happy to hear. All in all, I prefer writing happier and wholesome stories than the opposite, so it's nice knowing someone likes that expect of the things I write. This story actually has a sequel if you're interested, newly released, and it continues the themes I set up in this one.
Again, thank you for the nice words. I appreciate them wholly.
Ah, I had completely missed this one, even though it's very much my type of story. It was only through noticing the sequel that I discovered it, so I'm glad I did because the story was great. Luna's colourful behavior and language was very entertaining and made it a joy to read - that couldn't have been easy to write. The clop felt like it had the right amount of detail, and, even though I felt it was a bit short and could've been expanded a bit (longer/more scenes), it's hard to say in advance if that would've made it better as it could also easily turn into a case of quantity > quality. So maybe ending it there was the right call.
The bit of reservation at the end from Feather was nice and sane, as the love didn't appear to be all that mutual and hadn't been explored from her side. I'm assuming that's something the sequel will go into, and I have high hopes from it.
Hot and hilarious. Bravo, yon troubadour, bravo.
Ive never been more turned on by old english or any form of. Masterful work. And damn near busted a gut laughin
9404930
You may like the sequel if old English is your thing. Thank you for your nice words.
Glad you liked it!
There’s enough sap for an orchard here and my god would it be sweet
...You know, if Princess Luna brought me flowers and started to read poetry I'd probably be all over it. The assessment isn't entirely correct
...
So the general idea has gotten me interested in trying the same. With a different princess of course, even if I end up using Feather Duster.
Did I miss something, or did we never get a description for what she looks like? Luna I know what she looks like.
9795638
I described her more in-depth in the sequel.
Her coat is also white.
Also, what did you mean by
I'm intrigued.
9795644
The description helps. And I meant taking the same idea as was used here. Just without using Luna. It's a cool idea. Princess and maid, getting together.
I might do it.
9795766
I enjoyed writing it. The dynamic was extremely fun. You should do it. It's cute.
Luna be like:
https://tenor.com/view/mon-amour-mon-cherrie-pepe-le-gamba-kiss-gif-13002996