• Member Since 1st Nov, 2016
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Just a regular brony who likes to speak his mind about how he would envision MLP, if he wrote it. If you dislike one of my stories, please tell me why; I'm always willing to improve my writing.


Comments ( 199 )

This story needs a chapter where Lyra uses her Magic on this two selfish bastards, Like levitation and smacking them against a wall or something.

I'd tone down the first chapter a bit - no point in getting his life story out of the way that quickly. Also, you should take greater care in making sure your tenses all align. Keep it present tense or past tense, not both. Outside of those two things, your grammar is pretty good and I'm interested in seeing where the story goes.

OR throwing them out a window.
...or throwing them off the roof.
......or throwing them off a plane with no parachute.

This story actually has me worried for Lyra. At any moment one (or both) of the two lazy shits could walk in and absolutely ruin her and Kyle's day, then do evil, untoward things to them both!
Keep writing this, it's good.

Kyle had a bad day, but that is nothing for Lyra who can always cheer him up

Could you go back and edit this story to replace half of the times you used 'kyle' with some other descriptor? Seeing it show up at least once every two-three sentences the entire way through the story is getting really distracting.

Comment posted by almiok deleted Jan 8th, 2017
Comment posted by almiok deleted Jan 8th, 2017
Comment posted by almiok deleted Jan 8th, 2017

Please continue

Good that kyle has lyra to cheer him up. What ever Danny has planned, it can't be good. But i have the feeling that kyle will make Danny regret it

Loving it dude :)

Danny seems REALLY keen on getting to work on spying...
...as he turns on his xbox

I love It. Kyle is so much like me he hide the fact that he is a brony. His favorite mane six is flutters mine two. If his favoright cmc s Scoots I am going to exslpode. My hare is always neet. I do not like to were name brand clocse or shirts with art on them but i do any way to fit in my school and not get picked on. Stupid citty kids. if i still lived in the contry none of this shit would of happend to me

I love this so much. it is so adorable

A fitting birthday Gift given her name and a good day to get her cutie Mark

Good that kyle has lyra to cheer him up like in the chapters before. Jeez, are the people stupid and unpolite. I had a familiar job before and never had such unpolite costumers. Normally I have respect towards elder people but this old woman dosen't deserve any! Plus, sometimes, you know where sometghing is but can'rt remember at the moment, so the man asking Kyle for the corn should understand.:facehoof: Without Lyra, Kyle would already be insane

Customer service tip: Actually apologise when you can't do what a customer wants. (On behalf of the company if it's not specifically down to you.)

I see the ellipsis at the end there...
Something bad is gonna happen next chapter.

99% of the time apologizing does not work.
When you have an angry customer, giving them what they want is the only way to get them to calm down.

You don't wait for them to get angry. You apologise first when explaining something can't be done rather than pulling a 'computer sais no'.

I can tell you from experience that you never know what can set a customer off; no two people are the same. And Twilight_the_spy is right: apologizing will not work most of the time, even if a customer is not yet angry. If anything, it will egg them on and make them think you are an idiot who doesn't know what they're doing.

Well, technically lyra is his daughter but could also count as girl(mare)friend to some point. I'm sure they will find his mother someday. And now for some reason, can't get the thought out of my head that lyra is a mother for him sometimes.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Danny snapped. "Do it, or I'll grab a knife and slice your neck while you're asleep!"

Cant wait to see Kyle have his revenge on Danny some day.

Damn. I was very emotional while reading this. I couldn't read it in one go. Good job. Your story is now forever burned in my psyche.

There is no court in existence that would rule in favor of the father in the situation you mentioned above. Even with minor circumstantial evidence, the woman would have full custody, ESPECIALLY the biological mother.

Women get advocates in court, for free, men do not. Most women would also get cheaper representation, due to subsidies and women's groups paying most of their fees.

This story has gone from a little over the top, to pants on head. Sorry, but I cannot continue.

The United States judicial system has become fairly corrupt in some regions of the country, which could increase the plausibility of this scenario. Also, I went back and added a portion that involved Ed using Jan's income to hire a veteran attorney (...who could possibly be forging evidence in his favor). Seriously, with how bad the system has fallen, I know it's still fairly far-fetched, but possible.

If you still don't want to read it, so be it. I never force anyone to read my fics.

7938414 OK, a little more plausible.

Still stands that she would get mostly free representation.

That custody scenario actually isn't quite far fetched, many people have done the same (well, in Canada anyways).

Also, goddammit I want that idiot to get what's coming to him.

Windows 7 is way easier to use compared to Windows 10, at least for me. I think noami reacted that way as she was surprised, or not expecting that someone would ask her out. As for the home work, don't worry kyle, lyra can always help you with that

You know, I like to skim over bits of a chapter before I read it, and let me tell you, I lost my shit when I saw this

“Ahh... this feels... sooo good...” the young mare commented. "...ah, I just... looove the feeling of your... hands..."

Had a mini heart-attack.

That's it Lyra, make them pay! I also liked how she cheers Kyle up and offers to repair his watch. I can imagne that a spell of her can repair it.

"You're just a worthless sack of shit who can't do shit right! I'm the good guy here, because I'm trying to prepare you for the real world, and I'm the one paying for the roof over your head and the food on your plate!"

Not even a horde of bulls with diarrhea could make so much bullsh!t.

Man, ch 10 is the saddest chapter I ever read. I already teared up a bit before reading the line about Interstellar, which hit me even more.

That happens to be my favorite movie of all time and for two years the saddest I've ever seen, so I thought it was an amazing touch.

Well...With both now able to use magic, this dream could become reality. Plus, Kyle can use magic tricks on Ed Hehe:trixieshiftleft:

Kyle channeling Lyra's magic seems comparable to redirected lighting in Avatar, to me.

Then they ran away, built an underground fortress, and lived happily ever after.

He/she has an account on DeviantArt. The sprite of Lyra in the cover art was made with the Pony Creator flash program he/she created.

Sounds like a good beginning. A new era, without ed and his anger. Eager to See what the future of them will bring

and a Bachelors' Degree in Computer Science (Kyle was really good with computers as well as artistic painting), paid off his student loans,

I highly doubt it is that easy.

The ‘zoi’ makes me think of anime King Dedede (Japanese one, not ‘‘Clobbah dat dere Kirbeh’’ one), who tended to end sentences with -zoi.

He midnight, I just whant to say I really like this story, it's amezing and I always can't whait for more. But I do have to ask, why was naomi suddenly so freaked out? I really don't get it. Can you please awnser this? Thank you! ^^

It hasn't happened to me personally, but one of my classmates told me about it happening to him, which made me think of adding it to the story. I'd say women constantly have their guard up. It's their emotional defense mechanism; they are not psychologically programmed to "give themselves away," and when asked out so suddenly, immediately start (subconsciously) thinking of bad-case scenarios. At least... that's my guess.

Lyra to the rescue! Well, some people are really stupid, like that woman.

Alright, so... first off, the woman.
Fuck her.
I work fast food, and know how people can be. This is quite an accurate depiction, and have had many people tell me I should be fired because 'I don't know how money works,' 'I am bad at my job,' etc.

But I have one problem with this chapter. The snow, ice, and the fact that this character was apparently going fast enough to be unable to gain traction and turn/stop, and still hit a tree hard enough to completely total the car (especially if it hit the corner of the vehicle).
Seriously, basic drivers education. When visibility is poor and you know it's icy, you slow down. Especially so if the visibility was so poor that he was unable to notice the sign indicating a turn ahead, not to mention the fact that it said 'he had to focus so hard on seeing that he didn't realize he was going fast.' Wat? How does one not realize that their foot is to the floor (exaggeration, but you get my point.)?
Sure, maybe an amateur driver may make this mistake, but how old is he now? And how long has he been driving?

Anyways, my short point being, your character isn't a good driver.
(And that's it for my rant, sorry. I just find that part really annoying.)

But this all being said, I still like the story and will continue following it.
I usually try to write something funny in a comment as well but can't think of anything other than,
"Damn, he is literally a chick magnet." (Get it? Cuz Lyra's horn is dragging her to... bleh. Twas a bad joke.)

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