• Member Since 11th Sep, 2016
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Bronycommander


A German who likes history, Children and WW2 technology but not war


T

2014, the war Economy is better then ever. I thought this would be a normal day as usual but this day instead would by a adventure around the world, trying to find and save a foal named Noi.

Chapters (20)
Comments ( 72 )

I have to say this fic interests me quite a bit, and I love how you used Noi in this fic too!

7722455 hey l like your art on deviant art. Pretty good (ocelot hand gesture) dinky is my Favorite Background filly but i like noi too:twilightsmile:

7723255 Ah, so you have seen my work.^^
It's either you done research or you seen me before, but in any case I am honored you like my stuff!
And yes, Dinky is my favorite pony too! Along with Noi and a whole cast of fillies and colts.

7723400 i check things regulary there. I also wrote a fic staring dinky

Wow. This is very impressive.
I'd like to know what this PMC in Equestria was.
Poor Noi, I hope she makes it home to Carrot Top. :fluttercry:

7827327 Thanks:twilightsmile: About the PMC, it will be explained later but long story short, it was the predecessor of the Royal Guard

I don't know it just doesn't feel right :twilightsmile: but oww my feels:pinkiesad2: and that end terrifying:twilightoops: ...

But you already know my option on the matter :twilightsmile:

“Okay, that’s fine for me. Never liked him anyway.”

Yeah that sounds like Liquid Snake alright.

Suddenly, something hit Noi’s head hard. “Ow! What the?” she looked at the object that had hit her. It was a pin.
“Aw, you id-“ Someone complained before a building next to us exploded.

:rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:
Robot Chicken Reference!!!
Someone just qualified for the Darwin Awards! :facehoof:

7870241 thanks, I jus couldn’t resistent adding that funny thing in

“Hey, what’s this?” Noi pointed at an object similar to a SG mine on the ground.

I'd leave out the fact that it's a sleeping gas mine. Adds to the tension.

The man was confused as I saw a colorless Question Mark over his head.

:facehoof: How Are These People Employed!!! :facehoof:

On a floor, Akiba and Noi got knocked out by a stun grenade, as I saw stars above their heads.

I'd definitely draw this out a bit more. Like with the mine. A grenade lands in front of them. Moment of shock and terror. Then it's just a stun grenade.
Builds the tension.
Though I will say you succeeded with the ending. :rainbowdetermined2:

He had blue eyes and white hair. My guess was that he was 70 years old. He wore a business suit with a black undershirt and tie, alongside a black coat over the suit.

That's rarely a good sign.

“Press the O button repeatedly to regain your strength. When you've had enough, press the select button to submit. When your life reaches zero, the game is over. There are no continues, my dear. Don’t even think about auto-fire or I’ll know.

Wait a sec…Why I’m telling this, this is a fic not a game and on PC. Anyway, I’m going to run a high voltage electric current through your body.”

Fourth Wall Break.:rainbowlaugh: Has this fellow ever met Pinkie Pie?

“What!?” Ocelot killed them all with his pistol except Snake.

I really would expand on that. He is killing several people here. Make it more showy. Add to the impact.

”Snaaaaaaaaake!!!”

He said it! :trollestia:

I was known and feared as Shalashaska.

I'd put in what this means. Otherwise there's not much point saying it.
I dunno' I'd give the ending a little more build-up. She's losing her innocence and becoming a vengeance-driven psychopath.
Build-Up is important.
Decent overall though.

7912089 Well for build-up, a swift and subtle way of adding it is putting it on different paragraphs.
Example:
After I woke up in my cell, I just curled up and cried, calling out for my sister and mother, Written Script, even Edward.
I was afraid I would never see them again.
Suddenly I realized who brought me into this.
Snake.
Liquid was after him and tortured me just because of Snake.
I felt rage.
Rage against him.
“Snake, you will pay! You will definitely pay!” I exclaimed in rage and laughed maniacally.
I will enjoy seeing him suffer.
Just a thought.
As to the moment where Ocelot kills his colleagues, the way I'd do it.
Ocelot scowled, breathing heavily, his hand curling around the pistol at his belt.
Then he turned and brought it round to face the soldier behind him.
Before the unfortunate man could react, Ocelot had shot him dead, followed swiftly by each of his hapless colleagues.
Snake drew back, as did I.
For a moment, I was too shocked to speak.
This man had just killed people just because he was angry!
What sort of creature does that?!
Hope this helps.:twilightsmile:

7913718 it does, thanks. If you want to know how a scene (Like the shutdown of the System in Chapter 4) ingame, let me know and I give you the Video in a reply or pm, depending you like it.

Well...things seem to escalating. :pinkiegasp:
Diamond Dogs? Any relation to the three in Equestria?"

7917179 no the diamond dogs were a pmc in the 1980s First introduced in metal gear 5

ID-tagged soldiers carry ID-tagged weapons, use ID-tagged gear

And ID tagged Vehicles, they have ID tagged names, they eat ID tagged food, they wear ID tagged clothes, ETC. ETC. ETC.

My father was in a PMC called Diamond Dogs

WHAAAAAAT!?

8131536 That's how the game intro is. In the game, even grenades are ID locked, make me wonder how that even works.

we used the M4 Custom, a highly modifiable M4A1 carbine

I find it funny how they named this Machine Gun after the Sherman Tank :rainbowwild:

based on the M16 rifle

AND the AA Armored Car

8131547 It Metal Gear 5 which is set before Metal Gear 4(This game) you command a PMC with exactly that name

8131551 the more you know, never heard of that before.

Stryker APC

English is (Roll your 'R') Brrrroken

Makarov PPM or a Mauser C96

Beutiful ;-; ez su butiful

confirmed by a colorless exclaiming mark above his head.

wait, am i supposed to be seeing these guys as if they're in a cartoon?

oi mi goosh!
Buzzer is ded!

8131564 Really? My proof reader didn't notice anything

8131568 INdeed, both are one of my favorite pistols, you can use both in the game.

8131575 That colorless exclaiming mark is seen above the heads of Enemy soldiers when they hear a noise. In the game, PMCs and rebels are hostile to you, but you can befriend the rebels by helping them fighr against the PMCs.

8131581 The shock was too much for him.

“I was born in a town called Ponyville. I have a big sister named Golden Harvest but I call her Carrot Top. She is a friend of the Mailpony Derpy Hooves and has a colt friend named Written Script. My real parents died in an accident when I was still a baby. Sometimes, I see them as parents.
Ponyville is in Equestria, ruled by Princess Celestia and Luna. They raise and lower the sun and moon. Equestria is a peaceful world, war belongs to the past, the last one was 1000 years ago.
I’m an earth pony. There are also unicorns and Pegasus ponies. The princesses are Alicorns. Unicorns can use magic, and Pegasus walk on clouds, fly and control the weather.
But all ponies have a passive magic that allows grab and hold things with their hooves and understand other languages like yours. You’re a human, right? I learned about humans in school.”

Dang, for a FILLY you sure are smart as Einstein XD

“Thank you!” She was grateful as I patted the dusk off her.

Do you mean "Dust"?

“That was a sleeping Gas mine. It sprays out a cloud that will instantly knock anyone out, so watch your step." Noi lowered her ears after I had explained this.
“Okay. I’m sorry.”
“No need, you couldn’t know that.”

Be glad it was a "Snake" :trollestia:...
sorry XD
Be glad it wasn't a Fragmentation Mine :ajsmug:

8139372 yeah, even a proofreader can't See Everything

8139399 none taken and yes, she is glad about it

O____________O


W....
T......
F!??!!?

8148344 this is just the beginning of the Adventure for edward.

HOOOOOOOOOLLLY SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WTF DID THEY DO TO NOI !?!?!
I CANT WAIR FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER! I NEED TO KNOW THIS NOW SO I CAN ENTER THE STORY AND KILL THE MOSTER WHO CORRUPTED HER!!!!!

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

dang, Noi has been out in the human world for only a little while, and she right then gets brainwashed?

Me, too. Until then…” She hung up and got a seizure.
Naomi used a syringe to get it under control.

8288771
Yes, I did what I could to discribe the game cutscene in Detail.

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