2014, the war Economy is better then ever. I thought this would be a normal day as usual but this day instead would by a adventure around the world, trying to find and save a foal named Noi.
Chapters (20)
- Member Since 11th Sep, 2016
- offline last seen 2 hours ago
Bronycommander
A German who likes history, and WW2 technology but not war. "Within the darkness there is light and hope"
Bronycommander
Joined 11th Sep, 2016 ·
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I have to say this fic interests me quite a bit, and I love how you used Noi in this fic too!
7722455 hey l like your art on deviant art. Pretty good (ocelot hand gesture) dinky is my Favorite Background filly but i like noi too
7723255 Ah, so you have seen my work.^^
It's either you done research or you seen me before, but in any case I am honored you like my stuff!
And yes, Dinky is my favorite pony too! Along with Noi and a whole cast of fillies and colts.
7723400 i check things regulary there. I also wrote a fic staring dinky
Wow. This is very impressive.
I'd like to know what this PMC in Equestria was.
Poor Noi, I hope she makes it home to Carrot Top.
7827327 Thanks
About the PMC, it will be explained later but long story short, it was the predecessor of the Royal Guard
I don't know it just doesn't feel right
but oww my feels
and that end terrifying
...
But you already know my option on the matter
Yeah that sounds like Liquid Snake alright.
Robot Chicken Reference!!!
Someone just qualified for the Darwin Awards!
7870241 thanks, I jus couldn’t resistent adding that funny thing in
I'd leave out the fact that it's a sleeping gas mine. Adds to the tension.
I'd definitely draw this out a bit more. Like with the mine. A grenade lands in front of them. Moment of shock and terror. Then it's just a stun grenade.
Builds the tension.
Though I will say you succeeded with the ending.
That's rarely a good sign.
Fourth Wall Break.
Has this fellow ever met Pinkie Pie?
I really would expand on that. He is killing several people here. Make it more showy. Add to the impact.
He said it!
I'd put in what this means. Otherwise there's not much point saying it.
I dunno' I'd give the ending a little more build-up. She's losing her innocence and becoming a vengeance-driven psychopath.
Build-Up is important.
Decent overall though.
7912089 Well for build-up, a swift and subtle way of adding it is putting it on different paragraphs.
Example:
After I woke up in my cell, I just curled up and cried, calling out for my sister and mother, Written Script, even Edward.
I was afraid I would never see them again.
Suddenly I realized who brought me into this.
Snake.
Liquid was after him and tortured me just because of Snake.
I felt rage.
Rage against him.
“Snake, you will pay! You will definitely pay!” I exclaimed in rage and laughed maniacally.
I will enjoy seeing him suffer.
Just a thought.
As to the moment where Ocelot kills his colleagues, the way I'd do it.
Ocelot scowled, breathing heavily, his hand curling around the pistol at his belt.
Then he turned and brought it round to face the soldier behind him.
Before the unfortunate man could react, Ocelot had shot him dead, followed swiftly by each of his hapless colleagues.
Snake drew back, as did I.
For a moment, I was too shocked to speak.
This man had just killed people just because he was angry!
What sort of creature does that?!
Hope this helps.
7913718 it does, thanks. If you want to know how a scene (Like the shutdown of the System in Chapter 4) ingame, let me know and I give you the Video in a reply or pm, depending you like it.
Well...things seem to escalating.
Diamond Dogs? Any relation to the three in Equestria?"
7917179 no the diamond dogs were a pmc in the 1980s First introduced in metal gear 5
7918102 Ah right.
And ID tagged Vehicles, they have ID tagged names, they eat ID tagged food, they wear ID tagged clothes, ETC. ETC. ETC.
WHAAAAAAT!?
8131536 That's how the game intro is. In the game, even grenades are ID locked, make me wonder how that even works.
I find it funny how they named this Machine Gun after the Sherman Tank
AND the AA Armored Car
8131547 It Metal Gear 5 which is set before Metal Gear 4(This game) you command a PMC with exactly that name
8131551 the more you know, never heard of that before.
English is (Roll your 'R') Brrrroken
Beutiful ;-; ez su butiful
wait, am i supposed to be seeing these guys as if they're in a cartoon?
oi mi goosh!
Buzzer is ded!
8131564 Really? My proof reader didn't notice anything
8131568 INdeed, both are one of my favorite pistols, you can use both in the game.
8131575 That colorless exclaiming mark is seen above the heads of Enemy soldiers when they hear a noise. In the game, PMCs and rebels are hostile to you, but you can befriend the rebels by helping them fighr against the PMCs.
8131581 The shock was too much for him.
Dang, for a FILLY you sure are smart as Einstein XD
Do you mean "Dust"?
Be glad it was a "Snake"
...
sorry XD
Be glad it wasn't a Fragmentation Mine
8139327 she Paid attention in school
8139372 yeah, even a proofreader can't See Everything
8139418 LOL, ikr
8139399 none taken and yes, she is glad about it
after the last chapter....
I was all like:
thumbs.dreamstime.com/x/man-oh-no-pop-art-retro-style-sadness-parting-sorrow-bad-news-business-concept-67117097.jpg
O____________O
W....
T......
F!??!!?
8148344 this is just the beginning of the Adventure for edward.
HOOOOOOOOOLLLY SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WTF DID THEY DO TO NOI !?!?!
I CANT WAIR FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER! I NEED TO KNOW THIS NOW SO I CAN ENTER THE STORY AND KILL THE MOSTER WHO CORRUPTED HER!!!!!
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
8148352 Blame Liquid for that.
8148397 upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/7/79/Fuuu-animation.gif
dang, Noi has been out in the human world for only a little while, and she right then gets brainwashed?
8288758
Liquid sees use in her.
8288771
Yes, I did what I could to discribe the game cutscene in Detail.
Noi is a zebra, right?
8289402
Earth pony sir lol
8289402
No, Earth Pony