- Member Since 1st Nov, 2016
- offline last seen Yesterday
midnightwolfGX
Just a regular brony who likes to write about how I envision MLP, if I wrote it. If you dislike my stories, please tell me why; I'm always willing to improve my writing.
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Well, very nice! Enjoyed it and got some good Laughs.
Yet, a few issues i have to Point out
its Luna, not celestia.
Scotch Tape? She's in his First Adventure on Earth, but this was kept Secret.
And most importantly, ifrit. He's only visible to a few ponies and i Doubt anyone would believe fletcher if he would tell about ifrit. Plus as i told you before, ifrit's not the Type to accept like that
10038297
Oh... now I feel like it was a letdown. Think it's worth a rewrite?
10038349
It might be better. Your Call, i enjoyed it nevertheless
10038350
I went back and ironed out some inconsistencies, as well as left Ifrit's fate in the matter open-ended. Hopefully, you'll be able to come up with an explanation for the next story that way.
10038717
Don't break your head, my friend, I am happy with the story no matter what.
Wow, what a hot story. I always enjoy reading hypnosis clopfics.
10038750
Glad you liked it! And you should thank Bronycommander for suggesting it in our collab!
10039559
Yeah, he's doing a collab with me as well.
Hypnosis aspect feels pretty rapey out of the blue but it may just be that it's playing to a fetish that I'm not really into...probably a big part of why it comes on so strongly from my perspective, but yeah.
The use of the phrase "special spot" is really throwing off the vibe, at least for me. It comes off as awkward and inexperienced-sounding. I would suggest not beating around the bush like that. I understand there are only so many suggestive synonyms for "penis" and "vagina"...but in a clopfic, focusing on mature characters from a third-person perspective, shouldn't be using "special spot"...nobody is going to say that during a sexual encounter.
Sex scene itself was solid, though, putting aside those word choices.
10256836
It was part of a collab I'm doing with another author on this site.
Yeah, what can I say? I'm not very experienced with this kind of stuff.