• Member Since 1st Nov, 2016
  • offline last seen Yesterday

midnightwolfGX


Just a regular brony who likes to write about how I envision MLP, if I wrote it. If you dislike my stories, please tell me why; I'm always willing to improve my writing.

Comments ( 10 )

Well, very nice! Enjoyed it and got some good Laughs.

Yet, a few issues i have to Point out

The unicorn stallion knew that war was the cost for peace, and to protect those he cared for. As a member of the Eternal Knights, he had a pact with his team to serve Celestia as a secret task force and fight for justice and righteousness... in all worlds.

its Luna, not celestia.

"Yeah, it was no easy assignment," Fletcher said. "Not all of us made it back, but I'm just glad all the children are okay. Especially Scotch Tape. Same with Wolf and Midnight."

Scotch Tape? She's in his First Adventure on Earth, but this was kept Secret.


And most importantly, ifrit. He's only visible to a few ponies and i Doubt anyone would believe fletcher if he would tell about ifrit. Plus as i told you before, ifrit's not the Type to accept like that

10038297
Oh... now I feel like it was a letdown. Think it's worth a rewrite?

10038349
It might be better. Your Call, i enjoyed it nevertheless:twilightsmile:

10038350
I went back and ironed out some inconsistencies, as well as left Ifrit's fate in the matter open-ended. Hopefully, you'll be able to come up with an explanation for the next story that way.

10038717
Don't break your head, my friend, I am happy with the story no matter what.

Wow, what a hot story. I always enjoy reading hypnosis clopfics.

10038750
Glad you liked it! And you should thank Bronycommander for suggesting it in our collab!

10039559
Yeah, he's doing a collab with me as well.

Hypnosis aspect feels pretty rapey out of the blue but it may just be that it's playing to a fetish that I'm not really into...probably a big part of why it comes on so strongly from my perspective, but yeah.

The use of the phrase "special spot" is really throwing off the vibe, at least for me. It comes off as awkward and inexperienced-sounding. I would suggest not beating around the bush like that. I understand there are only so many suggestive synonyms for "penis" and "vagina"...but in a clopfic, focusing on mature characters from a third-person perspective, shouldn't be using "special spot"...nobody is going to say that during a sexual encounter.

Sex scene itself was solid, though, putting aside those word choices. :twilightsmile:

10256836
Yeah, what can I say? I'm not very experienced with this kind of stuff. :twilightblush: It was part of a collab I'm doing with another author on this site.

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